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The “Eat Without Guilt” Process

I’ve referred to Dinneen Diette and her “Eat Without Guilt” approach before, but was never really able to articulate what her approach was exactly, or why it worked. She just wrote this article for her newsletter which pretty much sums it up. This is exactly what my problem was before, and exactly how it ended up changing, and pretty much exactly how I’ve experienced that past several months.  I’m sharing her article here because I really did not think, back in January, that any of this was possible. (my comments in red!) When she said that she ate brie and croissants, I felt like she had to be lying, but now… I get it. Thank you, Dinneen!

How a Shift Towards Food Can Create a Shift on the Scale
by Dinneen Diette

A few years ago I had a major shift in the way I thought about food and eating, and it has improved my health and waistline ever since.

In a snapshot, this is how I used to view food:

I associated unhealthy food with pleasure and healthy foods with pain. Yes!! Totally!!

You see, when I was eating healthy food, the whole time I’d be wishing I could be eating a hamburger and fries instead. I’d be thinking about how tasty and juicy it would be, and how THAT was what I wanted, not the salad. Exactly. Salad felt like the “healthy” but less wonderful choice.

And then I’d want some ice cream, and not some fruit for dessert. Yup!!

The Reward Factor

Think about it.  Often we ‘reward’ ourselves with something like chocolate or ice cream when we’ve ‘been good’ or ‘deserved a break’ where the salad feels like a punishment.  We think “I have to eat this salad to stay thin” and anything remotely guilty becomes something that’s a reward for being good.

We often learn this as children.  Remember your parents saying you could have the cake after you finished your dinner?  Or if you were quiet in the store Mom said she’d buy you a treat or take you to a burger place or to the ice cream shop? Not only do I remember this (over and over and over) as a child, I am also guilty of doing this as a parent. I’m sorry, girls. REALLY.

So even at a young age we learned that these foods were treats and something we got if we were “good.”

The Stress Factor

When I got older, after a busy day at work I’d come come tired and stressed and would reward myself with junk food, comfort food or a treat.  It was almost like a medication, I used it to make myself feel good.  Is this sounding familiar to anybody??

The Chore Factor

But this is a problem.  If you associate unhealthy foods with pleasure and healthy foods with pain, then eating right will always be difficult.  Mentally, you’re telling yourself that eating healthy food is a burden or chore, so what do you expect?  Eventually you will lose the battle as we all want to feel good. (emphasis mine)

The Pleasure Principle

When I lived in France, I saw how they took such pleasure in all foods.  Eating foods, even healthy ones, became something that I enjoyed, instead of dreading.

And there wasn’t a focus on good foods or bad foods.  They do eat a lot of healthy foods, but they look at them as something that nourishes and does the body good.  Things like sweets and desserts were looked upon as something to be enjoyed for a special occasion, like a dinner with friends.  Not something to be used to soothe. (again, my emphasis. What a concept!!!!!)

They don’t use food so much for comfort either.  It’s nourishment and something that gives us energy and vitality.

Shifting My Mindset Towards Food

So I slowly shifted my mindset.  The way I eat now is:

All foods are okay, but healthy foods make me FEEL better in the long-run.

I get pleasure out of all foods, even healthy ones.  And I don’t look at any food as punishment or pain anymore.

You see, once I started eating better and healthier foods, I started to feel better.  I remember one day I went to have a burger and fries (I wanted a taste of home!).  Though in the moment I felt good, afterwards I felt stuffed and uncomfortable.  Then all afternoon I was tired and not effective in getting any work done.  I just wanted to sit in front of the TV and do nothing.

And this would happen over and over.  I started to notice how these once pleasurable foods were making me feel like crap. I never noticed this BEFORE because I was *always* eating unhealthy foods, so I always felt like crap! and that felt normal.

So I slowly started to eat better and started to see that the healthy foods WERE actually making me feel better! AMAZING!!!

Same With Exercise

Just like exercise.  When you first start, it becomes such a drag. I can’t even describe how painful and dreaded exercise was – for YEARS – even when I had a trainer! It was soooo hard for me. Like you “have to” get out there and walk.  But then every week you find you can walk longer, then faster, and before you know it you start looking forward to the exercise (yes, that DOES happen). And that has finally, finally happened for me, too! Yay for endorphins!!! You find your body feeling better and enjoying it.  Often when people start to exercise regularly, they wonder why they didn’t do it earlier. The key word there is “regularly.” I don’t think I did it often enough to get any benefits before, just the aches of it.

