Team in Training

Flat Tire, Flat Brained

flat tire, a photo by ShmuliPhoto on Flickr.

Yesterday was one of those days when I was just completely overloaded: emotionally, physically, and every way. It was just TOO MUCH.

It started with a 6am wakeup and then being unable to find my bike shorts OR my swim cap and goggles, which I either left at the pool on Friday OR were taken at the pool. At any rate, they were missing. So I started out in a state of total discombobulation.

I carpooled to the swim/bike site with Lily. When we got there it was freeeeeeeeeeezing. I mean freezing. But thank goodness the water was warm and we got going on our pool workout.

I’d say the swim workout was the best part of the day. It wasn’t easy – I was often out of breath and tired – BUT I felt like I was improving and each small tip they gave us, like tucking our chins down, made a difference in my stroke quality. So that was awesome. The other good thing is that I got moved into the 2nd lane again, so I can feel confident that I am not in the beginner-beginner lane anymore. That made me feel encouraged. So it was a really good workout – probably 75 minutes or so – and I felt good about it.

Then we had to change clothes and get ready for the bike part. It started with a safety clinic and then a lesson in how to change a flat tire. I was noticing during that time that I was almost on the verge of tears and maybe some sort of panic attack (which is not typical for me). Just the thought of all the hazards they were describing were making me so anxious I could barely think. Then we had to take our tire off our bike, open it up and remove the tubing, blow it up with our mouth (!) then replace it and put it back on the bike. This entire process was just so fraught with anxiety for me. I didn’t know the name of anything or have any idea how any of it fit together or worked. I felt like I had been asked to remove the back of my computer and take apart the circuit board. I was a total deer in the headlights. Some of the coaches took mercy on me and kindly helped me out, like every 2 minutes, since I CLEARLY had no clue what I was doing, and I managed to do the whole thing. But it was still so anxiety filled for me. After that, the beginning level riders took off for a short ride but I had to leave to go to San Francisco for the SF Theater Festival where I was performing.

The whole notion of combining a workout day with a performance day was probably very, very bad. When I have a whole team workout, I pretty much collapse and go to bed after. And when I perform, I pretty much need several hours to calm and focus beforehand. So it was sort of a losing setup. I didn’t have time to shower as I had wanted, so I just changed and got in the car with crazy swimcap hair. Which was already a drain on my confidence. Then there was horrible bridge traffic in which I sat motionless for too long, and then my stupid GPS directed me to drive through SF CHINATOWN (ACKKKKKKK the worst place to drive EVER) and I got there with like a minute to spare.

The performance itself was… not my best. First, the amazing Zahra went before me. People kept streaming in through her whole show and we kept adding rows and rows and rows of more chairs. She probably had 100 people in there. Then, she finished, and like… 80 people left. That was… gulp. OK. Kind of demoralizing. So I already had bad hair, and no clue how to end my show, and a measly audience. I got through about 75% of it in strong form (I think) and then I pretty much tanked. It wasn’t the best. I had last tweaked the show for Fitbloggin and I knew I had to do something different, and I just didn’t have it together.

After my show I had to put in 3 hours of volunteer time ushering for the Festival, which was an unpleasant and resentful and exhausted way to spend the late afternoon. I was in a very bad mood.

Finally I came home and keeled over.

Today is a new day. I learned a lot yesterday. I learned that I HAVE to limit my activities or I’m just going to burn out. If I had yesterday to do over, I would have probably:

Chosen one thing or another: the workout OR the performance.
Chosen to perform my other piece which is polished and has a solid ending.

I have to really think about this bicycling thing. The level of fear I felt yesterday (without even going on the ride!!!!!) was overwhelming. I realize that this car/traffic thing for me is NO JOKE. I can’t bear the idea of cycling through a narrow space. (ie between cars) I just can’t.

The triathlon itself is going to be on a closed road with no cars. So I am wondering if I can do my training in areas with no traffic. Because I am damn sure I have NO goals of ever, ever, EVER riding in streets with traffic (for the long run). My goal is to finish the damn triathlon. I just need the skill and endurance to get through the 12 or 24 miles (Sprint or Olympic) in November. That is my ultimate goal. If I am going to train on traffic roads, I am going to need hypnosis or anti-anxiety meds or SOMEthing to get through it. I am really struggling with how I am going to manage this but I’ll be damned if I give up the entire triathlon just because of this fear.

