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Never Say Never

I went to the gym early again today. It is getting easier! For real! (I’m shocked) It feels a little bit like traveling to another time zone: at first it totally sucks. I can barely even deal with Daylight Savings. But eventually, you get used to it, your body adjusts and it’s all okay.

The first day I got up at 5:30 and went to the gym, I felt so bleary and just pretty nonfunctional. Yeah, I got a few nice endorphins but they could not combat the total brain-fuzz that happened. And by dinnertime I was passing out.

But the next day was easier. And the next one. And by today I even woke up BEFORE my alarm and it was all good. I got to the gym and headed straight for my favorite machine, the AMT (Adaptive Motion Trainer).  I know, it looks sorta like an elliptical, but it’s SO NOT. It’s just way beyond it. You glide on those pedals and sometimes they’re stairs, going up and down, and sometimes they’re looong striders. It’s all sort of intuitive and well it’s an INCREDIBLE workout – I was absolutely drenched in rivers of sweat – but I never got sore. It’s like zero impact. I traveled over 6 miles in an hour on this thing, and you know if I’d have done the same thing running I’d be one hurting puppy. When the hour was up, I climbed off very reluctantly. I could’ve stayed on it all day. One day I’d like to do a little marathon for myself and see just how long I can go at one stretch. I know I hadn’t reached my limit.  I started thinking, oh how nice it would be to have one of these at home! But with a price tag of $8,000, I think I’m gonna keep renting it by the hour at the gym.

This week has taught me truly never say Never. It it kind of shocking to me, various things I’m doing now that I have said I’d never ever do:

  • I said I’d never get up in the dark to go exercise.
  • I said I’d (probably) never work in my old health profession again. (I’m back at it this week)
  • I said I’d never do a triathlon because I can’t bike or swim.
  • I believed, for decades, I’d never reach my goal weight.
  • I NEVER believed I’d ever be hired by Weight Watchers.
  • Of course, I never believed I’d get diabetes either.

So just shows how much I know. I know now to never say never.

7

From Blog to Stage

This Tuesday night was truly an amazing experience for me. It was the night that this blog, I don’t know, turned 3-D. I showed a theaterful of people what FoodFoodBodyBody was all about. And I have to say, I loved every minute of it.

I had already done a mini-version of the show for my friends in Costa Rica. They enjoyed it a lot and gave me some extremely helpful last-minute feedback, so I could do some little tweaking before the Big Night.

I wasn’t very nervous. I was just happy, and excited. I got a little bit of butterflies in my stomach while I was on the train going to San Francisco, but then I took a look at my notes and it calmed me. When I got to the theater I discovered that I would be going last. Which was both exciting and nervewracking. The great thing about going first, of course, is that you get to relax and then enjoy everyone else’s piece. But I was okay. I just felt good about all of it. My classmates went and I was just so excited for them, and thrilled to see THEIR amazing work.

Finally it was my turn. I don’t know. It just… happened. I know this story so well. It just went, and I could feel everyone so WITH me. At one point, I came to a scene where I was about to get on the scale. It’s a big moment. I cross my fingers, and I say, “Cross your fingers!” (unplanned) And I looked up and saw this sea of arms up, fingers crossed!!! It was just… wow. And it made me feel EXACTLY like I do when I post something here, or on Twitter, and ask for support, and everyone comes forth. It was just so great. The show was videotaped so I am hoping to have a little trailer to put up on YouTube at some point.

After the show was over, I got to talk to my awesome friends who had come out, and that made me really happy. But THEN a bunch of people who I DIDN’T KNOW started coming up to me and saying really nice things.  One guy said, “You made me LAUGH my ASS off.. but then..” his face got serious. “I have prediabetes too. And I guess I better pay attention to that.” It got really serious, really quick. And he thanked me and it just made me get all choked up. But then someone ELSE came up to me, this guy – and he said – “This is my story, too.” And he gave me his card – and I was like, OMG.  This dude has lost a ton of weight and really changed his life. Check out the documentary movie about his life! And his blog! (Note that he had his change-of-life-moment at Cafe Gratitude, which I actually made a lot of fun of once – but hey, if it worked for him, I am glad for him!)

