I’m amazed at how my world has shrunk down in the past two weeks. Not so long ago, I was driving all over the Bay Area, often over a hundred miles a day, visiting my physical therapy patients at home, commuting to San Francisco to the Writers’ Grotto to write, leading my Weight Watchers meeting and doing a million errands in between.
All that has come to a screeching halt.
Now it’s a big deal to go downstairs in the morning for a cup of coffee. It is a much, much bigger deal to take a shower, wash my hair, towel dry, get dressed, dry my hair. That is like a huge, big ordeal. To have someone else drive me to a PT or medical appointment takes everything I’ve got.
I am grateful to still be able to comfortably use my computer most of the time. But sometimes even that is too much. And then it’s me and a book, or me and my dog, or me with my face up against my little iPhone which seems to contain the entire universe of everyone else going to the gym, working long hours, training for races and everything else that was so recently my Normal.
Is this the triathlete? Who could do a 5k any old weekend on the spur of the moment? Not right now, baby.
It’s hard letting go of that stuff. It’s hard realizing this probably isn’t going to be all better by next week. It’s hard shedding appointments from my calendar, over and over again. Tonight I had to miss my second Weight Watchers meeting and that just made me so sad. I miss my members.
There are still things to be grateful for. I still feel connected. I am still a part of the world, even though I cannot be in it in the same way that I am used to.
One of my dearest friends, a meditation teacher, sent this to me just now. A gift.
Breathe out all pain as black smoke with each exhaleimagine it completely dissolves into the atmosphereBreathe in white light that dissolves into you leaving you with a relaxed comfortable body and peaceful mind.do it with each exhale and inhale.
October 13, 2013 at 11:22 pm
It is so sad reading what you have been sharing. You should know that many if not all of us out there; training and competing, working and running errands, going to meetings; are taking you with us. I know for me, seeing you with that sign at SJR last weekend was the best. Seeing you greet me at the finish line was even better.
I hope that you get well, because I miss your inspiration and smile. Our bodies tell us in certain ways to slow down. Some good, some bad. All in all though, we need to listen to our body.
Miss you and wish you the best on your recovery.
October 13, 2013 at 11:37 pm
I didn’t know you were reading at LitCrawl or that our reading is in a bowling alley this year! You MUST get better before then because I will be there to cheer you on, and I will look silly yelling “Go Susan!” if there’s no Susan on stage 🙂