So it happened again today. I went blithely into my cardiologist’s office, practically SKIPPING because I was so over-the-moon proud and happy about my weight loss, my lowered triglycerices, my NORMAL BMI, my fantastic A1C levels — and while he was duly impressed (or at least acted sort of impressed), he zeroed right in on my cholesterol levels. They’re like borderline high. My “good” cholesterol, HDL, is not quite high enough, and it has not budged an iota in four months, despite exercise and weight loss, etc.
He said, “I want to put you on a statin.”
He was just going by his medical protocol, but for me it was great clanging alarm bells and red lights and “YOU FAILED!!!!!!!!!!!”
Once again, I left a medical appointment, sat in my car and cried.
I called my physician husband and he gave me all sorts of pats on the back (vebally) and validation and explained the lunkheaded ways of doctors, and I still cried.
I felt once again like I was five years old and was getting a finger wagged at me, you know that old “NOT GOOD ENOUGH” voice.
Bleh! Feh! UGH!
He (husband) also gently reminded me that perhaps I had had unrealistic expectations, ie that by “doing good” (and you all KNOW the good I’ve been doing!!) I would be able to outrun all my diagnoses, throw away all medications, etc. Instead, I got MORE medication. It just feels like failure to me. I know I have to turn my head around. I am not the kind of person who shuns medication at ALL, I just wasn’t ready for MORE. I was at peace with what I was already taking, but I felt like I was going in a good direction and I was going to be rewarded for that somehow.
I’m probably going to have to take insulin one day. I am probably more prepared for that eventuality than I was for the statin. Ugh.
foodfoodbodybody 
May 5, 2009 at 7:43 pm
I’m surprised that his first response was to medicate you! Mine was borderline high last year & I was told to take fish oil capsules (2/day). I also have eaten oatmeal almost every day & at my last appt. cholesterol was way down.
Of course my situation is different, but I can understand why you felt that way. Hopefully the meds will be a temporary solution.
Stay strong!
May 5, 2009 at 7:48 pm
I understand. I’ve been on a statin for many years. When I lost 55+ pounds and became physically fit I was all ready to wean myself off the meds. No such luck. Sometimes these things have nothing to do with the good we’ve done for ourselves and are more about the luck of the draw genetically…hang in there, my friend. You are SO not a failure!
May 5, 2009 at 7:51 pm
I understand, and I sympathize, and… well… you would still rather have what you’ve got than what I’ve got…
Best of luck, and i am indeed proud of you for all you are accomplishing! Brava!
May 5, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Leila…I know that your struggles are large and I send you positive thoughts. But it disturbs me to hear you comparing your fight for health with Foodie’s. I don’t think Foodie is comparing what she has to what you are fighting (I don’t want to out you here)…and certainly yes, your struggle is very very large (no one will argue against that). But I also, as her friend, can’t believe you’d belittle her health issues, either, especially on her own blog.
We are all, on some level, fighting for our lives.
Let’s all support each other. And on Foodie’s blog, let’s support her without judgment.
May 5, 2009 at 10:47 pm
ergh I meant “I also can’t believe that you, as her friend, would belittle…”
May 5, 2009 at 8:41 pm
the statin’s not too bad. it worsened my cubital tunnel syndrome, but if that hadn’t happened for you on bp meds, it won’t happen to you on statins.
wrt cholesterol, i agree with Karen–it has so much to do with genetics. i was vegetarian for 5 years in college, and I had high cholesterol… at the age of 20. do not blame yourself for everything.
i am mostly happy that you are checking in with your body and taking care of yourself: in the form of exercise, diet, AND prescription aid!
May 6, 2009 at 1:47 am
I can totally relate not feeling good enough. I have genetic issues with my HDL’s too! It was once at 7! I was so scared for a long time. I’m at 35 now, which is probably the hightest it will ever be. All the eating right and exercise will not help the fact that I’ll be on statin’s and Niaspan for it. I agree with Jadepark in that it’s awesome that you’re going to the doctor as part of this heath journey you’re on. You really are taking care of yourself. Remember, sustaining this health for a period of time may result in taking you off some of the meds. Your body is just getting used to the new you! You’re doing amazing things….don’t let the meds destroy what you’ve accomplished! YOU DID IT GIRLFRIEND!
May 6, 2009 at 9:15 am
Can only echo was everyone else said. Surprised medicine was first option. Also think you should be very proud of yourself not only for what you have done for you but for others that you have inspired (me). And finally, very much true it is genetics. I am overweight with ridiculously low cholest – the bad stuff is very low and the good stuff is very good. I have insanely low bp…just clinically obese. Go figure.
Hugs.
May 6, 2009 at 5:22 pm
HUGS, that sucks after you did so well and what you achieved for yourself. You have to keep believing in YOU and with all of our support you can do this. 🙂
May 6, 2009 at 6:13 pm
You are doing great, and your stats are AMAZING! Once thing you might not have anticipated is that some oral medications are given so that they prevent complications 20 to 30 years down the road!
Happily take the oral meds as long as you can – its twice as much work to take insulin and it costs more too!
YOU ARE DOING GREAT!!!!
I want that to be your mantra! 😀
May 6, 2009 at 6:27 pm
You are NOT a failure and YES you are doing so GREAT!!! Your weight loss is such an awesome accomplishment and I know you have the strength to make it through this as well. I am so sorry that you have to take this medication and I am hoping and praying that it will to the trick ans as you continue to lose more weight and get healthier, the taking of the medications will go away.
May 6, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Oh, Foodie. I’m sorry to hear that. 😦 It *is* frustrating. I sure felt that way going on metformin, and then having to up my dose, even though I was doing everything I could food & exercise-wise. I also have borderline low HDL/high LDL (although cholesterol and triglycerides are normal), but my doctor and the CDE & nutritionist and I were trying the nutrition & supplement route first. The clinic I go to closed, though, and I’ve got a new doctor, whom I have not yet been to see. I’m hoping my next blood panel will show some improvement, although I don’t know how the new doctor will respond if I haven’t. I’m a bit nervous about that myself.
I’d say you’re doing a fantastic job. It’s a pity the arrogant berk–er, the good doctor–did not break the “more meds” news a little more kindly. (Do they not realize how *old* having to take a bunch of pills makes a body *feel*? Sheesh.)
May 6, 2009 at 8:38 pm
Hey Foodie, I’ve got borderline high chol at the moment too and hitting it with diet and supplements. I read your post over at Why Weight today and I think you are a total inspiration. You are definitely not a failure, not even close. Can’t wait to read more of your adventures 🙂
May 7, 2009 at 2:54 am
You guys are the best. I mean it. Thank you.
May 7, 2009 at 1:04 pm
No thank you 🙂 Especially for the encouragement and support you give us as well. We are here for one another and that’s why I decide to stick around. There are so awesome people in blog world and you are one of them. Hope you’re having a great day yourself.
May 8, 2009 at 6:23 am
Im with rob fitness.
you help so many people.
I hope YOU realize…
May 8, 2009 at 2:44 pm
I know it was a shock but like someone else said maybe it was for preventative reasons. You’ve accomplished so much already and should feel proud! We cannot control everything alas.
May 8, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Hang in there, Foodie – it’s got to turn around for you soon!
P.S. I left something for you on my blog – go check it out!