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October 2017

Taking Inventory

blanknotebook.jpgIt’s humbling to do this. But I realize it’s the only way. I’ve strayed far from the path I was on just a few years ago. I think that after my neck injury and surgery in 2013, I never really got solid after that. That injury was a big blow to my body as well as my self-image.  And then following it was just an endless parade of ailments: I got hit hard by Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, then plantar fasciitis, hip pain, rotator cuff injury/frozen shoulder, and general deconditioning. In May, I started seeing my trainer again and I felt like I was getting back on truck. Then, a few weeks later, my mother was in the hospital and self care went OUT THE WINDOW.

So, here I am. Taking inventory. Because I realized that one of the things that really, really helped me become healthy, nine years ago, was starting this blog. Being honest. Being part of a community. (Oh I miss you, Fitbloggin!)

Where am I now? It’s not pretty. But here it is.

  • Diabetes: Um. I have no idea. The last time I measured my blood glucose was January. My glucose meter is MIA. Gotta find it.
  • Sleep Apnea: Also, no idea. I was “going to” purchase my own machine about a year ago, but kept putting it off, and eventually “forgot.” I wrestled and fought with that damn machine so much, I know it was not just about forgetting. I had made a deal with the sleep lab folks that I would lose 15 lbs and then I could get another sleep study to see if I still needed the CPAP machine.  Needless to say, that did not happen. Which brings me to….
  • Weight. I’m 15 lbs over my goal weight. It could be worse, I suppose. But it’s not great. I quit working for Weight Watchers two (?) years ago. I always said that being on staff at WW was great incentive for staying on track. Well, it was. I’m sad that the meeting that I led for 6 years no longer exists. I don’t really want to go back as a “regular” member but maybe that would help.
  • Activity: I’ve been weirdly exercise-o-phobic with all the injuries that have happened over the past several years. I was going to Pilates to deal with my hip and shoulder injuries for the past year, and it really did help, and when I felt healed, I went to my trainer, and then — see above. Fell totally off. I’ve gone to some random yoga and Nia classes and taken occasional hikes or walks, but nothing regular.
  • Headspace: Shame. Shame, shame, shame, remorse, embarrassment, mortification, sadness.

But the GOOD NEWS is:

  • I’m writing this blog post!! Which I really believe is the start of a good thing. I know it is. It helped me lift up from my first diabetes diagnosis in 2008, and I believe it can help me again now.
  • I’m signed up for the Mermaid 5k on November 12th. I’m in no shape to run, but I do think I can do a walk/shuffle, which is a start. I do love participating in events, and I’ll be doing this one with some writer friends, most of whom are way younger and in better shape than I am, but hey. I need that companionship, and I’m looking forward to writing my first race recap in years.

 

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The Creature Awakes

This past weekend I attended my 40th high school reunion. One classmate came up to me and said enthusiastically, “I love your blog! It’s such an inspiration!!” Um, what blog?

Oh. THIS one.

(hangs head in shame)

The one I haven’t written in since… I don’t know how long, because it all felt like disappointing news.

When I came home from the reunion, there was a snail mail letter from a fellow fitness blogger. I ran one of my first 5k races with her, back in the (much healthier) day. I feel like I’m in the same place that I was when I first started this blog, only a lot older.

Maybe it’s time to return. Exactly where I am.

Anyone out there?

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