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Calling All Zumba-Phobes!!

(this is not the Official Fitbloggin’ recap, but a special outtake!)

So it turns out that Zumba had a MAJOR presence at Fitbloggin 2011. There was Zumba booty-shaking class, there were Zumba virtual video machines, there were Zumba instructors and there was Zumba swag.

shakin' it to the virtual Zumba!

I just came home with the Zumba swag.

I’ve been to exactly one Zumba class in my life. It gave my already injured ankle an owie, and i was also intimidated by my extreme klutziness. Even though the music was fun, and watching the extremely hyperkinetic teacher was fun, it was not fun for me to DO.

So I slunk around in the hallway with the anit-Zumba club while everyone else jumped around and shrieked and burned on the average of 750-850 calories during Zumba hour.

the Sitting In the Hall Not Going Into Zumba Club

I’ve been eyeing my little Zumba DVD since getting home though. I have to confess that I snagged a small pile of them from the huge Room of Swag on the final day.

So I have a proposal for y’all out there. If anyone else out there has had a small fascination/big phobia regarding Zumba, this is your chance. To try it out in the privacy and comfort of your own home, knowing that I will be stumbling around and perhaps repeatedly hitting the PAUSE button and going, “Whaa…??”

I’ve got six DVDs to give away!!

And there’s something else going on. Some of you may know that I have this lovely retreat, Stories of the Body, coming up in September. (click here for details) It is my deep desire to fill this space with amazing and wonderful individuals and to build a kind of awesome mini-community like we had at Fitbloggin (only there will be no 5k and no talk of SEO or monetizing).

So, in order to be eligible for the Zumba DVDs, I am asking you to (if you are on Facebook) – RSVP to the event here (yes, no or maybe), and then SHARE it with anybody you think would resonate with such an event.

If you are NOT on Facebook, I am asking you to email people and send them the following link. https://foodfoodbodybody.wordpress.com/events/

Then come back here and leave a comment telling me how many people you’ve shared with. (I mean don’t share with your whole email list, only with people whom it would FIT WITH – this might only mean 3, or 5, or…???) Each “share” is worth a Zumba point.

Top six Zumba-point getters will get a Zumba DVD.

Oh and P.S.! If any of your friends register for the retreat with the code “ZUMBAPHOBIA” they will get $25 off! (same goes for anybody reading this blog post)

Deadline: Wednesday, June 1st! GO!

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And the winners are:

  • Merri!
  • Mandy!
  • Mykhelle!
  • Jaemie!
  • June! (from Facebook)
  • Stan! (from Facebook)
Contact me here with your mailing address, and I’ll send the DVDs out this week!
12

Fitbloggin’ 2011 (watch this space)

A recap will be coming here in the next several days. But I’m warning you, it’s gonna be something along the lines of War & Peace.

In a word: AMAZING. Here’s a little placeholder from the friendly folks at Popchips.

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Cold Feet?

So I’ve been reading on blogs and Twitter about people getting cold feet about Fitbloggin – people thinking about not going, or deciding not to go, or feeling uber nervous about going.

I can relate.

In spite of my INTENSE level of excitement, there’s a little-to-medium-sized part of me that is all freaking out inside. And not just because I’m performing on Friday night (to either a big room full of people, or a big room with like THREE people. Which is worse??).

It’s hard to really put into words but I saw that Roni’s recent blog post (Roni is the founder/organizer/QUEEN of Fitbloggin’!) was called Self-Sabotage. This word resonated with me so deeply without even reading the post.

I think there’s a teeny tiny bit of that going on. I was going gangbusters with the #30daychip a while back, diligently exercising Every! Single! Day!

But then things took a little bit of a turn, and that diligence just turned to something else. Defiance? Laziness? Fear? I think maybe a bit of all those things. Someone Tweeted me this morning “I see you’re still awesome!” and I was like, um, I’m feeling sort of Awesome-Minus right now. Not at my very best.