Ditto for Food

Same with food.  The more I ate better, the better I felt.  So I started to gravitate towards the healthier foods as I knew it would give me energy and that extra boost to get through the day.  No longer did I have those afternoon crashes.  And I was so much more productive at work that I found myself having more free time.  YES!   YES! YES!! (well, I don’t know about the “free time” part…)

There’s Room for All

Now this doesn’t mean I never eat unhealthy foods.  I have found there’s a place for all foods in life.  It’s about how much and how often I eat them.  This is what I love about this approach. It is so… pleasurable and unpunishing and unjudgmental. As I know that healthier foods will make me feel better, I naturally turn to them more often. Yes!

So instead of using food to make you feel better, use it as a way to get energy and you’ll see dramatic changes in your health and waistline (and the scale!) over time.

Change your mindset, and you’ll start to see a shift….everywhere.  You said it, Dinneen. Thank you so so much.

© 2009, Dinneen Diette.  All Rights Reserved.

—————
Dinneen Diette is founder of  Eat Without Guilt.com, a speaker, and contributor to various online health & wellness magazines, newsletters and websites. She helps and guides you to attain the dream of a slimmer, sexier and healthier you! To receive her easy tips, action steps, how-to articles and Special Report for FREE, visit www.EatWithoutGuilt.com.

Guest Bloggers: The Fabulous Fatties Sit On A Ball!

I recently read an article that described how people who fidget more tend to be a lot thinner. I found this very intriguing.  I tend to be pretty restless, especially when sitting. So I was especially interested in reading this post on Weight Loss With The Fabulous Fatties’ blog. (we are doing a blog post swap!) It’s pretty funny too, but truly useful for weight loss!

It’s Saturday and I (Angie) am working, or supposed to be, but apparently I am blogging. :) Has anyone with a desk job tried to sit on an exercise  ball while at work?  A couple years back I was seeing a nutritionist who recommended I try this.  I didn’t at the time, but have done it a few times more recently, and am in fact sitting on a sleek silver exercise ball as we speak.  I recommend everyone this this as it does use some muscle’s for balancing (legs, stomach and booty).  Oh… I just had a great thought!  I am renaming this exercise ball to my blogging ball and I will force myself to sit on it when ever I am blogging or twittering.

However, this advice does come with a WARNING!

  • Do not reach for items out of your reach, the ball will roll and you will fall flat on your face.
  • Do not try to scoot the ball, it does not have wheels like your cushy office chair and you will fall.
  • People will look at you like you are crazy!  Now I am used to this type of reaction from people.  One lady I work with calls me her “eccentric friend” but some of you may be more sensitive than I to others reactions.
  • Co-workers will probably steal your ball when you leave your desk to go potty and you will have to hunt it down, which unfortunately decreases productivity.  Bit of Advice: always check the supply closet first!
  • When standing up do not scoot your ball back you will fall on your head and have a minor concussion.  Most employers will expect you to still work with a minor concussion.
  • Do not lean forward to get a closer look at your computer screen while on the exercise ball as you will face plant into your desk and get a bloody nose and possibly some mouth bleeding.
  • If you suck in your gut and sit tall while on the exercise ball you will get tired at a quicker rate.

I’m just sayin’ sit on the ball with caution!

Have a FABULOUSweekend and eat a brownie for me, preferably one with chocolate chips, white chocolate chips and pecans.  I had a skinny friend once tell me nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  I think she believed that so I never shared my brownies with her!

Thanks for the great tip, Angie!!

And for those of you for whom a ball does not provide enough fidgety movement, you can always try Ellen’s Hawaii chair!!

Watch Out What You Wish For…

All my adult life, I’ve wished – I mean desperately wished….

  • that I could enjoy exercise.
  • that I could be satisfied with small portions of food
  • that I could deal with hard emotional times without diving into high-carb comfort/smother foods
  • that I could truly CHOOSE healthier options, and feel good about it
  • that I could run again
  • that I could lose weight without feeling deprived
  • that I could feel the benefits of meditation
  • that I could develop a meaningful spiritual life

Well, guess what. It looks like I’ve gotten all those things – for now, anyway. I have to say I’m sort of stunned. Because just a few months ago I would not have believed that even ONE of these things were even remotely possible.