This kept on and on. THREE MORE people came up and said they had prediabetes. Which was like, freaky, in a not very big theater. But it made me super glad too. That not only had I provided some entertainment, but maybe I could make a difference in someone’s health too. That REALLY made me get a lump in my throat.

Really amazing things have happened since then. People had such a great response, it made me so happy. THEN…

Yesterday I was invited by the two producers of City Solo, an amazing solo performance series in San Francisco, to be part of their May lineup!  Yahooooo! Do you know what that means? That means that the wonderful Superwoman Spirit Shannon, formerly of the Fabulous Fatties (who have cameo role in the show!!) will be able to attend when she comes to visit in May! I am beside myself with excitement. So, I will be performing on May 16th AND on May 23rd! Woooo!

Today I got my hair cut. I am still, er… getting used to it. But tomorrow I am going to have a professional PHOTO SHOOT (publicity for City Solo). I think the photos are going to be really fun. Seriously, if you would have said the words “photo shoot,” “headshots,” or “marathon relay” to me at any point in 2008, I would have laughed until I keeled over. And then cried.

I’m just… I don’t know. Overwhelmed with excitement and happiness about it all. Here’s a pic of me and my fellow performers (and awesome director/teacher) right before showtime. Yahoo!



13

Does This Vacation Make Me Look Fat?

I’m home!! I got home from Costa Rica around 1am and if I don’t write a post now, I think it will be weeks before I have time to sit and do it. Things are crazy (again!) just as they were pre-vacation. Tonight is my solo performance show, and next week I begin a brand new job. Whewwwwww. So much for laying back in the slow tempo of Central America – I’m back in the USA again and back to the insane pace of life.

Being on vacation was wonderful, and relaxing, and rejuvenating. But it was a totally different environment and pace than I was used to. For one, I did not have my scale with me (thank goodness!) which gives me constant feedback. I use it to stay on track here at home, and without it, how would I know what was what? I wasn’t super worried about it, because I knew that even if I came out of the vacation a few pounds up, I could get back to it quickly enough. Still, I was curious.

One one hand, I wouldn’t be surprised if I lost weight because:

  • I was sweating buckets every day. Without even moving.
  • I was getting SOME exercise – walking to the beach, to waterfalls and the like.
  • I was not eating a single thing between meals.
  • The meals were what I would consider very healthy – protein, beans, vegetables, a lot of fresh fruit. Our host was an amazing chef!

BUT I wouldn’t be surprised to gain weight because:

  • I wasn’t doing ANYthing near my regular workouts. At one point I ran about 4 steps and then quickly gave that up. It’s like running in a steam bath. I couldn’t deal.
  • I didn’t swim at all like I’d hoped because the ocean was, although gorgeous, brutally rough.
  • The food was incredibly delicious and I often went back for seconds.

It was really, really hard to gage where I was. I couldn’t really use my clothing as a monitor because all my summerweight clothing, I bought last year before I got to my goal weight. So it was all pretty much hanging loose on me anyway. I couldn’t tell by looking at the mirror. I really had no clue at all. And you know, normally it wouldn’t MATTER so much but I do have this WW job you know, and I didn’t want to come home and have to battle back down to my range. So I would’ve preferred to not gain a whole bunch. I felt healthy. I felt good.

One measure I was able to take was my blood sugars. In the first part of the week they continued to be up because I think I was still dehydrated. I wasn’t able to drink as much as I would’ve liked to, so it took a few days for that to stabilize, but by the end of the week I was in a good place. I have to say it gave me a small bit of comfort to be able to measure SOMEthing objectively.

