Search

foodfoodbodybody

eat, move, think, feel

Tag

weight

Weightisms

A lot of interesting thoughts re weight today. First, I was SURE I had made my goal weight today. It sure looked that way, according to my home scale. But when I went to weigh in officially, I was still two-tenths (!!!!!!!) of a pound over my stated goal. And then some stuff happened. I told the weighing person that I had been hired for staff, and thus I would not have to pay the weekly fee. He was like, um, that is not right, you are not supposed to be hired until you are Lifetime. (Lifetime=at goal weight for 6 weeks or more)

Er. I was waiting for the big hook to come and whisk me away. Not only was I not getting the applause and bling for reaching GW, I was being told that my being hired at all was a big fat mistake! Ahhhhh!!

While the meeting proceeded, I could not focus due to the buzzing in my ears and the fact that the weighing person (aka “receptionist”) was discussing my Situation with the Powers That Be.  When the meeting ended he handed me the phone and the PTB told me that indeed I could proceed with training to be a receptionist in my current state, but that actually something had fallen through the cracks and that I should not have been permitted to proceed this far without being at Liftime. Then a discussion regarding my Goal Weight, and was this truly my Goal, and could I maintain, and etc etc etc.

It was a lot to think about. I tried not to be all defensive and “hey you guys invited me along on this process, having access to all of my records, etc!” but it also made me wonder if I have not jumped the gun. I know that my weight-loss process has been a bit wacky and stalled out since I made this decision. Maybe I really ought to wait.  Everyone says that maintaining is a whole different Kettle O Fish than losing, and I do believe it.  The PWB did tell me to go ahead and continue on, and that most likely I *will* be at Lifetime by the time the big training comes up (end of August). And I was like, okay. She also said I should consider myself AT goal since I am technically the same number as my goal number, it’s just that number plus two-tenths.

Hmmm.

ANYway, that whole episode made me think about this blog and other people’s weight-health-fitness blogs, and how some people publicly display their true weights, and how others (like me) don’t. And so I asked the Twittersphere about what informed peoples’ decisions to actually talk in Real Numbers vs. not.

These are a few responses:

  • I do just because putting the number makes me face it
  • I discuss my real weight on my blog. People who know me are shocked that I weight that much – say I don’t look like it.
  • I can’t bring myself to say how much I weigh 2 anyone. I am lucky, I’m tall w/small bones so I carry it like a BIGboned person
  • being “anonymous” on here helps w/ being open/honest 4 me.My sis is the only person other than u guys who knows my true wt.
  • I don’t use my real numbers either. Because I’m “petite” I get the “oh you’ve never had to worry about your weight thing
  • I haven’t, but I’m not opposed to doing so. I def. do so in person.
  • 4 me I have SO MUCH to lose that it makes it real, that I HAVE to do something about it. Can’t lie or hide it…
  • I use numbers & pictures because I am trying to just keep it real. maybe i can help others.
  • I always do. I’m perfectly willing to share my weight. If I can’t own it, I can’t change it.
  • I do because honestly who cares? If someone looks at me they know I weigh a bit, so why care if they know how much it is?
  • I’m never going back to the corporate world or running for public office, so I don’t mind sharing…
  • I don’t give exact numbers, but I did say “under 200” the other day because I was proud to be there 🙂
  • i discuss what i’ve lost but not the #. now that i’m down more than halfway, i should share the #. need to add pics too.
  • Good question. I decided not to use #s either. #s can be misleading, esp. for someone like me who has xtra large bones/muscles
  • I do because I’ve never been honest with myself about my weight (or anyone else for that matter LOL) 4 me it’s necessary.
  • I used to be embarrassed by the #s but the first time I said it I felt freer and I’ll feel better when I get to goal and say it

Isn’t that interesting? I thought it was a great conversation. So for me, the reason I didn’t state my true weight at the beginning is because I was embarrassed at the number. And probably because I did not have any faith it would change, and then people would just think that # in relation to me. But now the number has changed, and I feel a little reticent for opposite reasons.