I think we all fear Showing Up at Fitbloggin’, when we’ve been sort of invisible to each other for all this time. Expectations are out there. People have a certain idea of who I am or might be. What if I’m a disappointment? What if, in spite of the Free Hugs campaign, people feel I am ignoring them? What if I don’t have enough TIME to talk and share and hang out with everyone I have wanted to for so long? What if… AGH!

This is just the shadow speaking up, the little Gollum hiding underneath all the excitement and happiness. The voice needs to come out.

But screw the cold feet. I’m gonna find myself some socks.

Can you relate??

11

Fitbloggin’ Countdown Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

It’s hard to believe that after all this anticipation, I’ll be getting on a plane to go to Fitbloggin this Thursday! Squeeeeee!!!!! Last year at this time, I think I barely knew what Fitbloggin was.  But what a difference a year makes. I’m so beyond excited.

In the past couple of years, I’ve had the chance to have a few face-to-face meetings with bloggers I’ve come to know and love and admire. One of the first blogger I met (she was one of my very first online friends to reach out to me) in person was Shannon. I cannot describe the affection and love I have for this woman. She was my first fit-blogging friend and will always have a special place in my heart.  I’ve also loved spending time with @Pubsgal, Mary, Tracey, Roni (major major star and organizer of Fitbloggin!) Kat, Deb, Hazel, and most recently, Kenlie! (traveling rock star!)

So I’ve met a few folks from my cyber community. But it will be nothing like the surreal experience of seeing hundreds of my “virtual” friends all together, IN PERSON, FACE TO FACE, in one place! There will be 300 bloggers at Fitbloggin’ and I think it’s safe to say I’ve read the blogs of half of them, and been a mad raving FAN of dozens of them. I can’t believe I’m going to actually meet:…. err….

Okay, I was just going to list all the people I am excited to get to meet and realized it would take me ALL DAY to list them all with their links, so… suffice it so say, there are LOTS of them! So many that I can’t count them all and I fear my head is going to explode.

I am excited.

Part of me is nervous though. In spite of the Free Hugs campaign that I actually helped organize (along with Alan). I can tell that my anxiety level is a bit higher than usual. I’ve been doing some, er, nervous eating. Last night I had an anxiety dream that I managed to gain 50 lbs in 4 days and that I was standing on a stage weighing more than my “before” weight. (heh. classic dream)

But I am going to be standing on a stage. Which is both the culmination of a huge dream AND a source of major nerves. I’m going to be performing for the Fitbloggin community, my solo show which is basically all about THEM. How awesome is that. But also it feels big. (I’m used to performing for nice little audiences of 30)

At any rate, I am both thrilled out of my mind and jittery. Which is normal. We’re all jittery. But I’m ready. I have my business cards. I have my Totoro hat. I have my Free Hugs shirt and buttons. I have my hugging arms and my camera. One thing I know is that two days is going to be totally insufficient for all the meeting, greeting, sharing, hugging, laughing and sweating I intend to do (including the Fitbloggin 5k run! and stuff with Ugi balls and such!).

Six months ago, I vowed to myself that I wanted to be in the Very Best Shape of my Life at Fitbloggin. Well, life had other plans and I am not exactly in the best shape of my life. I’m not in the worst either, but I’m not in any peak sort of form. But it’s okay. My arms are in fine shape for hugging, and that’s really all that matters, isn’t it?

Comment here if you are going to Fitbloggin! Or if you went last year! Or if you’re not going but wish you were!

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The Power of Art

Two years ago, the same week that I received my diabetes diagnosis, I attended a night of solo performance. I was going to see a friend of mine, but as is often the case, she was performing in a showcase with a few other people I didn’t know. One of them was a woman named Lisa-Marie. I had no idea what her show was about, but as the lights came up and she started acting the part of her mother, “Lisa! Lisa! We have to check your numbers!” I knew that it was about diabetes. And it was. The friends I had come with started tossing concerned glances my way. They knew I had been fairly traumatized by this news from my doctor.

Turns out that Lisa-Marie has Type 1 Diabetes, what used to be called “juvenile diabetes” because she was diagnosed as a child. And in one scene, she was ranting about how frustrating it is to be misunderstood for that “OTHER” kind of diabetes, the kind that fat people who eat too many cheeseburgers get.

