clothing

What Size Am I? Ummm….

This has been one of my pet peeves forever! The answer is: I have clothes that are size 14, 12, 10, 8, 6, 4, Large, Medium and Small… and they ALL FIT. At once. Isn’t that crazy? I saw someone posting on Twitter recently that they were “between sizes” and it made me laugh. “Just try a different brand!” is what I have to say about that. To prove my point:(all these pics were taken within a few minutes of each other)

Here I am in my size 10 pants and my size 6 shirt.

Size 10 Coldwater Creek pants, Size 6 Fleuret top

Here’s my size 8 pants and my size 14 jacket and size Medium Tshirt.

Ann Taylor size 8 pants, size 14P jacket

Here are my size 6 pants and my size XL cami!

And finally… my size 4 jeans (yeah what?) and my size XL American Apparel shirt.

Size 4 Gap "boyfriend" jeans, size XL Tshirt

So there. So am I a size 4? A size 14? I guess I’m all of those. Which make clothing sizes just… plain… ridiculous!!

Speaking of clothing, I recently discovered this awesome site called the Great Clothing Exchange. It’s a wonderful place to share (and to find!) clothes. If you’ve got clothes that are too big, send them to the GCE! and if you’re looking for new stuff in your new size, ditto. I just donated my infamous “Before” shirt. That shirt to me has become iconic with my Before self. I’m not going back, so I’m ready to pass it on. Go check it out!

February 23, 2011 20

Spanxed!!

I received a package in the mail this week that had me feeling even more guilty than the donut I ate. It was a box of Spanx. I opened it with a combination of hope, anticipation, fear, embarrassment and self-loathing. Strains of Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” floated through my head.

How did I get here? Recently I received a DVD of my solo performance show, which I’ve been studying in order to improve it. I remember choosing my outfit for that show so carefully. A bright colored Tshirt and black workout pants. I remember feeling good! and looking in the mirror backstage before heading on. Yeah! I looked good!

From the front.

Underneath the shirt, I was wearing a sports bra. What I didn’t realize until I looked at the video is that the sports bra created all sorts of (ack!!!!!!!!) bumps and bulges and hills and lumps in my… BACK FAT. What?!?! Who knew?? I didn’t know!! And the first thought I had was, OMG I have to throw away that shirt! I have to never wear that sports bra again! I have to… BUY SOME SPANX!

Now, I already own one pair of panty-spanx that I have worn on a couple of occasions (weddings). But it never occurred to me, until I saw myself From The Back, that I would need to get the TOP kind of Spanx.

Spanx seems to be a controversial sort of item. Are they a godsend, or a hideous re-enactment of the days of Scarlett O’Hara and her corset?

I asked the Twitterverse what they thought about Spanx yesterday, and got these responses.

i only wear spanx/corset when i’m at a family wedding, wearing a slimfitting dress. otherwise, flowy waistline. it’s torture.
Haven’t tried Spanx yet. Can’t imagine where all my “junk” would be stuffed! LOL
I lose my shape when I wear spanx…i get misshappen, not to mention uncomfortable
Absolutely NOT. All that does for me is squash my fat UP past the waist line so I have a quad rack! Not appealing!
Spanx? I love mine!
I like spanx, but I love the Flexees long tanks even more. A good undergarment is essential…:-)
Spanx = ouch. If I can help it, I’ll never wear ’em again. Jiggles ‘R’ Us.
My thoughts aren’t deep…I heart Spanx!
Spill out the top. I hate them. Inspire me to exercise. Plus, they are uncomfortably hot.
I always feel my fat is just squeezed out the top and bottom when I wear spanx.

So. There are a lot of various opinions out there. I hated to feel like I was bowing to the vanity gods, but I tentatively tried the thing on. It was a bear to GET on, but once I did.. um…. I liked it. I really, really liked it! I put on my performance shirt and yes, it looked totally different. Better, in my opinion. So that’s it. It’s not something I care about for Everyday use, but on that stage, I’m telling you, I’m wearing the Spanx.

