So after my mini meltdown on Sunday, I’ve recovered and I am carrying on. I have kept up with my workouts. All of those check marks represent a completed workout according to the Team in Training schedule that our coaches gave us. I’m not giving up.
On Tuesday, Lily and I did a swim workout and it felt pretty good. She suggested that maybe we move it on up to the “Fitness” level next time. I was like, hahaha! The workouts are split into four levels of difficulty: Sprint level (the shorter triathlon), Developing Olympic level, Fitness Level and Competitive level. We had been working out at DO level for the most part.
On Wednesday, I took Junior to the airport in the morning and then had a tough work day that didn’t end until after 8. I was supposed to do a run workout. It was late. It was dark. I was so tired. But I did not want to miss doing my workout so I went to the gym and did my run workout on the treadmill. It involved six level 9 intervals which I was not excited about. But I did manage to finish it and went to bed tired and relieved I’d done it.
Thursday was the day of my TNT fundraiser. I got up early and did my bike/run workout on the local hill trail. It was not the best workout but not the worst one either. It was interesting to do the instant transition from bike to run and to think, I’m going to be doing exactly this in the race. Then Thursday night was my bartending fundraiser. A lot of people came and generously drank cocktails (our signature cocktail was the Tequila Sunrise, since we get up at sunrise to work out! Haha!). I still don’t have the total, but I think I raised a nice chunk of cash. Here I am raising the Jack Daniels! It was fun being bartender for the night.
Today was swim day. Another long work day and Lily reminded me that we said we were going to do the Fitness level. I said okay. We followed the printed sheet. At one point I asked, “What, no kickboards?” And she very cutely said, “No my friend, we are doing the Fitness Level. No kickboard for us tonight.” We proceed to kick ASS in our workout and we completed it. During one 12-length series I could feel my stroke disintegrating. I was so tired. I got a cramp in my foot. I finished. Go us.
Tomorrow – run at Inspiration Point. Sunday – bike and run out at Shadow Cliffs. I’m gonna keep going.
Yesterday was one of those days when I was just completely overloaded: emotionally, physically, and every way. It was just TOO MUCH.
It started with a 6am wakeup and then being unable to find my bike shorts OR my swim cap and goggles, which I either left at the pool on Friday OR were taken at the pool. At any rate, they were missing. So I started out in a state of total discombobulation.
I carpooled to the swim/bike site with Lily. When we got there it was freeeeeeeeeeezing. I mean freezing. But thank goodness the water was warm and we got going on our pool workout.
I’d say the swim workout was the best part of the day. It wasn’t easy – I was often out of breath and tired – BUT I felt like I was improving and each small tip they gave us, like tucking our chins down, made a difference in my stroke quality. So that was awesome. The other good thing is that I got moved into the 2nd lane again, so I can feel confident that I am not in the beginner-beginner lane anymore. That made me feel encouraged. So it was a really good workout – probably 75 minutes or so – and I felt good about it.
Then we had to change clothes and get ready for the bike part. It started with a safety clinic and then a lesson in how to change a flat tire. I was noticing during that time that I was almost on the verge of tears and maybe some sort of panic attack (which is not typical for me). Just the thought of all the hazards they were describing were making me so anxious I could barely think. Then we had to take our tire off our bike, open it up and remove the tubing, blow it up with our mouth (!) then replace it and put it back on the bike. This entire process was just so fraught with anxiety for me. I didn’t know the name of anything or have any idea how any of it fit together or worked. I felt like I had been asked to remove the back of my computer and take apart the circuit board. I was a total deer in the headlights. Some of the coaches took mercy on me and kindly helped me out, like every 2 minutes, since I CLEARLY had no clue what I was doing, and I managed to do the whole thing. But it was still so anxiety filled for me. After that, the beginning level riders took off for a short ride but I had to leave to go to San Francisco for the SF Theater Festival where I was performing.
