Search

foodfoodbodybody

eat, move, think, feel

Open Search
Author

Susan

writer, memoirist, foodie

Takin’ It To the Stage


Hen & Chickens Empty Stage

Originally uploaded by Simon Scott

MizFitonline requested that I blog a bit about my solo performance thing. I know that some people are like, WTF? is that? and WHY would you do such a thing!!

I don’t know. It’s maybe because I am a total ham? Or because I think solo performance is one of the most amazing art forms on earth. What is solo performance, you may wonder.

It’s basically storytelling, alone, on a stage, (actually WITHOUT a microphone, too, but I liked the feel of this photo I found) including acting stuff out. It’s not just standing there with a microphone and talking. It’s living… the story.

I first started taking this awesome solo performance workshop when I saw a friend perform her piece. I was absolutely awestruck, moved, blown away, and WOW. I had never done any acting before in my LIFE but something about this form just really got to me. I asked her “Where did you learn this stuff?” and signed up for the next available class.

That’s when I was introduced to the amazing W. Kamau Bell and the whole “SPW” community. It’s an incredible thing to work with people who are putting it out there in an honest, real, intense, explosive, poetic, artistic way. It’s really amazing. I have come to love these people very much. Many people who started off in SPW now have their own full-length shows that are wildly successful and amazing.

I took two “semesters” of SPW back in 2007 and they were cathartic and fantastic experiences. But then I got really busy with stuff and also felt like I didn’t have a whole lot more to say. IN addition, I was feeling really self conscious on stage. Because of my weight. Both times, my shows were videotaped but after taking a five-second peek, I felt like I was unable to watch either one. I was mortified. I just felt… UGH.

Just a few months ago, I started getting the Itch again. The urge to tell a story. This time I want to tell the Foodie McBody story. To read this blog from beginning to now, is so full of drama! and angst! and triumph and heartbreak and love. I love this story.

Now, the job is to squish it down into 20 minutes and bring it to life. I’m working on it. Working hard. And the show (the first show) will be (NOT on March 28th thank goodness!) on April 6th in San Francisco. Oooooooh how I would love to have some of my blogreaders out in the audience.

I am in love with this form of expression and very excited about the Foodie McBody story, so who knows, it just might expand (I hope it will) and just may one day end up in a city near YOU.

12

It’s Been A Week! Since my Last Blog Entry




typewriter

Originally uploaded by the8rgrl

… and I can feel them piling up inside me. But I have had no time! I just now finished (11pm) a 2 hour online training module in preparation for a full day WW training tomorrow. Which I am excited about, but… TIME!

So much I want to blog about. Blog posts in the works:

1. Who is Jean Nidetch and why do I think she is a rock star?
2. Reportback from my celebratory dinners last weekend
3. Preparation for celebratory dinners this COMING weekend
4. How’s that old 10K/marathon training going? Are my feet still attached?
5. Some absolutely awesome WW training I received last week, and More To Come tomorrow
6. a couple shout-outs to Bloggers Whom I Love
7. Foodie McBody, the solo performance show! YIKES!

Tell me which one(s) YOU’d most like to read about.

3

Choices Choices Choices

The thing about this healthy living, is it’s all about choices. Every minute really.  It takes a bunch of thinking, and planning, and figuring out, what is the best choice in this moment?

Every time I lead a WW meeting I ask members if they have any challenges coming up this week. It’s funny, there’s ALWAYS a challenge of some sort, isn’t there? (heh)

My challenge this week is that Mr. McBody and I are going to celebrate his birthday dinner with family at a fancy French restaurant tomorrow. I looked it up. It looks… amazing.

It’s always good to look things up first, to get prepared to make those choices. What do I want? What am I willing to pass up, and what am I not? Well, there are always a bunch of things that one can do when facing a celebratory meal at a fancy place.

  1. Get lots of activity before and after. Check. I had a killer “last chance workout” with trainer today. And I’ve worked out every day this week. I plan to work out on Sunday for SURE but maybe tomorrow as well.
  2. Check out the menu! Make choices beforehand.  I am pretty sure I want mussels. I loooooooove mussels. Happily, they are kind of a lean protein and there’s not much of it anyway. I guess the issue is the broth they’re in. And the bread. And the fries. Hmmm…. do I want bread? or fries? I think I want bread, with which to sop up the yummy mussel juice.
  3. I think I am actually OK without wine or cocktails. I will go with sparkling water/ice/lime combo.
  4. I do want at least a couple bites of dessert, so I’ll share with someone.
  5. Light breakfast/lunch beforehand.
  6. Dip into those 35 “extra” points if necessary.

