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Susan

writer, memoirist, foodie

The Twitter Fitness Web

Every once in a while, I think I have GOT to write a book called “The Twitter Diet” although I think there already is such a thing. But sometimes I am just overwhelmed with the incredibly community and power that is the Fitbloggin’/FitTwitter world. Just last week I blogged about needing more accountability and consistency in my fitness life.

My buddy Kris responded, “Me too!” and just like that, a little thread of accountability was spun between us. And every day we check in on each other. We had an energetic holiday weekend and cheered each other on with all kind of high fives, but then…. we went back to work today. Both of us were feeling a certain degree of stress and “how are we going to do this?” When I got home from work it was hot and I was tired. And I needed to make dinner and and and…..

The pile of excuses.

Then Kris Tweeted, “8pm. Twenty minutes of ANYthing.” And there it was. My accountability. She lives over 200 miles away from me and yet she is my exercise buddy. Which I already established that I really NEED. So I hemmed and hawed after dinner “I’m really full!” but then it was 7:49 and 7:55 and I said, “I’m putting on my shoes.” She wrote, “No fancy exercise clothes, just regular shorts.” Which was what I was wearing, too. I told Mr. McBody I was taking a walk. He had a look of consternation on his face. He worries about mountain lions.

When I got up to the park it was half full of cars (which is a lot for 8pm!). Lots of people and dogs had been waiting for it to cool down. I headed up the trail carrying a big stick anyway, and I whistled loudly and out of tune to my iPod.

I had a great walk. I went 1.75 miles in 35 minutes, which was more than the “twenty minutes of anything” I was hoping to accopmplish. I even jogged a tiny bit and worked up some sheen.

While I was out on my walk, I saw that Deb had also joined us from her own location. Three friends walking together simultaneously, many miles apart! Kris sent a photo of the view from her hill.

Pretty, huh?

This, my friends, is the best of what technology has to offer. It shrinks worlds and allows connection, not just between people glued to their computer screens, but out in the world, on the trail, getting healthy together/apart. I know tonight that if it were not for my friend 200 miles away, I would NOT have put on those shoes and gone into the woods. There were just too many reasons NOT to. But I did it and feel so grateful and glad.

11

Getting Over the Bikophobia

In the past, I’ve kind of lumped together my “bike and swim phobia” as if they were equivalent. Having gone swimming yesterday, I am realizing that my feelings toward these two activities are in no way equal.

The swimming felt initially very refreshing and nice. At first, it felt good. Then I started getting tired and having breathing issues. But I feel confident that with some decent training, I will eventually get better at this sport and I am open to the idea (even looking forward to) of even one day enjoying it. I feel like chances are good that this could happen. I still have some anxiety that I’m going to have some major panic situation and drown during the tri, but hopefully I can manage my way (mentally) out of that idea. I did have a near-drowning experience in the Outer Banks of North Carolina when I was about 16. I was rescued by a bunch of sailors who made a human chain to rescue me against the riptide. I’ll never forget that experience and I’m hoping that this tri will be a way of “taking back” open-water swimming.

I also had a bike accident when I was 13. When I was little, starting around seven, I had a super cool bike with long handlebars and a banana seat. I used that bike to go all over my neighborhood to visit my friends. It was like having a car (independence!) in the 2nd grade. I feel such pity for the children who don’t have the freedom to do this nowadays. (including my own, who didn’t learn to ride literally until she was 16)

But when I was 13, a bunch of my friends were going for a bike ride. My friend (taller than me) let me borrow her bike (my own bike had been welded to a frame and transformed into an “exercise bike” in the basement). It wasn’t set at the right height and I remember the fear of not being able to touch the ground with my feet.

We were driving on the one trafficked street in our town, the “main street.” I remember swerving too close to a huge truck and losing my balance. I panicked and kind of flung myself (and bike) onto the ground in fear of running into it. I ended up landing UNDER the truck, and the bike was a twisted mess. I had gravel and concrete burns and ripped the skin off my whole leg from ankle to thigh. That was the last time I got on a bike for about 20 years. Since then, it’s been few and far between and I ONLY bike on bike trails that are flat and have no traffic. Or like they do in Golden Gate Park on Sundays – they close the road to traffic and let the skaters and cyclists have the road. That is my kind of biking. I’m not exactly sure what I”m going to do if we have to train on ROAD roads. I might need hynposis or something (I’m not kidding).

I have an almost hysterical fear and loathing of bicycles on roads where cars also drive. If I’m driving a car, I’m anxious that I’ll hit a biker. If I’m on a bike (hypothetical, since I’d never do this) I’m anxious about being hit. I have often said that I think that bikes on car roads should be illegal. I realize that this is a MUCH bigger mental obstacle than I’d realized and I’m going to have to deal with it if I’m going to accomplish this tri.