The whole notion of combining a workout day with a performance day was probably very, very bad. When I have a whole team workout, I pretty much collapse and go to bed after. And when I perform, I pretty much need several hours to calm and focus beforehand. So it was sort of a losing setup. I didn’t have time to shower as I had wanted, so I just changed and got in the car with crazy swimcap hair. Which was already a drain on my confidence. Then there was horrible bridge traffic in which I sat motionless for too long, and then my stupid GPS directed me to drive through SF CHINATOWN (ACKKKKKKK the worst place to drive EVER) and I got there with like a minute to spare.
The performance itself was… not my best. First, the amazing Zahra went before me. People kept streaming in through her whole show and we kept adding rows and rows and rows of more chairs. She probably had 100 people in there. Then, she finished, and like… 80 people left. That was… gulp. OK. Kind of demoralizing. So I already had bad hair, and no clue how to end my show, and a measly audience. I got through about 75% of it in strong form (I think) and then I pretty much tanked. It wasn’t the best. I had last tweaked the show for Fitbloggin and I knew I had to do something different, and I just didn’t have it together.
After my show I had to put in 3 hours of volunteer time ushering for the Festival, which was an unpleasant and resentful and exhausted way to spend the late afternoon. I was in a very bad mood.
Finally I came home and keeled over.
Today is a new day. I learned a lot yesterday. I learned that I HAVE to limit my activities or I’m just going to burn out. If I had yesterday to do over, I would have probably:
Chosen one thing or another: the workout OR the performance.
Chosen to perform my other piece which is polished and has a solid ending.
I have to really think about this bicycling thing. The level of fear I felt yesterday (without even going on the ride!!!!!) was overwhelming. I realize that this car/traffic thing for me is NO JOKE. I can’t bear the idea of cycling through a narrow space. (ie between cars) I just can’t.
The triathlon itself is going to be on a closed road with no cars. So I am wondering if I can do my training in areas with no traffic. Because I am damn sure I have NO goals of ever, ever, EVER riding in streets with traffic (for the long run). My goal is to finish the damn triathlon. I just need the skill and endurance to get through the 12 or 24 miles (Sprint or Olympic) in November. That is my ultimate goal. If I am going to train on traffic roads, I am going to need hypnosis or anti-anxiety meds or SOMEthing to get through it. I am really struggling with how I am going to manage this but I’ll be damned if I give up the entire triathlon just because of this fear.
Two more workouts down! After that emotional meltdown on Tuesday, things have been going more smoothly, at least psychologically.
Yesterday was a run workout. I did it OYO (on your own) because of my WW meeting in the evening. Our coach had sent out a rather cryptic workout schedule with codes and numbers I didn’t fully understand. What he wrote was:
WARM UP: 10’ Easy jog with 4-5 x 10”-15” strides
MAIN SET
T = Threshold pace = RPE 6-8. This is moderate to hard pace where conversation is possible but labored. Walk or jog very easy during the recovery interval.
R = Repetition pace = RPE 9-10. This is a near max effort. Focus on maintaining running form throughout the set. No recovery interval is given. Take as much rest as needed in order to perform the next repeat at the same high intensity.
Developing (400T, RI 200 + 200R) repeat 4x or (4’T, RI 2′ + 2’R) 4x
Fitness (400T, RI 200 + 200R) repeat 6x or (4’T, RI 2′ + 2’R) 6x
Competitive (400T, RI 200 + 200R) repeat 8x or (4’T, RI 2′ + 2’R) 8x
COOL DOWN: 5’-10’ Easy jog or walk
I’m not sure how YOU would interpret this, but what I did was: (at “developing level”) – warmup, then four minutes of Threshold Level, 2 minutes of Repetition Pace “near max effort,” 2 minutes of recovery (ie staggering/walking/trying not to throw up). Then repeated that 4x. Then cooldown.
I am getting a little more of an idea of how to figure out these RPE (Rate of Perceived Efforts). A “near max effort” is one thing to do for 20 seconds (a true sprint) and another thing to do for two entire minutes. I have to really pace myself. And it just feels sick. But I configured my Runkeeper to chime at all the intervals, and I did it. At the end I was REALLY wiped but felt quite proud of myself. And super sweaty.