See? That wasn’t so bad. I think I can emerge from this dinner unscathed. Or at least only partially scathed. And maybe I can have a COUPLE fries… I’ll report back after.

The OTHER issue which I did not mention is that we are meeting other friends for BRUNCH on SUNDAY. Agh…… if there’s anything worse than a fancy restaurant meal, it’s TWO fancy restaurant meals in a row. I’m gonna have to be super duper mindful of that one, and be SURE to work out on Sunday. The good thing about brunch, too, is that it is two meals in one. 🙂

So yeah, it’s a never ending choice-fest out there. I think one good thing about having these “major” events is that it causes me to be extra-extra mindful. I probably get in more trouble on ordinary days when I assume I am making good choices when I’m probably not.

4

My Feet Hurt

Some days you feel like Rocky. Other days, it’s hard to take a few steps. I don’t know what was going on today. I had the same exact foot gear as Monday (ankle brace + newish running shoes). I procrastinated my run workout until I didn’t have enough time to do anything except a quick session from Couch-to-5k. I think it was week 5? 6? Five minute run, two minute walk, seven minute run, two minute walk, five minute run.

It hurt. It hurt a LOT. At one point my feet were just screaming out. I got really discouraged. I do not know what was wrong. Maybe I should’ve put in my orthotics. But I didn’t have them on Monday and it felt great. I am not sure the new shoes work really well with the orthotics because I think they caused me to have pain on TOP of my feet.

At any rate, it sucked. It was a really bad run. I suppose it was better than no run at all, but after my victorious Monday run, it made me really sad. It made me want to throw away my shoes and just say forget it. Wah.

I did have my iPod on. At one of my lowest points, the song “Drive” by Incubus came on. I couldn’t help but feel they were singing, like, directly into my brain.

Sometimes, I feel the fear of,
uncertainty stinging clear.
And I can’t help but ask
myself how much I’ll let the fear
take the wheel and steer.

It’s driven me before, and it seems to a faint,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I, am beginning to find that I,
should be the one behing the wheel.

The fear of uncertainty stinging clear. Yeah, that’s it, all right! Listening to that helped keep me going a few more blocks. Then my very very very VERY favorite and best running song came on. It’s a really sad song but it motivates me and moves me like nothing else: “You Found Me” by the Fray.

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why’d you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

When I think of this, I think I’m the one who found me. Susan found Foodie, or vice versa. After a long while of waiting. Isn’t that a crazy running song? It’s no “Eye of the Tiger,” that’s for sure. But whenever I hear it, it makes me want to run. It makes me feel really emotional and glad to be alive.

8

Cue up the Rocky Music

It’s so weird. Some days I feel like I can barely drag myself around the block. Other days… well, wooh!

I think I felt extra motivated after the half marathon 5k was over, and ready to turn to a new page, which is the marathon relay coming up at the end of March. I want to be ready. I want to be a strong contributor to my team.

So yesterday I drove down to the start of my relay leg. This is new for me, to actually be able to train ON the route of a running race. It was kind of cool. I parked my car at the intersection and already I could imagine the thousands of people who will be there too. My heart started pounding. I got all gadgeted up: first I put on my Bodybugg, which has been out of commission for a while because I couldn’t find my armband. Then I set my iPhone to the couch-to-10k app, week 5, day 1. This same workout totally killed me last week. It is supposed to be 70  minutes total, and I pooped out after 30, and felt totally defeated. Back in the saddle.

At first, my feet and ankle were really bothering me and I was worried. I was wearing new running shoes, which I feel like I really need. The soles of my old ones were SHOT and I think it’s not healthy to run on them because they’re all uneven. I had on my ankle brace. Something about the lacing had been messed up at the 5k and the top of my foot was really, really sore. But whatever. I had to do it.

There’s something very Pavlovian and addictive about the “couch-to” apps. They play some loud tone and a voice says, WALK NOW or RUN NOW. And do whatever it commands. I started with a 5 minute warmup. As I was walking (fast) I noticed what a beautiful route it is. It’s a wide, flat road called the Mandela Parkway. Which I love. There were some plum blossom trees already blooming, and some awesome graffiti art. (I didn’t take pics while running, I stopped and took them when I did the mileage with my car later) It made me so happy that I chose this leg of the marathon. It feels perfect for me.

