If I stay away from exercise for too long, an odd thing occurs. I start feeling afraid of it. I have NO idea what this is about. OK, maybe I have some idea.
Back in the day when I was super unfit, if I tried to do something, and it made me feel tired or just “I can’t do this!” that feeling would just freak me out. It would make me cry and feel just a heap of self-criticism and unworthiness. I would crumple to the ground and hate myself.
Not fun.
And I think a part of that still lives inside me. When I don’t exercise regularly, I start fearing that FEELING – I think what I am afraid of is not the physical sensations, but those emotions of “UGH I’m out of shape!”
This weekend, Junior offered to teach me some of the cool stuff she learned at Fitness Ridge, mainly some of the HIIT treadmill routines. We met up at the gym and just as I was about to step on, I heard myself saying, “I’m scared.”
Of a treadmill?? Me, who ran a half marathon? Um.
She was very patient and supportive and finally I just started and of course, as is ALWAYS the case, I didn’t die doing the workout AND I felt ten million times better.
Which led me to examine in close, what is this strange fear about? Because it definitely hinders me. And it makes me mad. Why would I hold myself back from something that clearly makes me feel so good? This has been proven to me hundreds of times by now and yet still, I sometimes find myself in the place where I just feel chained down to a chair with absolute paralysis.
I know it needs some more excising and examining. But this is a good place to start.
foodfoodbodybody 
June 27, 2011 at 1:27 pm
This happened to me yesterday!!! I started to do the Tracy Anderson’s Metamorphosis Method and half halfway the workout i started to cry uncontrollably… In my head came all the feelings of “why does this happened to me?” “If I were skinny I wouldnt have to be doing this”. It was tough; My mind wanted to stop, but my legs kept going. In the end, I felt proud of myself that I didn’t stop, and a little embarrased because I cried! LOL 😉
June 27, 2011 at 1:44 pm
Good for you for not stopping, Lorraine! I think it’s good to remember that SO much of this whole “journey” (for lack of a better word) is mental/emotional. Our bodies are willing/able to do SO MUCH but often our minds throw up roadblocks. There’s nothing wrong with crying; in fact, often it’s exactly what we need.
June 27, 2011 at 7:22 pm
When I stopped biking over the winter time I kind of got the “Fear” too! I had to start riding again in preparation for the Portland Century this summer plus i wanted to start commuting to work by bike. It was scary the first few times because I wasn’t used to.
June 28, 2011 at 4:51 pm
Good for you, Foodie. Looking inside is going to get you some answers. When we know why we are afraid, we can transform fear. Love u.
June 29, 2011 at 7:21 pm
I don’t get ‘scared’ but I do get that ugh I don’t want to go, bleh lazy drag myself feeling. I know that it always goes away once I start exercising. I felt it yesterday when it was time to go to bodypump class, and once I was there, even though I had a really poor workout and was feeling weak, I also felt really good, because working out is always fun and feels great on muscles and endorphins. I just remind myself I’ll be happy I did once I do it, and I always am. So fun by the way, for you to get to work out with your daughter! What a fun mom daughter thing to do.
June 30, 2011 at 1:32 am
So relate…. I’m a scaredy cat. Period. And even w 2 days off, I TOTALLY lose my groove.
Geesh – I think I need to get back to do something (anything) every day.
Again…..
xoxo
June 30, 2011 at 1:43 am
Again… I KNOW!