One thing that I noticed was that I felt more comfortable in my body than I ever have in a hot climate. Before, when I’d gone on a beach vacation, I’d felt awful in a bathing suit, disgusting when I sweated, and extremely unfit. On this vacation, I took a 5 mile trek through the jungle (to get to the waterfall, yay) and it was like… piece of cake. I took one hike to this eco-lodge up a very very steep hill, and it was like… no problem. I felt comfortable clambering around and never got huffy puffy or anything. That felt GOOD. And sweat didn’t bother me like it used to.

I used to be one of those people who was completely sweatophobic. It made me sick. But now it’s just…. water. And it doesn’t bother me. It’s really OK. Maybe because sweat during my workouts is a good thing – a very very good thing. I’ve made friends with sweat! Yahoo!

So when I left on my vacation I was 5 lbs “down” because of my dumb dehydration problem at the marathon. I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to maintain THAT because it was mostly water weight anyway. In fact it was ALL water weight. This morning when I weighed myself I was 2 lbs up from that weight, so 3 lbs down from the day before the marathon. OK! I’ll take that! I hope I’ll be able to maintain that because it’s a number I can be very happy at.

So that’s that. Interesting, huh? It’s funny how things change when we don’t have our regular landmarks and ways of checking in. But I felt good about what I was doing overall. I’m eager to get back to my regular workouts. I’m glad it’s not 90 million degrees here. But it was also good to get out of routine and realize there are ways of staying healthy that look and feel different.

10

Oakland Marathon Recap: Wild Joy and a Crash

I’m lying on my bed. My stomach is in some kind of turmoil. I still don’t feel so good physically. But emotionally I feel great! We did it! *I* did it!

I don’t have energy to do anything but lie here so I’m just gonna do that; lie here and write out my marathon recap. Are ya ready for all the details? (if not, just skip this post!) (AT THIS POINT I STOPPED BLOGGING FOR SEVERAL HOURS)

Picking up the packet and chip at the Marathon Expo was big fun yesterday. It was great to meet up with the other penguins and feel all the buzzy excitement about the event. After the Expo I had about a million errands to run in preparation for my trip to Costa Rica! tomorrow!!! (I honestly can’t even fathom this right now) I came home, had a pasta dinner (carbo loading you know, but with Dreamfields low-glycemic linguine), then tried to go to bed. I was soooooo unsleepy and did not sleep until after midnight. 😦

Woke up at 6:30 by text from another penguin who was already at the starting line. I knew I had a looooong way to go. I was hoping to get down to cheer on my teammates in leg 1 and 2, but there were a lot of road closures going on. I made it to leg 2, and was able to cheer/meet up with/run with my two great pals Mary (Team Penguin) & Lisa Marie (Team Strong Mix). That made me so happy, to be alongside them for a block or two, offer up words of encouragement and love.  

OK then you’ll laugh. I still had a bunch of time before my own leg, so I asked my dear spouse to drive me home for a minute. I wanted to use my own bathroom. There was time. I’m kind of a wimp that way.  Then we headed down to the BART station so I could take the train to my relay start point. At this point it was about 10am and I felt like I’d been up and READY forever.

I got down to the relay point and it was so exciting. I felt great. I spent a bunch of time pacing around to warm up and before I knew it, Penguin #1 (Mary) was leaping out of nowhere to give me a hug, and then Penguin #3 (Michael-David) showed up around the corner and it was time to give him my BART card and get the ankle strap thingie with the chip (or so we thought, more on that later). He strapped  it on my ankle and I just took off. I was so high!

The first part of the run made me so happy. I had run this stretch many times before and I love it. A bunch of folks were out in lawn chairs, cheering us on and saying encouraging stuff. I felt fabulous. But after the first mile I got a little surprised because the route changed on me. We ran straight past the point where I usually turn off. This made me kind of nervous and concerned because suddenly I had NO IDEA where we were going, it was all unfamiliar, and worst, there were hardly ANY spectators/cheering people on this part. It just felt lonely and confusing.