Mr McBody just went to pick up Junior’s bike so I can use it to start my training. Part of me is hoping it will fall off the back of the car and get crushed before he gets home. Gulp.

14

Toes in the Water, Out of the Comfort Zone

Toes in water by ♪ MissMaryMakk ♪
Toes in water, a photo by ♪ MissMaryMakk ♪ on Flickr.

Wow. Today I did two workouts that were both wayyyyyy out of my comfort zone. First I did another treadmill interval workout courtesy of Junior. I’d been dreading this one but I wanted to give it a try. Whereas the “Mountain” workout is all about upping the incline (not the speed), the “Treading” workout is about the speed. Which scared me.

Why is it called Treading? Because it’s like treading water and you feel like you’re gonna drown? Or because it’s on a treadmill? I have no idea.

So the drill is that you’re supposed to warm up for five minutes. (love this part)

Then, 5 minutes ALL OUT, maximum heart rate, the fastest you can run. Now this is tricky because if you’ve never done it, how do you know what speed that is? I decided to start out at 6.1, which is just below a 10 minute mile (like 9.5). I know lots of people run entire races sub-10min/mile but that’s not me. Depending on the length of the race I’m anywhere from 12-15 minute mile. But I have always wanted to run at least a 10 minute mile so I thought I’d try it.

I made it four minutes and then I really though I was going to fall over and puke. So clearly that was too fast (heh).

What you’re supposed to do after the 5 minute sprint is to bring it WAY DOWN to walking, to slow your heart rate down for another 5 minutes. I got confused here since I didn’t complete the 5 minutes. So I cooled down and walked for 4 minutes.

The pattern is supposed to be 5 minute ALL OUT, 5 minute recovery. 4 minute ALL OUT, four minute recovery. 3 and 3, 2 and 2, 1 and 1. Repeat.

The four and three minute sprints were hecka hard. They really were. And they reminded me of when I first started to try running. i was probably running at this level and of course couldn’t keep up the pace. So I quit.

I fooled around with the speeds but as I kept going down in the time lapses, I was also getting more and more warmed up (boiling hot is more like it). By the time I got to the one minute interval, I was sprinting at 7.0 for that minute (8.3 minute mile pace, woo hoooooooooo!).

When I got done I went back up to the five minutes and was able to do it at 5.9. It actually felt easier.

Again, like yesterday, I was absolutely drenched in sweat and beet red at the end of this one.

THEN i decided to go in the pool (partly to cool down, because I was dying of heat!). The requirements for the Olympic level triathlon include being able to swim 200 yards with “10 seconds rest” (total?). The lifeguard said the pool is 25 yards long, so… 8 lengths. OK. I bought myself some silicon earplugs (I am so prone to swimmers ear) and some new goggles. I hopped in. The first 2 lengths went OK but then it started being a struggle. I rested a few seconds at the end of each length. I’d estimate I probably rested a total of one minute, and when I finished the 8 I was JELLY. I was panting. I was really really wiped out.

When I got home Mr. McBody asked me what stroke I was doing and I told him Crawl. Because it’s like the only one I remember. He said it would be a good idea to alternate breast stroke or others (side?) because then I can get a rest from the breathing. I knew my breathing pattern was super inefficient and just WRONG, and it was pooping me out. I can’t wait to get some good coaching on this.

I haven’t swam laps since I was pregnant with Juniorette. She’s 17 now, so…. a long time ago.

Both of these workouts were very, very humbling today but i was glad I pushed myself out of the comfort zone. It reminded me of when I first started running. There has to be some equivalent of couch to 5k for swimming right? (probably alternating strokes or some such) In any case, I am very glad I’m going to get some training in this area because I sure as heck need it.

12

Climbing the Mountain, Feeling the Sweat

Today I did this “mountain” treadmill interval workout that Junior taught me, that she learned at Fitness Ridge. I swear, I have not had any workout produce THIS MUCH SWEAT ever. It’s incredible!! And I thought I’d share it because it’s just crazy awesome and also unexpectedly both hard and not hard.

Get on treadmill. Warmup at level incline (0) for five minutes. Whatever pace you like.

Then crank up the incline to whatever feels like “medium-hard” to you. Last week, I started at level 6. Today I started at 8. Go at a good walking pace. For me, I had it at 3.0. Which doesn’t feel like much when you’re on level incline, but when you start cranking the mountain, believe me it’s SOMEthing.

