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Food Blogs: Yum Yum

When Everyone is Not On Board: The White Rice Wars

So there are five people in my family: myself, husband, two daughters (one away at college) and my mother. She is Japanese-American, in her 80s, and quite attached to her white rice.  For a long while, my husband was the only one who generally didn’t eat the rice (he’s been doing South Beach for almost 2 years, more or less). Then in January, after a big lunch with white rice almost threw me into a postprandial coma, and I started this New Lifestyle, I stopped.  Every night at dinner, my mother would cook up a big pot of rice and then ask, with an undertone of shock in her voice, “You’re not having any?” But my younger daughter loves her rice and would always keep my mom company on the white-rice bus.

But younger daughter appears to be changing her food habits as well. I have not wanted to pressure her in the least, but she is entering the competitive season with her novice rowing team, and I notice she has begun preparing and making salads, and believe me, this is new for her. She’s eating differently overall.

So last night my mom made the usual pot of rice.  My daughter declined, because I had also made pureed cauliflower which is our new stand-in for mashed potatoes. And suddenly my mother was alone with the rice. She BANGED the metal pot lid down on the counter and made us all jump. She was so mad. I think that this new diet is so so threatening and upsetting to her. People who don’t eat rice don’t deserve to be called Japanese, in her mind. The whole thing is intensely disturbing to her. She considers brown rice to be highly suspect and inferior (“hippy food”).

I was reading a profile somewhere (on the WW site, I think?) and a Latina woman was talking about how hard it is to deal with many traditional (Mexican I think) foods because to say no to certain things is like turning one’s back on one’s culture. I think that is what’s going on in our house.

It’s really hard when not everyone in a household is on the same page.

My mom is 86 years old. She doesn’t have diabetes. It’s totally fine if she has her white rice. But it isn’t totally fine with HER if we do not.

Sigh.

PS. If you ask me, the best rice these days is Free Rice, where you get smarter while feeding hungry people who really NEED the rice.

4

Potluck Pitfalls

So, the potluck was only semi-successful, foodwise. First, I waited too long to get in line for the food. I didn’t want to just dive at it first thing, and there were a lot of people around the table, so I milled around and perused the auction items and got my glass of mineral water (no bowl of cut limes, though :-() before going to get my food. And guess what happened? By the time I got to my dish of beautiful roasted veggies, there was only like ONE SPOONFUL left!! Arghhhh!

Then I went to my strawberry-feta salad. There was something wrong with it — too vinegary, I don’t know, but it just wasn’t the delicious thing my friend brought to my house for MY potluck. It was really disappointing. So I scooped up some hummus and tabouleh and that was pretty good, especially mixing it with the small pile of veggies on my plate, but it just didn’t feel like… enough.

Then, the damn event went on for like two hours too long and I was sooooo bored and tired and ready to go home (none of my other parent friends showed up to this event – they were SMART!!) but I was sort of held hostage because you weren’t supposed to leave until after the auction slips were tallied up. Everyone was supposed to pay on the spot and bring their items home. I sat in a corner for a long time and watched the hosts’ enormous tortoise. I texted everyone I knew on my phone. I played some dumb phone games. I almost fell asleep.  But then I was really agitated and you know that’s not good. I got up and drank about five cups of coffee. (decaf) They were tiny little delicate cups, so it was probably equal to two coffee mugs’ full. Then I started pacing and noshing a bit. A little cheese. A little more hummus. Finally, I charged upstairs and saw that the entire auction was being tallied BY HAND on pieces of paper by these two women. Every other school auction I have attended was organized super efficiently using auction software on a COMPUTER. This was a… disaster. They were able to find my stuff and tell me how much to pay and then I took off. But what a mess.

Things I learned last night:

  • don’t go to things unless you are sure that people you like will be there.
  • make sure there is a viable escape route.
  • If you bring something healthy and good to eat, don’t hesitate – eat it right away!
  • don’t worry about being nice or doing things the “right way” – if it’s time to go, just GO. They would have dealt with it, and it wasn’t like there was an armed guard at the door.

All said, it wasn’t a complete disaster, it just wasn’t as successful as it could’ve been.

1

Caution: Potluck Ahead

I’m going to a potluck dinner for the parents at my kids’ school tonight. Just a few months ago, this would have been a Very Dangerous Situation for me.  Some kind of fluorescent green light would go on inside my head, and I would spend the evening circling the table and eating everything in sight, especially high carb or rich things. It was as if entrance to a potluck or buffet was a giant permission slip to eat eat eat eat. During the event, I’d feel like a little kid in a candy store, “getting away with” something decadent, and afterward, well – I probably don’t need to explain how I felt afterward. BAD. Sad, maybe a little defiant, definitely somewhat sick, discouraged and just… yuck.