Luckily, that only lasted a mile or so and I was back on familiar turf. At around mile 22 (aka MY mile 3, since I started at 19) I was feeling great. And I should remind myself that that was the length (almost) of my regular 5k. I felt so happy. We came into sight of the lake. The lake was full of even MORE people and I did good up until right past mile 23. Then I started feeling kind of sick to my stomach (I should’ve known, first sign of dehydration!). I had a few gulps of water at the water station but didn’t want too much because I was worried I’d throw up.

I thought, maybe this is the time for some Gu. I ripped open the vanilla Gu. OMG. I have not had anything that intensely sweet in… over a year. (it’s like sucking down cake frosting from a tube) I was like, oh NOOOOO I need water! I need it bad! But the water station was what felt like a lonng way away. I could not deal with this thick frosting feeling in my mouth. But I felt like I needed it.

Got to a water station around mile 24. Gulped a big cup of water. Started praying I’d feel better. I didn’t. Then my hands started tingling and actually going numb. OK, I started freaking. And started walking. I knew I had 2 miles left and I didn’t want to be coming in on a stretcher. So I powerwalked about 5 minutes and when I started feeling a bit better, I took a run, starting around 25. But I never felt super great after that point. I kept trying to gauge it. I wanted to have a strong finish for SURE, so I was trying to ration my energy.

At about a mile from the finish, I saw Penguin 1 (Kathy) who had been searching for me all over the lake!! (great runner, good Catholic, she was trying to attend a MASS in between her leg and mine!) This was the last uphill. I said to her, y’know, I’m not doing so hot. I ran a bit then said I have to walk. Then Penguin 2 (Mary) popped up! And finally Penguin 3! They were bringing me in!!!! This would’ve made me so emotional but at that point I realized I was having trouble breathing. My lungs were just seizing up, I was wheezing and I got a little panicky. Luckily (and miraculously?) Mary HAPPENED to have an inhaler in her pocket! so I used that. But I was feeling not so hot. So much for my strong finish. Then we rounded the bend and I knew it was like 3 blocks away. I gathered up all the adrenaline inside and sprinted in to the Finish. Then kinda collapsed.

One of the volunteer dudes gave us some bad news right after the finish. He told us that what we THOUGHT had been the race timing chip was actually the receipt, or the “other” part of the band. Which was INCREDIBLY irritating, since we had asked a race volunteer at the Expo to attach the chip to the ankle strap because we were SO worried about getting it wrong somehow. But voila, SHE got it wrong, and as a result, we had no split times. Which was really maddening, and not cool. Boo on race volunteers who Don’t Know What They’re Doing.

We blasted through the little post-race chute, got our medals (YAY), got our photos taken (YAY). I was like, I’m feeling kinda bad. I’m feeling kinda shaky. I had some PowerAde and a section of an orange, but I still did not feel so hot. I managed to get excited for the photo opps because yeah it felt so great to FINISH the thing, but I was aware underneath it all that I really, really wanted to get home, and like ASAP.

Michael-David had a sausage sandwich that looked really good at first but every time he offered me a bite my stomach got really alarmed. Part of me was like, “I need PROTEIN!” but then I couldn’t face it. So we went home.

Over the course of the next five hours, I just felt worse. And worse. And worse. And I wasn’t eating or drinking because I felt incredibly nauseated, my stomach was in absolute turmoil. I had started writing this recap but after about the first few paragraphs I couldn’t even do that. I tried to sleep. But I was in pain, and feeling shaky and cold and crazy.

FINALLY after many hours of this my husband brought me some chicken soup and said I had to try to eat it, that the salt would help restore me. I choked a bit down and actually it did help me feel better, a lot better. I went into the bathroom and weighed myself and saw that I had lost 5 lbs since that morning. I knew then that my problem really was all about dehydration.

