A lot of interesting thoughts re weight today. First, I was SURE I had made my goal weight today. It sure looked that way, according to my home scale. But when I went to weigh in officially, I was still two-tenths (!!!!!!!) of a pound over my stated goal. And then some stuff happened. I told the weighing person that I had been hired for staff, and thus I would not have to pay the weekly fee. He was like, um, that is not right, you are not supposed to be hired until you are Lifetime. (Lifetime=at goal weight for 6 weeks or more)
Er. I was waiting for the big hook to come and whisk me away. Not only was I not getting the applause and bling for reaching GW, I was being told that my being hired at all was a big fat mistake! Ahhhhh!!
While the meeting proceeded, I could not focus due to the buzzing in my ears and the fact that the weighing person (aka “receptionist”) was discussing my Situation with the Powers That Be. When the meeting ended he handed me the phone and the PTB told me that indeed I could proceed with training to be a receptionist in my current state, but that actually something had fallen through the cracks and that I should not have been permitted to proceed this far without being at Liftime. Then a discussion regarding my Goal Weight, and was this truly my Goal, and could I maintain, and etc etc etc.
It was a lot to think about. I tried not to be all defensive and “hey you guys invited me along on this process, having access to all of my records, etc!” but it also made me wonder if I have not jumped the gun. I know that my weight-loss process has been a bit wacky and stalled out since I made this decision. Maybe I really ought to wait. Everyone says that maintaining is a whole different Kettle O Fish than losing, and I do believe it. The PWB did tell me to go ahead and continue on, and that most likely I *will* be at Lifetime by the time the big training comes up (end of August). And I was like, okay. She also said I should consider myself AT goal since I am technically the same number as my goal number, it’s just that number plus two-tenths.
ANYway, that whole episode made me think about this blog and other people’s weight-health-fitness blogs, and how some people publicly display their true weights, and how others (like me) don’t. And so I asked the Twittersphere about what informed peoples’ decisions to actually talk in Real Numbers vs. not.
These are a few responses:
- I do just because putting the number makes me face it
- I discuss my real weight on my blog. People who know me are shocked that I weight that much – say I don’t look like it.
- I can’t bring myself to say how much I weigh 2 anyone. I am lucky, I’m tall w/small bones so I carry it like a BIGboned person
- being “anonymous” on here helps w/ being open/honest 4 me.My sis is the only person other than u guys who knows my true wt.
- I don’t use my real numbers either. Because I’m “petite” I get the “oh you’ve never had to worry about your weight thing
- I haven’t, but I’m not opposed to doing so. I def. do so in person.
- 4 me I have SO MUCH to lose that it makes it real, that I HAVE to do something about it. Can’t lie or hide it…
- I use numbers & pictures because I am trying to just keep it real. maybe i can help others.
- I always do. I’m perfectly willing to share my weight. If I can’t own it, I can’t change it.
- I do because honestly who cares? If someone looks at me they know I weigh a bit, so why care if they know how much it is?
- I’m never going back to the corporate world or running for public office, so I don’t mind sharing…
- I don’t give exact numbers, but I did say “under 200” the other day because I was proud to be there 🙂
- i discuss what i’ve lost but not the #. now that i’m down more than halfway, i should share the #. need to add pics too.
- Good question. I decided not to use #s either. #s can be misleading, esp. for someone like me who has xtra large bones/muscles
- I do because I’ve never been honest with myself about my weight (or anyone else for that matter LOL) 4 me it’s necessary.
- I used to be embarrassed by the #s but the first time I said it I felt freer and I’ll feel better when I get to goal and say it
Isn’t that interesting? I thought it was a great conversation. So for me, the reason I didn’t state my true weight at the beginning is because I was embarrassed at the number. And probably because I did not have any faith it would change, and then people would just think that # in relation to me. But now the number has changed, and I feel a little reticent for opposite reasons.
When I first started, I said that my goal weight was normal BMI. I have gotten there (albeit at the tippy-top of the range). So part of it is wrangling with myself. Do I stop here? Do I listen to my own advice to just shut up and stop trying to lose any more?
I actually think I am ready to stop TRYING to lose, but to a certain degree, if the weight should just decide to FALL OFF my bones, I will not object. For too long.
I actually think that I *could* lose ten or so more pounds. But I don’t feel that I *need* to or that I am going to *attempt* to. If it happens, so be it. If I lose any MORE than ten more pounds, I think this could be problematic. Because that would mean going to a place that is lower than anytime in my adult life EXCEPT when I was hiking 8 hours daily with dysentary in Nepal, or living for 3 months on a handful of beans in Nicaragua. I don’t need to be on the Third World Diet while I am living here. I don’t look emaciated or anything, and it’s hardly an anorexic state, but it’s not something I can maintain without doing some fairly dire things. Sure, plenty of people live at that weight, and MANY strive to, but I truly feel that for me to be comfortable, I need to be here. Or somewhere in the next 10 lb range.