August 8, 2011 8

They Rode 100 Miles, I Cut Up 100 Watermelons…

Today, my TNT buddy Lily and I went out to the Marin Century (100 mile) bike race to help staff the Team in Training hosted food table. It was really amazing. They had warned us that bike races are NOTHING like running races (where you run past for a cup of water or Gaterade and maybe a package of Gu) and they were right! One of the cyclists called it the Four Seasons of rest stops – we had three giant tables loaded with every kind of fruit imaginable (oranges, bananas, grapes, figs, dates, watermelon, peaches, nectarines, cherries), sweet treats (M & Ms, cookies, Nutella), salty treats (boiled potatoes with salt shakers- they were a huge hit! as were potatoes slathered in Nutella), peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, hotdogs, Ramen noodles and tons more. It was insane!

photo-13 — Lily & Heather making the PBJ

The cyclists were on their 75th or so mile when they got to us. (Whaaat????????) It was interesting that they rolled in, came up to the table looking not very tired or in pain, and chatted and sat around for like half an hour before getting up and going again. That was pretty interesting. Of course one guy rode past on his bike and grabbed a potato to go, but most people seemed to take a very leisurely rest. It was kind of fascinating.

This race also seemed to be 75-80% men, especially the first half that came in. At first I actually thought it was a men’s race. An OLDER men’s race. There were some women, but they were definitely in the minority. Especially younger women. Which was also really interesting. Some of the riders were going to do a DOUBLE, ie 200 miles! YOW!

Anyway, I sliced watermelon and cut up PB and J and opened endless packs of cookies and got to chat with other TNT folks who were doing other events, mostly the Nike Marathon. One triathlete is doing the Alcatraz Tri in a couple weeks (yikes).

It was fun to get out there and see what other people are doing. And we got some nice fundraising credit from TNT for being there (niiiice).

After our four hour shift we did our run workout for the day, which was a 30 minute easy run. It was not very easy for me. I had gone to my trainer yesterday and we did a core/strength workout that involved a TON of squats and lunges. My hamstrings were freaking killing me and felt like they were made of thick, tight rubber bands. I could barely run, for real.

Tomorrow is a whole team swim workout followed by our first bike clinic and team bike ride. I am nervous and excited. THEN I am going to buzz over to San Francisco to perform “FoodFoodBodyBody” in the San Francisco Theater Festival. I sure am going to sleep well tomorrow night….!

August 7, 2011 1

Midweek, Week 2: Of Beasts and Blood

Two more workouts down! After that emotional meltdown on Tuesday, things have been going more smoothly, at least psychologically.

Yesterday was a run workout. I did it OYO (on your own) because of my WW meeting in the evening. Our coach had sent out a rather cryptic workout schedule with codes and numbers I didn’t fully understand. What he wrote was:

WARM UP: 10’ Easy jog with 4-5 x 10”-15” strides

MAIN SET

T = Threshold pace = RPE 6-8. This is moderate to hard pace where conversation is possible but labored. Walk or jog very easy during the recovery interval.

R = Repetition pace = RPE 9-10. This is a near max effort. Focus on maintaining running form throughout the set. No recovery interval is given. Take as much rest as needed in order to perform the next repeat at the same high intensity.

Developing   (400T, RI 200 + 200R) repeat 4x or (4’T, RI 2′ + 2’R) 4x

Fitness           (400T, RI 200 + 200R) repeat 6x or (4’T, RI 2′ + 2’R) 6x

Competitive   (400T, RI 200 + 200R) repeat 8x or (4’T, RI 2′ + 2’R) 8x

COOL DOWN: 5’-10’ Easy jog or walk

I’m not sure how YOU would interpret this, but what I did was: (at “developing level”) – warmup, then four minutes of Threshold Level, 2 minutes of Repetition Pace “near max effort,” 2 minutes of recovery (ie staggering/walking/trying not to throw up). Then repeated that 4x. Then cooldown.

I am getting a little more of an idea of how to figure out these RPE (Rate of Perceived Efforts). A “near max effort” is one thing to do for 20 seconds (a true sprint) and another thing to do for two entire minutes. I have to really pace myself. And it just feels sick. But I configured my Runkeeper to chime at all the intervals, and I did it. At the end I was REALLY wiped but felt quite proud of myself. And super sweaty.

Later I found out that I had interpreted the thing wrong. When coach Haakon interpreted his symbols into ENGLISH, he said it was:

4 minutes at Threshold pace (RPE 6-8), rest for 2 minutes
2 minutes at Repetition pace (RPE 9-10), rest as long as you need to in order to do next set at the same intensity and focus.

So I had left out the resting in between Threshold and Rep, and NEVER did the “rest as long as you need.” He said that he liked my workout and that should be called The Beast. 🙂 and that as long as I was not injured, it was “money in the bank.” You can see how this guy thinks.

