Search

foodfoodbodybody

eat, move, think, feel

Open Search
Tag

weight loss

A Little Nervous Without My Scale

I’ve been on vacation, celebrating my birthday in high style, since last Friday. Up here on the river, it’s mostly been a very blissful experience, floating about on the water, visiting with friends, eating well, and generally feeling very happy. Yesterday I went for a good run. But I’m feeling a little bit nervous because I don’t know what all this celebrating is meaning for my weight.

I know one friend who brings her scale with her wherever she goes. I actually considered that – we drove up in two cars, so there was plenty of room – but I resisted. But being without it has made me realize how I rely on it to keep on track. I know, I know, there is the whole “throw your scale away!” contingent out there. I realize that I’m not ready to do it. I actually HAVE been known to gain as much as 5 lbs (more?) in a week. And if that happens, I’ll deal with it. But I do think that knowing, on a daily basis, if it has crept up one or two, really does help keep me accountable.

I’m just… curious. On the day of my big birthday party, we had lots of good food. Including cake. I didn’t go WILD but I was nibbling a lot through the day. I had one piece of cake (it was goooooooooood) and luckily for me, we finished it off in one sitting so there were no leftovers.  Last night we went out to dinner. Tonight we’re going to a birthday celebration for my cousin-in-law, who is also staying up here for vacation. I just don’t know what the cumulative effect of all of this is.

It makes me relieved that now that I am a Lifetime member of WW which means I only have to weigh in once a month instead of once a week. I am confident that I’ll be able to get back into range by next month. But if it was a weekly situation, probably not. (sigh) HOW unfair is it that it’s so easy to gain 3-5 pounds in a week, and almost impossible to lose the same?

I guess I will find out when we go home on Friday.  Meanwhile, I’m wondering.

13

It’s Healthy Challenge Time Again!

Some of you may remember when I participated in the Fabulous Fatties’ Challenge a few months ago. It was a great way to put together all of the different elements of healthy living. Well, Shannon and Angie are at it again, and this time they’ve got an incredible assortment of AMAZING prizes, including a deposit for their Fit and Fabulous Cruise in January of 2010!!! (I realllllllllllly want to go on this cruise, because it falls in the same week as my Healthaversary, or the one-year anniversary of when I began this blog and started my new healthy life – wouldn’t that be an incredible way to celebrate?)

These are the things involved in THIS new challenge, and note, there will be PRIZES given away every day. Guess what one of the prizes is? A gorgeous handmade quilt handmade by none other than MY MAMA.

* Bring people to the challenge from 8-12 to 8-19 this option closes at midnight on 8-19  *5 entries per recruit.
* Lose weight  *1 entry per pound
* Lose Inches  *1 entry per inch
* Set a goal of what you want to achieve during this challenge.  *2 entries
* Meet your goal  *3 entries
* Creativity tweet, myspace, facebook or other social network about this challenge  *1 entry per tweet/post etc. maximum 10 per day (hashtag for twitter #ffchallenge3 )
* Drink 8 glasses of water a day  *1 entry
* 5 servings of fruits or vegetables a day  *1 entry
* Exercise 30 minutes a day or more  *2 entries
* DO A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS  *3 entries
* Keep a food journal  *1 entry per day
* Post about this challenge or linky love us on your blog  *3 entries
* Eat a healthy breakfast  *1 entry per day
* Do not drink soda pop  *1 entry per day
* Leave comments on other peoples blogs *1 entry per comment

As usual, I’ll do great on the blog-commenting, vegi eating and not drinking soda. I am sure I will fail in the water consumption. As always!

I have joined a team (nothing involved in being on a “team” other than receiving a lot more encouragement and support and company on the challenge) called the Downsizing Divas. JOIN US! It’s not too late!

The points you achieve each day are tallied up by YOU (on the honor system). You need to report them to the Fab Fatties on their blog in order to be eligible for the prizes. If you want to join team Downsizing Divas, please leave a comment HERE on my blog.

6

Woo Woo Workout! & my Very Good Day

One of my best buddies invited me to join her at a Nia class today. She and I only live 17 miles apart, but we are separated by a large body of water and a big bridge, which daunts us both from seeing each other more often. (she is also my What Not To Wear shopping and fashion expert!) I jumped at the chance to exercise with her! I was a little trepidatious because I’d watched some of the Nia videos, and it looked like some level of … er… coordination was involved. It was in the big gymnasium of her YMCA – about 30-4o people all spread out, and one very pregnant instructor with a microphone strapped to her head.  We were in bare feet, which felt really nice. I don’t usually exercise in bare feet.