All of these statements are now true.
AND… I’ve got diabetes.

Is that the tradeoff? Or was it diabetes that allowed me to finally wake up and have these things I always wanted?

It’s like a zen koan. It’s actually too incomprehensible for words.  I wonder what I would have said, if I’d climbed to the guru on the top of the mountain, please let me have these things, and he said, “OK, but you also have to have diabetes.” What would I have said? What would I have chosen?

Several people have remarked to me that I am doing an amazing job dealing with my diabetes. But I really feel like, what choice do I have? That’s how I feel now. I feel like there is no option but to be as healthy as I can be.

But I didn’t feel like this before, when I was way overweight, when I had high blood pressure, when I was inactive. Those things didn’t scare me and didn’t cause me to change anything. If anything they made things worse. It was the diabetes that woke me up.

Funny how life is.

Feedback from the Scale: It’s Just Information

So my weight was up a few pounds when I got back to my home scale this morning. I’m not completely shocked, and for once not distraught or freaked out over seeing that plus sign. I can attribute it traveling for 3-4 days, eating out every meal, eating in greater quantities, and exercising less. Although I was exhausted from walking around in 90 degree heat, it wasn’t the same as working out. I had two sesssions at the hotel fitness center but not as regular as usual.

I think the thing I am happiest about is that I’m not flipping out. I’m not feeling GUILTY or overly upset. I looked at those numbers and just said, “Hmm. Okay. Now what?”

On Saturday night I went back to the same restaurant as Friday night (with the dieters) – this time it was with a group of other parents, and we all ordered from the menu. The food was awesome.

I had: a glass of wine (first time since my dx – I was experimenting), a bunch of grilled/marinated veggies from antipasti plate (artichokes, mushrooms, bell peppers, tomato), about 4 little fried calamari rings, about 3-4 oz of seared ahi tuna with tomatoes, 3 tiny pieces of potato, a bite of chicken from my hubby’s plate, and… some whipped cream (from the top of the complimentary tiramisu) and blueberries/strawberries.

It was all really really delicious. I enjoyed it a LOT. I was more concerned with my blood sugars than my weight, though, so I took an extra dose of Metformin before going to bed. When I woke up, all was well.

I’m thinking about the two “optional” items I don’t usually get – the wine and the little portion of dessert. Was it worth it? Would I, in the future, choose to forgo those things, or would I do it all again the same way?

Hard to say. I’m going to see how long it takes me to get back down to last week’s pre-trip weight. If it happens fairly quickly,  I’d say it was all worth it. I didn’t pig out, I wasn’t crazily full. If it takes forever (how long is “forever?” two weeks??) then I’ll have to re-evaluate.

So my answer to “now what” is I’m going to eat as mindfully/cleanly as possible, try to step up the exercise a bit this week, and see how it goes.

UPDATE: so it took me exactly 9 days to get back to the pre-trip weight. It wasn’t forever. But of course it takes longer  – a lot longer – to take it off than to put it on.  I’m not upset about this. I don’t think it was “not worth it.” It was just… interesting. (I’m channeling my meditation teacher now: “Just notice.”)

foodbodyheartmind

Last night I went to the second session of my meditation class. I love this class so much. I have gone to several meditation classes and retreats before, and always ended up feeling like it wasn’t for me, or I wasn’t doing it right, or something. It didn’t fully click somehow. But this class, and this teacher, clicked from the moment I walked in the door.  I love this place in downtown Oakland. The teacher fills me with a sense of calm. Her voice is just amazingly soothing, reassuring, peaceful. The sound of the bell at the end of the meditation is one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard.

Last week, when I went for the first time, it was a Monday night, the night before I went to my first diabetes class and started using my blood glucometer. I was wound up tighter than a spring. I was anxious, distraught, grieving the loss of my innocent health, and just a wreck. But I knew that I needed this. I knew that stress is one thing that has a definite affect on blood glucose levels.  It also has an effect on weight loss – if you’re stressed out, your cortisol levels rise, and that makes  you gain weight, or unable to lose it. So I felt like coming to this meditation class and learning how to de-stress was as important as taking my medication or exercising.

I loved it pretty much immediately.  Sitting there, I felt like my heart was breaking and I was just opening up in all directions. I felt like I had found an absolutely essential little sanctuary in time and place.  I needed it.

Last night the teacher opened with this poem by the poet Kabir, and that was it – I started tearing up right away.