I felt really stupid. I felt like I had not taken good care of myself or prepared well. I ate my breakfast (whole wheat Eng muffin with peanut butter, and coffee, yeah duh) at 7am. And then had nothing to eat or drink until that Gu at mile 23. In retrospect, yeah, that was super poor planning on my part. But every time I’d approached any station, I was like, “I don’t want to have to stop and pee!” or “I’m not hungry,” or whatever, so I kept passing it all up. Until it was too late.

I don’t know what was up with the asthma except that the allergies are super bad around here and I think with all the other stress, my lungs just freaked out. THAT was scary.

SO now it’s 8pm, I am just now starting to feel like maybe I’ll live. My blood glucose is 172. Which sucks.  I feel chagrined and embarrassed. I’m sad that I didn’t prepare well and thus did not have the great experience I wanted (all the way through). I’m mad that it’s 8pm and I have to leave for Costa Rica in 12 hours and I am NOT READY!

But on the other hand, it was a beautiful experience. I loved the community, the being out in my great city, the energy. I loved that I had zero orthopedic problems the whole time (foot/leg/hip/back). I loved a lot about it. But I’m just feeling sorta humbled now, and really tired. I’m really glad I did it, and so happy I finished, and I do feel proud.  Thanks everyone, for the fantastic support all along the way.

23

Time Squeeze

Well, I’m in one of those places where I have so much to blog about but not enough time. This upcoming week is going to be CRAZY. I’m finishing up one of my classes which means I have mega papers to read and grade; I’m doing my final week of training before the MARATHON; I’m squeezing in a ton of work because next week (the day after the marathon!) I am taking off for Costa Rica (this does not even seem REAL to me) to help my BFF celebrate her 50th Bday. (one great thing about turning such a nice round age is that your friends all have these great celebrations!)

But there is so much on my mind. These are the things I would love to blog about when I catch a minute sometime.

  1. I’ve just recently had several spontaneous Twitter conversations about people who want to know how to deal with good friends who are very overweight or unfit. I have soooooo many thoughts on this. My short two cents on it: “Love ’em and leave ’em alone.” But it’s a lot more complicated than that, and I want to write about it.
  2. My aspirations for Fitbloggin‘ 2011 and how sad I am to have missed all the fun at 2010 last weekend.
  3. Why running is not like riding a bicycle. Even though I cannot ride a bicycle.
  4. How I got a little lackadaisical with the diabetes monitoring and then woke up. Again.
  5. “Feeling fat.” That’s gonna be a big one. It was inspired by reading this.
  6. And also inspired by a recent incident of TERRIBLE vanity-sizing in which I tried on a size 12 garment that I bought in 1982, and it WOULD NOT BUTTON.
  7. Geneen Roth’s hot new book, Women Food & God and how I think its message is more aligned with Weight Watchers than a lot of people seem to believe.

As always, I will take votes for which ones to tackle first! When I have a minute. Maybe on an airplane. Wait, are they going to have Wi-Fi in Costa Rica? Uh oh.

16

Going the Distance


Running Shoes

Originally uploaded by ArtsiAnnie

I think I have been kind of in denial about the fact that I actually registered for a half-marathon which is taking place in TWO WEEKS. But yesterday I received my race number in the mail and that sure woke me up fast! I was like.. umm… gulp.. WHAT did I do?!?!?

I felt like I had to decide if this was Real or not. The friend who invited me to participate said that she might end up switching over to the 5K. I am fine with doing a 5k, really, but then when I got that number in the mail, and saw the route map, I thought, oh, COULD I do it?!?

Thirteen point one miles is quite a distance. I thought I’d better check out my long-distance stamina and see what happens.

So this afternoon I went over to our lovely neighborhood lake which happens to be around 3 miles around (can be stretched to 3.5 or 5K if you take a bunch of extra side wrinkles, which I didn’t). I was all loaded up with gadgets! I had my Bodybugg on (for calories & steps), and also my iPhone which was set to Runkeeper (for distance and pace info) and for my music.