Is that crazy? Ironic? Hypocritical? I don’t know. Today I saw a Facebook update by Fit to the Finish. She wrote,

As I was getting my hair cut yesterday I thought about the past. When I was morbidly obese I stopped trying to look good. I stopped wearing make-up, wore my glasses instead of contacts, and never had cute clothes. I tried not to care.

So true! That just hit me like a punch in the gut. I thought of the days when all I wore was baggy stretch pants. So how far do we take this “caring”? Is it excessive to wear contacts instead of glasses? (I am personally extremely attached to my glasses) What about cosmetic surgery? Hair color? Botox? Makeup? Personally, I find makeup MUCH more oppressive than Spanx. For some reason I find it upsetting. I will wear it on occasion, but it always makes me feel so false and unnatural. I do get my hair colored. For how long I’ll continue doing that, I don’t know.

I think that most people care how they look. And everyone has their own comfort zone of what they find acceptable, endurable, in the name of “beauty” or looking good. I do know that for many many years, like Fit to the Finish, I DID NOT CARE. (or pretended I didn’t) Now that I do care (more), it’s a tricky and interesting new territory to navigate.

Thoughts? 🙂

May 7, 2010 21

My Winter Coat

It’s been really cold these days, so I’ve been wearing my winter coat a lot. I remember so distinctly buying this coat about a year ago. We were going to visit our daughter in her Chilly Midwestern Town, and I needed a really warm coat. So I went to the local outdoor gear store looking for a winter jacket.

I will never forget that day. It was such a low point for me. I remember trying on about a dozen coats, all sized large. None of them came even close to fitting me. I was fighting back tears, in a terrible mood, and so upset. Could I not find ONE coat that I could zip up without suffocating??

After a long time, I did find one coat: a black, down-filled, boxy size XL jacket. It was like the last one on the rack. I was so relieved to zip it up and it actually fit. I bought it on the spot and then rushed home.

So now it’s one of the few warm items I own (it doesn’t usually get THAT cold here, but this week has been Different). It is pretty huge on me now. I think about getting a smaller, more stylish warm jacket. But I feel emotionally attached to this one. I feel like, this was the only jacket that let me in, when all the other jackets rejected me. I dunno.

I got rid of a pretty big pile of some of my nicest “larger” clothes over Thanksgiving. I gave them to a friend who is a few sizes behind me on the weight loss journey. It was a scary thing to do. I wasn’t just getting rid of big old trash, I was giving away some of my nicest items. I said to her, I hope I never, ever, ever have to knock on your door and ask you to give me this stuff back. It was an emotional moment for me.

This is one of the biggest gifts of losing this weight: to really be able to go into ANY STORE I WANT and find SOMEthing that will fit me. In some stores, I’m still on the large end of things, but I can find stuff that fits. In other stores, I am at the smaller end, and THAT is certainly a new experience. It continues to amuse me that I have sizes in my closet that range over six sizes, and they all fit me perfectly. Dumb clothing companies.

December 10, 2009 13

Clothes Shopping, Yay

images As I have mentioned here many times before, I am not much of a clothes person. But I seem to be turning into one! I used to regard clothes shopping with about as much enthusiasm as going to the dentist, but that has changed. For one, I have to have nice-looking clothes especially as a WW leader. This stuff matters, and they tell you so.

I just realized that I have a fairly decent assortment of new-sized summerish clothes, but I have pretty much ZERO new-sized fall or winter clothes. O boy! So yesterday I had a little window of time and I went down to the outdoor mall near here. They have a new J. Crew store. That used to be the store that I dreammmmed about when I was, um, larger sized. I could not buy anything in their catalog or store – it was all just too small. And looked bad on me. I used to dream (and this was akin to dreaming about winning the lottery, or bringing about world peace) that I could just open up any catalog or go to any store, and I’d find SOMEthing that looked good and fit. But that was not the case for many, many years. Thank goodness for J. Jill with their flowing, oversized clothing. Thank goodness for classy, expensive, boxy Eileen Fisher whose clothing I could only afford to buy in small quantities so I had one pair of (elastic waist!) pants and I wore those pants every day for like three years. Ugh.