Later I found out that I had interpreted the thing wrong. When coach Haakon interpreted his symbols into ENGLISH, he said it was:
4 minutes at Threshold pace (RPE 6-8), rest for 2 minutes
2 minutes at Repetition pace (RPE 9-10), rest as long as you need to in order to do next set at the same intensity and focus.
So I had left out the resting in between Threshold and Rep, and NEVER did the “rest as long as you need.” He said that he liked my workout and that should be called The Beast. 🙂 and that as long as I was not injured, it was “money in the bank.” You can see how this guy thinks.
Yesterday I coincidentally got a handwritten letter from Junior in the mail. I cannot even REMEMBER the last time I got a handwritten letter from ANYONE and so I treasured every word like it was a gold nugget. But my very favorite part was the end of the letter.
That pretty much made my day. There’s no way she (or anyone else) would have said this about me three years ago. It made me feel very awesome.
Today was bike/run day. I got to reunite with my workout buddy Lily, whom I had not seen in what felt like eons! We met up on the same mild hill trail that I did on Saturday.
Here we are before we set off.
Lily: she's so cute!me, feeling very jocky!
We took off. The trail was very beautiful and cool and woodsy and not nearly as crowded as it had been on the weekend.
Lily's butt: woosh, she just whizzed past! So speedy!
We went down the hill, then up the hill (puff puff) and it was very pleasing to have a nice easy hill on which to practice our gear switching. We were pretty psyched. THEN on the way up for the 2nd time, all of a sudden I felt this JERK! and my bike just STOPPED and I was flung to the ground. OUCH. My shoelace had gotten all wrapped up in the gear and well… ack.
This was a very unhappy moment for me. I was on the ground and it took forever to untangle my shoelace and nurse my wounds (both legs) and regain my confidence. Lily was very nice and walked with me for a little bit. Of course it brought back all sorts of PTSD re my bike accident, and I started muttering internally about how much I HATE BICYCLES because they are dangerous nasty beasts that can hurt you and get you killed.
Owie.
So eventually I calmed down and we resumed going up the hill and it went fine. I know it was my FAULT for wearing running shoes with long laces. Mr. McBody had warned me about this (wagging finger and all) on Saturday and I was also dreading the “I told you so” speech when I got home. Bleah. But I got over it and we finished the ride, which all in all had been a success.
Then we RAN! It wasn’t a long run, but we ran down the hill and then up the hill. When we were done we felt like we’d definitely accomplished something. This was our first OYO multi-sport workout. Coach says we need to get used to doing a couple things at once. Okay.
Tomorrow is swim day. I am actually looking forward to it.
Today was one of those Not Easy days. I did not bounce out of bed all excited to get into my new triathlon week. First, I had a super tough day at work. It was psychologically tough. Sometimes I work with people who are in a lot of pain and who have huge physical limitations. Today was one of those days. I just felt such incredible sadness, and the folks I worked with were in despair and I felt like I could not do a thing to help them. As the day went on I felt myself getting more and more tired and weighed down. I went to Starbucks after lunch for iced coffee and a cookie (note: did not help in the LEAST). By the end of the work day I just felt glued to my chair, dragging with no energy and dreading my swim workout.
A little part of me contemplated not going. But I knew that this would just be a horrible slippery slope and if I didn’t go once, then it would just set a precedent for not going again and again.
I was bummed because my buddy Lily couldn’t join me today. I haven’t seen her since last Friday and I miiiiisssssss her. Funny how quickly we establish routines and traditions. I got used to working out with her last week! It feels like an eternity!
I came home after work to print out the workout and get my swim gear. Of course I COULD have done that before leaving in the morning, but I hadn’t done that. I knew it was going to be dangerous to come in the house and sit on a chair. I did not allow myself to lie on the bed (which I really wanted to do). I dragged myself over to the gym after 7.
As I was driving, I got a little flash thinking about my work clients. And it struck me that I was feeling kind of guilty. That here I could work out and do all these things with my body that they just can’t do. It struck me how unfair that was. And I realized that that exhaustion hit me in the afternoon, I think partly because I was overwhelmed with the fact that I get to go and train for a triathlon and they can barely walk down the hall. I felt like I was showing off. And that I didn’t have the right to go work out when people are suffering in their bodies. (this is something along the lines of not finishing one’s plate when there are children starving in X…….. country)
Then I remembered something that our coaches say to us at almost every workout. That when we are tired, or not sure we can start or finish a workout, we should think about our honorees who have, or did have cancer, and that what we go through in our workouts is a mere tiny infinitesemal fraction of what they go through. And that we have to keep going.