I feel like I had my “special treat” last night. Just this afternoon, I went to a friend’s book publication party. I arrived just before the toast. The hostess was handing out glasses with “cider or champagne?” I really didn’t want either. Didn’t want the sugar in the cider nor the alcohol in the champagne. I slipped around her to the table and was glad to see a bottle of sparkling water and a big bowl of nice cut lime wedges! I think sparkling water is OK, but with a little fresh lemon or lime juice, it’s great. So I was happy to find that and to have something perfect to raise for the toast.  People kept pointing at the plate of homemade cookies but I just had a little piece of cheese and was A-OK.

So for the potluck dinner tonight: I thought it would be good to bring something healthy to eat. I decided on this great strawberry-feta salad which I think somebody brought to MY house for a potluck a few weeks ago.  I thought, I could always eat that. But do I want to just eat salad and not have anything warm and substantial for dinner? No I do not. So then I got the brilliant idea to make a huge pan of roasted vegetables. Roasted vegetables are so beautiful, luscious and comforting.  I got a bunch of red, yellow and orange bell peppers, some Japanese eggplant, butternut squash, red onion, carrot.

I feel very happy and prepared as I head off to this event tonight, and safe in the knowledge that I will have really good things to eat.

I can’t tell you what a change this is from just a short eight weeks ago.

1

Is it a “Special Day” or is it Cheating?

Yesterday was my husband’s birthday. He asked for a special birthday dinner, and made his specific requests for the menu: crab cakes, cauliflower au gratin, asparagus, Prosecco, chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream.

It was HIS birthday so I was happy to grant all of his requests. As I was shopping at Whole Foods I thought about what and how much of this dinner I would eat.  I thought about the chocolate cake especially, since I haven’t eaten any sugar since the day I began this blog in January.

I ate very lightly all day (in WW speak, one would call this “banking” one’s points). I divided the (pretty large) crab cakes in half to make smaller ones.  I roasted the asparagus in the oven with garlic and lemon. When it came time for dinner, I ate one of the (half sized) crab cakes. Six or seven asparagii. A fairly generous helping of the cauliflower – it was soo good. When hubby popped the Prosecco he asked if I wanted a glass. (I also haven’t had alcohol since January) I said yes. It was sooo delicous. I enjoyed every drop.

Then it was cake time. I asked for 1/3 of an already small slice, probably about 3-4 forkfuls. I added about two tablespoons of extra-light ice cream. I sat and looked at it for several minutes.  The Beck book has an exercise where one is encouraged to visualize how one will feel AFTER eating a certain food, and if it feels bad (guilt, remorse, self-hatred etc) then there’s your answer. I decided I was not going to flog myself or feel bad if I ate that small amount of dessert.

I savored it. I savored every bite. It was so delicious. I also noticed that the first two bites were the best and I could’ve stopped there (and will if this comes up in the future). But the thing that was different from the past is that I didn’t let it be the “gateway” to, say, eating half the cake. I didn’t beat myself up over it, in fact it made me feel really happy.

Some food plans allow for occasional forays into eating foods that one would not eat on a normal basis. They believe that these occasional releases of pressure allow you to continue forward without a feeling of deprivation. Other programs believe that you can never stray from your prescribed program because it’s just a slippery slope to hell, or falling off the wagon completely. I am sure that this is true for many people – that one taste of something and BOOM, they’re done for.

Of course the danger is that “every day can be a special day” mentality can creep in and before you know it, you’re eating chocolate cake 24/7.

I don’t feel like I need chocolate cake again for a very long time. Maybe I’ll look back on this day as the Beginning of the End. I hope not.

The whole day was very interesting for me. I didn’t struggle. I didn’t feel bad. I thought about the choices long and hard, and in the end, I was happy.

Now, I’m going for a big long walk and a row on the machine.

2

Food Food Everywhere…. and What to Eat?

Just finished watching THE most awesome episode of Top Chef… in New Orleans! I looooove New Orleans and love eating in New Orleans. Is it sicko that I love The Biggest Loser and ALSO Top Chef?  My husband is from New Orleans and has lots of family there, so we have had our share of visits over the years.  I’ve never been “on a diet” on any visit there and so my head was spinning watching the beignets (fried dough! yum!), the seafood, the grits, the gumbo, all of it.

