It’s humbling to do this. But I realize it’s the only way. I’ve strayed far from the path I was on just a few years ago. I think that after my neck injury and surgery in 2013, I never really got solid after that. That injury was a big blow to my body as well as my self-image. And then following it was just an endless parade of ailments: I got hit hard by Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, then plantar fasciitis, hip pain, rotator cuff injury/frozen shoulder, and general deconditioning. In May, I started seeing my trainer again and I felt like I was getting back on truck. Then, a few weeks later, my mother was in the hospital and self care went OUT THE WINDOW.
So, here I am. Taking inventory. Because I realized that one of the things that really, really helped me become healthy, nine years ago, was starting this blog. Being honest. Being part of a community. (Oh I miss you, Fitbloggin!)
Where am I now? It’s not pretty. But here it is.
- Diabetes: Um. I have no idea. The last time I measured my blood glucose was January. My glucose meter is MIA. Gotta find it.
- Sleep Apnea: Also, no idea. I was “going to” purchase my own machine about a year ago, but kept putting it off, and eventually “forgot.” I wrestled and fought with that damn machine so much, I know it was not just about forgetting. I had made a deal with the sleep lab folks that I would lose 15 lbs and then I could get another sleep study to see if I still needed the CPAP machine. Needless to say, that did not happen. Which brings me to….
- Weight. I’m 15 lbs over my goal weight. It could be worse, I suppose. But it’s not great. I quit working for Weight Watchers two (?) years ago. I always said that being on staff at WW was great incentive for staying on track. Well, it was. I’m sad that the meeting that I led for 6 years no longer exists. I don’t really want to go back as a “regular” member but maybe that would help.
- Activity: I’ve been weirdly exercise-o-phobic with all the injuries that have happened over the past several years. I was going to Pilates to deal with my hip and shoulder injuries for the past year, and it really did help, and when I felt healed, I went to my trainer, and then — see above. Fell totally off. I’ve gone to some random yoga and Nia classes and taken occasional hikes or walks, but nothing regular.
- Headspace: Shame. Shame, shame, shame, remorse, embarrassment, mortification, sadness.
But the GOOD NEWS is:
- I’m writing this blog post!! Which I really believe is the start of a good thing. I know it is. It helped me lift up from my first diabetes diagnosis in 2008, and I believe it can help me again now.
- I’m signed up for the Mermaid 5k on November 12th. I’m in no shape to run, but I do think I can do a walk/shuffle, which is a start. I do love participating in events, and I’ll be doing this one with some writer friends, most of whom are way younger and in better shape than I am, but hey. I need that companionship, and I’m looking forward to writing my first race recap in years.