(OH – speaking of Eileen Fisher, I would like to gift someone a gorgeous pair of dark-dark green velvet Eileen Fisher pants. They are a size PM – petite medium- ie, for short people! and my guess is that they are an equivalent to maybe size 10-12. I only wore these beautiful pants a few times — I bought them when I could BARELY squeeze into them, and wore them once, while not breathing. Then, crazily, I lost weight and now they are baggy droopy. So they have probably been worn half a dozen times. Or less. LET ME KNOW if you are interested and I would be glad to give them to someone for the upcoming holiday season. They are not elastic, they have an actual zipper!)

Anyway, back to my shopping yesterday. I was so happy to be walking around the J. Crew store. There was too much pretty stuff to look at. I tried on a whole bunch but only ended up buying this corduroy skirt, and some dark charcoal tights. Now I need to get something to go with the skirt. Like boots. And something on top. I have super duper short legs, so I usually end up buying mini skirts, and it looks a lot longer on me. (ha) After J. Crew, I went next door to J. Jill and I was completely shocked to see that I pretty much wear a size S in everything there. And sometimes an XS. Wowee. And still, it’s too … er, flowy- to look so good. Although I did see this velvet (I love velvet!) vest thingie that I think I might spring for at some point.

Once again, I am semi-fretting over What to Wear for my WW final exam meeting tomorrow, but I think I will just go with what I wore at the training weekend. Although everytime I try this dress on, my husband says, “I’m not wild about it.” And he likes the way I look in a LOT of stuff so this must mean this dress is pretty ugly. I don’t really get it. But it fits the slinky-plus-flowy combo rule, and it’s comfy, and it’s different than what I wear to work as a receptionist, which seems important. I wish I had time to buy boots and a top for my new skirt, but that just isn’t going to happen today, so…….

hopefully by the time I log in here again I’ll be official!

Unless I decide to live-blog Top Chef tonight. 🙂 Which I might.

November 4, 2009 7

Follow the (Almost) Leader!

It feels like I’ve been waiting a long time for this day. Today I go to WW leader training (today through Saturday). I’m excited. I’m nervous. Crazily, the pounds that leaped onto my body earlier this week are now gone. I have to say I don’t really understand this stuff. It’s not like I starved myself or ran a marathon yesterday. Maybe it was water retention. But whatever, I’m back in range and glad about that (whew).

The instructions were to pack two days of “regular” clothes and one day of “dress-up” clothes where we are supposed to simulate leading a meeting and looking as Nice (and probably, as skinny!) as possible. Of course I am fretting and deliberating over this. I’ve never really had a job where Appearance was an important aspect of the work. I remember when I was working as my first job – as a physical therapist – I’d be leaving my apartment building – in navy blue pants and a polo shirt, and big white sneakers – and the corporate neighbors in their suits and high heels would be all, “Hey, you have a day off today?” LOL.

I’ve had other jobs where I’ve had to look DECENT, but where it just wasn’t the main thing. In WW, it is really crucial that not only do you look good, you look healthy. I’ve been tearing things out of my closet all morning. Do I wear Spanx? (LOL) I think maybe I do.

I’ve got a ton of things to do before I hit the road – like get a mani-pedi (my fingernails look like some wild beast has been gnawing on them – oh yeah, maybe it has!) and get my eyebrows tamed. They’re looking like fuzzy bear caterpillars about now.

I have no idea what the Internet/time situation will be once I get there, and how much I will be able to share, but I will try to report back when I can. Byeee everyone, wish me luck!!

October 15, 2009 7

Woo Woo Workout! & my Very Good Day

One of my best buddies invited me to join her at a Nia class today. She and I only live 17 miles apart, but we are separated by a large body of water and a big bridge, which daunts us both from seeing each other more often. (she is also my What Not To Wear shopping and fashion expert!) I jumped at the chance to exercise with her! I was a little trepidatious because I’d watched some of the Nia videos, and it looked like some level of … er… coordination was involved. It was in the big gymnasium of her YMCA – about 30-4o people all spread out, and one very pregnant instructor with a microphone strapped to her head. We were in bare feet, which felt really nice. I don’t usually exercise in bare feet.

