The opening montage and I am already tearing up.  A woman is sobbing: “I’m so ashamed.” Jillian says (yells?) “There is NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT.” Some people might call this abuse, but this is why I love Jillian.  She’s not dissing the woman, she’s saying, let go of that shame or you are never going to change. Which I believe.

The peeps jump off the bus. They’re at the beach. They’re going to have their first challenge: to run? one mile of the final marathon that the last season’s final four completed. It’s a race. Whoever wins, gets immunity.

(commercial break: OH MAN look at that crazy junk food. Chili’s fried ugh. I will take this opportunity to say that many of my Tweetie friends expressed their disgust and disdain for BL tonight. Lots of us were excited for it to begin, others were like, TBL is evil. I totally get that many things that happen on the show are not “realistic” or “right.” But I feel very sentimental about this show. When the last season began, I was at one of my worst points, health and weight wise.  I felt like I was joining those people “virtually” and they did inspire me.)

Commercial over: here comes a car. Surprise! It’s…..Daniel from Season 7! My guy!  I love this dude. He’s lost 140 lbs and he’s back for more. GO DAN.  So now they’re racing the mile. Blue woman (Tracy) is wayyyyyy in the lead. But then at the top of the hill, Daniel catches up and passes her. Walking. Everyone else? Struggle. Big struggle. Of course it is.

DANIEL WINS. He HAS come a heck of a long way. Uh oh. Blue woman is in trouble. She can’t get up. Paramedics. Oxygen. Helicopter. AGH.

Everyone’s telling their stories. It’s very moving. Wow these people have been through a lot. Heroin addict mom, homeless, foster care. Woman whose family died in a car crash. Everyone’s sobbing. I’m crying. I’m noticing that this show seems to be have a lot more working class people. Who could not afford gym memberships, Whole Foods, counseling, trainers, maybe even WW memberships. This is huge for them.  (this is loong people, so continued after the break!)

(commercial: Whoopi and Cat Stevens! woo! “If you want to sing out, sing out…” YAY)

DANIEL PICKS SHAY. The biggest guy from last Season, picks the biggest one for this season. What a guy. I love him. Interesting, these co-ed teams. I am feeling badly for the people who aren’t picked yet. These picking things are a bummer. Luckily, it goes fast.

Weigh-in time. Many of them have no idea at all what they weigh. I can relate to this.  I went for months without weighing and what happens during that time? Up up up up.  And there’s Bob and Jillian! Tough in black leather. So they all get up there. It’s big numbers. HUGE numbers.

(Commercial: Vibrating mascara? Are they kidding? “I’ll have to use my powers wisely.” That’s just… um.  Got milk? Milk commercials always make me … want to drink milk. Whole milk with ice cubes. Fortunately we do not have any in the house. OMG commercial with Season 7 Mikey and Ron! Wooo! They look good, even if they are hawking Jennie-O. Good for them for getting the gig though, that college tuition is costly!)

I STILL want a Bodybugg! Oh, they are ALL going to train with both trainers. Which they HAD to do in order to save Bob’s face.

Working out: I love to see them doing the same workouts that *i* do. Nifty. Bear walks!  Oh, I am glad I don’t have that climbing ladder machine. Ugh. Jillian: “she has a story about how she’s a big, fat pathetic loser. I’m not going to co-sign on that bullcrap.” Shay quits.

(commercial: Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston movie. They’re adorable. Trilipix to increase your good cholesterol- ask your doctor. Hm, I’m going to ask mine! I see him on Thursday. Damn pharmaceuticals.)

Back to show. It’s half over. This is going to  be the longest blog post ever!!

Jillian: “Let’s not give her attention for quitting. Let’s give her a day.” Bob: “Let’s give her ten minutes.” Good cop, bad cop. Shay is boo-hooing her sad story. She’s gonna get up. GO GIRL. GET UP, Daniel is in there waiting for you!  WOW, Jillian is in bulldog mode.

