I am so unbelievably honored and thrilled to introduce you all to Tara of Life Changing Journey, who is one of my person heroes. Her honesty and determination and sheer willingness to do WHATEVER IT TAKES (physically, emotionally, spiritually) to find health and wholeness – just blows me away. Tara, thank you for being here. Okay readers, are you ready?? Have Kleenex at hand.
For the first 40 years of my life, I abused my body. I used it to hide my emotions. I used it to comfort my fears and frustrations. I used it to shield me from the hurt and pain that I longed to stop feeling. I didn’t move it. I didn’t take care of it. I didn’t love it one bit. In fact, I hated it. I hated my body and I made damn sure my body knew it.
I became a prisoner in my own skin.
I locked myself in and threw away the key. Every year I had fleeting thoughts that maybe this would be the year that I changed. This would be the year I would learn to love and care for myself. This would be the year I would free myself from the prison I had lived in for so long….
Then the year would pass I would still hate myself. Still couldn’t stand to look at the person in the mirror. Still couldn’t bring myself to have a little faith that I deserved to live a better life. I resigned myself to living the life of a morbidly obese woman that found very little enjoyment out of life except for when I was playing video games or indulging in an emotional eating episode…
Funny thing about my body…
It never gave up on me. It would open up that cage door and give me the opportunity to stand up and walk out of my emotional prison. Every time I turned it down, my body would wait patiently. Again it would open the door ever so slightly and wait for me to finally believe…
I’m free of my prison now. Life on the outside is more beautiful than I ever imagined. I’m so far away from that prison cell that I have a hard time remembering what it was like being there. Locked away. Slowly dying, emotionally and physically, and not really caring. Now I care. I care more than I ever thought possible. I will fight tooth and nail and to my death to never return to that prison. I’m still scared, frustrated and learning to live in my emotions but can I let you in on a little secret?
The view is so much better out here.
I don’t know where you are on your journey. Maybe you’ve locked yourself in and thrown away the key. Maybe the years have come and gone and you too wonder if you’ll ever stand up and leave the confines of you cell. Maybe you’ve abused your body and you think that there is no way it’s going to do what you ask what you ask it to do. Maybe you’re afraid to unlock your cell door and see what’s out here. Listen, you get to unlock that door. Do you hear me: You get to unlock the heavy door that you thought would never move. You get to push it wide open, you get to step across the threshold and embark on the journey of a lifetime.
One slow step at a time.
Until you realize that you deserve this.
Your body already knows that.
Let it prove it to you.
April 14, 2011 at 3:08 am
Oh yes, the view is so much better outside the prison. And strangely enough, the food too, because we get to taste and enjoy it. In prison we just used to shovel it in.
When one prisoner escapes, it brings hope to all prisoners. You did a great thing, Tara!
April 14, 2011 at 9:52 pm
OMG Tara, This is so beautiful. This is the message that I needed for today. My journey still continues. I’m looking for unconditional love…from ME.
I just hired a dear friend of mine, also and strength and conditioning coach. I am also a personal trainer but asking for help from a colleague is something that I need right now.
I start next week and will be videotape my journey for others to watch. I’m excited and I’m scared all at the same time.
April 15, 2011 at 6:22 am
I love tara.
I adore foodie.
You two need to combine forces more often.
April 15, 2011 at 3:25 pm
Wait till you see us “combine forces” at Fitbloggin!
April 15, 2011 at 3:58 pm
This is such an emotional entry for me. You are so right. I only wish I could attend fitbloggin to see you and other inspiring people.