You know the sprout is hidden inside the seed

We are all struggling; none of us has gone far.

Let your arrogance go, and look around inside

The blue sky opens out farther and farther

The daily sense of failure goes away

The damage I have done to myself fades

A million suns come forward with light

When I sit firmly in that world.

Whoo. Right? That line – the damage I have done to myself fades – just made my heart start pounding. The damage I have done. I really feel that now, the years that I overate and didn’t take care of myself.  The tendency to want to blame and punish myself for getting to the point of having diabetes.  It makes me want to howl sometimes. But then that other word – fades – is also true. It’s fading. With every thing I do to be good to myself, it fades. But wow, it is there.

The thing that I love about this meditation class is that it is all about love and compassion. Because I think truly that that is the key for me, it is the ONLY WAY out. Because when I was eating more than I needed, for so many years, it was because I was chasing love (in all the wrong places), I was hurt and rejected-feeling and all the food in the world couldn’t make that go away (although believe me I tried). And so while counting calories and points and exercising is all good and important, I don’t think there’s a shadow of a chance it can work unless I find a way to live with more love and compassion, for myself and for others.

8 is the new 14

Today’s post is about…clothes!!

I had a shocking and weird experience in a clothing store last week. I was checking out some jeans – I have really never had any “nice” jeans – just big, floppy “casual fit” Levi’s that sort of hung on me. The saleswoman came over and asked if she could help.  I said I probably needed a size 12.

I have worn pretty much a size 14 for the past 5-ish years, and before that, 12.  I have really never worn a size 10 in my adult memory, and NEVER anything in single digits.

She looked at me skeptically and said, “No way are you 12.” I said, “Yes way.” So she gave me a 12 and a 10. I went into the dressing room. The 12 was indeed, way big. The 10 fit pretty well. I was happy. I came out of the room. She appraised me and said, “You need an 8.” I started laughing hysterically. I said no. She shoved an 8 into my hands and thrust me back into the dressing room.  And… THEY FIT.

I didn’t buy them because I was in too much of a state of shock, and I also didn’t like how high the waist felt. They came up wayyy over my navel, which felt weird. So I didn’t get them. But I spent the rest of the day muttering to myself in disbelief, “I wear a size 8?!?!”

But I have remained dubious. My theory (not even a theory, it’s fact) is that clothing sizes have gone down, down, while remaining the same size.

And last night I proved it. I went on a romp through my closet, trying on everything I could. The good and crazy/happy news is that I could not find a SINGLE PIECE of clothing that doesn’t fit me because it’s too small. (several too big now) That was trippy. I mean really hard to even believe.

But I noticed that the OLDER that a piece of clothing was, the larger the size.

Finally, I found an old pair of shorts, maybe 15 years old. Tried them on. They fit me sort of snugly, but fit OK. JUST LIKE THE SIZE 8 JEANS in the store. I looked at the tag on the shorts. SIZE 14. I swear!!!!!!!

Another thing. I got married in a size 12 wedding dress. This was in 1988, 21 years ago. And guess what? I weighed 19 pounds LESS than I do now. There is no way that I could squeeze into that dress today. A size 12.

So, sizes have been shrinking while clothes stay the same. I find this incredibly annoying but of course I understand the marketing concept behind it. Women will be ecstatic to THINK they wear a size 8 when they are actually a 14 from 1988!! Ugh.

I really think they should abolish these arbitrary stupid sizes and just make everything the true number that it is, based on inches. Size 30. Size 35. Whatever.

If the numbers had stayed true to 1988, I would have probably been up to a size 20 or something, which would have alarmed me a lot earlier. But I think I felt like 14 was “bad, but not TOO bad” – ie I could still shop in “regular” instead of “plus sized” stores.

The whole thing is just weird. So while I am mildly excited to be fitting into those size 8 jeans, part of me knows it’s just bogus.

Thinking of Quitting…

Weight Watchers, that is. I realize that the high point of my attending meetings is getting on the scale and getting my little star sticker or whatever. I’m about 6 lbs away from my 10% goal AT WW (I already reached my at-home 10% and more) and for that I will get … a key ring!! OH BOY!!

The little “class” part of the meeting is not particularly inspiring me. I feel like I can get 100% better tips and ideas just by reading the blogs on my blogroll, and following people on Twitter. (my Tweet people are GREAT at inspiring!) And I’m feeling like probably 70% of the people at WW are SO not into it, are just coming back week after week because they don’t know what else to do. The level of conversation at these meetings feels like it is so dumbed-down that it’s frustrating.