When I first started, I said that my goal weight was normal BMI. I have gotten there (albeit at the tippy-top of the range). So part of it is wrangling with myself. Do I stop here? Do I listen to my own advice to just shut up and stop trying to lose any more?

I actually think I am ready to stop TRYING to lose, but to a certain degree, if the weight should just decide to FALL OFF my bones, I will not object. For too long.

I actually think that I *could* lose ten or so more pounds. But I don’t feel that I *need* to or that I am going to *attempt* to. If it happens, so be it. If I lose any MORE than ten more pounds, I think this could be problematic. Because that would mean going to a place that is lower than anytime in my adult life EXCEPT when I was hiking 8 hours daily with dysentary in Nepal, or living for 3 months on a handful of beans in Nicaragua. I don’t need to be on the Third World Diet while I am living here. I don’t look emaciated or anything, and it’s hardly an anorexic state, but it’s not something I can maintain without doing some fairly dire things.  Sure, plenty of people live at that weight, and MANY strive to, but I truly feel that for me to be comfortable, I need to be here. Or somewhere in the next 10 lb range.

But I don’t want to say what those weights are for two reasons: one, I fear the reaction from both ends. I fear that people who have a lot more weight to lose, will feel I am no longer “with them” or that I am losing “too much” weight. I don’t think anybody can argue against getting to a normal range in the BMI scale.  But once within that range, it gets kinda dicey. I myself am uncomfortable with people who are perfectly fine mid or upper range, but they want to be at like 19BMI.

I am also uncomfortable anticipating reactions from people who ARE at that low range, who would be totally disgusted with themselves (and by extension, with me??) if they weighed my weight. I’ve already heard from people who weigh LESS than me (and are TALLER than me) and who long to weigh 20 lbs less. And are kind of horrified at their weight.  Then I must be some sort of walrus, truly. I just don’t want to deal with that.

I feel like, for now, it’s easier keeping it all in the somewhat abstract, although if someone were totally bound and determined, they could figure out what I weigh. It’s not a huge secret. I just would rather not get into those specifics right now.

I’ve stated all along that my goal is to be “healthy” – not wear a bikini (ever again) in my lifetime (people, I am about to turn 50. I would SO much rather publish a novel than wear a bikini!!) and now I’m just trying to figure out (in numbers) what that word- healthy – actually means.

The Challenge Ends, But Not Really

So the Fabulous Fatties’ Health Challenge is officially over. I came in with a total of 1,765 points. We’ll see how this stacks up when they tally up the results today. According to my home scale, I think I lost 3 lbs over the two weeks. Which, if it’s true, I’ll be very pleased with.

We were supposed to write a 50-word piece about how the Challenge affected us, so this is what I sent to the FabFatties:

The points are in, the chart filled up
Time for final judgment. The bad?  Water.
Could not gulp those 64 ounces, not one day.
The good? Exercise, fruits and veggies.
The beautiful? Good deeds: smiles add endorphins.
Weight? Three pounds lost, overall. And worth 3 pounds of gold.
Thanks, fabulosas!

So now the Challenge period is over. But does it make any sense to STOP doing the challenge things? I think not.  I realized pretty early on that a day without exercise equalled a day with very few points. So it spurred me to start exercising every day, or almost.  It also made me REALLY increase my fruit and veggie intake. I thought about the Challenge every time I went grocery shopping or to the farmers’ market, and I know it made me make better, fresher choices. So I don’t know about the rest of you – how are all the rest of Team Foodie doing? but I’m going to keep going.

As for my vacation: I was scared. You know when I left for my weekend away, I was two pounds up after a nice Indian dinner with friends. Everyone said it was sodium. But I didn’t know, and I then went away for four days without my scale. I did not dare use the scale at the hotel fitness center, because I’ve had bad experiences with Other scales.

