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“I Wish My Doctor Would Make Me Lose Weight”

No, I didn’t say that.  But a friend of mine did, when we got together recently. We were WW buddies for a long time, many years ago and on and off.  We both started together fifteen years ago, and we’ve seen each other during many ups and downs.   She recently saw her doctor, who was thrilled at her low blood pressure, her stellar cholesterol and triglyceride levels and her perfectly normal blood sugar.  She’s also at a weight that’s very high for her, but her doctor wasn’t concerned and said only, “Lose weight if you want to, but you’re perfectly healthy.” My friend felt really disappointed at not being admonished to lose weight, and feels like she doesn’t feel motivated the way I do, because for me, it’s much more of a health mandate.

So. Should she just relax and not worry about losing weight? But she’s not happy at her weight. Is it difficult for her to lose weight, and harder to find motivation, if it’s not about being healthy? Personally, I feel like being healthy=being fit and being able to move about easily without a thought: climbing stairs, going on hikes, taking walks wherever without a second thought, etc etc. Not to mention more challenging things like sports, boating, etc.

It also makes me really believe that getting diagnosed with diabetes was a true gift to me. Because it DID wake me up, big time, and made me motivated like nothing else has. But I’ve heard that 75% of diabetics are NOT compliant and do NOT lose weight even when it’s recommended. I guess it takes different things for different people.

At this point I feel like I would never, ever, ever go Back to where I was. Now that I am here, I realize that I am truly a happier person when I am feeling healthy and fit and not constantly wrestling with food issues.  Someone commented not too long ago that everything is not solved when we lose weight, and I agree with that. BUT. I truly am overall in a much happier place than I used to be. It used to be that if I had a happy moment, it was a BIG DEAL. They might come once a week or even once a month sometimes. But now, I honestly can say that I feel happy for the large part of every day. I get totally giddy when I hear my favorite songs on the radio (current super happy song: “Strange Overtones” by David Byrne, it cracks me up NO END), I am filled with happy endorphins when I work out, I love my friends and my family. I have a great and meaningful job. It’s all very, very good.

Would I be in this place right now if I hadn’t been scared into it by diabetes? I do not know.

10

The Other Side of the Scale

I had my first mentoring session at the New Job this weekend. It was so interesting. Pretty much all I did was Observe, but tonight I will begin weighing people in for the first time! (I have to admit I am slightly nervous about this) It’s a big deal, folks!

I went to a center where I don’t normally go, and was mentored by a leader and receptionist who are new to me. They were both really impressive, especially in their handling of people on the scale.

You know it makes such a huge difference when you step up there, and the number is UP, and the weighing person makes a funny noise or groans a little, or just has a regretful look on their face. It’s like a zinger of shame. It feels bad. Sometimes it makes you want to take a running leap off the scale, out the door, and into the nearest ice-cream shop.

Neither of these women did anything like that. They were warm, concerned, kind, matter-of-fact. They didn’t respond with great hoopla over losses, just kind of a restrained “good work!” kind of thing, and they absolutely did not break stride at all if there was a gain. I really did feel as if the members felt cared for. They were both excellent role models.

It was also a meeting with not a huge number of people, and they were able to give everyone their undivided time and attention. The meeting where I normally go can often be a mob scene, and the staff people there often appear rushed and overwhelmed.

Overall, it was another positive experience, and I am looking forward to more.

After I left that meeting, I went to my “home” meeting and.. ta-da!!!!!! MADE MY GOAL WEIGHT. I was happy. I got the little star bling for my keychain, and the booklet about maintenance, and a nice round of applause. I have to say that I am feeling a mixture of excitement, nervousness, apprehension and curiosity about this whole Maintaining thing. We’ll see how it goes, shall we?

12

Putting On the Brakes

I don’t want to make it seem like I am complaining about something great that I have been hoping for, but this post is about the weird/unsettling side of losing weight, which I don’t see written about very often.  At the risk of seeming complainy or ungrateful, I want to write about some of the more unnerving parts of weight loss.