It’s a really industrial, warehousey kind of neighborhood at first; a lot of trucks and industry. And you know what was amazing, I got like half a dozen thumbs-up and people waving at me. They seemed so happy to see me out there running. Did they know I was doing a marathon training, and that the marathon is going to be coming through this neighborhood? I don’t know. At any rate I was feeling very Rockyesque.

After about 15 minutes my feet stopped hurting. Everything just loosened up, got warm and lubed up and felt great. I got into a real groove. The intervals felt great: 2:30 run, then 2:30 walk, back and forth, 20 times. Every time I started feeling a little tired, cardio wise, the voice would say WALK NOW and I was so happy. Then every time my bones started hurting, it would say RUN NOW and I’d be happy all over again. It actually felt a lot better to run than to walk; it took pressure off my feet and just felt… relaxing. (I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST WROTE THAT)

As I ran, I kept imagining doing this with hundreds/thousands of other people, and several times I got teared up. After a while I realized that I was in a completely different part of town. I could not believe I’d run that far. When the Voice told me I was “halfway” I pulled a U-turn and started heading back to my car. I couldn’t believe how far I’d gone.

My return trip took two minutes less than the trip out. Which was great. I got to my car and I felt like a million bucks. Then I got in and drove the route again to see my distance (which C210K doesn’t measure, and I didn’t want to run C210K AND Runkeeper simultaneously). My halfway point was at 2.9 miles. Which means… I ran 5.8 miles of intervals! In 70 68 minutes!!!!

I was a damn happy puppy after that. And it made me feel like, it IS going to be possible, I AM going to do this, and it’s gonna be great.

Here’s some pics along the way. Look at this cool metal person sculpture. It’s enormous, and there are two other half-people on the other side of the road. Everything just made me so happy. It was one of those great, great, great runs. I feel so lucky.

4

Look at the Fun We Have

My dad used to have a favorite saying regarding his work, which was: “We don’t make any money, but look at the fun we have.” Which was not completely true (the money part). He worked really hard as a traveling salesman. But he did have fun, and he did love his work, and he worked every day until the day he died, from his hospital bed, at the age of 81. It did make me so happy that he said that though, and I knew the fun part was true. I remember being so stunned when I read “Death of a Salesman” because I couldn’t imagine a salesman that wasn’t happy. It took me a while to figure out that this was all about my dad’s way of looking at life.

Anyway, I felt that way today in the 5k race that I did with my friend on her birthday. My phrase of the day would be: “We didn’t break any records, but look at the fun we had.”

I picked her up in the wee dark hours and she was wearing this lovely princess hat, and also had a collection of big red helium balloons, the better to be found in a crowd. She had a bunch of relatives who were joining her and cheering her on.

We drove into San Francisco and as the sky began to lighten up it was just the most beautiful day ever. Yesterday it POURED and tomorrow it is supposed to rain again, so it was like this magical window of loveliness that we were treated to for the race.

There were allegedly over 10,000 people there. I believe that. It was really exciting. People all lined up for the half-marathon and the 5k. I didn’t feel a second of regret over changing my goal to the 5k, although I did make a vow to complete a half-marathon at SOME point this year. I’m kind of eyeing one in October, which is probably a reasonable goal.

I felt so relaxed. People were saying “Happy Birthday!” to my friend and she was just so giddy and happy. We inched up to the starting line and then crossed it and… started walking fast. Then I got into a conversation with one of her family members and I got sorta distracted and before I knew it the race monitors were saying “less than a mile!” and I thought, oops, maybe I better get some running in! So I took off running and finished it up. It was … err.. the longest time I think I’ve ever taken for a 5k. But I didn’t care. It was fun.

Something was sorta off with my ankle brace and my newish running shoes. I’m gonna have to get that fixed before the marathon relay at the end of March. Now I feel like I can really FOCUS on getting trained for that one. It was kinda hard trying to prepare for these two very different events.

Yesterday we had an Open House event at WW, and we had a guest running coach from a local running club. I got to spend some time talking to her. She did say that if I’m training for an event that is longer than what I’m used to/comfortable with, I need to be RUNNING a minimum of 3-4x a week, even if they are short runs (she recommended 3 short, 1 long per week). I think she is probably right. Although I feel generally fit, I am not feeling like a super runner at this moment. So I’m gonna step that up, no pun intended, so that I am all ready for the marathon relay.