So I tried to make Good Choices. But you know I promised two things before I went away: 1. that I would not drink alcohol, and 2. that I would not eat sugar/dessert.

Big, blaring BEEEEEP on both of those. I shocked myself. I actually drank 2 mojitos (one after the other!) AND I ate a piece of cake. With icing. (not on the same day, thank goodness) I was nervous. I wondered if I was going to blow the whole thing (what: almost 30 lbs?) in those little actions. Of course, it could be the beginning of a slippery slope. But I also knew some things about me. One is that I drink very, very rarely. I virtually never go to bars. But I was in the midst of a really great weekend with friends, and we happened to chance upon this awesome bar right across the street from my hotel. I wanted a mojito! I really did. I knew what a rare occurrence this was. So I went for it.  And accompanying the mojito, I ordered some grilled mushroom skewers, a bowl of edamame and some rare ahi salad. It was like the healthiest food ever.

During the rest of the weekend, I truly did eat well (other than the cake, which was one of the yummiest cakes ever). I exercised almost every day. And guess what? I came home four pounds down from my post-Indian-dinner high.

So. All things in moderation?

It’s still kind of mysterious. Why I lose. Why I gain. But this week my intention is to keep rockin’ the challenge, keep exercising, keep eating well.

A Bit of Whining

I am going to blow of some stress with a bit of whining, and I hope you’ll indulge me.

It’s not fair! It’s not fair! It’s not fair! (OK, now I feel a liiiiiiiiiitle better)

Yesterday morning I had one of the most monstrous workouts of my life. I broke a personal record on the spin bike and was sweating rivers. It felt amazing.

Last night went to a wonderful dinner party. The hostess is a longtime friend of mine and fabulous Indian cook.  She made an assortment of awesome dishes. I really went in there with a good mindset. I kept thinking, “your stomach is the size of your fist” and really took no more than a fist-sized total of food which I spread on my plate. I took about 2 tablespoons of rice and 1/4 round of naan. I had lots of water. And a glass of wine. Other people there were piling their plates high – maybe 4-5 fists worth. I did notice that our hostess, who is a TINY person – actually took quite a bit less than me – little puddles of sauce and some naan to sop it up. (even though she cooks fish and chicken, she is a self proclaimed pescatarian)

At dessert time, I took one bite of two different desserts, and nothing of the third. I was feeling so virtuous.

This morning: up two pounds. I wanted to cry. Maybe I did cry. Maybe it was water-weight. Maybe it was… I dunno. But I thought, HOW CAN THIS BE? How can I eat 75% less than everyone else there, be SO conscious, and this happens? WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And today I begin my travels. I am tempted not to eat at all. Maybe I’ll fast all weekend. Maybe I’m having a temper tantrum. Maybe I’m… AGH. I don’t know.

Anyway, it will probably all even out. It’s not a huge big deal. It just made me want to sit down and put my head in my hands and wail, again,

IT’S NOT FAIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Okay. Tantrum over. Moving on now.

Goal, Eluded. It’s Okay.

So I didn’t lose the .4 necessary to make my goal yesterday. I even took off my socks at weigh-in, (advice from a Twitter friend!) and came in at exactly the same weight as last week.

It seemed as if losing less than half a pound would be (no pun intended) a piece of cake. BUT I did have several pieces of cake last week, and more than one celebration dinner (daughter’s Bday, observed several times over!). AND I was uncharacteristically stressed over the impending weigh-in. For the first time in months, I felt (self-induced) Pressure. I felt like it should be a slam-dunk. But it was not.

I definitely learned from this, in many ways.  It will come when it comes.

“Normal”

When I stepped on the scale this morning, I had to blink several times. I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that I was sick as a dog most of the weekend, but it registered a number I have not seen since… well, I can’t even remember when. A long time ago.

And it put me solidly into the “normal BMI” weight range.  My BMI is now 24.8!!!!!!! I am in the category of “normal weight!”

