So I’ve been reading on blogs and Twitter about people getting cold feet about Fitbloggin – people thinking about not going, or deciding not to go, or feeling uber nervous about going.
I can relate.
In spite of my INTENSE level of excitement, there’s a little-to-medium-sized part of me that is all freaking out inside. And not just because I’m performing on Friday night (to either a big room full of people, or a big room with like THREE people. Which is worse??).
It’s hard to really put into words but I saw that Roni’s recent blog post (Roni is the founder/organizer/QUEEN of Fitbloggin’!) was called Self-Sabotage. This word resonated with me so deeply without even reading the post.
I think there’s a teeny tiny bit of that going on. I was going gangbusters with the #30daychip a while back, diligently exercising Every! Single! Day!
But then things took a little bit of a turn, and that diligence just turned to something else. Defiance? Laziness? Fear? I think maybe a bit of all those things. Someone Tweeted me this morning “I see you’re still awesome!” and I was like, um, I’m feeling sort of Awesome-Minus right now. Not at my very best.
I think we all fear Showing Up at Fitbloggin’, when we’ve been sort of invisible to each other for all this time. Expectations are out there. People have a certain idea of who I am or might be. What if I’m a disappointment? What if, in spite of the Free Hugs campaign, people feel I am ignoring them? What if I don’t have enough TIME to talk and share and hang out with everyone I have wanted to for so long? What if… AGH!
This is just the shadow speaking up, the little Gollum hiding underneath all the excitement and happiness. The voice needs to come out.
But screw the cold feet. I’m gonna find myself some socks.
Can you relate??