Ouch.

I remember slumping down in my seat, my face burning with embarrassment. I think I had a bit of an out-of-body experience for a few minutes. Yeah. That’s the kind of diabetes that *I* had. The kind that you bring on yourself. The kind where it’s all your fault (you disgusting pig). I died a million deaths during that 15 minute show, and when it was over I fled the theater like I’d been set on fire.

Well. Funny how life turns out. Last week I did a performance of my own show, and guess who else was in my lineup? Yes, none other than the same Lisa-Marie, who did an amazing piece about breast cancer (entitled “Nice Rack.” It was fabulous). And I knew that I had to talk to her about her show, and my show, and my life, and how it all linked together.

And I was talking to her, I realized (huge flash) that even though seeing her show had been absolutely excruciating back then, it also solidified in me a feeling of “HELL NO. Nobody is ever, ever, ever going to talk about me and MY diabetes that way.” And I realize now that it was a very very real and clear catalyst for my getting healthy. She was one of the things that pushed me into my journey in a very real way. And while her show had upset and embarrasssed me, it also was one of the greatest gifts I could’ve gotten.

Right in the midst of my own performance on Wednesday night (dress rehearsal for my performance at Fitbloggin next week!!), I added a line just for her.  🙂 “Oh no. I brought this on myself. I can’t tell anybody. I’m so embarrassed. I know what they say about people who get Type 2 diabetes – that happpens to people who too many cheeseburgers…. but… I don’t eat THAT many cheeseburgers. Do I?” It’s sort of a poignant/funny line, and now I know it’s going to stay in there.

It’s kind of amazing to me how many people come up to me after a performance and say, “I have prediabetes. But I haven’t done anything about it. But now…” Or the same thing about a family member or friend. And I hope that maybe my show can be the same kind of catalyst for them.

I didn’t make myself have diabetes, not 100% anyway. Genetics does that. But once I have it I can choose to ignore it or manage it and be as healthy as I can anyway. That’s what I choose.

Now I’m dreaming up ways that Lisa-Marie and I can do our shows together, the voices of Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes coming together. How cool would THAT be.

Has a performance/book/movie/painting or other piece of art ever influenced how you lived YOUR life?

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Stories of the Body: A Retreat

I’ve already written up an information page about the retreat I’ll be hosting in September, but I really wanted to blog about it, to have the meandering freedom to explain just what this thing is and why I think it’s going to be so incredibly awesome.

First, the place. I’ve been visiting Santa Sabina for hourlong to weeklong retreats for over twenty years now. I stumbled upon it when I first went to a week-long calligraphy retreat (I used to be a calligrapher! Little known fact!) and felt I’d found a piece of paradise. Santa Sabina was once a convent for Dominican nuns and is now a retreat center. But the lovely simple rooms, the chapel, the courtyard meditation garden, the Hermitage (where one can be a “hermit” for a time!) are all a true sanctuary for the soul. Since then, I have spent days there writing, reading, sleeping, dreaming. Just being in this beautiful is deeply healing and soothing. So it is a dream of mine to be able to host a retreat there (where I have attended many).

One of the beautiful things about Santa Sabina is the many opportunities for silence, which is so scarce in our everyday lives. We eat our meals (except for final lunch) in silence. It is truly an amazing experience. Have you ever tried it? We will pass certain parts of each day in quiet contemplation. Some of us might write. Or sleep. Or walk. But it is a gift to spend a part of a day without having to talk (or listen!). It can be astonishingly rich.

I’ve changed the name of this retreat three times now. First, I called it “Body My House: A Retreat” which was symbolic of this poem which I love so much by May Swenson:

Question

Body my house
my horse my hound
what will I do
when you are fallen

Where will I sleep
How will I ride
What will I hunt

Where can I go
without my mount
all eager and quick
How will I know
in thicket ahead
is danger or treasure
when Body my good
bright dog is dead

How will it be
to lie in the sky
without roof or door
and wind for an eye

With cloud for shift
how will I hide?

