Lying around like this gives a lot of opportunity for thought. I’ve been reading, thinking, meditating, contemplating. Sometimes whining and complaining. A few things I’ve been thinking about lately have been:
- What’s worth it? In Weight Watchers, we often consider our choices in terms of deciding whether something is “worth it” or not. Is that donut or piece of chocolate worth it? Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn’t. There aren’t hard and fast rules for these things. And I’m finding that the same question comes up for me regarding being up and active during the day. Is it worth it to take a shower? To spend those precious upright minutes in that way? Knowing I’ll have to pay for it later? I didn’t shower Friday or Saturday. I was resting relatively comfortably and I just did not want to break it by getting up and “blowing it.” But by Saturday evening, I was soooooo depressed by feeling grungy and unshowered. So by Sunday morning, it was MORE than “worth it” to get up, take a shower, put on clothes and dry my hair. I ended up lying on my ice pack, medicated up again, but it was worth it to me. I needed that shower.
- I think I’m getting better, because I am much more aware of being bored/restless. For much of the past several weeks, it was more of a matter of survival/getting through the next several hours. Now I’m a lot more aware of being bored and antsy. I want to get OUT of here. I want to DO stuff.
- How good is good enough? I think I am definitely improving, but I am also definitely nowhere near better. I think this means that surgery is coming. Maybe next week. I hate not knowing. But I also know that this “plateau” is not where I want to be.
- I MISS THAT LIFE OUT THERE. This weekend, seeing so many of my friends/heroes doing the New York City Marathon, other half marathons, etc., I was just longing to be out there with them in any capacity. I am really hoping I can at least complete a 5k (walking! anything!) before this year is up. That is my new goal.