Go for 30 seconds. When your timer hits the :30 mark, hit the + incline. It will go up .5 to the next level. (ie, 8.5). Now you’re going up the mountain! EVERY 30 seconds, hit it again. Until you’ve gotten to the “top.” (for me, 15) Stay at the “top” (aaaghhhhhhhhhhh!) for one full minute. Then hit the (-) button so it just goes down 5. (ie, to 14.5). Keep going down every 30 seconds until you reach your starting incline level (ie, 8). Now you’re going down the mountain!

Then do it all over again!

If you climb two mountains in 30 minutes, that is a KILLER CRAZY SWEAT-PRODUCING workout. It’s awesome. AWESOME, I tell you.

Just thought I’d share that. Because it’s one of my new favorite workouts. Now to shower! Man, I need it.

6

My Life As A Guinea Pig

I’ve realized recently that my life this past two years has been an interesting experiment. I’ve been both guinea pig and scientist as I’ve tried to pay attention and understand how my mind and body work.  It’s been a dynamic process. Things change, and I change, and nothing ever really stays the same for long.

A few things I’ve observed, though:

  • If I stay away from my scale for more than 3-4 days, it means that I’m in avoidance and/or denial, and there is probably trouble brewing. If things are going well, I weigh myself every day and even if it fluctuates by several pounds, I don’t fret about it. If I don’t want to look, that means it’s bad news.
  • I need accountability. Even the most “imaginary” accountability works for me. When I was doing the #7daychip, I took it very seriously. I made a promise to myself, I had chip buddies (hey @justjerakah!) and it kept me on track. As soon as I wasn’t officially doing the #7daychip anymore, guess what? My workouts came to a dead screeching halt.
  • That’s why I am soooooooooooo excited about joining Team in Training again after 12 years. I’m going to have a coach! and a group! and a schedule! UBER accountability!
  • Some foods just send me right over the edge into can’t-stop-eating land. Recently it was peanut butter. It went into the trash. Then it was trail mix. ACK! That’s going into trash as soon as I go home today. CANNOT HAVE in the house.
  • My eternal Achilles heel is going to be stress/emotional eating and I really need to put as many resources I can into addressing this. Sometimes I can deal with it in appropriate ways, and sometimes it trips me up. Keep it on the to-do list.
  • In general, I’m not great at working out by myself. If I’m not being accountable to someone else, I often will break dates with myself. Ditto re the team in training- YAY.
  • I continue to thrive with my relationship with Weight Watchers. It’s good for me to enter that conversation with 30+ people every week.
  • Things continually change, and I have to continually Pay Attention and change things up as well. Change is good.
And those were my scientific conclusions of the day!
What have you learned about yourself on your (cough) (for lack of a better word) Journey?
9

A Strange Case of Exercisophobia

An unpleasant sense of fear by Violator3
An unpleasant sense of fear, a photo by Violator3 on Flickr.

If I stay away from exercise for too long, an odd thing occurs. I start feeling afraid of it. I have NO idea what this is about. OK, maybe I have some idea.

Back in the day when I was super unfit, if I tried to do something, and it made me feel tired or just “I can’t do this!” that feeling would just freak me out. It would make me cry and feel just a heap of self-criticism and unworthiness. I would crumple to the ground and hate myself.

Not fun.

And I think a part of that still lives inside me. When I don’t exercise regularly, I start fearing that FEELING – I think what I am afraid of is not the physical sensations, but those emotions of “UGH I’m out of shape!”

This weekend, Junior offered to teach me some of the cool stuff she learned at Fitness Ridge, mainly some of the HIIT treadmill routines. We met up at the gym and just as I was about to step on, I heard myself saying, “I’m scared.”

Of a treadmill?? Me, who ran a half marathon? Um.

She was very patient and supportive and finally I just started and of course, as is ALWAYS the case, I didn’t die doing the workout AND I felt ten million times better.

Which led me to examine in close, what is this strange fear about? Because it definitely hinders me. And it makes me mad. Why would I hold myself back from something that clearly makes me feel so good? This has been proven to me hundreds of times by now and yet still, I sometimes find myself in the place where I just feel chained down to a chair with absolute paralysis.

I know it needs some more excising and examining. But this is a good place to start.

7

Goalaversary Number Two! The Neurons Converge!

photo credit: Hybridotus, via Flickr

Today is my two-year anniversary of reaching my Weight Watchers goal weight. I “celebrated” rather sheepishly and quietly, mostly because I am a couple pounds over goal due to certain Hormonal Influences of the Week. But also because it’s been a rough patch of time lately and I just wasn’t feeling as exuberant as I did last year.  I didn’t go out and have cupcakes. However, at my meeting last night I fastened some curly ribbons to my nametag and at the end of the meeting, I did announce my 2-year goalaversary and I told the members they could ask me anything they wanted.