Today I went through my closet (again) and tried on a bunch of clothes.  I have a fun party for one of my closest friends coming up this weekend, and I thought, YAY I can wear something cute! Remember my nifty Cleopatra dress? I just bought that in April. When I tried it on this morning, it hung on me like a loose sack. The armholes are huge and it just doesn’t look right anymore. The only way I can wear it is if I get it professionally altered, which is what I guess I am going to have to do. I know, maybe some of you are saying POOR BABY, I WISH I HAD YOUR PROBLEMS! but this was the first time in my weight loss that I have felt weird and unsettled. It made me feel sad and suddenly like everything was shifting and that I was somehow not holding on to my image, or something. It’s hard to explain.

I feel in a way like things are moving more quickly than my psyche can keep up with. It’s like every few weeks I am a different size and while on one hand this is very exciting, it’s also strange. Like the ground is made of jello.

After I tried on the dress, I went to the kitchen and ate a little leftover bowl of mac and cheese that my daughter made a few days ago. I have not eaten any mac and cheese since January- it was my one go-to comfort food, and it just has a tinge of danger for me. But in that moment I was feeling like I needed to be grounded in something familiar, and I thought, I need to put on the brakes.

Let me say right out. I am not “skinny” by any stretch. I’m not like falling into anorexia or anything. I’m just venturing into a physical territory where I have not been in probably 20 years and that is disorienting and strange. Like I’m in some sort of Alice in Wonderland funny mirror shapeshifting place.

I do think it is time for me to halt the loss and maintain for a while. Maybe a LONG while. I need to get used to this, and stay here for some time. I can’t be buying new clothes every four weeks.

(NOTE: I almost deleted this post. I don’t want people getting mad at me for a “problem” they WISH they had. But I’m going to keep it up.)

This reminds me of many writer friends of mine, published writers who get flak for expressing a hard time they might have in the publication process – it’s lonely and hard to be on book tour. There’s “too much” attention. They have to deal with book reviews or readers who might not like their book.

The thing is, with any success there also comes some kind of loss: a loss of identity that has been familiar for a very long time. For a long time, I have comfortably lived in the role of Overweight Person. (as well as Unpublished Novelist, but that’s a different story) Even though I didn’t like much about it, I was USED to it. I am not used to this. I feel like I am stepping into the big unknown – exciting but also terrifying on some level.

BTW, it was good to have that little foray into the mac and cheese. It gave me a stomach ache, and didn’t really help me feel any better. A good reminder.

14

A Bit of Whining

I am going to blow of some stress with a bit of whining, and I hope you’ll indulge me.

It’s not fair! It’s not fair! It’s not fair! (OK, now I feel a liiiiiiiiiitle better)

Yesterday morning I had one of the most monstrous workouts of my life. I broke a personal record on the spin bike and was sweating rivers. It felt amazing.

Last night went to a wonderful dinner party. The hostess is a longtime friend of mine and fabulous Indian cook.  She made an assortment of awesome dishes. I really went in there with a good mindset. I kept thinking, “your stomach is the size of your fist” and really took no more than a fist-sized total of food which I spread on my plate. I took about 2 tablespoons of rice and 1/4 round of naan. I had lots of water. And a glass of wine. Other people there were piling their plates high – maybe 4-5 fists worth. I did notice that our hostess, who is a TINY person – actually took quite a bit less than me – little puddles of sauce and some naan to sop it up. (even though she cooks fish and chicken, she is a self proclaimed pescatarian)

At dessert time, I took one bite of two different desserts, and nothing of the third. I was feeling so virtuous.

This morning: up two pounds. I wanted to cry. Maybe I did cry. Maybe it was water-weight. Maybe it was… I dunno. But I thought, HOW CAN THIS BE? How can I eat 75% less than everyone else there, be SO conscious, and this happens? WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And today I begin my travels. I am tempted not to eat at all. Maybe I’ll fast all weekend. Maybe I’m having a temper tantrum. Maybe I’m… AGH. I don’t know.

Anyway, it will probably all even out. It’s not a huge big deal. It just made me want to sit down and put my head in my hands and wail, again,

IT’S NOT FAIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Okay. Tantrum over. Moving on now.

12

Goal, Eluded. It’s Okay.