I got very excited because the Oakland Marathon had a booth, and they displayed the hefty medals for the relay teams. It was pretty thrilling. One of these big blue babies is going to be OURS! Woot!

3

Ignorance is Not Necessarily Bliss

First of all, I want to thank EVERYone for the wonderful words of support in my time of distress earlier this week. I can’t tell you how supported I felt, and how very moved. Thank you. Newsflash from the offspring is that the fever has broken, and doctor has cleared her to return to classes. Which is a great relief. Yay!

I went to my awesome trainer this morning and was flooded with beautiful lifesaving endorphins. It felt so so good. I’m back, people!!!

I wanted to write a bit about food logs, tracking etc. I heard someone say this week that they do not keep food diaries because it would make them too “obsessive.” I hear that. I think that some people could get carried away. I am not one of those kind of people. I am the kind of person who is more likely to say, “Oh, it’s fine! It’s not that much! It’s healthy!” and think I am doing JUST FINE and then be all baffled because I am not losing weight. Or gaining, in fact. My natural state is to be the Queen of Denial.

A few eye opening things this week. One, I was teaching late. There happens to be a California Pizza Kitchen right next to the building where I teach. I got out of class around 9:45 and was hungry. I just wanted something “small.” I was wavering between a salad and a cup of soup. Well, guess what? This incredible CPK has their nutritional info in a little bound book, right next to their wine list! Which is kinda of shocking because really, if people KNEW, would they eat anything at all?!? Well, I took a browse though that and my eyes just about popped out of my head.

MOST of the salads were well over 1,000 calories. Each. Now I know, or I’ve heard, that these restaurant salads are often 10x worse than many entrees, but still: I was like, WHOA. Are you serious?? Grilled Vegetable Salad with Grilled Chicken Breast: 1044 calories. (doesn’t that sound HEALTHY?!?) BBQ Chicken Chopped Salad: 1257 calories. Cobb Salad: 1070 calories. Caesar Salad with chicken breast: 787. “Thai Crunch Salad” : 1155. (beware the crunch!)  Miso Salad: 1146.

I got a cup of “creamless” asparagus soup: 106 calories. Very very good!! And it was excellent. And very filling. I threw on a bunch of buttered croutons (what the hey!) for another couple hundred cals, probably. Living it up! It was the perfect late-night dinnersnack.

And to think I’d been believing that a salad or a soup would be sorta equivalent. Um. Not. I think that soup is almost always the better option. The largest-serving (bowl) of the highest calorie soup (Chicken Tortilla soup) is only 541 calories, which is miles less than any salad on the menu. And the pizza.

The thing is, most of the pizzas are between 1200-1500 calories. But I often don’t eat a whole pizza at CPK. I might eat a slice or two, which would be 300-400 cals. Which is not bad. In the past, though, I might choose the Caesar Chicken SANDWICH because in some universe, a “sandwich” is better than “pizza.” But that SANDWICH is 1051 calories! And you can bet I’d eat the whole thing.

Just sayin’. It is a good thing to be aware of what one is eating. Not to be obsessive, but to be aware.

In my WW meetings we have a little tradition called the Group Tracker. It is a 3-month food journal that is being passed around the meeting. Members volunteer to take it for a week, track their food and then report back and pass it to someone else. We’ve been doing it for a month now at two different meetings. Which is 8 people. And guess what? Every single person has lost between 2.5-3.5 lbs WITHOUT FAIL the week they have the tracker. Is that amazing? We call it the Magic Tracker. But that is what being Aware, and accountable, can do.

I’ll be honest. I do not write down every single morsel, every single day. But I do try my best to be honest (with myself) and aware of what I am putting in my mouth. And when I bother to really check it out, and get a reality check, I am often very, very surprised.

12

The Land of “I Don’t Care!”

I kind of shocked myself this week. I got into a place where I haven’t been in a very, very, very long time. It was the land of “I Don’t Care!” (… “I just want to EAT!”)

Why did it shock me so much? Because I feel so… equipped, you know?  Last week I caught a glimpse of a number on the scale, the likes of which I had not seen in Years. I felt so on top of things.

But then, late in the week, I got a call from my Offspring-in-Distress, and it unhinged me more than I can say. I flew to her side. The plan was that I was going to hang with her,  keep her company, and that we would both go to her gym together. But she was sick. She could not work out. We ate several restaurant meals. And so the days slipped by and I didn’t want to leave her, so I did not work out either, until the very last day and I took that freezing cold run. Then I had to leave to come home. By this time I was in a HIGH state of distress. She was still sick.