One person raised their hand and said, “What do you do when you feel stuck?” Ahem – like RIGHT NOW? I stood and thought for a moment. And then I said, “I change things up. I look for something new to do. A new book, a new kind of exercise, a new recipe, a new way of looking at things. Anything to move things and unstick them.”

And just as I said it out loud I knew it was true.

THEN we had Celebrations and we celebrated one member losing 11 pounds. She said it was due to “earning LOTS of activity points, and joining Team in Training!” We all clapped. Then I remembered when I had joined Team in Training in 2000 and completed a marathon (walking). I remembered what a wonderful experience that had been.

This morning, I was still thinking about it. I thought about another member who came up to me after the meeting and said he was “doing pretty good” with his food, but that he wasn’t getting much activity in. Then the neurons in my brain started sparking and I thought, “Hey! I should recommend that he try Team in Training! How awesome would that be!”

Then it jumped to, “Hey. Maybe *I* should re-join Team in Training! Maybe I should do a marathon!” I had gotten a flyer from Team in Training just last week (I’m still on their mailing list, 11 years later). I started getting excited.

Then on the way to work I remarked to Mr. McBody that I was contemplating something biggish. I told him. He said, “That’s a great idea!” But then he said… “But you know, I’m not sure these long distance events are really a good long term plan.” (speak for yourself, dude.) And he went on to say that maybe I ought to mix it up and do something other than running.

I was about to get all defensive and upset and tell him I was going to be running long races into my eighties (um??) and then an even bigger bunch neurons exploded in my head, and the words “triathlon – running- biking – swimming- TEAM IN TRAINING!” all merged together at once and I let out this huge “Ahhhh!!”

As soon as I got to work I went on the site and looked at the upcoming events. Marin County Triathlon. November 5. My heart started pounding. And I registered for an info session on the spot.

I’m going to do this. This is my new thing! This is my shaking it up!

I’ve whispered and mumbled and thought about the word “triathlon” in the past. But then I never started and I knew that I was just plain CHICKEN. Of the biking/swimming part. And I know without a doubt that the ONLY WAY – the ONLY way in the entire universe that this will ever be possible for me, will be if I have a coach and an entire HERD of people doing it with me.

My big, giant, annual work event finishes up on July 22nd this year. Training for the Marin County Triathlon begins on July 23rd.

Um, isn’t that, like… fate?

So THIS is how we celebrate the 2nd goalaversary. First year, cupcakes. Second year, triathlon. Okay.

Anyone want to join me?? I’m going to an information session in San Francisco on July 7th!!

Oh, and: this is what I love about working at Weight Watchers. It’s SUCH a two-way street. I need to be in there, and I need my members as much as they get support from me. Thanks for throwing some sparks into my brain, people!

13

The Great Nia + Pie Healing

Ah the healing power of Nia and pie! My friend’s birthday-party-Nia-class this morning was SO much fun and exactly what I needed in every single way. The class was taught by an awesome guy in a wonderful space and it was just fun, fun, fun but also good exercise (I was sweating rivulets) AND good therapy. I feel a million times better. It also made me think it would be good for me to get more Nia classes into my life. I might even BART over to San Francisco to take this class again.

I wish I had a bunch of fun pics to show, but not yet. We took dozens of great shots using the instructor’s camera, and he said he’d email them to the birthday girl, and who knows how long that might take.

Interesting moment: I’ve been feeling just kind of awful lately. Like, maybe I’ve gained all my weight back or something. I did in my head, anyway. So I was rather shocked to look in the mirror during the Nia class and see that – um, NO, I didn’t. I actually looked strong and happy and pretty fit. And as the class progressed, I started – how can I describe this? – inhabiting the image I saw in the mirror more and more. It was actually a wonderful feeling. Nia is so funny and trippy and for much of the class we were doing these giant bird-wing movements, something I’d never done before- and I felt like this huge crane or egret or something. It felt good. I felt like once again I was taking off.

After class we went down the street to Mission Pie for the most awesome birthday party brunch ever. I had a piece of quiche (YUM) and a bite of someone else’s strawberry rhubarb pie. DOUBLE YUM. It tasted good and awesome and celebratory and just like food is supposed to taste.

As for all the other stuff, there’s movement happening and I guess the lesson is that as long as I keep moving externally, I can keep up with and cope with the internal movement. Silly old bear.

