This week it seems I am being offered to lead WW meetings right and left. And up and down. On one hand, I find this very flattering. People seem to think I am doing a good job. Which is great. On the other hand, this it testing me in ways that are very… interesting.
How difficult it is for me to say no when something seems like a good idea, or is very compelling. Or when it seems like I will do a good job at it.
For a long time in my earlier adult life, I did not feel very competent or very good at what I did. I was a big ball of low-self esteem. It was rough.
Now, later in my adult life, I have grown into, or found many things that I actually do believe I am good at. Which is wonderful. And I feel very fortunate to be able to have opportunities in these areas. But the problem is that I think there is a small part of me that believes I still suck at everything, and that I NEED TO SHOW that I can do something well. And so I keep saying yes to stuff even when it is beyond my capacity, time or energy wise. Plus, I hate letting people down.
But if I don’t let SOME people down, then OTHER people will be let down. Not long ago my husband remarked that I was now “married to WW.” Ahem. Which seemed to be a signal of… something. How can I balance it all? I do not know. This is one of the major challenges of life.
It also occurred to me that this inability to say “no” was partly what got me into trouble (with food) in the first place. I’ve got that part going much better now, but now I have to be the same way with my time. Maybe I need a time tracker like a food tracker. No, not maybe. Definitely.
This morning, on Facebook, I came across this quote on someone else’s page:
“The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.” ~ Mary Oliver
That one kind of stabbed me in the heart. Because that is me. And yes, being a WW leader is a KIND of creative work (I truly believe that, and it is one reason why I find it compelling) but there is the other creative work, of my writing, that has been severely neglected this year. And part of me regrets that so much. I need to find a way to balance it all. I don’t know what that is yet. I am really wishing and hoping to find balance in 2010.
December 16, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Saying no can be difficult, especially for women, but it seems you’ve gotten a much better handle on that. And no matter what we do, we can’t please everybody all of the time.
One way to find balance (if true ‘balance’ really exists) is to DO some writing — even if it’s 20 minutes a day. Make the time for your dream, your true talent, and your passion…because once you do that, other things in your life will come together.
December 16, 2009 at 5:54 pm
I hope you find your balance. I was a total people person and said yes to everyone and everything because I didn’t want to let people down.
It wasn’t until my husband pointed it out to me when we got married that I had been doing that! I put everyone first before me! Now I say yes to only things I truly want to do, and if someones feelings get hurt in the process, I am okay with it.
December 16, 2009 at 10:34 pm
I still tend to be this way. However, my kids and their demands are teaching me how to say “NO”, and how to say it kindly. 😉
Like with most new things, it will probably take you a little while to find the balance, but it will come. I can see why they’d want you to lead so many meetings; you’re very inspiring!
December 16, 2009 at 10:44 pm
We need food, creativity, acceptance, courage, and all kinds of other things to fuel our lives. One of my favorite phrases is:
Energy In = Energy Out
Whatever we put into our bodies and minds–eventually comes out in some way! Managing our energy and making wise choices to be in balance is the work of people on the path of self-improvement. This IS self-awareness and learning. There’s 24 hrs in each day for all of us and we can choose how we spend that time!
I use a simple planner to manage time and review it often to update my priorities. Sometimes it becomes a journal, sometimes I dream and doodle, it’s a processing tool. Through the years I have learned to be much more efficient and please myself (which is the best way to please others).
I learned to say “no” with pleasant authority. This means not giving an excuse or long explanation, just saying, “my calendar is full.” (Full might mean that I need a rest!)
You have reminded me to have no regrets: Live & Learn! Creativity is about having an open mind and DOing with integrity. You are creative and daring. Keep exploring and questioning.