Originally uploaded by totalrod2
So I’ve been virtually at the same weight for almost a year now. YAY.
And now that it’s been a year, I’ve been pondering/musing/obsessing over the idea of changing my goal weight. Ie, trying to lose the “last ten.”
I have some major ambivalent feelings about it. But it’s been on my mind a lot. It’s sort of like declaring a major, you know? It’s a commitment. And it’s not something I want to commit to unless I am sure.
Why do I/would I want to do this? Well. A few reasons. One, I’m beginning to realize that I’m not quite as fit and trim as I used to think I was. I mean, for much of the past two decades I would have DIED of HAPPINESS to be at my current weight. In fact, it did not even seem remotely in the realm of possibility. In fact, it did not even seem possible to weigh what my driver’s license says. (which is 13 pounds more than my current weight)
But now I’ve been hanging out here for a year. It’s good. It’s fine. I wear clothes that range from size 4 to size 12. (and yeah, I fit into all of them. How crazy is that) Also clothes that range from size S to L. I’m within a “normal” BMI. But that’s the thing. I’m very close to the ceiling of that range. Once or twice I’ve come close to hitting my head on it.
I weigh 10 lbs more than I did on my wedding day. I was hardly SKINNY on that day. I was like, regular.
I still have something of a spare tire. I still can grab large handfuls of belly fat, wayyyyy more than “pinching an inch.” I know that belly fat of any kind is not good for one’s health, and especially for diabetic people. So I think the less of that I have, the better. It’s never gonna be flat and i’m never wearing a bikini again. (those days were over 35 yrs ago)
Is it health? (a little) Is it vanity? A little. Is it a combination? Yeah.
That’s what I’m struggling with. I have problems with vanity dieting. Which I have said before. At the same time, I cannot deny the pleasure of shopping for and finding cute clothes that fit me. So vanity has become a weird part of my life.
It is weird when people MY HEIGHT come in to Weight Watchers. They weigh the same as me. Or LESS than me. And they are all, “UGH! GROSSSS! HOW DID I EVER GET TO THIS POINT!?” We are trained to be supportive of every member no matter their height or goal, as long as it is within the Healthy Range. But inside I am cringing and thinking, this person will never have faith in me. How can I be a leader or role model when they are so freaked out to be MY weight? I don’t say a thing. I support them. But still.
I’m never going to be at the bottom of the range. I don’t know if I will ever even be in the middle. No, I don’t think that’s in the cards either. But if I could get my head just a little fraction of a distance away from that ceiling, it would probably be a good thing.
The thing is, I’m nervous. (as if you couldn’t tell) I’m afraid of upsetting the apple cart, tipping the boat, you name it. I’ve actually gotten pretty comfortable with maintenance and I am afraid to get back onto the weight-loss road again. What if I fail? What if I try to lose and end up GAINING because I’ve put too much pressure on myself? What if I can’t do it? And my head goes smashing through the ceiling AND the roof?
All these things make me ponder. Should I let sleeping dogs lie? Should I make peace with my belly fat? Should I Go For It? (losing the last ten)
I know that people will probably have all sorts of ideas about this. And at the same time, I know that the only person who can ultimately answer this question is me.
June 8, 2010 at 12:52 am
Try it and see? I struggled with the same question. I got there and couldn’t stay there. It was unsustainable for me. Not enough food and I did not like the way I looked…
But you don’t know unless you try.
June 8, 2010 at 12:54 am
Your last sentence is very wise Susan. You are very smart. Go within and trust your instincts. You are an inspiration to me and I think you rock!
June 8, 2010 at 1:10 am
I think you should try to lose the “last 10” AND make friends with a good plastic surgeon who can help with that belly fat! 😉
June 8, 2010 at 1:20 am
Um. Ha. I don’t think that’s gonna happen. But thanks for chiming in.
June 8, 2010 at 2:12 am
Which would you rather say to yourself? A-“What if I fail?” or B-“What if I succeed?” What would happen if you attempted A? Well, you’d probably give up before you started to even try, doing that is the safe thing to do. You can’t be devistated if you don’t try, because it’s the safer choice.
If you attempted B? Well, what could happen there? You would acomplish your goal, and probably surprise yourself and maybe even surpass your goal of 10 pounds! You might even want to attempt another goal and accomplish that one too! The only one stopping you from anything is you. Something to think about. I say you should GO FOR IT!