Coach Mo returns! I like him. The team goes to visit Doctor H. Wow, the MRI measures their brain activity to see it when they make their food decisions. Now that’s interesting. Oh dear. Sean has Type II diabetes. Why does Dr H look like he has a wad of tobacco in his cheek? Coach Mo is told he has the body of a 69 yr old. How old IS he??

More commercials. Last chance workout.

Weigh in: Daughter says: “I like how Jillian looks so classy in her leather jacket and they’re all standing there in their underwear.” Daniel and Shay both lose double-digits.  Good going. WE LOVE DANIEL. (how many times can I say this?) Wow, I can’t believe that guy lost 28 lbs. In one week. Everyone is going to be all up in arms about this, but hey. These people weigh a lot. They are going from eating tons of terrible food and being completely inactive, to eating reasonable portions and working out a lot. This is going to happen.

Edited to add: when I jumpstarted my health thing, I lost about 9 lbs in one week. And I weigh a lot less than these people. I did not do anything ridiculous, I just CHANGED my habits drastically, and that is what happened. Maybe it was a lot of water weight, but whatever. It stayed off and I kept going from there. So it is not so surprising for someone to lose 2o-something pounds, if they start in the 400s. Just sayin’.

Commercials. Daughter is moaning and writhing because our Tivo is broken and we can’t fast-forward through them. Note to self: CALL the Tivo people and GET THIS DEALT with before next week!!  What?! Eyelash thickening medicine? News flash about TWEETING FOR CASH? Daughter says, “Mom!  You have to do this!”

The diabetic guy has lost 22 lbs and is dancing, not crying any more! He is on my team. I like him. GO red team.

Abby says: “Death would be easy.” Jillian is hiding her face. She’s about to break down. She gives a choked-up inspirational speech.

Daughter: “They should get a guy coach as great as Jillian, and kick out Bob.”

Alexandra is pissed because Julio “only” lost 13 lbs. Nasty girl. Pleeeeeeease go home soon. We do not need nastiness.

Commercial: TALKING BABIES for ETrade! We’re both howling. So great. Jennie-O mom. Who knew that you could use foam pool noodles as swords in the living room? I guess I did not know this because I had girls.

Back to the big drums at weigh-in.  Coach Mo needs to lose more than 12. He’s very sweaty. 19!! GO COACH!!

Alexandra biting her lip. Daughter: “I hate that b****, stupid girl who was blaming her partner.” I couldn’t agree more. GO HOME. Julio, do not beat yourself up. PLEASE.  He says he feels blessed to have Alexandra as a partner.  He’s being a gentleman. Send the nasty girl home!

Firefighter: “I am more than a number.” You tell it guy. I like him.

It’s time for the vote!  UGH. Pink girls voted for the other young girl. DUMB. Two votes for Julio? WTF? Et tu Daniel?? This is messed up. I don’t understand peoples’ decisions at all. WHY would they choose to keep a nasty person on the ranch? It will just make them miserable.

It’s a tie. Aghhhhhh. Green team. Do the right thing folks! “We voted for the person with the spark and the fire.” I think that is code for “we’re sending the nasty girl home!” I HOPE.

More commercials. Ugh. OH! 3d Imax Christmas Carol! I love Scrooge. I have seen every Christmas Carol ever made. My favorite was the musical Scrooge! with Albert Finney. The Monopoly commercial reminds me that we did not play family Bananagrams tonight. Daughter yells (at kid giving Monopoly money to sibling) “That’s cheating! Play fair!” Heh.

Hang in there, folks! It’s almost over! Six minutes.  Back to the green team. ONE FINAL VOTE. “Each of them left such a great impression..” THAT is b.s.

They voted for………………………………… ALEXANDRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My prayers have been answered. Spark and fire, all right. Go spark it up at home.

Well look at you. She lost 60 lbs! She did good. SEE, you didn’t need to be there. “I had a crush on somebody but didn’t do anything about it.” My guess is it’s Daniel. He looked crushed she was going. OKAY! It’s been fun, peeps!  Good night!