I figured I could do 2 laps and then decide. After the first lap (3 miles) I felt GREAT. Then I did the second one. After 6 miles, I felt pretty good, not BAD, but I knew that last one was gonna take some pushing. I was walking at an average of 14-14.4 minute mile, and then every so often I’d run for a few minutes, around 11-12 minute mile. That felt good.

But during that last lap, between 7-9 miles I could feel things breaking down. First my skin. I was wearing stupid socks and at one point I walked into a puddle so my feet got wet and then I got a blister. 🙂 The blister really bothered me when I ran. Then my hips started feeling like old-lady hips around mile 8. The only thing that relieved them was RUNNING, but then the blister whined at me. I was pretty happy to see my car at the end of the third lap.

So, bottom line: 9 miles, 2 hours 10 minutes (average pace 14.44). My goal is to finish the half-M in less than 3 hours (15mph) so if I can keep up that pace I’m good. I felt really really tired at the end of 9, but I also felt like if I had to do 4 more I could do it. So that was really good.

I did learn:
1. I will bring moleskin, and wear better socks.
2. I will have water (water stations) and I will carry some nutrition (bars and/or Gu). I got pretty hungry around mile 8 and then after I stopped I was kind of bonky feeling. I went to a nearby store and guzzled a big bottle of Vitamin water. Then I came home and my bg was all high. Bleah.
3. I can probably do a half marathon in two weeks! Yahoozie!!!!!!

6

Healthaversary!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Blogaversary! WOOOO!!!!!!


Confetti

Originally uploaded by ADoseofShipBoy

One year ago this week, I got my blood tested and discovered that I had high blood glucose (prediabetes, then diabetes), high triglycerides and cholesterol. I already knew I had high blood pressure. I had been in denial for a long time.

I started this blog a year ago this weekend. Boy, was I in a sorry, scared and messed up state. I really did not think I could manage to pull myself into health. When I read that post now, it makes me cry, feeling so bad for that unhealthy, terrified person. But also a little good weeping too, knowing that I WAS able to pull her into health.

For a long time, I didn’t tell anyone I “knew” about this blog, including my own dear husband. I was so afraid and embarrassed. I knew I had to change but I felt safer sharing with strangers than I did with “real life” friends and family. That’s why Foodie Mcbody was born, because I was too mortified to use my real name.

I feel like all the parts of myself have come together this year.

I am so very grateful to the amazing friends, bloggers, mentors, teachers I have met on this journey. Dinneen at EatWithoutGuilt reached out to me on Twitter and I will forever remember her as someone who truly cared, and wasn’t just trying to sell me some stuff. Her way is a good way, people. Carla at MizFitOnline also threw me a lot of support, and I was amazed that she didn’t even HAVE stuff to sell, other than her awesome Tshirts. She has served as an incredible role model for me. Those two are at the top of my GREAT TEACHERS list. Marsha and the folks at Green Mountain At Fox Run are another great bunch of wise folks, doing it sane and healthy. (one day I’d love to get there!) Once I discovered the joys of Nia, Terre at HelpYouWell has been a fabulous cheerleader and Nia mentor. She didn’t even mind that I thought Nia was borderline ridiculous when I first went – but then I couldn’t stop going! Bookieboo over at Mamavation has started an incredibly inspiring campaign and I am thrilled to be one of her cheerleaders!

Learning that I had diabetes was frightening. But Biz over at Biggest Diabetic Loser has been a real inspiration, a support and has helped me figure out what to eat! Mimi at One Sweeter Life really got me thinking about running as a real possibility and not just a dream, and also got me hooked on fitness gadgets :-). Pubsgal at the Opposite Life is my mirror image in so many ways – a writer, recently diagnosed diabetic mom and runner, and we even got to meet up at a 5k race this year!