Yesterday I coincidentally got a handwritten letter from Junior in the mail. I cannot even REMEMBER the last time I got a handwritten letter from ANYONE and so I treasured every word like it was a gold nugget. But my very favorite part was the end of the letter.

That pretty much made my day. There’s no way she (or anyone else) would have said this about me three years ago. It made me feel very awesome.

Today was bike/run day. I got to reunite with my workout buddy Lily, whom I had not seen in what felt like eons! We met up on the same mild hill trail that I did on Saturday.

Here we are before we set off.

We took off. The trail was very beautiful and cool and woodsy and not nearly as crowded as it had been on the weekend.

Lily's butt: woosh, she just whizzed past! So speedy!

We went down the hill, then up the hill (puff puff) and it was very pleasing to have a nice easy hill on which to practice our gear switching. We were pretty psyched. THEN on the way up for the 2nd time, all of a sudden I felt this JERK! and my bike just STOPPED and I was flung to the ground. OUCH. My shoelace had gotten all wrapped up in the gear and well… ack.

This was a very unhappy moment for me. I was on the ground and it took forever to untangle my shoelace and nurse my wounds (both legs) and regain my confidence. Lily was very nice and walked with me for a little bit. Of course it brought back all sorts of PTSD re my bike accident, and I started muttering internally about how much I HATE BICYCLES because they are dangerous nasty beasts that can hurt you and get you killed.

So eventually I calmed down and we resumed going up the hill and it went fine. I know it was my FAULT for wearing running shoes with long laces. Mr. McBody had warned me about this (wagging finger and all) on Saturday and I was also dreading the “I told you so” speech when I got home. Bleah. But I got over it and we finished the ride, which all in all had been a success.

Then we RAN! It wasn’t a long run, but we ran down the hill and then up the hill. When we were done we felt like we’d definitely accomplished something. This was our first OYO multi-sport workout. Coach says we need to get used to doing a couple things at once. Okay.

Tomorrow is swim day. I am actually looking forward to it.

August 4, 2011 5

The Workout That Almost Wasn’t

Today was one of those Not Easy days. I did not bounce out of bed all excited to get into my new triathlon week. First, I had a super tough day at work. It was psychologically tough. Sometimes I work with people who are in a lot of pain and who have huge physical limitations. Today was one of those days. I just felt such incredible sadness, and the folks I worked with were in despair and I felt like I could not do a thing to help them. As the day went on I felt myself getting more and more tired and weighed down. I went to Starbucks after lunch for iced coffee and a cookie (note: did not help in the LEAST). By the end of the work day I just felt glued to my chair, dragging with no energy and dreading my swim workout.

A little part of me contemplated not going. But I knew that this would just be a horrible slippery slope and if I didn’t go once, then it would just set a precedent for not going again and again.

I was bummed because my buddy Lily couldn’t join me today. I haven’t seen her since last Friday and I miiiiisssssss her. Funny how quickly we establish routines and traditions. I got used to working out with her last week! It feels like an eternity!

I came home after work to print out the workout and get my swim gear. Of course I COULD have done that before leaving in the morning, but I hadn’t done that. I knew it was going to be dangerous to come in the house and sit on a chair. I did not allow myself to lie on the bed (which I really wanted to do). I dragged myself over to the gym after 7.

As I was driving, I got a little flash thinking about my work clients. And it struck me that I was feeling kind of guilty. That here I could work out and do all these things with my body that they just can’t do. It struck me how unfair that was. And I realized that that exhaustion hit me in the afternoon, I think partly because I was overwhelmed with the fact that I get to go and train for a triathlon and they can barely walk down the hall. I felt like I was showing off. And that I didn’t have the right to go work out when people are suffering in their bodies. (this is something along the lines of not finishing one’s plate when there are children starving in X…….. country)

Then I remembered something that our coaches say to us at almost every workout. That when we are tired, or not sure we can start or finish a workout, we should think about our honorees who have, or did have cancer, and that what we go through in our workouts is a mere tiny infinitesemal fraction of what they go through. And that we have to keep going.

My triathlon training is unfortunately not going to help every single person who is suffering in every way in the world. But it can help some people who are dealing with blood cancers. I thought about Izzy and about Susan, another one of my honorees (just diagnosed a few weeks ago) who has already inspired me so much – post about her coming in the next week, and about Scott Simmons and Ruthann Cons and Robert Allen, my “in memory of” honorees. Then I realized that I just passed 25% (!!!!!!!!!!!!) of my fundraising goal (awesome, but that means I have 75% to go! hint hint!) , and that gave me some good energy.

