I made a bunch of ’em today, mistakes that is. I started out pretty well. I knew that I was going on a boat all day that included a lunch buffet. I took myself out to breakfast (I am on vacation, remember, so it’s hard to cook here) and got a really good spinach/olive/onion omelet. And only ate half. I didn’t want to let myself get too hungry because I had no idea or control what was going to be on the buffet, and I didn’t want to be in a situation where I’d be starving and just eat everything.
So the lunch buffet opened on the boat. (we were whale-watching) I had just done an hour of snorkeling which I would guess would be equivalent to about 20 minutes of stairmaster or elliptical. It was tough flippering through rough waters! I was pretty hungry.
The buffet had some yummy pulled pork, some grilled teriyaki chicken, rice, white rolls, macaroni salad, and a full bar of complimentary alcoholic drinks. I remembered that my book said that one of the key “sabotaging thoughts” or things that allow us to overeat is, “It’s free.” No, not really free, because we already paid an arm and a leg to COME on the boat.
It was easy to pass up the alcohol. I’d already made that decision, and the drinks looked not so great. That was easy. Ditto on the rice and rolls. I took a bunch of pork, and some chicken. Then (WHY WHY WHY?) I also scooped up a bit, maybe 1/4 cup max, of the macaroni salad. I am still trying to break down that moment. I have not had simple carbs since the day I started this blog.
I took my plate and ate the pork. It was delicious. Then the chicken. I thought for a second, wouldn’t it be great if I just threw away the plate with the macaroni on it? YES, it would have been awesome! I would have felt so proud of myself! But I did not. When everything else on the plate was gone, I took a little bite of the macaroni. It was gooooood. Then I ate it all.
Then I went back and got 2nds on the pork and a little bit of chicken. Then I circled the boat and did it AGAIN. (I did not get any more macaraoni either time though) And then I felt mad and pissed off and disappointed and too full for the rest of the afternoon. I mulled it over and over.
It had something to do with this buffet mentality.
I think it also had something to do with the fact that my husband was not on the boat. If he had been, there is NO WAY I would have had thirds. I mean just no way. I wouldn’t have even had seconds. So I have to admit that part of what was going on was some sort of “getting away with it” thinking which just made me feel like CRAP.
Sometimes I make him out in my head to be the Food Police, and then I rebel against him. But it’s all imaginary nonsense. I have to be my OWN Food police, or really Food Angel, doing right by myself. Because “getting away with it” did not feel like getting away with anything except feeling terrible.
Someone near and dear to me asked me, “Was it worth it?” and the answer is an unequivocal great, big NO. No, a thousand times no. And may I learn from that.
Guess what, we went to a buffet for dinner too!! Agh. But this was easier. I was ready. I was dying of thirst because I’d ingested a ton of salt water on the ocean. I had three HUGE glasses of ice water, a cup of tomato soup (good) and a salad. I tried some fish and some chicken, but I didn’t like them so I left them after one bite. Still, I was sloshing full by the time we left. I think it was all the water.
I am not going to another buffet if I can help it, for a year. Or more.
January 31, 2009 at 4:09 am
Hello foodie! Thanks for visiting my blog. I’m looking for some support too! I can so relate to your day today and I love the term Food Angel! I think my biggest challenge is going to be changing my thought patterns (like police vs. angel!) so that my thoughts will in turn change my habits.
February 4, 2009 at 4:02 am
I’m so glad that you are doing this blog. It’s exciting to watch this food angel part of you develop. Can’t wait to read your next posting. btw, I wouldn’t feel bad about the macaroni. Sounds as if you’re a bit carb-deprived? Can’t some carbs be nice carbs?
February 8, 2009 at 1:16 am
I hate buffets! Usually the food isn’t very good and I see people overloading their plates and it disgusts me. if there is no choice I walk the whole buffet and THEN decide what I really want. I go for the vegies and protein first so there is little room for other stuff.
February 8, 2009 at 1:57 am
Ah, you’re a more discipline soul than I (was). I used to take buffets as some sort of “free pass” that since everyone else was walking around with a mountain of food that it was somehow OK. And you’re right the food ISn’T very good. But I have (hopefully) changed my ways and will either avoid them or make some sensible plan like that.