It goes without saying that I would be nowhere without the unending support and encouragement and butt-kicking from the World’s Most Awesome Trainer. I am thrilled to pieces that now SEVERAL of my local buddies have caught the butt-kicking bug and are now training with him (and sometimes alongside me)! SO GREAT.

I have not always been the world’s biggest fan, but I am now totally sold on Weight Watchers. This program has done wonders for me. It helped me reach my goal for the first time in my life, and more importantly, has helped me maintain it since July. I feel so happy and “at home” in this program and so fortunate to be working and sharing it with others. From the awesome CEO on down to my fabulous coworkers, I feel really really happy to be part of the WW world.

Then I discovered Twitter and have been amazed and thrilled at the friends I’ve made there: the fabulous and awesome and I-can’t-tell-you-how-I-love-them Shannon (and Angie!!!) at the Fabulous Fatties.  I love Karen‘s insight’s over at Why Weight? Bookworm Jen at Jen In Real Life.  Hilary at Tinyglow. Kenz at All the Weigh is a real inspiration. (she’s my buddy in the DK Fan Club!) Jack Sh*t has never failed to make me laugh out loud OR to motivate me. I think Mary at A Merry Life is great, and ditto on that for Mish at Eating Journey. I also love @Footdr69, Trish at I Am Succeeding, Shelley at My Journey to Fit and oh gosh the list goes on and on and on and on and I am running late for carpool!

This post is my way of celebrating all of my “invisible” friends and community. Tomorrow, I will celebrate with my up-close and local friends. First, we will take a hike in a beautiful volcanic (true!) park nearby, and do a little walk around the labyrinth there, leaving a small symbolic object for hope and health in 2010. Then we’ll come back to my house for a fabulous brunch. I am sooooo excited – about to do some grocery shopping for a beautiful Caramelized Onion/Goat Cheese/Sage frittata, some asparagus quiche and other yumminess. I’m also going to make some Prosecco Mimosas – yum!

I wish that every single person who has supported, encouraged and helped me this year could be with me this weekend. I am so very grateful and filled with love for you all.

Confetti on everyone! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here’s to another year!

11

A Little Shaky


Fear of the Dark

Originally uploaded by stuant63

I don’t know if I totally psyched myself out with that last post about 2009/2010. But the first couple of days of the year have not been what you’d call stellar.

I was doing great with my holiday period maintenance for WEEKS! Even last weekend after Christmas, all seemed to be fine. I was in my low range. But then suddenly, just in the past 3-4 days, my weight has been creeping creeping creeping up. I am now almost 5 lbs over my pre-Christmas low. This is NOT GOOD. Because I feel like I’ve been keeping things on track with my new BodyBugg, and eating reasonably. I wonder if it just took a few days? for the holiday indulgences to really register and yeah, SETTLE on my body. Ugh!

THEN, I started taking my blood sugars more regularly again. Guess what? They suck. Yesterday it was elevated. Today it was elevated even MORE. I’m going to be testing multiple times daily again to see what is up with that.

And I’m going back to the gym, yeah with all the hordes. I have to. My Saturday morning Nia class was cancelled so I am going to check out a Zumba at my gym later this morning. And then hit the machines.

I’m upset with myself. The mind is such a powerful thing! Did I psych myself into believing that 2010 would be a huge fail for me? Am I bringing that into reality?

Maybe what this is all about is a way for me to feel incredibly solidarity and compassion for all the folks who will be banging down the doors of Weight Watchers this month. I’m with ya, people. It’s a new start for all of us.

————-

Edited to add: I LOVE you guys. Thanks so much for all the great support here, and on Twitter. There’s nothing like community, is there? Well I just got back from the gym. The Zumba class was very high energy although a little too fancy-footwork for me. Not sure I will do it again. But then I did a high-level 30 minutes on my favorite cardio machine (I STILL don’t know what it’s called, but it’s a combo stairmaster + elliptical) and now I feel a lot better. And I just tested my blood glucose again, and it’s (whew) down to 84, so I’m very happy about that. Lunch was a nice zero-point vegi soup with some roasted turkey thrown in, with a clementine after. I feel satisfied, sweaty and clean, and 100x better. Whewwwwwwwwwwwwww.