The class started out with this very Cirque-du-Soleil-ish music (which I loved). Lots of swaying, head rolling, etc. Evolved into some kind of free-for-all ecstatic dance or mad hippie dance combo in which people glided (glid?) around the room, waving arms, rotating pelvises etc. Gyrations and undulations. I vacillated between wanting to laugh my head off, and getting really into it. It helped to close my eyes and groove. But there were also very specific choreographed moves involved as well. There would be a few minutes of scripted stuff, which I had to concentrate hard on, and then a few minutes of let it all hang, people! Bounce around in ecstasy! The Nia people say that this activity is all about

“tapping into the mental, spiritual and emotional aspects of being, as… the physical. It aims to make movement more conscious, to release blocked energy, to enable participants to connect to a greater whole and learn to be guided by the pleasure principle: if it feels good, do it.”

It did feel good. On one level it was goofy as heck, but it still felt good. I especially liked what they call “Floorplay” (which I think MizFit would appreciate) as opposed to “floorwork.” We were encouraged to become embryos or protozoa or platypuses or whatever we wanted. It reminded me of my favorite scene in Harriet the Spy when her dance teacher casts her as an onion, and she rolls around on the floor really feeling it.

After the Nia class, I was definitely energized. Not dripping sweat, but with a nice sweaty layer. My friend wanted me to check out these high-tech stationery bikes that have an interactive video monitor attached. SO hilarious and high-tech and cool! I got on the bike and chose the Redwood Forest course, and found myself pedaling through these beautiful redwood forests! You have to steer so you don’t crash into a tree, and there are even hills that you really feel. I think I rode about 5 miles at “level 12” (whatever that is) and worked up a HUGE river of sweat. BIG FUN!

Then we had a very nice healthy lunch at the mall food court. I got gazpacho (cold soup was excellent because I was still superoverheated) and a hummus wrap. Then we strolled into the Gap. Remember that Gap commercial from the 70s? “Fall into the GAP.” I fell in, alright. I was not intending to either try OR buy anything but ended up having a mini-spree which I am now calling my birthday present from my dear husband.

I have been dying for a pair of “boyfriend jeans” (except, NO, I do not wear them with 5″ heels! LOL!) every since I saw them on J. Jill website (and Gap’s are cheaper! Way!). I am here to say – people, (no, WOMEN) if you want an ego boost the size of Montana, run right over to the Gap and try on some BOYFRIEND JEANS. They are cute, floppy, comfortable as all heck, and their sizes are INSANE. Let me just say that I kept trying on smaller and smaller sizes until I was at size 4 (FOUR FOUR FOUR FOUR FOUR) and even they were kind of on the loose side. The saleslady suggested I try a TWO at which point I almost passed out from ecstasy and slid down to the floor to relive my Nia protoplasm dance. But alas, they had no size 2 BF jeans, so I took the 4s and hugged them to my (still-sweaty) bosom. HAPPY TIMES in Gap!

I also got, at the prodding of my fashionista friend, some wild colored clothing (ie: bright blue, dark plum, orangey red and mustard yellow-green.) As most people know, my favorite colors for clothing are: black and brown. Or orange and green but I only wear those clothes when I’m cheering for my kids’ rowing team. And it was all on some “Tuesday only” 40% off sale so I got a big bag o clothes for what normally would be like ONE Eileen Fisher sweater.

It was a good good good day!

August 12, 2009 27

Eileen Fisher Made Me Fat

TK-P0547-GRAPHITE Several years ago, I began wearing Eileen Fisher clothing. At the time, I was ecstatic to find elegant, well-made clothes. They were comfortable, and flowing and I felt like they disguised my larger size. For many years it was pretty much all I wore. They are expensive, but I had a few pieces that were the staples of my entire wardrobe. I had one size L black pants with elastic waist and that was my uniform, paired with big boxy tops, or if I was feeling super daring, a cami paired with a big boxy jacket (LOL). I felt comfortable, and grateful that I didn’t have to look totally awful even if I was overweight.