June 8, 2010 at 2:21 am
I’m slowly realising that my goal weight and my natural weight are different – about 5 lbs different. I can GET to my goal but not stay there very long. And the more I realise that, the less I worry.
Fat does not equal weight. You could change your weight training and diet slightly and not change your weight at all but lose some of the belly fat and replace it with muscle.
My 2 cents? Try changing things up a bit but don’t make this the be all and end all. As Andrea wrote, you could accomplish great things or you could confirm that you’re happier where you are.
Question for you: if a WW member came to you as their leader and asked you this exact question, what would you tell them?
June 8, 2010 at 10:22 am
Our ultimate advice at Green Mountain about this subject, Susan, isn’t one a lot of people want to hear. And that is…drumroll, please…stop weighing yourself. Instead, focus on living the way you want to live, a way that makes you feel great. That will take you to your natural, healthy weight and keep you there. We do agree with what gemfit says — it’s not always about weight, either. It’s muscle. The catch there is that as we age, we’re not going to have the muscle we once did, no matter how fit we remain. So much of this is about accepting what is and making the best of it. Hope that helps!
June 8, 2010 at 10:24 am
this is a really great question–one I’ve been thinking about, too. I lost some weight this spring–enough to get back down to my driver’s license weight (ha!). But the Wii fit keeps telling me that ten more pounds would be a good goal, and in my heart of hearts I know it might be. I’m comfortable where I am; I look ok; I’m healthier than I was. Maintenance is (relatively) easy–loss is hard. But…
I’ll watch with interest as you grapple with this one. I know you’ll make the right decision for you.
June 8, 2010 at 10:26 am
I think you should try to be healthy, and to find a weight at which you are comfortable with your body. Those are the two most important things to me. If you still *feel* out of shape, then it’s important that you identify why.
The most important part is that you are healthy, and happy. I know you have a great supportive community at WW, what would they tell you?
June 8, 2010 at 10:48 am
Hi Dear One:
You are such an inspiration. You help me & others so much by asking, opening, and sharing from your heart. Bravo.
We come from such a different orientation, which is why I am writing to you now. I know that goals and weighing and monitoring are essential in diabetes care and for major weight loss. For readers who are new to my relationship with Foodie: I have often commented from a different perspective on her running “complaints” and self care.
Because I have have not struggled with major weight loss or major medical conditions, I do not claim to know about them.
I do share with my fitness-class students that I have heard that there is nothing more irritating than “skinny” people talking about weight loss! But I can talk about how much better I feel and about body image, overcoming habits, and energy, etc.
In Nia, there is an emphasis in noting our inner and outer story language “self talk”. Observing what we say. Is it positive or negative? Can not or can? Is it past, present, or future? Is it an assumption about others or a made-up story, or is it a true “I” statement of right now? Does it paint a future that will become what we want to be real…? Looking back at what you wrote about you!–You are awesome at expressing your fears and asking for help–wow! Do you really know what the future holds?
Also, while it is essential to continue to monitor and care for our bodies on a responsible, realistic, medical plane–I think you are expressing a need for something more on a different plane. You are teaching others how you have been successful in loosing weight and need to continue what you have accomplished (for yourself and others). I have found that goal-orientation only goes so far! What is beyond weighing in and body image for you? It is so interesting to me that you talked about dying of happiness. You didn’t yet (thank goodness)! This is heady stuff! Here is what I am working on: When we begin to connect with our body, beyond the food addictions, beyond the linear day-to-dayness care, (perhaps beyond language-words), there is a new level! A new body dynamic. What is on that level for you?
p.s. That image of the woman suffering by stuffing herself with cookies–what a wake-up for you!!!
June 8, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Wow…you just articulated how I’ve been feeling in the past week or so. I have finally come (for the most part) to a place of peace with my body right now. Emotionally, physically and health-wise. And ironically, now that I feel better, I want to do better. I *think* I am approaching this differently than I have in the past…that is to say from a place of love rather than hate. I’m being more objective. But yeah, at the same time, I am afraid. What if I relose these 20 pounds I gained, only to regain them again?? What then? This peace I’ve found still feels a little fragile.
Funny, this quote came across my conciousness this morning: “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” ~ Winston Churchill
I love Marsha’s advice…it really rings true for me, but as you said: “I know that the only person who can ultimately answer this question is me.”