6

Nighttime Peanut Butter and A Good Long Cry

I’m not gonna lie, this is continuing to be a hard week. Y’all know that I have three jobs, right? Well, every single one of them has been frustrating/challenging/hard/AGHHHHH this week. All of them. I just feel like I’m not getting a break from any corner, and I’m just ping-ponging from to another. It’s just hard.

In addition to that, I’m going through some big transitions, and that’s just challenging me big time. Change is hard.  It’s good, and it’s necessary, but it’s hard. It requires a lot of emotion and squirming around. I can’t really talk about specifics yet but I will at some point.

One thing that happened this week was another one of those “Hmmm, this really… INTERESTING,” ie “WTF is GOING ON!!?!?” moments.  Last week our Weight Watchers topic was “Tracking Things Other Than Food and Drink.” I actually love that topic because to me, it shows WW commitment to really having members know and understand ourselves. Yeah! That mindfulness thing! We had a great discussion about monitoring and paying attention to all kinds of stuff like hunger, emotions, tiredness, sleep, exercise, clothing size and on and on. I was like, YEAH! I always tell members that this is the most important thing – KNOWING OURSELVES and our habits, what our mind does, where it trips us up, because knowledge is power, blah blah blah.

So my mind decided to pull a fast one on me this week.

I have spent decades analyzing my particular food/weight/habit Achilles heels. I am very susceptible to emotional eating, for example. I also have a tendency to like big meals. I’m not a big snacker, and I’m NOT a “nighttime eater.” Friends and WW members have long bemoaned their nighttime eating habits, during which I usually nod sympathetically but really it’s not something I could relate to. Because I don’t really like eating at night (unless it happens to be a weirdly late dinner). It isn’t comfortable and I just don’t LIKE IT.

Until this week. One night this week I was prowling around the house right before bed, and I happened to walk through the kitchen. Normally I have no desire to eat at this time. But I saw this open bag of pretzels. And I saw a jar of peanut butter. And something in my mind just SNAPPED and before I knew it I was slathering peanut butter on pretzels and eating them. And then (just like the famous “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie”) because I had eaten that, I HAD to have a big glass of milk. Which I did. And then I went to bed, going, WTF was THAT?!??

It was nighttime eating! When I wasn’t hungry! O. M. G.!!!!!!!!!!!

I was absolutely horrified. I couldn’t have been more horrified than if I’d shot myself up with a syringe full of heroin. Because for 99% of my life, nighttime eating just has NOT been one of my (many) unhealthy habits! Other people did that, and I did other stuff, but that was just not for me. And here I was, tiptoeing (or no, maybe STOMPING) into that Territory. Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!

I felt terrible, both emotionally (AGHHHHHHH!) and physically (YUCKKKK!).

The next morning, I woke up and saw the offending jar of peanut butter mocking me from the counter. I picked it up and flung it into the trash, even though there was more than half the jar left. I was so mortified and did not want to risk. (apparently for me, stress + peanut butter = the perfect storm)

A few days of self loathing and no exercise ensued.

Today I got up determined to break this cycle of insanity. I laced up my sneakers and at first I was going to do, you know, a WORKOUT. But instead I realized I knew I needed a walk and some sort of Come-to-Jesus conversation with myself. I knew I had to get to the bottom of what was going on.

Well, I was no further then three minutes from my house when I found myself sobbing, I mean REALLY sobbing like the world was ending. It was huge. I couldn’t talk or breathe or anything. But I KNEW that this was what I had really been needing. The stress of my mom getting sick and hurt last week, plus other stuff all piling up,  and my jobs all simultaneously kicking my butt – it was all just too much. I just cried and cried. And walked. It was all good. And necessary.

This stuff can be hard sometimes. But I know that today was my breakthrough. I stopped trying to hold it all together and I just let it all out. And I know I’m ready to deal with the changes and all of it.

In other, happier news, my Junior has been at the Biggest Loser resort in Malibu this week. And she has been squeezing the most out of every single minute there. She has had the most amazing workouts of her life and is loving it like CRAZY. I am so excited for her to come back and teach me everything!! She’s had the chance to work out with Sam from season 9, whom she’s admired a long time, and she’s just having the best time ever. I am so excited for her. She has made a few video recaps with the blow-by-blow of each minute of each workout, and I’ve been eagerly awaiting them every night. If you want to check out life at the BL resort, you can see her (written and video) daily recaps here.

I think things are going to start turning around. That bawling in the woods really helped this morning. On Saturday, I’m going to a (what fun!) Nia dance birthday party class! Junior comes home on Sunday. And I am going to keep rolling through the changes.

 

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