It’s so much fun to write posts about things like “The Best Run of my Life!” It’s not so much fun to write about where I am right now. But for the sake of honesty I think it’s important. It’s not easy and joyful and mindful and strong every single day. Some days suck. This week has had some great moments but it’s also been kind of sucky.
- I feel overweight. This is not just my imagination and “feeling fat.” The combination of last week’s vacation and this week’s Thanksgiving has not been a happy one. I’m sure I could have been more mindful on both counts, but it was what it was. Thus feeling the F word in a big way and then wanting to beat myself up for not doing better. SO not fun.
- I feel super cranky. Partly because of the first point, but also because of some interpersonal tensions I do not feel at liberty to write about. Just… argh.
- My body feels like CRAP. I had TWO absolutely awful walks this week in which I could not run barely at all. My ankle is feeling suddenly unstable, achey, wobbly, painful. What is up with that? I don’t know. It started really twinging when I took this pretty hike in the elk preserve last weekend, and it has been bothering me a lot since then. I am noticing that my ankle does very, very poorly on hills. It really sets it off. I noticed last night that it even bothered me in bed while I was just lying there, and I woke up with it throbbing. UNHAPPY. I have a half-marathon one week from today. UNHAPPY.
- My fasting blood glucose was up in not-good land this morning. Great.
- Realizing it is going to be in the 30s in Las Vegas at the time of the half, and worried/freaked out about freezing and being even less able to accomplish this thing.
- Cranky/sad because once I had an absolutely packed, overflowing, 3-bedroom suite at Vegas and now I am going to be alone there (alone!!) on Friday night. Junior and Pubsgal are coming on Saturday, but I need to figure out something to do Friday so I don’t have a massive pity party and hit one of those mile-long buffets.
- I’m premenstrual. Which means that I will probably be in full-blown crampy gore-fest right during the half. FUN. But which also explains my extremely terrible foul mood.
- Tomorrow is LAUNCH day for the new Weight Watchers plan, which I should be so excited and happy about, but given the state of how I am feeling about myself, I am less rah-rah than I’d like. I hope I can pull it together by Wednesday.
It is pouring rain outside and I am not going to go for any long run. I actually think I need to go to the meditation center more than I need to go to the gym, but I guess I will go to the gym. I am feeling extremely uncentered.
foodfoodbodybody 
November 27, 2010 at 1:22 pm
*hugs* I hear ya. Loud and clear. Some weeks are just really really good. Some weeks not so much. But you know what? I know you will just keep moving on and things will eventually get better again.
I was visited by my Aunt Flo in her Big Red Hat literally one hour before my last race. I looked up at the sky and said “Really? Is this supposed to be funny?” But in your words above “it was what it was”.
Keep moving forward and in some cases fake it til you make it 🙂 Do you have cold weather gear for running? I haven’t a clue what 30 degrees is anymore but I guess it’s kind of cold…?
November 27, 2010 at 1:25 pm
awe Foodie I know how ya feel!! In so many ways, I know how you feel!! I have been struggling a lot myself and the only advice I can give you is don’t give up!! You can get through this funk and you will get through it! Next Saturday when the girls arrive and you HUG all up on your girls you will feel so much better and maybe you can start fresh every day until then! Each day is just a day and a chance!! I love ya and I know you can get through this!!
MUCH LOVE!!
November 27, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Everyone has bad days, bad weeks, bad months. A few weeks off the bandwagon and I know just looking at your pictures to my right you aren’t back where you were. Take a moment, take a deep breath, and remember, “I can do this!” You rock. Love your tweets and blogs – you encourage people more than you know. Hope this helps.
November 27, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Susan, you are my inspiration. I hope this doesn’t sound wrong but I love that you too have struggles. Sometimes ive seem on blogs that people pain a perfect picture when really it’s not. So thank you for being honest.
Hang in there. We are here rooting for you. Ive been having a bad week as well. Then I saw a homeless lady and thought, I’m blessed to have the life I have.
You will kick some major ass at Vegas! I just know it.
November 27, 2010 at 2:31 pm
Oh sunshine – sometimes it just sucks being us… But that’s the beauty of it, cuz we’re not along in our funky humanity. Remember, what ever we think about gets bigger. So think about the beautiful adventure, the best jog ever, your circle of friends, and so on and so on. And if that doesn’t work… I act as if – I’m a faker! Hugs!