So I didn’t lose the .4 necessary to make my goal yesterday. I even took off my socks at weigh-in, (advice from a Twitter friend!) and came in at exactly the same weight as last week.

It seemed as if losing less than half a pound would be (no pun intended) a piece of cake. BUT I did have several pieces of cake last week, and more than one celebration dinner (daughter’s Bday, observed several times over!). AND I was uncharacteristically stressed over the impending weigh-in. For the first time in months, I felt (self-induced) Pressure. I felt like it should be a slam-dunk. But it was not.

I definitely learned from this, in many ways.  It will come when it comes.

5

Not this Time

Every year about this time, my weight goes up and my fitness level takes a precipitous turn downward.  You see, I have this seasonal job in which the big kahuna event of the year occurs in mid-July. So usually around mid-to-late May, I start cutting back on workouts. I tell my trainer I am too busy to make appointments, and until this year, I never worked out unless I was with him. I was seeing him twice a week, so in May I’d cut back to once, and in June, I’d stop altogether. I’d be massively stressed, working long hours, with no endorphins. The stress eating would ratchet up. Then during the event itself in July, I would eat like there’s no tomorrow. Most people attending this event are horrified at the carb-laden, institutional food (think high school cafeteria) but for me, it kept me literally grounded so I didn’t spin off into space. Sloppy Joes, mac and cheese, pizza: BRING IT ON. Then I would eat for a week or two after the event, and by the end of summer I would be a total walrus.  I’d slink back to my trainer in September, overweight and embarrassed, and we’d start at square one. Again.

Well, it’s June. My event is about five weeks away and I am determined that this is not going to happen. Not this year.

I HAVE A PLAN.

First, I’ve decided to switch to some evening workouts. I have not worked out in the evening very much since.. when? Since I was single? Twenty-five years ago? It’s really hard to wrench oneself out of the house when there are little kid betimes, bath, story and the like. But my kids can bathe themselves now, and they go to bed later than I do. Normally I see my trainer on Wednesday afternoons, which means leaving my work in mid-afternoon. During most of the year this is fine – it’s a part-time job, but in June it just doesn’t work. But instead of cancelling Monday workouts, I am switching to 6pm kickboxing class! YEAH!!!!!! (thanks for all the votes, kickboxing people!)

I’m going to continue to work out every day if possible, either running, going to a classs, going to the gym, SOMETHING. Even when I am AT MY EVENT. I am going to continue to eat as mindfully as possible, ESPECIALLY at the event. (we have switched locations and I am happy to report that the new place has a big giant salad and soup bar, and fresh fruit, and definitely healthier fare) I am not going to get into this summer stress-and-fatness cycle again.

I am excited!

And tonight I’m going to cardio kickboxing class. I didn’t have time to exercise today because I had to take various family members to medical appointments today. Normally if I do not get a workout before afternoon, it just isn’t gonna happen. But I realize I feel really bad if I do not workout now. My friend A just called and said she would come with me!  Yeah! (I put an announcement on Facebook and invited everyone I know to come with me and I think she is the only taker)

Another plus-side to exercising in the evening is that it will hopefully keep me from overeating at dinner. I’m just having a tiny pre-workout snack, and then leftovers when I get home.

Can I say it again? I am excited! I’m changing a pattern I’ve had for the last five years, which I always felt was inevitable. Well guess what? It’s not!

10

Day 3: (catching up) Goals and Celebrations

Oh gosh. TOO much to say! This is going to have to be a speed blog.

Yesterday, day 3 of the challenge, went well. I ate all my fruits and vegies. I went to WW and am now officially 1 lb away from 30 lbs lost, AND my stated goal. I am really thinking about this whole “goal weight” thing. When I first started this journey in January, I truly did not think that a 30 lb loss was even remotely possible in this lifetime. I was hoping for maybe 10. Maybe 15, tops.  I have not weighed this weight in almost twenty years, and while it is great, it is also a little freaky. I am not used to it. It’s a little bit strange.

Also, when I began this blog, I had very negative feelings about people who dieted while in their healthy range. I am now in my healthy range.  But I really do not think I am dieting anymore. (was I ever?? That is up for debate) I am making choices every moment of every day. If those choices lead to further weight loss, then good (I think). If they keep me exactly where I am now, then fantastic. If those choices make me gain weight, I will make changes.