So I went to the pool feeling tired, pretty grim, but determined to do it anyway.

I got in the water and right away I felt calmer. We were supposed to do a total of 700 yards of drills and freestyle. I did it and it was not a struggle. It actually felt really good. When I was done I added an extra 50 yards just because I felt like it. It made me excited to feel the progress I have been making with my swimming.

I was feeling so happy when I got out of the water.

After I took a shower I put on the shirt I’d tossed randomly into my bag. It was my shirt that I got at the Fight for Air StairClimb. In case you can’t read backwards, it says “I climb because I can.” And I guess I swim because I can.

When I was driving home there was an incredibly beautiful fingernail moon hanging over the city.

Peace.

August 3, 2011 12

Meet Izzy: One Big (Little) Reason I’m Doing This

One of the reasons we train with Team in Training is also to support the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. When I did my TNT marathon back in 2000, we met our honoree once I think. But I didn’t really feel a personal connection. This time it feels really different. Our team honoree is Izzy, the most adorable 3 year old EVER. Her parents are both training on our team as well. Her dad is one of the team captains and is leading many of the workouts. Her mom is also training for the triathlon. I met Izzy at our team kick-off last week and she just melted my heart.

Here’s a little bit about her (supplied by her mom).

June 29th marked Izzy’s one year cancer remission birthday. She is currently in her maintenance phase of treatment which consists of oral chemo everyday, steroid 5days out of the month, a dose of vincrisintin (chemo) once a month through her broviac (a central line port), and inter-thecal chemo every three months. Thankfully she is halfway through her treatment and has a little over a year left. She just started ballet and tap class, loves anything Disney princess, and her favorite place is the zoo.

izzy1 — At One Year Remission Anniversary!

So this is one of the reasons that I am going to continue hounding y’all who have not yet donated to my fundraising efforts. If you are reading this and have not yet donated, please do. Give a little or a lot, whatever you are able. If you are local, I invite you to the fabulous Cocktail and Cupcake party I’m throwing next week. (I’m bartending) If you can’t make it, no problem – just visit my fundraising page! Easy peasy!

Click here.

I have several other honorees that I’m training for (and in memory of) and I’ll be telling you more about them as the season progresses. If YOU have someone in your life who has (or did have) any form of blood cancer, and you’d like me to add their to my hat, please let me know. I’d be honored to honor them.

July 31, 2011 3

Triathlon Training: The First Week

Today is officially the start of my 2nd week of triathlon training. I did my second “big” team training this morning, and after a nice nap, I’m ready to do some recapping.

Part of me can’t believe I’m actually doing this.

Part of me thinks it’s not so bad.

Today we did an hour long swim including drills and freestyle laps (some/most of the drills are harder than “just” swimming!) up in Novato, which is about an hour away. Which means I got up at 6am, met my carpool buddies at 7 and then drove up to the workout. I was actually feeling encouraged that I think my swimming form and stamina have both improved over the week. I can really feel a difference from just a week ago! So yay on that.

Then we did a bunch of dynamic warmups before running. The running part was a big loop on a wooded trail. It was awesome to be outside in the woods and hills instead of on a track. They said the trail loop was a little less than 2 miles long. They said that people doing the Sprint distance or people in the “developing” level of the Olympic distance should do one loop. It included one semi-mild hill and then one crazy, steep insane hill. Which they recommended walking. Hahahaha. (as if!) So I finished the first loop and was like, yeah! DONE! But the coaches at the water station were like, “Are you doing it again?” And I sort of did a double take. They pointed to my hat (Oakland Running Festival) and my T-shirt (Las Vegas Marathon) and said if I was going to wear stuff like that, I better be going twice. Gulp. So I took off for the second lap.

Not totally surprisingly, the 2nd lap felt MUCH better than the first one did. I really do need a significant warmup! and the first loop was much more of a struggle than the second one. After the second loop, we had been at it for three hours. Then they took us over to a field to do a bunch of core work.

Then I was tired.

I didn’t recap my first “official” bike workout yesterday. I was supposed to do an OYO (on your own) 30 minute ride. Mr. McBody took me to a little trail that goes down to our neighborhood town/village. It’s kind of a mild downhill. I was happy because I thought it would be a perfect way to practice hills, in a protected way.

It was a good challenge and it was not easy. At all. The trail was filled with walkers and dogs and little kids on trikes and strollers and just all kinds of obstacles. Each one put a little splinter of terror into my heart. I had to practice my slowing down and shifting gears and such. Which I did not enjoy. At the bottom of the hill there was a hairpin turn that went downhill and I just couldn’t do it. It terrified me.