My triathlon training is unfortunately not going to help every single person who is suffering in every way in the world. But it can help some people who are dealing with blood cancers. I thought about Izzy and about Susan, another one of my honorees (just diagnosed a few weeks ago) who has already inspired me so much – post about her coming in the next week, and about Scott Simmons and Ruthann Cons and Robert Allen, my “in memory of” honorees. Then I realized that I just passed 25% (!!!!!!!!!!!!) of my fundraising goal (awesome, but that means I have 75% to go! hint hint!) , and that gave me some good energy.
So I went to the pool feeling tired, pretty grim, but determined to do it anyway.
I got in the water and right away I felt calmer. We were supposed to do a total of 700 yards of drills and freestyle. I did it and it was not a struggle. It actually felt really good. When I was done I added an extra 50 yards just because I felt like it. It made me excited to feel the progress I have been making with my swimming.
I was feeling so happy when I got out of the water.
After I took a shower I put on the shirt I’d tossed randomly into my bag. It was my shirt that I got at the Fight for Air StairClimb. In case you can’t read backwards, it says “I climb because I can.” And I guess I swim because I can.
When I was driving home there was an incredibly beautiful fingernail moon hanging over the city.
Today is officially the start of my 2nd week of triathlon training. I did my second “big” team training this morning, and after a nice nap, I’m ready to do some recapping.
Part of me can’t believe I’m actually doing this.
Part of me thinks it’s not so bad.
Today we did an hour long swim including drills and freestyle laps (some/most of the drills are harder than “just” swimming!) up in Novato, which is about an hour away. Which means I got up at 6am, met my carpool buddies at 7 and then drove up to the workout. I was actually feeling encouraged that I think my swimming form and stamina have both improved over the week. I can really feel a difference from just a week ago! So yay on that.
Then we did a bunch of dynamic warmups before running. The running part was a big loop on a wooded trail. It was awesome to be outside in the woods and hills instead of on a track. They said the trail loop was a little less than 2 miles long. They said that people doing the Sprint distance or people in the “developing” level of the Olympic distance should do one loop. It included one semi-mild hill and then one crazy, steep insane hill. Which they recommended walking. Hahahaha. (as if!) So I finished the first loop and was like, yeah! DONE! But the coaches at the water station were like, “Are you doing it again?” And I sort of did a double take. They pointed to my hat (Oakland Running Festival) and my T-shirt (Las Vegas Marathon) and said if I was going to wear stuff like that, I better be going twice. Gulp. So I took off for the second lap.
Not totally surprisingly, the 2nd lap felt MUCH better than the first one did. I really do need a significant warmup! and the first loop was much more of a struggle than the second one. After the second loop, we had been at it for three hours. Then they took us over to a field to do a bunch of core work.
Then I was tired.
I didn’t recap my first “official” bike workout yesterday. I was supposed to do an OYO (on your own) 30 minute ride. Mr. McBody took me to a little trail that goes down to our neighborhood town/village. It’s kind of a mild downhill. I was happy because I thought it would be a perfect way to practice hills, in a protected way.
It was a good challenge and it was not easy. At all. The trail was filled with walkers and dogs and little kids on trikes and strollers and just all kinds of obstacles. Each one put a little splinter of terror into my heart. I had to practice my slowing down and shifting gears and such. Which I did not enjoy. At the bottom of the hill there was a hairpin turn that went downhill and I just couldn’t do it. It terrified me.
I don’t like the machinery of the bike. There’s too much stuff. It’s dangerous feeling. Once when I was getting on (or off) the gears “bit” me in th leg. Which hurt.
It just makes me feel so unskilled and also at the mercy of this piece of equipment. I can see now that this part of the tri is going to be my most challenging. I hope that as we do more team bike workouts, I will get more tips and feel more comfortable.