Like I said, I did not think I would ever reach this weight. So now that I am here, I am looking around and thinking, well?? Now what? I am aware that MANY people who are at my current weight and height feel very unhappy with themselves. They feel fat and want to lose 20 lbs. more.  Me? I am far from “skinny.” I still have a pooch of a belly, and still have padding around my hips. I’m not svelte by any means, although much svelter than I was. Part of me is pleading with myself to STOP NOW. Part of me is curious about how much weight I could or will lose if I keep on going.

I guess only time will tell.  The thing is, at WW you must state a “goal weight” much like declaring one’s major. I sort of arbitrarily put my goal weight down as 30 lbs. It’s in the healthy range. So it’s possible that I could get there in the next few weeks. (I’m less than one pound away) I am not sure it is a good idea or realistic to make it much lower. But… I don’t know. It’s weird.

I’m going to just see what happens.  My goal has always been to “be healthy” and I feel healthy right now. Really healthy. So now I feel like any additional weight loss would be primarily for aesthetic reasons, which I have been rather vehemently opposed to.  I supposed I COULD get healthiER. But what does that mean?? It’s something to mull over.

———–

Last night we went out to dinner to celebrate my daughter’s 15th birthday. We went to a great Italian place that serves family-style.  We ordered lots of amazing and great food and I enjoyed every single bite. But I think the key word is bite: I only had about 2-3 bites or forkfuls of every item. Bread with olive oil dip, fried calamari (!!) with aioli, caprese salad (tomato and mozzarella), eggplant rollatini (breaded eggplant with ricotta/marinara), cracked crab, penne Carbonara (yes, with cream and pancetta! bacon!), and gnocchi pesto. Then we came home and had CHEESECAKE.

This meal made me so happy – so very happy – because I enjoyed it with absolutely no regrets. I didn’t feel guilty. I loved every single bite, savored every bite. I was a tad nervous when I got on the scale today but told myself that even a couple of pounds would be worth it. But guess what: I weighed exactly the same as yesterday.

Yay.

10

Feeling Healthily Competitive? Join Me In This Challenge!

Wow. The FabFatties have done it again – they’ve set up a HUGE challenge for the next two weeks. It involves doing many, many great things to boost one’s health.  I was so excited when I saw this because truly, that is what has done it for me these past months, doing LOTS of different things, all which benefit my health and weight loss efforts.  One of the ways to win points in this challenge is to recruit others to do it too, so that is what I am doing right now – I am asking all of my readers to join me!! Come on, come on, I get a whopping 25 points for every recruit!!

These are the things that we are being challenged to do: (the intials afterward are my own abbreviations for the challenge, which I’ve used in my handy-dandy Challenge Worksheet –if you join up I will email you one!)

*Eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables daily- 5 points (F/V)
*Drink 8 glasses of water a day- 8 points (8W)
*Exercise- 1 point per minute (EX)
*Do a random good deed- 5 points (GD)
*Stop drinking soda pop for a day- 1 point (NS)
*Actually read someone else’s blog post and leave a comment- 1 point (RB)
* Answer Fab Fatties random bonus questions about us- 5 points (FF)-Bonus questions will be posted daily on our blog.
* Recommend 2 fabulous friends from twitter and tell us why we should follow them- 2 points (TW)
* Eat a healthy breakfast-1 point (HB)
* Lose weight- 1 point per pound (LW)
* Keep a food journal for the day- 5 points per day (FJ)
* Take a walk during your lunch break- 5 points (WK)
* Have a friend join this challenge- 25 points per friend-make sure your friend tells us you recruited them! (RF)

So as I said, I’ve made up a handy-dandy tracking worksheet so you can track all of your points each day. I am gunning to do EVERY SINGLE challenge point, every day. (except maybe the lose-weight one, not sure I can (or should) do that every day.)