The class started out with this very Cirque-du-Soleil-ish music (which I loved). Lots of swaying, head rolling, etc. Evolved into some kind of free-for-all ecstatic dance or mad hippie dance combo in which people glided (glid?) around the room, waving arms, rotating pelvises etc. Gyrations and undulations. I vacillated between wanting to laugh my head off, and getting really into it. It helped to close my eyes and groove. But there were also very specific choreographed moves involved as well. There would be a few minutes of scripted stuff, which I had to concentrate hard on, and then a few minutes of let it all hang, people! Bounce around in ecstasy!  The Nia people say that this activity is all about

“tapping into the mental, spiritual and emotional aspects of being, as… the physical. It aims to make movement more conscious, to release blocked energy, to enable participants to connect to a greater whole and learn to be guided by the pleasure principle: if it feels good, do it.”

It did feel good. On one level it was goofy as heck, but it still felt good. I especially liked what they call “Floorplay” (which I think MizFit would appreciate) as opposed to “floorwork.” We were encouraged to become embryos or protozoa or platypuses or whatever we wanted. It reminded me of my favorite scene in Harriet the Spy when her dance teacher casts her as an onion, and she rolls around on the floor really feeling it.

After the Nia class, I was definitely energized. Not dripping sweat, but with a nice sweaty layer. My friend wanted me to check out these high-tech stationery bikes that have an interactive video monitor attached. SO hilarious and high-tech and cool! I got on the bike and chose the Redwood Forest course, and found myself pedaling through these beautiful redwood forests! You have to steer so you don’t crash into a tree, and there are even hills that you really feel.  I think I rode about 5 miles at “level 12” (whatever that is) and worked up a HUGE river of sweat. BIG FUN!

Then we had a very nice healthy lunch at the mall food court. I got gazpacho (cold soup was excellent because I was still superoverheated) and a hummus wrap. Then we strolled into the Gap. Remember that Gap commercial from the 70s? “Fall into the GAP.” I fell in, alright. I was not intending to either try OR buy anything but ended up having a mini-spree which I am now calling my birthday present from my dear husband.

I have been dying for a pair of “boyfriend jeans” (except, NO, I do not wear them with 5″ heels! LOL!) every since I saw them on J. Jill website (and Gap’s are cheaper! Way!). I am here to say – people, (no, WOMEN) if you want an ego boost the size of Montana, run right over to the Gap and try on some BOYFRIEND JEANS. They are cute, floppy, comfortable as all heck, and their sizes are INSANE.  Let me just say that I kept trying on smaller and smaller sizes until I was at size 4 (FOUR FOUR FOUR FOUR FOUR) and even they were kind of on the loose side. The saleslady suggested I try a TWO at which point I almost passed out from ecstasy and slid down to the floor to relive my Nia protoplasm dance. But alas, they had no size 2 BF jeans, so I took the 4s and hugged them to my (still-sweaty) bosom. HAPPY TIMES in Gap!

I also got, at the prodding of my fashionista friend, some wild colored clothing (ie: bright blue, dark plum, orangey red and mustard yellow-green.) As most people know, my favorite colors for clothing are: black and brown. Or orange and green but I only wear those clothes when I’m cheering for my kids’ rowing team. And it was all on some “Tuesday only” 40% off sale so I got a big bag o clothes for what normally would be like ONE Eileen Fisher sweater.

It was a good good good day!

27

Just Musing

Are people who are overweight and then lose weight perceived as being more attractive than people who just ARE at normal weight?  I’ve been meeting up with people I haven’t seen in months and so many of them seem to be shocked by how FANTASTIC I look. And although it is nice (but somewhat squirmy too, I never know what to say other than a sheepish “thanks”) I wonder if they are really thinking, “OMG you used to be such a fat frumpy cow, I can’t believe you actually wear zipped up pants now!”

I wonder if people meeting me for the first time now think there is anything at all remarkable about my appearance, or if I just seem like a regular, average-ish kind of person.

Or is it that people expect people to kind of get worse looking, and in worse shape as they get older, so when somebody reverses that trend it’s really like WOW?

I know that in the past couple of years, I attributed many things to being “old.” Like I had these big fat pads on my knees. I had never had fat knees before and I thought, this is because I’m getting old. Um NO. It was because I was FAT!  I had all kinds of aches and pains that I attributed to age. Guess what? THOSE aches are gone, and the aches I have now are only because of exercise and running crooked (still working on that!).

I’m not sure where I’m going with all of this, just some foggy thoughts on a (happily) foggy morning. I love exercising in chilly weather!

14

Momentum, Lost

I was worried this would happen – that during this time of year I would be so stressed from coordinating my big family camp, that I would just lose my momentum altogether. And at one point I was all determined that it would NOT happen. But, well, it did, sort of. Not completely. I didn’t go totally off the deep end and eat myself into a stress coma, but I DID lose an entire week of exercise, maybe more. (almost 2 weeks?) I knew in that week before camp that at least a WALK would have done me so much good, but I just… didn’t.  Every day I told myself I’d at least try to get in a walk or a 30 minute Jillian video, but neither of those things happened. Which sort of perplexes me and bums me  out. With ALL that I know about how good and helpful exercise is, I still had this inner resistance. With this voice that said, loudly, I’m too busy. And yes, I WAS busy, but I could have taken 20 or 30 minutes a day and it would have helped. But I didn’t. However, I did continue to make decent food choices during that time.

