I was worried this would happen – that during this time of year I would be so stressed from coordinating my big family camp, that I would just lose my momentum altogether. And at one point I was all determined that it would NOT happen. But, well, it did, sort of. Not completely. I didn’t go totally off the deep end and eat myself into a stress coma, but I DID lose an entire week of exercise, maybe more. (almost 2 weeks?) I knew in that week before camp that at least a WALK would have done me so much good, but I just… didn’t. Every day I told myself I’d at least try to get in a walk or a 30 minute Jillian video, but neither of those things happened. Which sort of perplexes me and bums me out. With ALL that I know about how good and helpful exercise is, I still had this inner resistance. With this voice that said, loudly, I’m too busy. And yes, I WAS busy, but I could have taken 20 or 30 minutes a day and it would have helped. But I didn’t. However, I did continue to make decent food choices during that time.
When I was at camp itself, I wore my pedometer and was walking a minimum of 4 miles a day, just running around doing camp stuff. In addition, I took one good (steep) hike and did one ill-fated run. (more on that later) So I felt good about that. The food at camp… well, it was overall fairly bad but they did have a good salad bar. So that often saved me. But on the last day or two I felt myself sliding a bit. I had a couple cookies. I ate some Cream of Wheat and other stuff I normally wouldn’t. But it wasn’t an all out disaster.
When I got home, I was up a pound or two (I had lost those 2 lbs before I left, so I wasn’t panicking). But the all out disaster came the day after I got home. I had been itching a little at camp. But the day after I got home (yesterday?) I had a huge, terrible outbreak of poison oak. Remember that run I did? Well I was about a mile from camp and had to go to the bathroom REALLY BAD. And you know how uncomfortable it is to run when you have to go. So I went in the woods. And… yeah, I got it THERE.
I have never known such horrible, insane, burning itching! Welts! I couldn’t open one eye. My lips were enormous and weeping fluid. On my face, chest, back, arms, legs… and yeah, THERE. Ugh ugh ugh ugh. I tried to go to my trainer yesterday morning but he took one look, would not come NEAR me and told me to go get a cortisone shot ASAP. I didn’t do that, but I did start taking prednisone. Which has my blood sugars all whacked. But I can’t not do this.
So, I’m stressed. I was so uncomfortable yesterday I didn’t want to MOVE but today I am feeling like things are calming down a bit. I might go for a walk later on.
The worst part? Yesterday I had the worst “food” day ever since January. I was scheduled to make lunch for 30 kids in my daughter’s theater group (they are in all day rehearsals now). She requested homemade mac and cheese (MY NEMESIS). And I think the combination of stress, the poison oak, totally losing my healthy mojo, and I just lost it. Two plates of mac and cheese (don’t even ask how many “portions” that may have been) and two brownies. BROWNIES. Wahh!
What was going through my head? (“Well, my blood sugars are already up from the prednisone, let’s make it even worse! or let’s disguise it.”) Or I don’t even know. I think my head was not working. Did you know that steroids can also make one emotionally and mentally whacked? Let’s blame it on the steroids!
Well, it had to happen sooner or later. And what did I learn from it? I learned that the mac and cheese was not as incredibly awesome as I’d dreamed. In fact, I think the reason I ate so much of it was I was chasing that elusive high, waiting for it to transport me into ecstasy, when it really didn’t. (the brownies, however, were darn good)
So I’ve learned. It’s been a humbling experience. I am ready to get back on the horse or the wagon or the donkey. I know it feels 100x better to act and be healthy than it does to make the unfortunate choices I’ve been making.
I’m glad that there wasn’t HUGE harm done – in the past this period has been much worse and lasted much longer and meant 10-15 lbs gain instead of the two or four that it probably is.
This post is getting really long but I wanted to say another that I learned. You know that quote, “You are what you repeatedly do.” That is so so so true. When I didn’t Tweet for a week, I also lost the momentum of that community and what it does for me. I came back, and I felt…. out of it. It would be so easy to fall away. But I don’t want to. I know that my blogging friends are still out there, and I really need y’all.
I need a hand up on the wagon. Circle back round for me, will ya?
July 23, 2009 at 11:49 am
My proverbial hand is extended!! I will help you jump back on!!
The best part about this little slip you had was how much you learned. I am a big believer that the only mistake is one where you learn nothing. You had an a-ha moment with that mac & cheese. And I totally feel ya on the brownies!! I think they will forever be evil in my eyes. From the batter to the finished product!