I often think about my body – is it my horse, my hound, my house, my prison? Then I realized that perhaps this title was too abstract and people might not have any clue what it was about. So I changed it to “Writing the Body.” Which led to some people being wildly enthusiastic (writers!) and other people feeling maybe somewhat intimidated (“I’m not a writer”).

So I’ve now come to “Stories of the Body: A Retreat.” How many times will this evolve before September? Only time will tell! Because my intention is for the stories to emerge in whatever way we choose. Many of us will choose writing. We will share some poems and prose about the body to prime the pump. But I want to stress that no writing experience is necessary. At all. There will be some writing prompts, and this may inspire some of us in a wordy kind of way. But the lovely thing about Santa Sabina is that it invites so many different forms of expression. There is an absolutely wonderful art basement with separate rooms and nooks for collage making, painting, papermaking, calligraphy, crayons, oil pastels, water painting (it vanishes in a minute!) and more. There are numerous places to just sit and BE. The weekend will be a place to let the stories float to the surface in many forms. A time to just be with these bodies and see what they have to tell us. I’m also planning some lovely opportunities for moving (walking meditation, an optional hike, and maybe some Nia or yoga). People who want to treat their bodies to a massage can do so. There will be times for sharing and times for being alone and quiet.

The reason I’m organizing this event is to turn to another, deeper facet of seeking health and wholeness. I want to go beyond fitness challenges and counting calories – all of which have served me immensely – to a more contemplative place. Because I feel like this is the piece that is most often missing when we are seeking health, weight loss, transformation – really understanding the stories we have been told , the stories that we tell and that we deeply believe about ourselves.

I am currently seeking some event sponsors to see if I can get some kind of scholarship fund together, to lessen the costs or perhaps provide some travel stipends if possible. If there are any event sponsors out there who would like to support this weekend, please let me know!

This is not going to be a huge event. Maximum participation is 35 people and we already have quite a few registrations. There is a deep discount for Early Bird registrants, people who sign up with a buddy and people who spread the word. 🙂 Full details are available here. Comment here if you have any questions. I am so looking forward to this event, and I am hoping that you will join us.


			


		
	
	

		
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Prisoner: A Guest Post by Tara

			

				
I am so unbelievably honored and thrilled to introduce you all to Tara of Life Changing Journey, who is one of my person heroes. Her honesty and determination and sheer willingness to do WHATEVER IT TAKES (physically, emotionally, spiritually) to find health and wholeness  – just blows me away. Tara, thank you for being here. Okay readers, are you ready?? Have Kleenex at hand.


—————————————–


For the first 40 years of my life, I abused my body. I used it to hide my emotions. I used it to comfort my fears and frustrations. I used it to shield me from the hurt and pain that I longed to stop feeling. I didn’t move it. I didn’t take care of it. I didn’t love it one bit. In fact, I hated it. I hated my body and I made damn sure my body knew it.


I became a prisoner in my own skin.




I locked myself in and threw away the key. Every year I had fleeting thoughts that maybe this would be the year that I changed. This would be the year I would learn to love and care for myself. This would be the year I would free myself from the prison I had lived in for so long….


Then the year would pass I would still hate myself. Still couldn’t stand to look at the person in the mirror. Still couldn’t bring myself to have a little faith that I deserved to live a better life. I resigned myself to living the life of a morbidly obese woman that found very little enjoyment out of life except for when I was playing video games or indulging in an emotional eating episode…


Funny thing about my body…




It never gave up on me. It would open up that cage door and give me the opportunity to stand up and walk out of my emotional prison. Every time I turned it down, my body would wait patiently. Again it would open the door ever so slightly and wait for me to finally believe…


I’m free of my prison now. Life on the outside is more beautiful than I ever imagined. I’m so far away from that prison cell that I have a hard time remembering what it was like being there. Locked away. Slowly dying, emotionally and physically, and not really caring. Now I care. I care more than I ever thought possible. I will fight tooth and nail and to my death to never return to that prison. I’m still scared, frustrated and learning to live in my emotions but can I let you in on a little secret?


The view is so much better out here.