I guess it’s good to watch it and have some sort of vicarious thrill, without ingesting a single calorie… in that way I guess TC is a good thing. But it also really revs up those cravey vibes. Hmm. (I’m not giving up my Top Chef! Not yet!!!)

But speaking of food, I am trying to figure out what diet to actually be on. Maybe the endocrinologist will tell me next week. But I still think I need to settle on something. I’ve been doing a rather loosey-goosey version of South Beach that I think has taken me about as far as it can.

I actually went back to the Weight Watchers site this week and downloaded the local meeting schedule into my calendar/phone. I have very mixed feelings about this. On one hand, I’ve had great success with WW in the past. On the other hand, I’ve also had abysmal failures, mostly due to having a bad attitude. I think I’ve got my Attitude in hand now, so maybe I ought to give it another try. (sigh) I don’t know.

A friend of mine has been telling me of her success with Overeaters Anonymous (OA) and particularly the very hard-core “Grey Sheet” which limits one’s food choices to a certain list. All I know is that it does not include white (?) flour and sugar. I’m fine with that. But also avocados! Can I live with that? I don’t know. I also am extremely ambivalent about the weighing/measuring/planning/sponsor thing. If I compare my level of food addiction to an alcohol addiction, I’d say that I wouldn’t be the kind of drunk who blacks out and is violent and can seriously harm self or others. I’m the kind who occasionally gets drunk at parties and sometimes questions or regrets having had a drink or two too many.  So I do not know if I need THAT LEVEL of intervention.

When I read the Beck Diet Solution book, it really spoke to me. It made sense to me. It resonated and I felt seen, understood, busted, and supported all at once. Which was great. But it basically leaves the readers on their own to find a diet that works for them. I feel like I’m still working on that.

Tonight I bought an e-book by this guy, whom I’ve been following on Twitter for a while. I know it’s got that hokey, infomercial, over exclamation-pointed feel, but I’ve read a bunch of his blog posts and they seem to make a lot of sense.  It’s pretty much a low-carbish, spread-your-meals-out sort of thing, which I think makes sense for someone who tends toward the diabetic side.  I’m going to read his book over the next few days and probably make that my diet.

I want to be really conscious about this decision and make sure it’s something I can live with. I’m not sure I can live with anything that would not allow me at least one delicious meal in New Orleans… okay, I’ll forget the beignets, but not the oyster stew.

4

Shrinking

My stomach is really shrinking. Or maybe I am just paying much more attention to its fullness level. They say that your stomach is roughly the size of your fist, but it can stretch to much more that size if you stuf it full, kind of like a stuff sack for a sleeping bag. (ugh)

I was so so hungry and wasn’t able to eat lunch today until 3:30. I had a chicken breast (out of a sandwich, didn’t eat the bread) and about a cup of fruit salad. And then I felt stuffed. That is so so so so not my norm I can’t even say, but I am eating slowly and trying to pay attention to bodily sensations.

Last night after having an extremely modest early dinner (grilled eggplant appetizer plus some cold tofu, at a Japanese restaurant) I did a reading at a bookstore and met up with an old friend. She hadn’t eaten dinner so we went out fo 2nd dinner at this Middle Eastern place. I was intending to eat just a taste, but everything was so so so good. Various eggplant spreads (yes, I LOVE eggplant), and this amazing roasted feta cheese with tomatoes and olives. It was crazy good. I didn’t stuff myself, but it was more than a “taste.” This was my first “overage” experience this trip. I also didn’t eat any bread with all the dips. Guess what? Dips taste delicious even without something to dip them in!!

Now I’m hitting the road to go see my daughter. I am happy.

1

Can Blogging Save Me from Eating?

(wrote this yesterday while traveling, and the answer to the title is YES)

I’m on the first leg of my trip. I just landed in the airport of the city where my birth mother lives. (back story: I was adopted as a baby, found her when I was in college, and have had a rollercoaster relationship with her for the past 28 years) It used to be when I stopped in her city for a layover, she would come to the airport, if only for an hour, and would bring me goodies to eat. Talk about food associations! She knew I loved cheese and once brought me an adorable little cheese basket with all sorts of fancy cheese and crackers. Once, she came with my (half) brother and his newborn baby. I have so many associations of very intense, brief meetings in this building; ones that had my adrenaline pouring through my body and leaving me limp on the next flight. I have two hours to lay over here this afternoon. As soon as I stepped into the gate area, I was hit with a rush of emotion and memory. And of course I immediately wanted to eat. And drink (alcohol). I rarely drink and when I do drink, it’s very little, so you know this has to be an extreme situation. I wandered into one restaurant and glanced at the menu briefly. It looked too dangerous so I left. I wouldn’t be able to trust myself to order a salad or something reasonable.