I don’t like the machinery of the bike. There’s too much stuff. It’s dangerous feeling. Once when I was getting on (or off) the gears “bit” me in th leg. Which hurt.

It just makes me feel so unskilled and also at the mercy of this piece of equipment. I can see now that this part of the tri is going to be my most challenging. I hope that as we do more team bike workouts, I will get more tips and feel more comfortable.

July 31, 2011 9

What?!? An Easy Workout?!?!?

I did a real double take when I saw our run workout for today. Five minute walk warmup followed by 10 intervals of … WHAT?!? Easy run of one minute (?!?!?) intervaled with one minute walks? ! WHAT?!?? Lily and I had to read it over a couple of times, pinch ourselves, and then read it again before we could really believe it.

Wow!

So I guess after four days of really hard stuff, this must be our “active rest” or whatever. It basically was the same drill as the first week of Couch to 5k. AWESOME!

It felt so good. It really did. I mean I felt like I was certainly doing SOMEthing, but it was easy. It felt wonderful. It was a gift from the coaching gods!!

We’re beginning to get an idea of what these weeks are like. Some days are hard. Some days are easy. We’re getting a bunch of different things all together. Ahhhhhhhhh.

Maybe I can do this after all.

Big grin.

July 29, 2011 2

Swimming: It’s Getting Better

Mom’s morning lap swim, a photo by AmyMags on Flickr.

Just a quick reportback to say that my swim workout was just a tad more encouraging tonight. I did 22 laps of freestyle without stopping and without changing stroke (to sidestroke or breaststroke) and without drowning. And without feeling like dying. It was fine! It was good!

Let’s see how the track workout goes tomorrow morning. Lily is coming with me this time. Yay Lily.

It makes alllllllllllllllllll the difference in the world to have a workout buddy.

July 28, 2011 3

And I Thought I Could Run…

Running Track, a photo by www.mattdevino.com on Flickr.

Today was my first solo (and REALLY solo) track run. The team was meeting up for a coached run tonight, but I couldn’t make it because of my WW meeting. So I asked the coach to email me the workout.

It started out all messed up. First, I drove to a nearby field with a sort of rough track around it. I was only a few yards into it when I realized it was super muddy, wet and almost swampy in parts. It was not going to work.

So then I drove to a not-as-nearby high school because I knew they had a track. It’s a huge campus and as it turned out I was like half a mile away from the track place. Finally I found it. It was huuuuge and fancy and was one of those bouncy rubber tracks.

But just being at a track brought back some minor PTSD from my high school track team days. Yeah, I was on the track team! Originally I was a sprinter but there were too many sprinters so I was placed on the 880 (half mile) team. UGH. That is the worse race ever. It’s so hard because it’s too short to be long distance (like the mile) but too long to be sprinting. You just have to be going at full speed for two whole laps. it was really hard for me and I ended up dropping out of several races and puking on the side and just not having a happy time at ALL (and losing the races to boot).

The workout involved doing intervals based on RPE (Rate of Perceived Exertion). We were supposed to do 2-minute intervals at level 6-8 which was described as “threshold pace. This is moderate to hard pace where conversation is possible but labored.”

This RPE is a very tricky thing for me. It reminded me of when I tried to do it on the treadmill. I think in face I was going more like level 9 where conversation was NOT possible. It was also hard for me to maintain for an entire two minutes. And then I got so wiped out I had to walk instead of jog for the recovery intervals. All in all, I think I don’t really know or understand my running self well enough to get these intervals right. It’s a work in progress.

So as a result, I was either going too fast (and feeling freaked out by exertion) or having to walk to recover. It was not the combo we were supposed to be doing. So it felt kind of messed up to me. I wish I’d been able to do this with a coach but I’ll have to ask more about it on the weekend.

It left me feeling kind of unhappy because here I’d been feeling like running was the one tri discipline I had already accomplished, and I was feeling comfortable with it, and now all of a sudden it wasn’t comfortable or easy or familiar. It also dawned on me that in my regular running life, where I run 3-5 miles, I don’t end up feeling really in the groove until I’m well past the first mile or sometimes two. With these faster, interval workouts, I NEVER get to feeling any groove or like I’m physically comfortable. It’s a struggle, and then it’s over. Yuck.

The only good thing about these workouts is that if they feel like a struggle, well there’s always a chance to do it over again real soon. Haha.

July 28, 2011 7

foodfoodbodybody

eat, move, think, feel

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