The problem was that I had NO idea how my “clothes were fitting.” I could gain 25 lbs without having ANY IDEA of it, because those black elastic pants pretty much always fit. They probably would even fit me now. I didn’t really have any zippered pants other than some pretty large jeans, but even those depressed me when they got tight. So I avoided the scale, kept wearing elastic pants, didn’t know how fat I was getting AND really never had any sense of fullness when I was eating. Because that elastic could expand, and expand, and expand….

I’ve been reading lately how important it is to pretty much always wear nonstretch, zippered or buttoned clothing. For two reasons – so that you know what size your body is, and so that you can tell how full you are getting. These two concepts really meant nada to me for many years. I just wanted to be “comfortable.” But I had no idea how dangerous that comfort was.

Today I am wearing some pants that I bought recently. They are a tad snug because they went through the dryer for the first time this week. And I’m glad, because they are a reminder to me, as I go throughout my day, that I do not want them getting any more snug. I want them to fit, and hopefully, get a little looser over time.

I never really “got” this thing about elastic pants before. But I do now, and the only elastic I’ll wear now is for workout clothes. Oh, and I bought a new Eileen Fisher “pencil skirt” last week – size EXTRA SMALL (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and it looks pretty darn good. 🙂

PS. You have to realize that E.F. sizes their clothing HUGE, if *I* am wearing an Extra Small! But I’m not complaining.

————

I watched the 2nd episode of Dance Your Ass Off last night. On one hand, I liked it a lot (I love disco!!!!!) but on the other hand I liked it less. I noticed that my heart about JUMPED OUT of my chest when I saw a 10-second promo for the upcoming Biggest Loser Season! Woo!

But something about lasts night’s DYAO just seemed… sad to me. I can’t explain it. The psycho crybaby made me very uncomfortable, and I wished she’d gone home. Although I did like the way they all banded together and hauled the tempting “bad” food out to the trash. Good move, but I hated the tantrum that preceded it. She just made me super uneasy.

Also: I was trying to figure out WHY I liked that Lisa Ann Walter judge so much. (the middle one) I felt like I knew her realllly well but did could not place her. I love her but I don’t know why. Well last night I checked her out on IMDB and realized that she (many many pounds ago!) played the housekeeper character “Chessy” on the Parent Trap movie. She was so super awesome in that movie, and we must have watched it over a hundred times. But she is way skinnier now and that’s why I didn’t recognize her. I’d love to hear her story. So sad about that movie – Natasha Richardson is tragically gone, and Lindsay Lohan is… well, Lindsay Lohan. That was one of the prime kid movies of our daughters’ growing up time. We know much of it by heart.

July 7, 2009 13

Little Tidbits of This and That

Last night I had an absolutely delicious and beautiful lobster dinner. There’s a local restaurant featuring special lobster dinners for $20 on Tuesdays and I jumped at the chance, along with the other adults in my family. I ate all the accompanying buttery rice pilaf. There was a lot of butter on that table. Also had one bite of dessert. But no wine or other drinks this time. I think the butter was enough.

Today, I worked out twice. In the gym with my trainer in the morning (5 double lengths of monkey walk, 20 minutes of hard stairmaster, and some pull up thingies). Then an hour of outdoor class with a group (again with my trainer) in the evening. I ran more than half of it. Hills, hills, hills. It felt good.

I didn’t work out at all yesterday. So today had to happen. But I liked it a lot.

Tomorrow morning, more running with my 5k buddy.

Also: got more official stuff from The Company today. Turns out I am A-OK, officially, fine print, legal-wise, etc. And I got my official ID card. So it’s all proceeding as per the plan.