You email or tweet me anytime you need a friend!!
peace & luv
July 23, 2009 at 12:09 pm
O.M.G. Your poo woman! Sounds wretched (the poison oak…). How exactly did you get it THERE? Was it on your hand and your wiped? Were you running nekkidin the woods? Sitting in leaves? I have never had poison anything and curious HOW one gets such a awful case or any case at all.
Feel better soon!
July 23, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Haha. I meant poor not poo (though poo might be apropro based on the way you feel!)
July 23, 2009 at 12:21 pm
I’m in awe how you take away a lesson from everything! You had a set-back, but you learned from it. That’s big, it truly is.
And a set-back is completely normal. Change takes time. I know it’s been 7 months, but again remember, it took you years to develop the bad habits. That doesn’t mean it will take you years to develop the good ones, but it takes time. Don’t beat yourself up.
And hey, you’re human after all! We all have setbacks, but it’s what you learn from them and what you do from here on in. And I know you’ll keep moving forward. We all hit bumps in the road — keeps us on our toes 🙂
You KNOW I’m here to help & support you, and to cheer you on!!
July 23, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I am here!! Wow, what a tough couple of weeks. But that’s all they are: 2 weeks out of how many years will you be alive? We missed you; glad to have you back on Twitter!
July 23, 2009 at 12:57 pm
Oh man! That’s awful! I hope you feel better soon…and don’t beat yourself up too much for the one day slippage. It sounds like you’re already hoisting yourself back onto the wagon all by yourself!
July 23, 2009 at 2:17 pm
don’t beat yourself up! you had a tough week. it will be okay. and you learned that the fulfillment of temptation isn’t as good as in your head (like me with cigarettes–I quit looong ago and now i hold in my head the memory of the last time i snuck a cigarette andhow AWFUL it was to keep me away from them).
everything has value in it–as does the experience of the mac and cheese. though poison oak is more awful than valuable.
hang in there! just take care of yourself. you will be BACK!
July 23, 2009 at 3:17 pm
We all have those days or nights when we eat way too much of the wrong stuff or just eat too much in general. Don’t be so hard on yourself. What really counts is getting back up and starting again.
July 23, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Hey, something else we have in common! I got poison oak down there the same way while camping in high school! Ice packs between the legs for days and missed school, too. I say let’s celebrated your return to the wagon this sunday and do a 5k, what do you say?
July 23, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Oh Foodie! What a whirlwind you have been in. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry for you so I will do both. Poison Oak are you freaking kidding me?! I know you must be thinking the same thing. I have been wondering where you are and you have been dealing with life. Crazy as it all is life happens! It is amazing that you even left your house let alone went to your trainer. You my dear will be just fine. We are always here for you as you have been for us so many times. We will always help you back on the wagon and it is stopped right here waiting for you with all of our help so get up and get back on! I hope your poison oak issues clear up soon, that in and of itself is cause for chocolate so don’t feel bad about a few bad days.
July 23, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Suz: Not speaking for Foodie (bc I don’t know how she got poison oak exactly)–but the oil from poison oak can linger on a part of teh body for some time (i.e., you can brush by poison oak with your arm…and then not knowing this you will not wash your arm and transfer the oil to your face, body, etc., etc.).
Poison Oak is heinous and you can get it EVERYWHERE bc the oil can also be transferred via clothing! Eeeeeeee!
July 23, 2009 at 8:29 pm
Poison oak also travels within the body, in your lymphocytes. So if you brush it on your leg, it travels on the INSIDE and can end up on your face, back, arms, where the P.O. never TOUCHED. It can clear up in one place and then pop up in another, for weeks. It’s evil!!!!!!
Working at home from bed today because it is very uncomfortable to wear pants or sit on a chair. Yow.
July 24, 2009 at 3:18 pm
I get poison ivy (or something like that) all the time, it’s miserable. It’s ok, we ALL have days that just take over us, happens to me what seems like at least once a week.
July 24, 2009 at 4:49 pm
I’m here to offer sympathy and hand up! You’ll be back to normal in no time! We don’t have poison oak or poison ivy over here, so I have no idea what even looks like…
July 27, 2009 at 6:05 pm
I am finally catching up and just had to comment on this one: UGH!!! UGH!! I so FEEL for you. But at the same time I have to say good for you for recognizing what’s going on, mac ‘n cheese and brownies, or not. You caught yourself…that’s what it’s all about. It’s not about “never again” it’s about catching yourself sooner and sooner…