8

Does Thinner = Happier?

Tonight on Biggest Loser, Amanda (while bawling her eyes out) said, “I’m the happiest I’ve been in my whole life.” Ironic and odd, but true. I found myself nodding.

The conventional wisdom says that overweight people (who? Santa Claus???) are “jolly.” But you know, I had a cloud following me around during all of my overweight years. The heavier and less in-shape I was, the more unhappy I was. I’d say that I felt fairly grim much of the time, and had glimmers of happiness now and then.

I can pretty much say that this past year has been one of the happiest years in memory. I’m happy pretty much every single day. I’m smiling like a fool a LOT. I laugh out loud every day. I have some hard moments, but THOSE are the moments in an overall sea of feel-good. I think I must be just zipping along on endorphins or something.

I didn’t do a whole recap of BL tonight but I did watch. It was the 11th week and man was it moving. They kept flip-flopping between the before and afters.It was so moving. You know people have all kinds of disparaging things to say about this show. It’s “exploitive.” But do these people who went from wheezing, unhealthy and absolutely MISERABLE feel exploited?? Hell no. They feel like they’ve been given a second chance at life. And they HAVE.  And from previews of the “Where are they now?” show (airing tomorrow) I do think that more than 50% of them have managed to keep their weight off and stay healthy. I hope I can be one of those people, a year from now.

Speaking of a year from now, one of my newest goals is to qualify to join the National Weight Loss Registry. This is a group of people who have “lost significant weight and kept it off.” You have to have lost at least 30 lbs and kept it off for more than one year. If I can manage to maintain my loss until next August, I will be eligible to join this special group. I really, really want it. And it’s a great “eye on the prize” thing to keep focused on.

Tomorrow is my first WW group’s first weigh-in. I am excited for them, and nervous for them. I hope they get good news. I hope they had a good week. The thing that is cool about these at-work meetings is that everyone starts on the same day, so they are going along all at the same pace. I’m going to give them a big pre-Thanksgiving pep talk, but also remind them to enjoy Thanksgiving without guilt. I was interested to read the WW CEO’s take on Thanksgiving. I think it makes sense and goes along with my “be mindful and don’t suffer” motto.

I am excited about Thanksgiving. SUPER excited. My girls will be coming home, and friends and family will be visiting. We will have a combination of delicious low-point dishes, and some extra- decadent desserts (my girl is making Nutella pecan pie! YOW!). I plan to enjoy myself thoroughly.

I am so thankful this year. I am incredibly thankful. For my health, for my family. I am thankful that I chose to give MYSELF a second chance at life, instead of sinking low when I got that diagnosis. I am thankful to my awesome trainer. I am thankful to the myriad of great friends who have supported me during this journey, and who continue to stick by me. I’m thankful for my new job, which inspires me every day. And for the members I meet who are on the path. I’m just thankful for life. It’s really good.

————-Edited to Add:

I’ve mulled this over quite a bit since writing it last night. And I have come to a different conclusion. I’m not happier because I’m THINNER. I’m happier for two reasons: one, I am fit and healthy (and yes, filled with endorphins). I’m also happier (way happier) because my relationship with food has changed. I’ve been this weight before, and still tortured about food (I’m remembering this now). This is BIG. It’s HUGE. So it’s not about what size I am. It’s that my whole outlook on all of it has changed dramatically. Huh. I’ve never been in this place before, in spite of years of therapy and compulsive-food support groups and a million books read, etc.

So it’s not about being thinner. That just happens to be a coincidental byproduct. It’s more about how I approach ALL of it. Light bulb moment!!

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