OH, and I did some more clothes shopping today. Remember my shopping spree back in April? Many of those clothes are too large now. Luckily, I still have tags on some and can return them. Other stuff is just big. I am constantly walking around, hiking up my pants. Today I woke up and it was ridiculously freezing out. I went to the one small department store in our neighborhood. It has a lot of inexpensive polyester stuff with elastic waistbands, but occasionally some decent things hidden here and there. I felt desperate to get some WARM clothing because it is in the 50s here and all the new clothes I bought are summer wear. I ended up buying two pairs of pants: one in a size 6 (WHAT MEEEE???) and one size ten. They both fit me fine. Two different brands. Funny that size 8 was too big in the one brand and too small in the other. Ha. Then I bought a size L quilted vest that was ALMOST too small. Isn’t that weird? It is OK when I am upright, but when I am sitting I sort of have to suck it in like Scarlett OHara in her corset. Almost.

So, that was my day.

I finished it up by watching Top Chef Masters which I loved to bits. They had to create a dinner from LOST island ingredients (including Dharma Initiative canned food, ha!) so I was just giddy happy watching it. The Top Chef Masters is overall a LOT more fun to watch than regular TC (although I do miss Padma and Tom). The chefs are relaxed, they are collegial and respectful and they aren’t the least bit insecure or mean or bitchy. So I’m liking it a lot.

Good night now!

June 18, 2009 6

8 is the new 14

Today’s post is about…clothes!!

I had a shocking and weird experience in a clothing store last week. I was checking out some jeans – I have really never had any “nice” jeans – just big, floppy “casual fit” Levi’s that sort of hung on me. The saleswoman came over and asked if she could help. I said I probably needed a size 12.

I have worn pretty much a size 14 for the past 5-ish years, and before that, 12. I have really never worn a size 10 in my adult memory, and NEVER anything in single digits.

She looked at me skeptically and said, “No way are you 12.” I said, “Yes way.” So she gave me a 12 and a 10. I went into the dressing room. The 12 was indeed, way big. The 10 fit pretty well. I was happy. I came out of the room. She appraised me and said, “You need an 8.” I started laughing hysterically. I said no. She shoved an 8 into my hands and thrust me back into the dressing room. And… THEY FIT.

I didn’t buy them because I was in too much of a state of shock, and I also didn’t like how high the waist felt. They came up wayyy over my navel, which felt weird. So I didn’t get them. But I spent the rest of the day muttering to myself in disbelief, “I wear a size 8?!?!”

But I have remained dubious. My theory (not even a theory, it’s fact) is that clothing sizes have gone down, down, while remaining the same size.

And last night I proved it. I went on a romp through my closet, trying on everything I could. The good and crazy/happy news is that I could not find a SINGLE PIECE of clothing that doesn’t fit me because it’s too small. (several too big now) That was trippy. I mean really hard to even believe.

But I noticed that the OLDER that a piece of clothing was, the larger the size.

Finally, I found an old pair of shorts, maybe 15 years old. Tried them on. They fit me sort of snugly, but fit OK. JUST LIKE THE SIZE 8 JEANS in the store. I looked at the tag on the shorts. SIZE 14. I swear!!!!!!!

Another thing. I got married in a size 12 wedding dress. This was in 1988, 21 years ago. And guess what? I weighed 19 pounds LESS than I do now. There is no way that I could squeeze into that dress today. A size 12.

So, sizes have been shrinking while clothes stay the same. I find this incredibly annoying but of course I understand the marketing concept behind it. Women will be ecstatic to THINK they wear a size 8 when they are actually a 14 from 1988!! Ugh.

I really think they should abolish these arbitrary stupid sizes and just make everything the true number that it is, based on inches. Size 30. Size 35. Whatever.

If the numbers had stayed true to 1988, I would have probably been up to a size 20 or something, which would have alarmed me a lot earlier. But I think I felt like 14 was “bad, but not TOO bad” – ie I could still shop in “regular” instead of “plus sized” stores.

The whole thing is just weird. So while I am mildly excited to be fitting into those size 8 jeans, part of me knows it’s just bogus.

April 13, 2009 13

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