When I landed for my connecting flight, I received a text message that the health center had diagnosed her with mono.

By this time I was really distraught. All my nattering on to my WW meeting last week about “what to do other than eat when you are feeling emotional” went RIGHT OUT the window. I wanted pizza dammit! Now I KNEW (intellectually) that pizza was 1. Not REALLY going to make me feel better, and 2. Certainly not make my KID feel better, but… I DID. NOT CARE.

There was something in me larger than that knowledge. It was a roaring flaming pit of hell sort of furnace that was just … FEED ME. Here’s the funny thing. I tried to get a pizza. But the pizza people said it would take 7 minutes to prepare (this was the fancy shmancy California Pizza Kitchen,  not Pizza Hut!). I did not HAVE 7 minutes because my flight was boarding. So I got a cup of vegetable soup instead. Hahahahaha! I felt like somehow, the Universe was looking out for me.

When I arrived, I discovered that my suitcase did not arrive with me. That was thing one. Then the parking lot shuttle bus took over half an hour to arrive. Thing two. I was exhausted. Then when I finally GOT to my car, it was… dead. I lost it. Thankfully, the parking lot people had seen this before. I did not need to call AAA. They helped me locate the Extremely Hidden Battery (in the trunk) of my hybrid, and eventually got me on my way (another 40 minutes). By this time I was a zombie.

Next day. (yesterday) I did not hear from daughter for most of the day, in spite of my incessant motherly texting and calling. Hopefully she was sleeping. THEN, all hell broke loose. I ate things I haven’t eaten in a long time.

And it wasn’t so much what I ate. It wasn’t the fact that I gained all sorts of poundage since last week. It was the absolute Lack of Caring. Which shocked me. Last night I would say was a big huge low point.

Today, I’m back. I’m heading to see my trainer (thank god thank god thank god!).

I am concluding, with great humbleness, that the combination of Big Stress + Not Enough Exercise, is what put me over the edge into this place that I truly felt I had left behind forever. Wow, it shocked me.

Thankfully, it only lasted a few days. The damage is not huge. I finally heard from my kid and I believe that things are going to be OK, even though they are hard.

But wow. Just… wow.

11

Re-Adjusting Goals

I’ve pretty much decided that in next week’s 5k/Half Marathon event, I’m going to do the 5k instead of the half-M. A few days ago I was really struggling with this decision. It felt like a downgrade, a defeat, yeah… a failure. But now I’m feeling like it is just the healthy and realistic thing to do. So what, I was able to do 9 miles last week. This week I had a real decrease in my training, due to a spontaneous visit to the Frozen Tundra to visit my girl who was in need of some mama-time.

Also, I had originally signed up for the event to celebrate the birthday of a friend. SHE has decided to do the 5k. I feel like, what’s the point of doing it WITH her if I’m not going to be WITH her at all. I’d rather be with her for a 5k than separated by hours if I do the half.

ALSO, I missed one session of my solo performance class yesterday, due to aforementioned traveling, and if I do the half marathon, it means I’d have to meet next week’s class too. That’s too much.

Do I sound defensive? Or like I’m making excuses?

A few days ago, I did not feel so great about this decision. I feel like it’s fine to adjust one’s goals UPward (ie to do MORE than you planned) but there is something discouraging about adjusting them “downward.” But that’s nonsense. I feel so relieved and glad and feel like this is the right thing to do.

Sure, it would have been a happy moment to say “I finished a half-marathon!” but I can do that another time. If I want to. And I may or not get the urge to do this at some other point.

For me, it was more important to be with my daughter this weekend. It’s going to be more important to hang with my friend, and go to my class, next weekend. I’m glad I’ve come to peace with this and that I’m not beating myself up over it.

Now I feel like I can really focus on my training for the Team Penguin relay for the Oakland Marathon on the 28th. Right now, I feel like I’d like to be able to run my whole leg of the relay (7.5 miles, or 10K). Last week, my 10K training day felt pretty icky. My feet ankle hurt and I was pretty discouraged. However, today I ran (not so far, about 1.2 miles) in 18 degree weather, in UGGS (LOL! I forgot to put on my running shoes and didn’t realize it till I was 10 minutes out) and even though it was a short distance in freeeeeeeeeeeeezing cold, it actually felt great. So who knows. I’m gonna do my best. We’ll see how it goes.

No such thing as failure, right, friends??

14

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