
I was feeling pretty pleased with myself when I went for that walk on Monday. Yeah! I thought. I’m finally getting out there! So yesterday I had a lovely visit with my friend Mara. She brought me delicious fish tacos and I made the big step to actually enjoy a meal at the kitchen table. I didn’t rush through it. We just kinda hung out, and ate and talked, and it was so NORMAL!

Then I felt like I had to lie down. So I lay down on the couch and we visited some more, and then a guy came to show us some hardwood floor samples (a little renovation coming up) and I got up to inspect those. Then she was going to leave and I asked if she wanted to walk down the street with me. I was, again, feeling all superconfident and maybe a little bit show-offish (LOOK I CAN WALK DOWN THE STREET!) so we went to the end of the block. I stopped to admire my mom’s persimmon tree in the front yard. And then it kinda hit me. You know that feeling you have when you’ve gone just a bit too far?

I went right to bed after she left, and applied major ice package to my back. But I realized, as the hours went on, that I had really overdone it. DAMN. I mean come on. Shower, dress, eat lunch, one-block walk. Too much? Apparently so. It plagued me the rest of the evening and I was back to my regular painkiller dose. Bleah.
Today I’m taking it easier. Sigh. I’m so very tired of taking it easy. Luckily, I have plenty of work to keep me occupied.
Yesterday morning I was feeling so optimistic, like, maybe I could avoid the surgery altogether. I know. I’ve been through this before. Yes. No. I don’t know.
The surgeon returns from vacation on Monday and then we will do the big reevaluation. But I’m saying, where I’m at now (physically) is not where I want to be.
I’ve been thinking a lot about tracking. Tracking (ie writing everything down) is a very big deal in Weight Watchers land. It gives so much INFORMATION and history and a way to really understand our situation. I admit I have not been tracking my food input very much. Basically, I’ve been eating whatever I can deal with, which is often not very much.
But I’ve been keeping a medicine and pain tracker. And it has been encouraging to see that I am much, much better than I was a month ago. It’s hard to remember this when I get impatient and bored and chomping at the bit. I’m definitely much better off. Just not where I ultimately want to be.

November 6, 2013 at 5:01 pm
Wishing you the best between now and next week when your doctor is back. Knowing you, I can only imagine how restless you must feel. I’m glad you enjoyed your fish tacos.
November 6, 2013 at 5:15 pm
Thank you Carolyn! Trying to remain patient.
November 6, 2013 at 5:26 pm
I hope you get some answers when the doc get back! So sorry you are going thru this!!!
November 6, 2013 at 7:01 pm
Oh, drat! I am bummed along with you. BUT . . . you did title this TWO steps forward and one step back. So it really seems like you are recognizing that you are improving. No, not as fast as you would like and you are nowhere near where you want to be . . . . but TWO steps FORWARD, and one step back is better than one and two . . . .
I understand the frustration of it though. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for keeping us updated!
November 7, 2013 at 4:00 pm
Just as in WW, realization is a key factor. I like your idea of jotting pain and etc down, it will surely help when you see the surgeon. Good luck on your appt.