In order to sign up, you must email the FabFatties here,  on or before 12:00 a.m. MST Thursday May 28th 2009. You must send them your name, Twitter name if applicable, and your blog or website URL (if applicable; it’s not necessary). Also, tell them that Foodie McBody sent you!!!!! So I can get credit! 🙂

And LET ME KNOW (in comments on this post) if you are doing it. Also send ME your email address if you want the unofficial FabFatties Challenge Tracking Worksheet! It will help you keep track of all the amazing things you are doing for your health.

Here’s to some HEALTHY COMPETITION! Let the challenge begin!!!!!!!!!

19

Guest Post by The Fat Geek!

shapeimage_1It’s truly wonderful to find healthy eating/fitness buddies on Twitter and the blogosphere. One of my newest buddies is The Fat Geek. He just posted my “Got Sweat?” entry on his blog and so I’d like to share one of his posts with all of you.

Week 4: Super Motivated

Week 4 has been a real success. I was super motivated the whole week. Thanks in no small way to all those folks who send encouraging e-mails and tweets via twitter, subscribe to the podcast and of course my family and friends. I am getting unbelievable support from all areas and it is truly what is making the difference. I Thank You all emphatically from the bottom of my heart.

I think the difference between success and failure with weight loss is 95% motivation. More on that another day, let’s get to the week that was and lessons learned.

I had a 2 lb weight loss for week 4. This is fantastic given the travel that took place during the beginning of the week and constraints the hotel gym put on me. However, we (or I did anyway) learned from week 2 that during travel it is your diet that requires the most attention. I was able to improvise the gym routine to ensure I got a good workout in, but I really paid strict attention to what and where I was eating. I think that made all the difference….and my proof is in the results this week compared to the results during week 2. If you remember, during week 2 I worked out like a madman, wasn’t too sure about what I ate and lost nothing. This week I worked out as best I could and concentrated more on my eating plan, which resulted in a weight-loss.

In science we would refer to my “Concentrate on Diet during Travel and less on Workouts Thesis” a hypothesis. To test my hypothesis we require experiments that test the casual relationships among the different variables. In this case it will not be fair. Given my not so good results in week 2 and my good results here in week 4. I will continue to follow my “Travel Hypothesis” (of concentrating  big-time on diet) as I go forward. Thus, we won’t get to see if other factors may have caused the week 2 problem. We are all different but the results of this first experiment (last week, concentrating on diet) gives me enough proof to feel confident in my hypothesis that I will continue with that strategy during travel weeks. Which, by the way, happens again next week.

My workout routine for week four was pretty similar since the beginning. I have been doing strength training and running every day, with the following exceptions: Monday and Tuesday I had to improvise my strength training routine due to lack of equipment. This meant doing some old fashion push-ups and bench dips along with the machine exercises. I didn’t run on Wednesday morning because I arrived back home late Tuesday night. I did my strength training that was scheduled for Friday evening on Saturday morning because I was really tired Friday night. I feel way more confident with this routine right now, because I am confident that I can improvise as required and still gain great benefits from the exercise plan. That means a lot to me, given my work schedule and travel requirements.

My healthy eating plan was excellent for this week. I averaged around the 1700-1800 calories range each day of the week. I had about three Subway meals for either a lunch or dinner (trust the Subway 6 grams of fat meals). I ate out on Friday night, had some Salmon and rice (600 calories). During travel I tried to eat the same way I did when I was home. Bought a bag of apples and some bananas to throw in the hotel fridge, so I always had a healthy snack during the day. Basically, I ate the same as I would at home all during the day and then had a really healthy choice for supper. This worked. I will continue with this strategy for week 5. As I mentioned above I am on the road again. Once again I will be traveling to Calgary for part of the week (Tuesday to Thursday).

So, over the past 4 weeks I have lost a total of 14 lbs. However, if you break down the numbers you see that I lost 12 lbs during week 1 & 3, weeks I stayed home and had no travel. I lost 2 lbs during week 2 & 4, weeks I travelled. Big, big difference. Maybe week 2 skews the results, but it certainly tells me that I need to seriously consider what my expectations are during travel weeks. I need to be patient about my weight-loss when it comes to travel weeks. Finally, I need to trust my process here and that doggedly continuing to concentrate on exercising and eating healthy will have long-term pay-off.

To read more from The Fat Geek, to keep him company and cheer him on, visit his blog!

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