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Surprise from Alison! “In life, success comes down to your choices.” Decision 1 that could change the entire competition.

Would you rather: have your trainers, or an advantage of this week’s weigh-in? Hmm. They will still have access to the gym, but they won’t be trained by the trainers. Two pounds, or the coaches?

Well I can tell you, for me it’s no contest. I’d take the trainers no question. Everyone’s looking at each other. Pink girls say, they need the advantage because they’re smallest.  Tracey crosses the line. Coach Mo is like, NO. They’re all looking at her. Sean: “What are you doing you crazy woman?” Coach Mo is totally bummed. They are the only ones who took the two pounds. (and Mo didn’t even want to) OK, good luck!

Tracey is crazy. “I’m here to be the Biggest Loser, I’m not here for giggles!” Believe me, I’m not giggling.

DRUMS OF DOOM. The trainers interrogate everyone about who took the 2 lb advantage instead. They all deny it. Jillian finds out it’s Tracey: “Not the brightest bulb.” HAH! So true. They want to get inside Tracey’s head. She starts crying immediately. “I was scared. I just got here and I don’t want to leave.” What will happen with Coach Mo? I feel so bad for him. Coach Mo is looking sideways at the whole thing, feeling totally mad and screwed.

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!! Dr. H comes on to talk to Abby who has shin splints. My husband (WHO HAS NEVER SEEN BIGGEST LOSER) says “I know him! We trained together!!” THEY WERE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!

(excuse me while I lie down and fan myself) Is that nuts?!?

OK, I just missed Abby’s sob story. And everything about the shin splints. What did he say? Husband: “Hey, he’s looking good!” I can’t get over this craziness. Commercial break. “Yeah, he’s a nice guy. He’s a serious doctor!” No kidding? Really? Wow.

OK. Back to the show. I’ve recovered. Bob tells us (in secret) that he is not feeling hopeful about her injury. He says that working out with injured people is something he can do. He tells her to get in the pool.

Back to Alison, who is looking spiffy in black leather. TEMPTATION TIME. She asks, Would you rather: … or control this game? Ah. One person from each team will weigh in. The winner of the temptation gets to choose. The winner will control the entire weigh-in. They line up in front of silver trays. They lift the silver domes. It’s not catfish (as Liz wants) – it’s a cupcake. They’re like, Come ON.

To win the temptation, they have to eat more cupcakes than anyone else. Oh jeez. They have ten minutes. Some of them smell it. Lick it. Alison comes through with a big tray with more cupcakes. Ohh, there’s a black curtain. They can’t see each other. Liz hopes that Danny is not eating a cupcake. He is. Sean is shaking his head. “I want to take a cupcake and rub it all over my body.”

You all know the marshmallow experiment? This is a BL version of that. Exactly.

Alison yells out, “Someone is eating a cupcake.” People’s eyes start popping out. Tracey loses it. She’s stuffing cupcakes in as fast as she can. So is Antoine. Sean is dumfounded. “You better won.” The winner was: Tracey. FOUR cupcakes.

Husband: “Tracey has impulse control issues.” Hee. He’s a funny little sidecake sidekick. Tracey now feels sick and hates herself. AND she now has the power in the weigh-in. Coach Mo whispers, “What were you thinking?” They all now know she is certifiably insane.

Next morning: Bob says, “I hope nobody did anything stupid.” B and J say, “Who cares about this game? WHO in the world would’ve done this?” Tracey raises her hand. Jilian is about to put her first through her forehead.  She’s punching her first. Jillian hisses, “I HATE WASTING MY TIME TRACEY, it PISSES ME OFF.” She’s about to throttle Tracey with her bare hands.  Jillian is going ballistic. I love her so much. “You ignored what I told you and you threw it away.” Jillian: “She is Bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.”

(Daughter: “I like how when she’s mad she starts quoting songs.”)

They go to the gym. I am crying for Mo. Bob” Game players get fat again. Sorry, that’s what happens.”   You said it, dude. Sean is worried about Tracey’s power in the weigh in. Instead they all kick ass in the gym.

Coach Mo is watching what everyone is doing. He is taking instruction by watching what other people are doing. Jillian offers Danny a choice between sledgehammer and kettlebells. He chooses sledgehammer. He says it burns his muscles to the core. He’s been through the sausage grinder. I believe him. Now he’s upending some massive tire that looks like it belonged to Paul Bunyan. Jillian laughs diabolically, “Would you rather have chosen kettlebells?”

CHALLENGE TIME: Alison looks cute in a straw hat. “Today’s winner will get something that is better than … anything. The winner gets immunity.” OK this is where Tara would have smoked it last season. Not so sure who is really the strongest/fittest at this point. Daniel? Hard to say. They need to get 500 lbs. They can carry 10 lb weights or 25 lbs weights a shorter distance. Julio, Mo and Allen only need to carry 250 since they are individuals.

They start. Green team seems to be doing good. Pink team rocking.  Pink team is looking like Tara. “I’m used to eating pizza, not climbing hills!” says pink girl. HA. Yup. Green team Allen (the firefighter) has a real advantage here. Yeah, he’s been pulling hoses and things. GO ALLEN. I like his bad firefighter self. HE WINS IMMUNITY. Yahooooo!

The people who didn’t win keep going. They’re full of fire. Go Shay. Go Daniel and Sean. You guys rock.

Last chance workout: Bob and Jillian are totally focusing on the girls because they think Tracey will be sending them home. Liz is afraid. Pink Amanda says, “Tracey told me she’d never write my name down.” Tracey says, “I haven’t thought of a strategy yet. But there will be one.” Shay: “Every day is a last chance for me.” She’s on what she calls Jacob’s Ladder from Hell. She started out not being able to do 20 seconds, and now she’s up to six minutes. That rocks.  Sean says, “I don’t think a puma could do this much.”