I’m sitting in an isolated little area with some chairs, in between the moving walkways. I have an apple and a mandarin orange in my bag, plus a container of yogurt that smells like it might have exploded in the flight. I’ll eat the orange and see if I feel better. It does help to write it. To write it, write it instead of eating it. This is one of the biggest triggers I have, my relationship with this woman. Breathe. Breathe. Look for the orange.

Aw crap, my yogurt broke. My apple and orange are covered in it. I have to go to the restroom and rinse them off. I wish I had my Beck book with me. I have it but it’s in my checked suitcase. OK, what would she say? You’re not going to die from these emotions. Just feel it. I feel like I am five years old and I am struggling to understand why my mama does not love me. Just got a text message from my daughter. She is holding me up. I can get through this without eating. I have to go wash off my fruit because I really AM hungry.

Epilogue: I ate my orange and some cheese. I talked (texted) with my daughter. She brought me back from the edge. I cried. I wrote. I paced around. And GUESS WHAT? The emotions passed. They really did. And I did not, for once in my life, turn to food for solace.

Ten gold stars, baby.

8

Challenges Ahead, and My Biggest Inspiration

Tomorrow I am going to a very fancy hotel in a big city for a conference with a ton of stimulation and a lot of friends and Famous People I Admire, for four days. So, the challenge is I am not going to be cooking my own food, there will be Social Situations from morning until night, I will be highly stimulated and distracted.

The GOOD news is I have the positive touchpoint of just having lost 2 lbs while on vacation in Hawaii for a week. If I did THAT, I can manage THIS, right? Right. I hope so. I am also very excited that this fancy hotel has an INDOOR POOL and two indoor TRACKS (one for running, one for walking?) and a big, big Fitness Center. I know the conference is going to be very compelling but I am pledging to go to that Fitness Center for a minimum of one hour a day.

The other very good news is that I am spending the final 2 days of my trip with my beloved daughter who has been THE most inspiring and helpful partner on this weight loss journey. She has also been working on losing weight, for different reasons than me, but just as critical and important to her life and well being.  So she has been texting me her weight every morning, and this morning she even sent me a photo of her scale because it showed an extra-wonderful number. She has been with me through every downfall and every victory, cheering me on, sending me “helpful thoughts” (a la Beck) when I turn to sabotage or despair. It really makes me want to cry when I think about it.

I know I have not been the best role model for her. In fact, I fear that I am the one who got her into her own struggles with food and weight. So I feel like my only redemption is really to be her companion on this path to a better, healthier way.

Each of us has lost ten pounds since we last saw each other. I really feel like she is my long distance Biggest Loser “other half.” In fact we kind of pledged each other to be each others’ team member and partner, when this season of BL started. We both have a LOT at stake. We both need to lose weight for reasons that are very, very important to us.

Anyway, I cannot wait to see this girl. I can’t wait to see her confidence and her beautiful little face. I can’t wait to thank her in person and to get a boost in person. I am going to take her out for a fabulous, delicious and healthy dinner. She’s my hero(ine) in this journey.

2

Dagnabbit.

Another @*#&! learning experience!

I was doing SO WELL this weekend! Until last night, my small downfall, but still, at this point, small things can undo me. So, I planned a potluck dinner with some great women friends. I was so excited. I made a beautiful healthy fibery Greek lentil soup (with lemon and rosemary). Everyone who brought food brought SUPER healthy stuff; vegan dishes, salads, etc. Which is what “confused” me. If people had brought huge pans of lasagne, or cakes and whatnot, I would have stayed away with a ten-foot pole, but the healthy food was so delicious looking that I ended up filling my plate too full. I was not attending to portion control because I was so excited and happy to be with all of these women. I ate too much. THEN, when people were having dessert (which I did not touch), I went back and had another 1/2 bowl of soup as “my dessert.” What was that about? I was already full! But I guess I wanted to have something when everyon else was eating chocolate brownies and pound cake and biscotti.

I felt fuller than I had in a long time. Bleah.

And this morning, I was up .8 lb. Not a huge amount, but damnit I wanted to keep going DOWN DOWN, and I could’ve if I’d kept my wits about me last night.

So I’ve brought my lunch to work and have it all carefully planned out.

Another (ouch) learning experience.

Take home lesson: Just because it’s “healthy” doesn’t mean you can eat a ton of it. DUH.

2

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