I’m not counting points anymore. If anything, I’m counting carbs and watching my blood glucose meter, and I’m still losing weight. So that’s not particularly useful for me right now either.

Even at the discounted rate, it’s $9/week. Couldn’t I find something better to do with $36/month? I think so. Like – how about some new clothes?? 🙂

I’ll probably go to the meeting tomorrow (why? Because I’m anticipating reaching my 10-lb mark there and I want my sticker, dammit!). 🙂  But then I’m going to seriously consider stopping.

I’ve joined WW many times in the past before. And I’ve quit many times, too – because I’ve gained weight, given up and thrown in the towel. That isn’t what this is about this time – I’m not giving up on losing weight or my health in any way – I’m maybe giving up on something that I’m not sure has anything to offer me anymore.

Just thinkin’ on it right now.

20

Twenty. Twenty twenty twenty twenty twenty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I haven’t been at this weight in over twelve years.

That is all the news for today. 🙂

3 Day Limbo

Now I know I have diabetes. But I’m not really doing anything differently until I have my first diabetes education class on Tuesday. I know that I’m going to have to start Testing on that day. (they told me to bring my little blood-testing machine) I know I will survive all that, but sometimes I get overwhelmed with thoughts of having to prick myself and draw my blood X number of times per day, like… for the rest of my life? I’m experiencing these last three days of somewhat ignorant somewhat bliss, my fingertips intact for a little while longer. I have to admit I am feeling some grief over this. But in the midst of this, I’ve also had some incredibly happy times.

The Springsteen concert on Wednesday was awesome. And last night my friend E and I went to the newly-refurbished incredibly beautiful Fox Theater to see… The Moody Blues!!! To say that it was a TRIP is an understatement. I don’t even think I could describe it in a way that would give it justice.  Crazy psychedelic graphics, and hundreds of grey-haired hippies, pulsing flowers and floating clouds, and just… groovy, man. E and I had our mouths gaping in complete disbelief. Also shock that we KNEW 85% of the songs BY HEART even though we had not heard them in probably over 30 years. It was just… trippy.  And way more fun than I’d had in a long time. It felt good to laugh and dance and be goofy.

My Couch-to-5k training continues to go well. This morning I wanted to get in a run/walk before WW and my friend M wasn’t available so I went with my trusty iPod and ended up definitely running more than my 2nd-week workout dictates. I’ve discovered that my PERFECT jogging tempo is to Cat Stevens’ “Wild World.” (la la la la la la) I really felt like I could have kept going a long time. But I had to go to my meeting and…

I lost another pound. That was a good thing. One more to TWENTY! I don’t think I’ve ever lost 20 consecutive pounds before. (just the same ones, over and over) I’ve weighed less than I do now, but after starting out at a lower weight, so I never lost that much.

In spite of the weight loss, I have to say that WW really turned me off today. The leader was talking about food substitutions, you know, to deal with still be able to eat our “old favorites.” And she said her favorite, most awesome thing was a Diet Soda Cake. I was like… wha?????? She said it basically consists of taking a box of cake mix (ie box of chemicals) and switching out the egg and oil for… a can of diet soda!!  So it’s basically nothing but a chemical cake. I’m thinking, could ANYthing be more gross than that??

And it just kind of underscored my feeling about WW really just hawking prepared foods filled with crap. The idea made me wince: a box cake made with DIET SODA? Okay, I’ll stop ranting now. But ugh.

Yesterday I went to visit another friend who is one of the most fashion-savvy people I know. She is my personal “What Not To Wear” consultant. Anyway, she was purging her closets and gave me 2 bags of unbelievably COOL clothes! Including a very adorable Little Black Dress and a cute grey skirt. Now, I have not worn either a dress OR a skirt in probably 15 years, so to try these things on and not be repulsed beyond belief was a milestone that made me incredibly happy. And really nice jeans! And a plaid jacket with A BELT!! It’s probably been 15 years since I’ve worn a belt of any kind, other than a bathrobe one. 🙂

So, I’m carrying on. I’m hanging in there. Part of me is trying on the idea that maybe this diabetes thing could be some bizarre Gift-In-Disguise.  It’s not going to let me off the hook.  Which is what I really need.

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