I did a real double take when I saw our run workout for today. Five minute walk warmup followed by 10 intervals of … WHAT?!? Easy run of one minute (?!?!?) intervaled with one minute walks? ! WHAT?!?? Lily and I had to read it over a couple of times, pinch ourselves, and then read it again before we could really believe it.
Wow!
So I guess after four days of really hard stuff, this must be our “active rest” or whatever. It basically was the same drill as the first week of Couch to 5k. AWESOME!
It felt so good. It really did. I mean I felt like I was certainly doing SOMEthing, but it was easy. It felt wonderful. It was a gift from the coaching gods!!
We’re beginning to get an idea of what these weeks are like. Some days are hard. Some days are easy. We’re getting a bunch of different things all together. Ahhhhhhhhh.
Just a quick reportback to say that my swim workout was just a tad more encouraging tonight. I did 22 laps of freestyle without stopping and without changing stroke (to sidestroke or breaststroke) and without drowning. And without feeling like dying. It was fine! It was good!
Let’s see how the track workout goes tomorrow morning. Lily is coming with me this time. Yay Lily.
It makes alllllllllllllllllll the difference in the world to have a workout buddy.
I promise I’m not going to present you a lengthy recap after every single tri workout, but today was the first. So you’re gonna get a lengthy one today. It was just… wow. Wow hard, wow good, wow scary, wow humbling, just wow.
Our little triathlon team is about 18 people in the SF Bay Area. Today we traveled out to a middle school in Pleasant Hill, about 30 miles from where I live, for our first combo swim/run workout.
First the swim coach gave us a demo of what our swim stroke is supposed to look like: head down, body aligned, blowing out bubbles at all times, and what she called the “catch-up Michael Phelps” stroke. So the “base” of the stroke is that you’ve got both arms extended straight out, arms at ears, and the hands are actually sort of crossed over one another. Then you remove one arm to come down and stroke and immediately return it to that position, and then you do the other side.
She asked us to position ourselves based on our own level of experience and I headed to the most “developing” (ie beginner) lane. Which turned out to be exactly where I needed to be. This was not a surprise or particularly devastating since I have, as I said before, not swum laps in 18 years.
So we get in, and there are 2 other women in my lane, and our coach (there was one coach for every 2-3 lanes) said, “Just go back and forth.” Um o-kay. I took off from the wall trying to be all Michael Phelpsish. We went back and forth a bunch of times. I was happy that my goggles are AWESOME (they aren’t prescription but they have corrective lenses and I could actually SEE clearly). By the 4th length I was panting. Way pooped. I was somewhat relieved to see that my lanemates were also short on the oxygen.
Then we did a bunch of drills during which we did lengths where we only kicked (no stroking) – that was hard, and some where we had our arms down by our sides (that was hard too!). Then we did 4 LAPS (back and forth) and then we did 4 LENGTHS. Um, dude, that’s a lot of swimming. I found myself getting ridiculously thirsty and thank goodness I had my water bottle at the side of the pool. One of my knees also complained a bit. But at the end of an hour (an hour!!) I felt like I was almost starting to get the hang of it. I was tired, but I also felt like I could’ve gone on.
But then it was time to run. We went into the girls’ locker room to change and it was a bit of a challenge putting running clothes (ie sports bra) on a somewhat wet body. Whatever. We went out to the track and did a bit of dynamic warmups – skipping, knee-ups, lunges, grapevines, basketball side running things and the like. Whew! That was pretty tiring.
Then we were to do 4 laps around the track (1/4 mile each) BUT we were supposed to “stride” (pick up the pace) during the straightaways. Which is about half of it. Intervals! Brutal intervals. They made me feel kind of pukey. But I did it. Then when we finished that, he said, “OK, now you’re going to do a timed mile.” They had given some sort of lip service to this notion of run-walking, but believe me I think about 90% of this team was RUNNING. And I mean running. Like 7-8 minute miles kind of running.
It was clear that my leisurely little jogging/wogging pace was going to put me flat at the end. Where I did not want to be. I discussed this with Mr M before leaving today. In most of my timed races I find myself around the final 1/3 of the crowd. Which is just fine. But this is a very fast, young crowd.