  • Underweight = <18.5
  • Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
  • Overweight = 25-29.9
  • Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

This has been my goal for many, many years. It has been my Weight Watchers goal every time I joined WW, and I never achieved it before. I’m actually kind of overwhelmed. So this was my mini-goal, and when I set that goal, I truly did not believe it was possible or achievable. Really.

At this point, I am just going to keep doing what I’m doing, and see what happens. I’m not “on a diet” anymore. (which I think is probably the key to all of this!) I’m just living my life.

Speaking of Weight Watchers, I did their online questionnaire for potential leaders, and am going to a recruitment meeting on Wednesday. I’m just… checkin’ it out. The questionnaire had about 200 questions like “Are you an enthusiastic person?” (yes) and “Do you care about other peoples’ success?” (yes) The only one that really stumped me was, “Do people tell you that you dress sharp?” I had to LOL at that one. Um, no….. not really. But recently, more so! Ha! My recent clothing spree went a long way in that direction but I still don’t think I’m any fashion role model. (ha ha ha)

I’m still feeling super shaky and woozy from the weekend. I do not think it is all the 5k’s fault – at all – I actually think I was truly ill, but managed to rally for the race and then crashed, big time. I was awfully sick yesterday. So I’m going to try to work from home and skip my afternoon workout. Later, ‘gators.

PS. OMG. Just realized I might not be “normal” after all — turns out that there is an ASIAN BMI SCALE that is lower than the “regular” scale. Yeah, even with a name like Foodie McBody, I’m Asian American. And the Asian American scale puts me back at… overweight.

Turns out that Asian Americans should aim for a BMI of 23, not 25. The explanation? Asian Americans are “fatter” at a lower BMI than Caucasian Americans. This translates to an increased risk of diabetes and other health problems at lower weights.

Sigh. Well, I’m still happy for the weight loss, and I’ll just keep doin’ what I’m doin’.

PPS. A friend just pointed out, I am only half Asian. So maybe that means I can take an average between the two. Yes! 24!!!!! 🙂

MORE THOUGHTS: (I just can’t stop writing this post!) I am also well aware that many women would find my “normal” weight horrifying. I see women starting OUT at WW meetings who are probably at 20 BMI and they want to be 18. That’s a little scary to me. When I mentioned on my FB page a few months ago that I needed to lose weight, one person confided in me that she was up to XXX weight (OH NOOOO!!!) which was, at the time, about 15 lbs less than I weighed. For her, it was a total nightmare that she weighed what was actually my goal weight. So, it’s different for everybody.

I’ve pretty much reached my goal. If I keep doing what I’m doing and I end up continuing to lose, then so be it. (to a certain extent) If I don’t, fine. But I’m not TRYING to lose a lot more weight. I’m just going to see what happens.

Shopped Until I Dropped

I had a really, really intense and unique (for me) experience today.  I went clothes shopping for… seven hours!! It was craaaaaaazy!  My friend A., who is totally a clone of Stacey on What Not To Wear, offered to take me clothes shopping and hold my hand and give me advice since I am such a total deer in the headlights.

A. has taken me shopping a few other times in the past ten years- but those times, it was because I was feeling hopeless about being overweight and she was trying to show me that I could still find things that looked decent even if I didn’t feel great about my body. This was the first time that I have gone shopping – I think in about thirty years – where I actually got any pleasure from it.

My relationship with clothes is almost as complicated as my relationship with food!  Basically, my “before” wardrobe consisted of everything that was either black or brown, shapeless, drab, with no “adornment” (A’s word).  She used to describe my clothing as “mouse-colored pajamas.”

I owned (until today) four pairs of shoes. A pair of Dansko clogs for everyday, a pair of really ugly slip on sandals for warmer weather, a pair of Uggs for super cold weather, and running shoes. THAT IS IT. My feet are really really wide, and my arches are flat as pancakes, and most shoes out there are very painful.