November 27, 2010 at 2:41 pm
There is nothing here that I can write that will take away any of the feelings you’ve put down in words. In fact, I wouldn’t want to say anything that might make any of those points feel anything less. It’s important to remember that life will be good to us and we need to stay in the moment. It’s equally as important (if not more) to remember that life will not always be good to us and we need to stay in the moment.
Feel what you feel. Allow yourself to validate every one of those points up there. We’re trying to live life here. Good, bad, triumphant, sucky, craptastic, fantastic and some time meh.
We are warriors in this battle to get back what we deserve. We will not go down without a fight. You’ve been on this journey for a long time. Take a moment to go deep and ask, “will it be like this forever?”…
You already know the answer.
November 27, 2010 at 2:53 pm
I think everyone has days like that. I think it just means you have to suck it up and move on because you KNOW you will feel better about yourself again in a few days or in a week or two. Just keep on truckin’.
I hope the launch of the new plan goes well. I am not on the US WW plan but I am curious to read in blogs what people think about the new plan and what exactly it will be about (and how it will be different from our plan, ProPoints).
November 27, 2010 at 5:33 pm
thank you for your honesty, susan. i hope that just getting it all out there helps a bit… like many people have said already, i want to echo that you are a very inspiring person, and part of what makes you an inspiration is precisely this – persevering through struggles, and your refusal to let negativity have the final word. the weather has cleared up where i am, so maybe you’ll get some sun and a run in after all? 🙂 go, susan, go!
November 27, 2010 at 6:21 pm
Ah yes…there’s nothing better than writing it all out. This is just one moment in time, nothing more, nothing less.
I love what Tara had to say…and it reminds me of a little exercise I do. I say to myself, self? Have you ever felt this way before? And I respond, yep. And then I say, and did you get over it? And I say, yep. 🙂
Seriously though, I know how it feels, even when you know it’s PMS or whatever…it seems so real and so forever in the moment.
Now…give yourself a little love. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are okay. Hugs to you my friend.
November 27, 2010 at 6:53 pm
I am sorry to hear that you are in this place, but I think you are so awesome to share it. I would not doubt that the stuff you are dealing with is much more difficult to handle because of your “interpersonal tensions”. It seems like conflict and relationship tensions make little bumps in the road harder to handle. But I know you are stronger than any of those bumps. I know that you have many resources at your disposal. Gather your troops and battle the ick! You can do it!
So my (unsolicited) advice to you is to now take stock of all the FABULOUS things that you have going on and use the power and wonder of “happy” and “positive” to fight that ick. You can do it!
HUGS to you!
November 27, 2010 at 8:32 pm
New to your blog! As a former WW meeting leader, I can relate so much. It’s hard!! Hang in there…I look forward to reading more 🙂 Congrats on all of your successes and never forget about those amongst the struggles and short-comings. 🙂
November 27, 2010 at 11:03 pm
small baby steps of change. you’re not going to gain all the weight back, your world isn’t coming to a crashing hault, your whole year of working out/eating well hasn’t been stuffed down into nothing.
small, gentle, baby steps.
November 27, 2010 at 11:40 pm
Thanks for being Honest! We all have ugly days or weeks like this… Its a new month this week- you dont need a new month or new Monday to start over- but for me sometimes staring “over” and hitting my own personal “reset” button is exactly what I need to get me outta that funk 🙂 Happy Sunday and Happy December!
November 28, 2010 at 12:49 am
thank you for your honesty. seriously — thank you. i think it makes all of us feel a little less alone to see the natural ups and downs from an outside perspective. its a sign of strength be able to write about these tough times, and breaking the isolation of carrying that on your own is so important. NO doubt whatsoever that you will make it through it all with the most real kind of grace, as you always do.
November 28, 2010 at 1:48 am
I am so grateful for all of you and your words here today. Truly, I don’t even have words for how much they have meant to me. I’m kind of overwhelmed with gratitude.
November 28, 2010 at 8:31 pm
Thanks. I’m sorry things are down for you right now. Does it help to know that reading your words makes me feel a little better to know I’m not the only one who feels the way you do? Glad you shared with us, and hope you feel better soon.