But I don’t want to say what those weights are for two reasons: one, I fear the reaction from both ends. I fear that people who have a lot more weight to lose, will feel I am no longer “with them” or that I am losing “too much” weight. I don’t think anybody can argue against getting to a normal range in the BMI scale. But once within that range, it gets kinda dicey. I myself am uncomfortable with people who are perfectly fine mid or upper range, but they want to be at like 19BMI.
I am also uncomfortable anticipating reactions from people who ARE at that low range, who would be totally disgusted with themselves (and by extension, with me??) if they weighed my weight. I’ve already heard from people who weigh LESS than me (and are TALLER than me) and who long to weigh 20 lbs less. And are kind of horrified at their weight. Then I must be some sort of walrus, truly. I just don’t want to deal with that.
I feel like, for now, it’s easier keeping it all in the somewhat abstract, although if someone were totally bound and determined, they could figure out what I weigh. It’s not a huge secret. I just would rather not get into those specifics right now.
I’ve stated all along that my goal is to be “healthy” – not wear a bikini (ever again) in my lifetime (people, I am about to turn 50. I would SO much rather publish a novel than wear a bikini!!) and now I’m just trying to figure out (in numbers) what that word- healthy – actually means.
June 16, 2009 at 1:18 am
I don’t post my weight on my blog, but it’s not a big secret to those around me…
I post what I’ve lost, as I lose it. I post about my exercise habits and my emotions regarding weight loss and whatever I feel like posting about outside of that.
But the actual numbers don’t seem as important as the fact that I’m actually lowering the numbers each week. For me, that is key.
I see the numbers for myself, every Thursday, in black and white. And that, for me, has made the biggest difference.
I’m going to go ahead and say congrats on getting within .2 of your goal, whatever it is! That is seriously awesome! 🙂
All the best!
June 16, 2009 at 11:07 am
I haven’t posted my exact weight on twitter or the blog, for that matter, but I do tell folks when I’m talking to them about my process. It wasn’t a conscious decision, it just hasn’t been done. I’ve also gathered photos, of myself over the years, and I have then saved in a folder on my desktop. I readily share those with others so they can visually see the changes I’ve made over the years. I haven’t shared those on the blog/twitter yet, but it is my plan to do so. I think those kinds of images are really powerful!
All in all, my goal is to be healthy (hence the twitter/blog name). Yes, I’m losing weight in the process, but I don’t want to be at an unhealthy and comfortable weight. I am seeking a weight that I can maintain and that looks good on my frame.
June 16, 2009 at 1:23 pm
It’s funny: I think a lot of people tend to be very publicly self-critical but not give much thought to others and their weight. I think that they perhaps don’t realize the effect it has on other people. When following a lot of health and fitness blogs, I found myself getting into comparison mode like that, the “oh my gosh if SHE thinks she’s fat at that weight/height, I must be a freaking COW!” Then I realized that some of these bloggers, while quite knowledgeable and excellent writers, also acknowledge that they suffer from body image problems. That made me realize that it’s not very helpful for me to stay in that comparative frame of mind.
I do post my gain/lost in my weekly status, and I keep a ticker with actual weight at the bottom of my web page. It’s at the bottom because I didn’t want quite as much focus on the scale number, but the reason I keep it on there is because, as one of your Twitter responders mentioned, I’m hoping it can help someone. (Okay, I’ve gotta admit, I do get a little charge peeking at it now & then. Even though it’s sure not budging much lately.)
June 16, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Hey Foodie–I personally don’t need to know what your weight is–because that is not what your journey is about. Your journey is about getting to a good place and you don’t need our judgment on the designated “place.” Who cares, right? You’re healthy!
And now I cheer you on as your head into maintenance mode–which is a different animal than the high of dropping those pounds so dramatically. It’s harder because people don’t cheer you on as much for starters! But you can totally do it!!! Keep it up on the blog as you do your mindshift.
I know you’re .2 lb away from goal–but I’m counting it as goal. .2 lbs is CRAZY small amount. To hear you obsess over it freaks me out!
June 16, 2009 at 3:25 pm
I second jadepark’s comments! Third them, too!!!
June 17, 2009 at 3:33 am
I must say, I can’t wrap my head around .2 lbs. That’s less than a glass of water! If you took your glasses off or cut a bit off your hair, you’d be at goal. Surely goal is about more than an arbitrary number on the scale? This sounds very fishy to me!
Congratulations for winning the challenge!