We spent two hours in the shoe department alone, and my head nearly exploded. But I did prevail and I actually bought three pairs of shoes – that fit me, were comfortable and actually nice looking. Here is one of my new pairs of shoes. Check out the little gray and pink flowers! They look sort of sandallish, but guess what – they are really clogs in disguise. Which is why they feel magnificent.

It’s funny. Our plan was to meet around 11:30. I figured we would shop for maybe half an hour, have lunch, shop for maybe an hour more tops, and that would be MORE than enough. When I was staggering around with 20 pieces of clothing about an hour in, and said, “I think this is plenty,” A. just looked at me and laughed. Clearly she was just getting started.

I probably tried on fifty pieces of clothing. My main objective was to purchase a festive outfit for our friend W.’s wedding celebration party tomorrow. (the actual marriage took place a while back, this was a post-wedding party) Casual, but festive. It’s going to be at their house and yard, where they have goats. Not super formal by any means.

As we passed by a rack of dresses, A. pointed out this navy blue Cleopatra kind of dress with all sorts of gold “adornment.” I nearly wet my pants from laughing. “Yeah RIGHT!” She ignored my close-minded attitude and swept it up, putting it onto the three foot high pile in my arms.

When I literally could not hold up the quantity of clothing any longer, we went into a dressing room and I started trying on things at a manic pace. My friend sat and “evaluated” each outfit, why it “worked,” why it didn’t. It was truly a revelation. For one, I never had any concept of what might look good on me  – my motto was, the bigger and floppier and more nondescript, the better. But here she was talking about my shoulders, my “waist,” (ha ha ha!) my legs and butt and all of it.  And I started understanding more about myself and why certain things actually DID look better than others.

I tried on the gold-adorned Cleopatra dress. She said, “O my god, that looks great!” and I had to take a double take in the mirror. It actually did not look bad. But ME? Wear a GOLD-ENCRUSTED dress?

Let me pause here and say that I HAVE NOT WORN A DRESS IN FIFTEEN YEARS. I have one dress that I bought for a wedding fifteen years ago, and it is so ancient and ridiculous I have had to swear to both my daughters that I will never wear it again and not in their presence.

So here I was wearing a gold-adorned Cleopatra dress. And pigs were flying past the dressing room door, and hell was freezing over. But hey, Barack Obama is now president. ANYthing is possible, right?? 🙂

I bought the dress. Along with a bunch of other things, some of which I adore more than I can say. I bought some Romanesque sandals to go with the Cleopatra dress.

I am going to post pictures. Yes I am! But I realize that these pictures will not have much impact unless I post my “before” pictures first.  I’m going to do it. So here’s the befores. You’ll see the Cleopatra outfit tomorrow, and then the rest of the clothes later next week.  Macy’s (where all this debauchery took place) is having some crazy storewide 25% off sale (YAHOO) but the catch is that you can’t actually HAVE the clothes until April 29th. Don’t ask. I don’t understand really, but I was willing to do that since I saved a bucketload of money.

The one thing we did NOT do was visit the makeup counter. Another place where I get incredibly nervous and feel like I am eight years old and playing grownup. We’ll have to save that for another time.

PHOTO UPDATE: Here are my hideous “before” pics, along with some pics of the Cleopatra dress.

Feedback from the Scale: It’s Just Information

So my weight was up a few pounds when I got back to my home scale this morning. I’m not completely shocked, and for once not distraught or freaked out over seeing that plus sign. I can attribute it traveling for 3-4 days, eating out every meal, eating in greater quantities, and exercising less. Although I was exhausted from walking around in 90 degree heat, it wasn’t the same as working out. I had two sesssions at the hotel fitness center but not as regular as usual.

I think the thing I am happiest about is that I’m not flipping out. I’m not feeling GUILTY or overly upset. I looked at those numbers and just said, “Hmm. Okay. Now what?”

On Saturday night I went back to the same restaurant as Friday night (with the dieters) – this time it was with a group of other parents, and we all ordered from the menu. The food was awesome.

