…. but I didn’t.
It was one of those uber-emotional over the top days when the stress level is SO HIGH and in the “bad old days” – um, just 10 weeks ago? I would have just been inhaling everything in sight. There was major drama going on at work, my blood pressure was (probably) hitting the roof, I was extremely concerned about a loved one, and I was this close to having my head explode.
I work right next to a 7-11. Which is the perfect source for out of control emotional eating. Haagen Dasz bars! Skor bars! 7-11 hot dogs!! (ha) More junk than you can stuff in your mouth.
I really love my job. I love the people I work with. I love the work I do. And so for me to have a “bad day at work” is like one in a million. But today I was just triggered and set off and I was a basket case. Then I was worried about somebody that I love, and that was hard too. (understatement)
I didn’t have breakfast because I was rushing too much. Then I got to work and dealt with drama for several hours. My mom, who had come to the office with me (she’s a volunteer there) wanted to stop and get a drive-through burger. I almost got nothing for myself and then thought better of it and got a drive-through chicken salad. Which turned out to be a great thing. She sat at my desk and ate the burger and fries while I inhaled the fumes.
After all the drama, I ate my salad which was actually very very good. I had a plan to visit a friend this afternoon so I left my office. I walked past the 7-11 to go to my car. The junk food was calling my name. LOUDLY. I did not have time to sit down and Write Out My Feelings. I made myself steadily KEEP WALKING and felt in my pocket. Voila, there was a sugar free caramel hard candy!! It saved me. I sucked on that thing til it disappeared. I drove to my friends house. She gave me a cup of tea, a cut up apple and some tangerine (she is a good good friend!). I told her all my woes, and while I was talking to her I got a relieving text message from my loved one. Things took a turn for the better. She helped me get more grounded regarding the work situation, and when I left her house I felt a million times better.
I came home and had a nice healthy dinner with my family.
The only “down” thing is I did not exercise today. Trainer said I could have one rest day, not two. But now I am post-dinner, and I do not think I can do anything comfortably. I will just have an extra vigorous workout in the morning.
I am very relieved and actually SHOCKED that I did not overeat today. I really think I might be learning some new ways of coping.
March 6, 2009 at 3:00 am
It’s a constant battle to feed the soul and spirit but keep your body alive and working. My latest obsession was those curly
Fritos honey barbecue thingies. Some evil person left a bowl out for a meeting and I couldn’t stop eating them. I got so obsessive about it I made a beeline to the nearest Safeway to bag a few bags. Scarfed 1/2 a bag down before I got home and stashed the second bag in the trunk. I felt so ashamed at the same time still craving. That week I went through another bag, stuffing myself silly with this junk. My taste buds and spirits felt oh so good but my stomach finally had enough. Now, I’m over them ! So sometimes it is okay to just GET IT OVER WITH then move on. At the same time, I commend you for your discipline. You win some food battles and you succumb to others. The main thing is that you keep being aware and keep working on it. Hmmmm…… so far, so good this week.
March 6, 2009 at 2:29 pm
You are doing so great! Talking with a very good friend is such an important key to the success of overcoming old bad habits of turning to food. You may not have been able to write out your feelings but you were still able to get them out verbally with a great friend. Finding that sugar free candy was awesome! You may want to stash those around the house, office other pockets (of clean clothes of course…don’t know how they would hold up in the wash..hahaha!).
I’ve had people eat things I want in front of me….sometimes it’s really hard and other times it just doesn’t bother me because I truly don’t want it. I’m so proud of you…this is great victory for you! You know you CAN do it….you’ve been able to resist a few times now…this way you have experience to draw from for the next time this comes around.
So glad to your your loved one is ok! 🙂
March 6, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Way to go in not giving into temptation. It’s not always easy but if we kind of ignore that inner voices that says eat this and eat that, and just concentrate on what your healthy mind says we all will do fine and that’s exactly what you did.
So keep up that positive thinking you are doing and it’s a great accomplishment when you can rationalize the way you did and not give in to those desires.