Note to self: Never tell your trainer, “I’m tired.” Jillian says “I’m the bad parent. So be it.” She’s all in Dina’s face. (is that her name?) “You can choose to do it, or you can choose to quit.” I love the chorus of doom.  GO DINA. She runs like hell. Jillian: “There you go. Really solid.” What I would not give to hear those words from JM!

Bob is all over Amanda and she’s like I can’t! I can’t! She does it. He counts down. Then, “Don’t ever say you can’t do anything. Pisses me off.” He stomps off and she slumps and sweats on her treadmill.

OMG! Ray LaMontagne singing on a dog commercial! Trouble! hee! (O MAN I love this song) It’s an adorable commercial. Oh it’s for Travelers Insurance. Now Cat Stevens! Singing “If you want to be you be you” for My Touch phone. LOVE the music. OOH Now it’s the Jim and Pam from The Office commercial! Best set of commercials all night.

Back to the show: Daniel goes to Tracey to ask for mercy in the weigh in. Tracey: “The pressure to think about this is driving me crazy.” Too late for that, girl. You are already crazy. The pink girls go and meet with her. They want Rebecca to go on the scale.

Coach Mo is trying to stand up for Tracey – he is a real gentleman – and Jillian is saying that T is full of shit and that Mo needs to look out for himself because she is sure not going to do it for him. Everyone’s shocked.

Weigh in: Green team loses 9 lbs total. Which is great at this point, esp since Abby was injured. Julio: loses 7. Not too shabby (1.87 %). After this, Tracey rules on whose weight counts. I am not quite sure how this will go. She chooses Liz over Danny. Brown team: they each lose 4. (1.62%) Blue team goes up, Rudy and Dina. Tracey picks Rudy. He needs to lose more than 7. He loses…..TWELVE. Whoa. Tracey looks perplexed. Rudy has lost 54 lbs in 3 weeks? 3 percent.  Pink team next. They expect her to pick Rebecca. She makes a psycho smile. Cut to commercial.

Oh man I LOVE THIS commercial. Morgan Freeman, sea turtles and the Moody Blues?! What could be bettter?

Back to the show. Tracey picked: Amanda. Pink team is pretty much ready to kill her. She needs to lose more than 4 lbs. She loses: FIVE. Good going girl. 2.08%. It’s red team’s turn. Tracey chooses Sean. His eyes bug out. He needs to lose more than 7. He puts up a prayer. He’s lost six lbs, while Antoine lose 11. Sean is crushed. I feel so sad for him. Orange team is up. Tracey picks Shay, which goes totally against what she talked to Daniel about. She is betraying people right and left. If this was a prison, Tracey would be sliced up with a razor blade in her sleep. Shay does not lose the amount she needed. She’s devastated. Daniel gives her a beautiful pep talk.  Jillian says this is one of the nastiest things she’s ever seen on the show. “This is gross.”

Shay is below the yellow line. Now Tracey chooses herself. She needs to lose more than two pounds.  Everyone is praying she doesn’t make it. She loses…

Commercial. Agh. But at least it includes an awesome Mike Morelli Jennie-O commercial. Go, Mike and Ron. For anyone who thinks BL “exploits” people, ask these two guys. Do they feel exploited, or do they feel like they’re now going to live instead of  die?

Back to Tracey. She needs more than 2 lbs. She lost… ELEVEN POUND. WTF? And Coach Mo lost 1?

Nobody is happy for her. Dead silence. Peoples’ mouths are hanging open. “It’s hard to notice there’s no applause,” says Alison. They’re staring daggers at her. Coach Mo says, “isn’t that a good thing?” She’s lost more than 5%. Nobody looks at her.

The red and orange teams are below the yellow line: Shay and Sean. Jesus.

Shay is sobbing about hating herself. Sean looks utterly miserable. Antoine and Sean are awesome beyond belief. They are going to sacrifice themselves for her. I am ready to bust out bawling.  Sean says, “Tracey, you did some crazy stuff this week but I still love you.” He points at Shay. “You can’t go home. YOU have to stay here.”

So it’s obvious what’s going to happen. And all I can say is, Tracey better pray for mercy. I would never want to be in her shoes. Here comes the voting. Everyone is, predictably, voting for Antoine and Sean, while sobbing while expressing their utter love and admiration. Tracey is bug-eyed and whackadoodle. She’s trying to justify herself but it’s ridiculous. Antoine is a freaking hero. He’s so awesome. Sean is also a great dude. I will be so sorry to lose his fantastic one-liners. All I can say is, Shay better not turn nasty. She has a little streak of gossipiness I did not like last week. She better live up to this gift.

Where are they now? Sean is down to 324. He’s lost 120 lbs. Go kid!! He’s got his little kids. He looks a lot better. He’s speaking to groups of youth. I love him. He says he can now run without losing his breath. Really guy? That’s impressive. KEEP IT UP.

Antoine  — has lost 105 and now weighs 262. He looks HOT. He is super buff! He is taking kickboxing! He looks fantastic!!!!!!!!!! Now he’s bringing flowers to Alexandra from week 1. I have to say they’re kinda adorable. They’re jogging together! They’re spooning fruit into each others’ mouths. They’re kayaking together. Awwwww!!

Next week: Tracey gets some kind of injury. The screen says: KARMA? (Dr. H., my hubby’s buddy, breaks the news that she can’t exercise.) She says, I’m not finished!!!! Let’s hope  you are, Miz Crazy.