June 8, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Foodie, you are amazing and very thoughtful. I agree with much that has been said about tuning into your body, honoring it, loving it and asking it what it wants. Tune into your whole being and see what really feels right for what YOUR body wants/needs. Visceral adipose tissue (VAT or belly fat) is definitely a health issue to be aware of and to put into the mix. Might that be assisted with more muscle building and just a couple fewer points a week? The other thing is that this doesn’t need to be a quick trip down the scale (or ignore the scale and just do the belly circumference as a measure). Why does it need to be 10 pounds? Maybe 5 pounds with additional muscle building would be just the ticket to get your body even happier.
Ultimately, the only person who can answer this is you. Absolutely! But, remember it doesn’t need to be an all or nothing kind of experience. You can move in a direction that your body tells you it wants to go in and see how that feels along the journey, stopping to check in with your wonderful body and see how it wants to progress. Maybe it wants to hang out for awhile a few pounds lighter and then it might want to move again or not. Listen to you during whatever process you choose to engage in. Whether that’s losing more or maintaining. There are lots of beautiful vista points to check out along this road. Remember that you can pull over and just enjoy the view at any point you’d like to.
June 8, 2010 at 5:38 pm
So there with you. I’d like to take off another 10 lbs, but it just feels like such a *hassle* when I’m pretty happy and feel healthy where I’m at. It’s total vanity. I find it hard to train for races and be as athletic as I’d like without fueling myself, and when my body screams for food even when I’ve had my calories for the day, I feel like I have to listen. But I’d really really like to fit into all the clothes in my closet and lose more of the pooch. …sigh…
June 9, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Sometimes our brain’s goal weight is different than our body’s goal weight. I lost 110 pounds and while I’d *LOVE* to be 140 pounds, I really don’t think my body type allows it. I have muscle. I am happy with my body in terms of how it performs fitness tasks. I can run fast, I can bike 55 miles without being sore. I think that’s better than what the scale says.
June 9, 2010 at 3:24 pm
I totally know what you mean. And I think you’re right: you’re the only one who knows what will make you happiest in the balance of looks vs. health.
I’m still some 30 pounds away from the top of my BMI range, and I have greater than the recommended circumference for health around my middle. Some bloggers who are the same height as me *started* their journey at my current weight (or even less), horrified that they got to that point. On the other hand, all other health indicators are great. So I’ve sort of lapsed into a maintenance mode…maybe, like hundredtenpounds said, my body has a different goal weight than my brain. My brain would sure like to be lower, because I’m too close for comfort to being kicked out of “Onederland,” but it don’t seem to want it badly enough to tighten things down a little more in the food department.
Also, as we age, I’ve realized that all the dieting in the world won’t stop some of the changes. Reading through blogs helped me realize that my 15-years-ago body was not going to re-emerge. Damn. Working toward better fitness helped me find new things to appreciate, both visually and functionally, and has eased the age-related changes that the fat hid. I think my face and neck, especially, look older, but oh well.
June 9, 2010 at 3:26 pm
I meant to add, Jane B’s comment sort of made me wonder if there’s a Maslow’s Hierarchy for those losing weight, in which one progresses to wanting something *more* after one has achieved maintenance? What that “more” is (“self-actualization”) looks like in terms of weight loss, I’m not sure, but it seems like an interesting thing to ponder.
June 12, 2010 at 3:09 am
I say go for it! You’ve done most of the work already… One of my favorite blogging friends, Vickie (http://baby-steps-v.blogspot.com/) also waited over a year before tackling the last 20 pounds. They took about 6 months to come off, but the difference in her body is astounding. She blogged about the whole process and the changes. Good luck!
June 13, 2010 at 1:30 pm
I did the “last ten pounds” thing. As soon as I let up on exercise (had been training for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer), they came back. And I just haven’t been able to get back down those “last ten pounds”.
It’s ok. I like how my body looks (though at the moment I’m “ten pounds more”). I like how the clothes fit. I like me. If it happens down the road with more training, so be it. It’s not a goal, though. The goal is to stay healthy.
June 13, 2010 at 5:01 pm
In the words of the immortal Dorie (Finding Nemo): “How about we just take a shot at it and hope for the best?” 🙂
When I’m honest with myself, I see quite a bit of shoulder in my road to fitness. I could cut out some chocolate and nibbles, add some water, get a little more active, and I’m guessing I could drop some more pounds without suffering unduly (or suffering at all, really).
I’ll be following eagerly! Keep us posted!