It’s hard getting off track. Or rather, it’s hard getting back ON track after being off track.
I went away last week and I felt pretty good about how things went while I was gone. I wasn’t “perfect” but I did enjoy myself. I went out to dinner quite a bit (and tried to make good choices, based on portion control and other factors). I took one good walk and had one good workout at the hotel gym (elliptical plus some weights). I didn’t feel like things were out of control… at first. But I was attending a very intense and emotional conference which definitely pushed a bunch of my buttons. I found myself eating more sugar than usual, ie picking up a few cookies from the lunch table. This is not something I’d normally do, especially since they weren’t particularly GREAT cookies. And then drinking more than I normally do (which is next to nothing). I heard myself saying in my head, “I need this.” (yeah right?!?)
I was only gone four days. Man! It’s not very long. But then when I got home I found myself continuing to procrastinate getting back on my routine. I blamed jetlag for not going to workout in the mornings. (even though I was waking up earlier!)
And then yesterday. Yesterday I ate a donut.
Now, one of the things I love about Weight Watchers is that things like donuts are not inherently evil. They CAN work on your plan in various ways – if you plan for it, if you work it into your overall plan, if you’re active, etc., a donut can be NO BIG DEAL. But yesterday it was a big deal. Because of the way I ate it.
In the car. (even that is not necessarily inherently “bad”) And I realized that as I was eating it, I felt like Gollum. You know, the EVIL Gollum that tries to murder people in their sleep. Not the wimpy-sad pathetic Gollum OR the human he once was. I was like… in that BAD PLACE.
Let me tell you, that shook me up. Just realizing that. And I realize that I’d gotten myself into an emotional state and not really done everything necessary to take care of myself in non-food, non-alcohol ways. I started using those little methods of self-soothing during the weekend, and then it kind of snowballed, and then I turned into Gollum eating a donut.
So. Today I am going to my trainer, even though it means going into work late. I need it. I need a hand up to get back on the path.
May 5, 2010 at 2:00 pm
It’s always so disconcerting when we take a walk on the dark side…but I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s somewhat necessary in order to see the “light.”
May 5, 2010 at 2:08 pm
It’s super easy to procrastinate getting back into the routine/back on track. But you will. No more donuts!*
*Is it okay that I ate a donut for breakfast? Because I did.
May 5, 2010 at 2:24 pm
It’s totally OK (in my book) if you enjoyed it, did not feel guilty, did not eat it because you were trying to cover up some emotional issue, and if it did not lead to a domino-effect of more stuff you wish you didn’t eat. Just a donut alone is not good or bad (my belief). I know, some people think carbs and sugar are evil inherently but I don’t believe that, for me anyway.
May 5, 2010 at 2:25 pm
PS. I just had the greatest kickass workout with my trainer and two buddies. I feel 1000000000% better. Gollum is back in the cave!!
May 5, 2010 at 4:36 pm
It is a true testament to your progress (not perfection) that you are 1) able to write about it, and 2) able to move beyond it.
Shall we love ourselves through our imperfections?
May 5, 2010 at 5:46 pm
Yes. Yes, we shall. ❤
May 5, 2010 at 9:11 pm
I love how you said in your comments here that a donut is OK, if you “did not eat it to cover up some emotional issue.”
That’s very true. Though I’m all about eating without guilt, eating food for emotional reasons is not the best plan. But hey, you became aware of it, acknowledged it, and wrote about it! You’re just human.
There is NO perfect when it comes to eating and food….nor life!
Glad to hear your workout went well too!
May 6, 2010 at 1:11 am
Oh Susan guess what? My first sign of a spiral is when I find myself eating in the car! No kidding!!
You see it and will make the changes needed. I can only imagine the emotions those 4 days brought up.
I love how strong you are and how you share it all with us.
Just love you in general.
(have to say only 7 more days) 🙂 🙂
May 6, 2010 at 12:04 pm
I think you have to have a go to in order to get back on track. For my clients I give them a program called mastering the mind. It gets them to step back from the situation, de-stresses them, and helps remember their goal of getting or maintaining their IdealShape.
May 6, 2010 at 1:52 pm
I SO agree with you and Dineen re the donut AND the “shall we love ourselves through our imperfections?” comment!