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The World of Work and Working Out

This is the first week in, oh, I don’t know, my MEMORY that I’m working a more-than-full time week. I’m working 3 days at my new job, 2 days at my previous job, and 2 evenings at Weight Watchers. And all of a sudden, today, I had this enormous hit-by-a-truck feeling of deep empathy for people who struggle with this all time. “This” being namely trying to find time to exercise when working full time and having a family.

It’s TOUGH, people. So let me take a moment of silence and awe to honor everyone who has managed to do this. Now it’s time for ME to figure it out for myself. Wow.

Today is pretty much shot. I think. I woke up super early. Took kid to school. Had breakfast in coffee shop next to train station but couldn’t take train because the parking lot was full-up. Duh. So I drove. (hello $10/day parking lot fee! Goodbye paycheck!) I reported in at 9am and clocked out at 5. In the middle, I learned all sorts of stuff about my new duties. Which still remain somewhat mysterious, but oh well. Tomorrrow I think it will begin to gel and get a bit more real. (don’t even ask me to describe it. please. because I can’t! I mean I’m incapable!)

My new boss/who is actually an old friend invited me to lunch. I was not about to say no. We had a nice lunch. Afterward we went back to the office and I almost re-enacted a scene from my solo performance piece in which I fall asleep at my desk. I think I was super tired from not much sleep last night, getting up early, getting super adrenalized from the New Situation and then lunch. Zzzzzzzz. I managed to deal with it. But I felt like a sack of bricks. I soldiered on through the afternoon and at 5pm went to pick up my kid. There was no way on EARTH I could think of cooking. We stopped and got some Indian food takeout. Came home and ate it. And now I am lying on my bed.

This is going to be a fast path to gaining about 35 lbs back, let me tell you!

I have got to strategize. I’ve got to strategize NOW. First thing I gotta do is start bringing my own lunch to work. That will help. Second thing is I think I am going to try and walk or run during my lunch break. Probably walk (better than nothing?). If I run I am going to be a stinky frizzy mess. There is no shower at work. OK, what else? I am going to have to figure out some sort of dinner plan wayyyyy ahead of time. Crockpot? What? OMG. I’m also going to have to figure out when I can work out. (walking does not count, that’s just staying sane and alive during the day)

I guess my choices are:

1. Before work

2. After work

Oh my GOD. It might have to be before. Because after…… I just can’t face it. I don’t think I can do it. I am so NOT a morning person but I think I am going to have to join Mr. McBody (who has been doing this for YEARS) at O Dark Hundred and bite the bullet and do it.

I’m going to get up early tomorrow and give it a go. Which should not be a problem since it is 7:30pm and I am ready for bed NOW.

Again. One more moment of silence for people who manage to do this 52 weeks out of the year, make it a priority and make it work.

I feel like one of those people who don’t have kids and then they babysit their friend’s baby for like 3 hours and then they go collapse or have a nervous breakdown.

The Cup Runneth Over

This week it seems I am being offered to lead WW meetings right and left. And up and down. On one hand, I find this very flattering. People seem to think I am doing a good job. Which is great. On the other hand, this it testing me in ways that are very… interesting.

How difficult it is for me to say no when something seems like a good idea, or is very compelling. Or when it seems like I will do a good job at it.

For a long time in my earlier adult life, I did not feel very competent or very good at what I did. I was a big ball of low-self esteem. It was rough.

Now, later in my adult life, I have grown into, or found many things that I actually do believe I am good at. Which is wonderful. And I feel very fortunate to be able to have opportunities in these areas. But the problem is that I think there is a small part of me that believes I still suck at everything, and that I NEED TO SHOW that I can do something well. And so I keep saying yes to stuff even when it is beyond my capacity, time or energy wise. Plus, I hate letting people down.

But if I don’t let SOME people down, then OTHER people will be let down. Not long ago my husband remarked that I was now “married to WW.” Ahem. Which seemed to be a signal of… something. How can I balance it all? I do not know. This is one of the major challenges of life.

It also occurred to me that this inability to say “no” was partly what got me into trouble (with food) in the first place. I’ve got that part going much better now, but now I have to be the same way with my time. Maybe I need a time tracker like a food tracker. No, not maybe. Definitely.

This morning, on Facebook, I came across this quote on someone else’s page:

“The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.” ~ Mary Oliver

That one kind of stabbed me in the heart. Because that is me. And yes, being a WW leader is a KIND of creative work (I truly believe that, and it is one reason why I find it compelling) but there is the other creative work, of my writing, that has been severely neglected this year. And part of me regrets that so much. I need to find a way to balance it all. I don’t know what that is yet. I am really wishing and hoping to find balance in 2010.

Too Much Of A Good Tweet?

I’ve been getting (and giving) huge support for health and fitness efforts over on Twitter. I love the community there and how it rallies around people, cheering them on for accomplishments, and lending a supportive hand when things aren’t going as well. I’ve found it to be something of a community OA sponsor, talking me down from cupcakes or lying on the couch when it’s time to exercise. I LOVE my Twitter community but sometimes… I find it hard to drag myself away. The thing about Twitter is that it’s going on 24/7, and there is always something to respond to.

This week the awesome MizFit wrote a very provocative blog post with the statement, “You are what you repeatedly do.” I contemplated this for quite a while. (update: the full quote is from Aristotle. “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”)

I am what I repeatedly do.

In some areas, this is quite good news. I have been repeatedly working out and making (for the most part) good food choices. I have been mindful. This is all good.

BUT. I have also been repeatedly Twittering, quite a bit. And recently I’ve seen that it’s kept me from doing other things I need and want to do. And I realize that it’s been a bit too much of a good thing. So I have put myself on a Twitter diet, with the invaluable help of a (free) program called LeechBlock. (what a name, huh? So it blocks the leeches from sucking your lifeblood away??)

LeechBlock is a simple productivity tool designed to block those time-wasting sites that can suck the life out of your working day.

I’ve added Twitter and Facebook to this program, and allowed myself five minutes per every two hours. I figure that this is equivalent to a “water cooler” break. I’m not going cold turkey, but it’s a good helpful reminder of what I want my priorities to be, and how I want to spend my time. And of course I can bypass it by changing the settings, but that’s like “cheating” on a healthy eating plan. I’m only cheating myself, so what’s the point?

That quote also reminded me, sadly, of what I am NOT repeatedly doing that I want to do more of, and that’s write. In my “other” non-Foodie life I am (or was) a writer, working on two novels, a book of nonfiction, short stories, a column etc. none of which have been getting much attention since I began this blog. So I am a blogger, but not a Writer. In my mind, these things are quite separate.

My day job is working up to its annual Big Event in a few weeks, and after that I really want to turn things around and spend more time writing. Keeping up the healthy stuff.

Tell me: who are you, based on what you repeatedly do?

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