I had: a glass of wine (first time since my dx – I was experimenting), a bunch of grilled/marinated veggies from antipasti plate (artichokes, mushrooms, bell peppers, tomato), about 4 little fried calamari rings, about 3-4 oz of seared ahi tuna with tomatoes, 3 tiny pieces of potato, a bite of chicken from my hubby’s plate, and… some whipped cream (from the top of the complimentary tiramisu) and blueberries/strawberries.

It was all really really delicious. I enjoyed it a LOT. I was more concerned with my blood sugars than my weight, though, so I took an extra dose of Metformin before going to bed. When I woke up, all was well.

I’m thinking about the two “optional” items I don’t usually get – the wine and the little portion of dessert. Was it worth it? Would I, in the future, choose to forgo those things, or would I do it all again the same way?

Hard to say. I’m going to see how long it takes me to get back down to last week’s pre-trip weight. If it happens fairly quickly,  I’d say it was all worth it. I didn’t pig out, I wasn’t crazily full. If it takes forever (how long is “forever?” two weeks??) then I’ll have to re-evaluate.

So my answer to “now what” is I’m going to eat as mindfully/cleanly as possible, try to step up the exercise a bit this week, and see how it goes.

UPDATE: so it took me exactly 9 days to get back to the pre-trip weight. It wasn’t forever. But of course it takes longer  – a lot longer – to take it off than to put it on.  I’m not upset about this. I don’t think it was “not worth it.” It was just… interesting. (I’m channeling my meditation teacher now: “Just notice.”)

Biggest Loser Top Chef: YAY

Y’all know that The Biggest Loser and Top Chef are two of my favorite reality shows EVER. So last night I was just squeeing with glee to see Rocco Dispirito, frequent Top Chef guest judge, on the Biggest Loser! It was set up totally Top-Chef style. It was like the merging of two perfect elements, except a lot funnier. I LOVED it. First, Rocco laid out the nutritional reality of many fast foods: pizza, burgers and burritos. It was super gross and mind-boggling to see him scoop up the amount of fat in a burger and fries meal. Shudder. Great visual.

Anyway, the challenge was for the BL contestants to make healthy and tasty versions of those three items.  I was enamored of the bison burger with feta cheese and portabello mushrooms. (and yay, it won) I just happened to read an article about bison in Eating Well magazine, which I just discovered yesterday. I am kind of intrigued and might go see if they have bison at our local Whole Foods.

Another part of the show featured one team going to do a shadowboxing class with Sugar Ray Leonard. Man, that guy was awesome. He talked about the mental and spiritual challenges being just as if not more important than the physical part. He reminded them to remember their POWER:

Persevere
Overcome
Win
Every
Round

and also talked about having “tunnel vision” – just focusing on one’s goal and not getting distracted by outside things. Everyone was very emotional and teary watching him and so was I.

There’s been a fair amount of controversy about coach Jillian yelling at Laura, who has been a bit of a slacker and whiner. I have mixed feelings about this. She HAS been a slacker and whiner. My own trainer has never yelled at me and I am not sure I would be appreciative if he did. But I’m much more of a Kristin than a Laura – if he tells me to do something, I do it. Today I even asked for MORE because I was feeling so pumped up.  I’m not sure if it was the rest day yesterday, or watching BL last night. I always seem to have good workouts on Wednesdays.

In not-so-good news, the scale gave me 2 extra lbs this morning. Does that mean I have to change my weight-loss graphic thingie back to 13? I think not. It will just have to wait for me until it catches back up to 15. I’m not totally surprised or freaked out because there are some hormonal things going on but still, one hates to see that number go UP.

In other news: I now officially weigh a decent amount less than my husband. At one point I actually weighed more than him, and I cannot even express how NOT OKAY this was. He is six or seven inches TALLER than me. And he’s a guy. So for me to weigh more than he does, was just soooooooooo unacceptable. I want to weigh a LOT less than he does, but for now, the little distance is a big improvement.

15

🙂

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