I tried very hard to stay focused. To keep my own pace. To not worry that I was getting lapped by the younguns. I just tried to keep my head up and keep running. But MAN. It was humbling. They did say we might want to “kick it out” for the final straightaway and I did just that. I kept at my slowish pace until the very end and then I sprinted in, punch in the gut style.
My time for the mile was 11:30. Now I know that for many of you young runners out there, that is glacially slow. But people, I have not run an entire mile at that pace, like EVER. I’ve been averaging (according to Runkeeper) around 13-14 minute miles. So do do this mile sub-12 to me was totally incredible. But at the same time, I felt it. And I was third to last in the team. (I think. Maybe 4th. I didn’t really look behind me)
It was sobering. It was humbling. It was kind of exciting to know that I was running with the big dogs (actually, the young dogs) and sort of holding my own. But it also showed me that this is going to be no walk in the park. This workout (3 hours total) was NO JOKE.
After the workout a group of us went to a nearby cafe for brunch (we were finished at 11am!). I was in a bit of a stunned state. Part of me was like, OMG WTF did I get myself INTO? And part of me was like Go Ito, you did this. You didn’t drown or fall down or anything traumatic. You kept up. You stayed in the range.
Coach Haaken next to me. He means business!
The weekday workouts are much shorter versions and we’ll be doing 2 run, 2 bike, 2 swim (with one rest day, Mondays) on our own. The weekend workouts are going to be the long ones. I guess this is what my weekends are going to be looking like for the next few months.
I’m excited. And I’m also a bit in state of shock.
The other part of this, of course, is fundraising for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. I have a bunch of really, really fun events planned locally. I’m going to be guest bartender at a local bistro on August 11th and they’re donating a generous percentage to my fund! (any and all invited!) Other fun things are in the works. Stay tuned, and if you can’t make a local event, please please please consider giving a little or a lot here.
This morning I attended the “winter season” kickoff for Team in Training. It was a festive event with hundreds of people who are all training for upcoming endurance events. When I scanned the room, at first I felt reassured because I saw people of all Ages and Sizes. But then I realized that the vast majority of people who were my age (or older) or my size (or larger) were pretty much concentrated on the Walk or Hike Teams. When I made my way over to the Triathlon area, I saw a bunch of fit young people, many of whom were young enough to be my children. Big swallow.
That was one of the first “OMG” moments. The second one came when we went to our individual Tri room and they passed out the training calendars. I had been under the impression that the real training began next weekend, but no….. it starts TOMORROW. Swimming and running both! TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I spent a good part of the afternoon at Sports Basement, for which I had a 20% discount coupon (which ended up really really helping). New running shoes (mine are a good 3 years old and pretty beat up), padded bike shorts, optical goggles so I don’t end up swimming through the Golden Gate, and a new swimsuit. They told us to try on our swimsuits, lean forward in front of a mirror and make sure nothing “falls out.” (LOL)
Looking in the mirror in the store, I thought, “I feel like a Before.” I wonder what these next four months hold in store for me. I wonder what After will feel like.
Starting tomorrow, I will be working out six days a week. (I think this counts as “doing something,” right, Kris?) I am both ready and ready. Terrified and excited. Confident and insecure. Feeling completely crazy. I just got a text from one of my carpool buddies. I am to be at her house at 7:10.
So after my mini meltdown on Sunday, I’ve recovered and I am carrying on. I have kept up with my workouts. All of those check marks represent a completed workout according to the Team in Training schedule that our coaches gave us. I’m not giving up.
Today was swim day. Another long work day and Lily reminded me that we said we were going to do the Fitness level. I said okay. We followed the printed sheet. At one point I asked, “What, no kickboards?” And she very cutely said, “No my friend, we are doing the Fitness Level. No kickboard for us tonight.” We proceed to kick ASS in our workout and we completed it. During one 12-length series I could feel my stroke disintegrating. I was so tired. I got a cramp in my foot. I finished. Go us.
This morning I attended the “winter season” kickoff for 
foodfoodbodybody 