I don’t know where you are on your journey. Maybe you’ve locked yourself in and thrown away the key. Maybe the years have come and gone and you too wonder if you’ll ever stand up and leave the confines of you cell. Maybe you’ve abused your body and you think that there is no way it’s going to do what you ask what you ask it to do. Maybe you’re afraid to unlock your cell door and see what’s out here. Listen, you get to unlock that door. Do you hear me: You get to unlock the heavy door that you thought would never move. You get to push it wide open, you get to step across the threshold and embark on the journey of a lifetime.


One slow step at a time.


Until you realize that you deserve this.


Your body already knows that.


Let it prove it to you.


~ Tara



			


		
	
	

		
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The Book I Was Going to Write: Guest Post by Karen!

			

				
I’m thrilled to host author and blogger Karen CL Anderson here at my blog. She was one of my first friends in the blogosphere, and we “clicked” right away because of our love of writing and our desire to tell the “inner stories” of our bodies, our weight journeys. I think she’s awesome and so excited about her new book!


Ten years ago, if you were to ask me which would be the greater accomplishment – being thin or writing a book – I would have said being thin. No question about it. At the time I weighed ~230 pounds and even though I actually was a writer (at the time I was a plastics industry trade magazine reporter and editor), I had no confidence in my ability to write. In my mind, I wasn’t a “real” writer.


And very much like I used say, “someday I’ll lose weight,” I also used to say “some day I’ll write a book.”


Five years ago, I was the thinnest I’d been in my entire adult life. I had really worked for it, too. Not only was I was counting calories and exercising regularly, I was working on the emotional stuff. I was fully aware that this was a “lifestyle change” and that figuring out the “why’s” was just as important as the calories in/calories out equation.


I was also a weight-loss “success story” with my picture on the cover of a weekly women’s magazine and I appeared in a national commercial for a popular weight loss web site. I thought I had it all figured out and wanted to share my secrets with the world. That is the book I was going to write.


But.


But there was something holding me back…even though I had achieved something I never thought possible, I still had doubts and no real confidence in myself. And the biggest problem of all was that I hadn’t reached my goal weight…I was still 20 pounds away. Deep down inside I didn’t feel worthy.


What happened next was predictable: over the course of a year or so, I regained half the weight I had lost. Along with the pounds came panic, shame, frustration, and anger.  I wallowed in self-pity a bit, I punished myself a lot, and I was desperate. I hated my body.


And that’s when I started to really write. My best writing was born out of pain and frustration, not success. At first, I did it for myself. Then I started blogging. It didn’t take long before I realized that I had found my voice, and along with it came a bit of confidence. Then came self-acceptance and the realization that if I could just love and accept myself enough, my body might just respond in kind. And it did.


And that’s when I realized that I truly had something of value to say. And so I took what I had written, edited it, added to it and published a book. It seemed like the right thing to do…a natural progression of the love and acceptance I was finally allowing myself to feel.


I can honestly say now that I am glad I regained that weight. It gave me an opportunity to really know and understand myself in a way that I never had before. I am more than just a number on a scale. My value does not depend on whether or not I’ve lost weight. And because I know that, my body does too.


Karen’s book, AFTER (the before & after) is the result of her belief that having a healthy body (mind and spirit) shouldn’t be a life-long struggle. It is NOT just another book about how to lose weight. It’s about the power of self-acceptance, and it’s about realizing that it takes as long as it needs to take. And that’s okay. 


 


Her blog, “Before & After: A Real Life Story” (http://kclanderson.com/before-and-after) chronicles the lessons she continues to learn. 


 


To learn more about AFTER (the before & after) and to read excerpts from the book, please visit: http://booklocker.com/books/5321.html

			


		
	
	

		
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And the winner is….

			

				


Number 4… aka Erica Greene! Congratulations, and thanks to everyone who entered this giveaway. I wish you all the best in finding this delicious treat in YOUR town.


Erica, the Chobani Fairy will be visiting YOU soon!


(btw, I just went to our winner’s blog and see that she recently achieved Lifetime status at Weight Watchers! – so this is also a great celebratory woo-hoo!!)



			


		
	
	

		
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