When I was at camp itself, I wore my pedometer and was walking a minimum of 4 miles a day, just running around doing camp stuff. In addition, I took one good (steep) hike and did one ill-fated run. (more on that later) So I felt good about that. The food at camp… well, it was overall fairly bad but they did have a good salad bar. So that often saved me. But on the last day or two I felt myself sliding a bit. I had a couple cookies. I ate some Cream of Wheat and other stuff I normally wouldn’t. But it wasn’t an all out disaster.

When I got home, I was up a pound or two (I had lost those 2 lbs before I left, so I wasn’t panicking). But the all out disaster came the day after I got home. I had been itching a little at camp. But the day after I got home (yesterday?) I had a huge, terrible outbreak of poison oak. Remember that run I did? Well I was about a mile from camp and had to go to the bathroom REALLY BAD. And you know how uncomfortable it is to run when you have to go. So I went in the woods. And… yeah, I got it THERE.

I have never known such horrible, insane, burning itching! Welts! I couldn’t open one eye. My lips were enormous and weeping fluid. On my face, chest, back, arms, legs… and yeah, THERE. Ugh ugh ugh ugh. I tried to go to my trainer yesterday morning but he took one look, would not come NEAR me and told me to go get a cortisone shot ASAP. I didn’t do that, but I did start taking prednisone. Which has my blood sugars all whacked. But I can’t not do this.

So, I’m stressed. I was so uncomfortable yesterday I didn’t want to MOVE but today I am feeling like things are calming down a bit. I might go for a walk later on.

The worst part? Yesterday I had the worst “food” day ever since January. I was scheduled to make lunch for 30 kids in my daughter’s theater group (they are in all day rehearsals now). She requested homemade mac and cheese (MY NEMESIS). And I think the combination of stress, the poison oak, totally losing my healthy mojo, and I just lost it. Two plates of mac and cheese (don’t even ask how many “portions” that may have been) and two brownies. BROWNIES. Wahh!

What was going through my head? (“Well, my blood sugars are already up from the prednisone, let’s make it even worse! or let’s disguise it.”) Or I don’t even know. I think my head was not working. Did you know that steroids can also make one emotionally and mentally whacked? Let’s blame it on the steroids!

Well, it had to happen sooner or later. And what did I learn from it? I learned that the mac and cheese was not as incredibly awesome as I’d dreamed. In fact, I think the reason I ate so much of it was I was chasing that elusive high, waiting for it to transport me into ecstasy, when it really didn’t. (the brownies, however, were darn good)

So I’ve learned. It’s been a humbling experience. I am ready to get back on the horse or the wagon or the donkey. I know it feels 100x better to act and be healthy than it does to make the unfortunate choices I’ve been making.

I’m glad that there wasn’t HUGE harm done – in the past this period has been much worse and lasted much longer and meant 10-15 lbs gain instead of the two or four that it probably is.

This post is getting really long but I wanted to say another that I learned. You know that quote, “You are what you repeatedly do.” That is so so so true. When I didn’t Tweet for a week, I also lost the momentum of that community and what it does for me. I came back, and I felt…. out of it. It would be so easy to fall away. But I don’t want to. I know that my blogging friends  are still out there, and I really need y’all.

I need a hand up on the wagon. Circle back round for me, will ya?

15

I Just Wanted To Taste It Again

White rice, that is. I haven’t had white rice (other than half-bites of sushi) since I began this blog in January. It was a terrible drugged fatigue after a lunchtime rice bowl that led me to finally agree to get my blood tested and I got my (pre)diabetes diagnosis. So it’s been a long time. Ever since then, my live-in mother has cooked white rice virtually every night (she’s Asian, and that’s Just the Way It Is) and I have stayed away from it.

But tonight, I weakened. I’d say it was a perfect storm of many things: it’s the highest intensity work week of my entire year, so mega stress; I didn’t have time to exercise; my husband is away for five days and I miss him; I have too much to do (did I say that already??); oh, and I’ve been doing really well with my maintenance (so hey! what a great time to sabotage myself); I did great at my doctors’ appointments last week (ditto) AND I’ve been focusing a lot more on weight loss stuff and less on my diabetes. In fact, I had not tested my blood since my medical visit. LAST WEEK.

I had been religiously testing myself like 5 times a day, and then 3, and then once, and then… oops, where’s my meter? I think once I got a good A1C test, (average of past 3 months of blood glucose levels) I felt like, HEY, I’ve got this down! I know what I’m doing! What a good time to blow it!

I didn’t have time to shop or cook tonight. I was semi-frantic from my brain working super overdrive. I got Indian food takeout. Now, I’ve done this a DOZEN times since January, and have done so well with a bit of grilled tandoori chicken, and some spinach and yogurt raita, but this time…  😦

It wasn’t the world’s biggest pigout, but compared to the way I’ve been eating since January, it was. I had two scoops of rice, probably about a cup total. AND a half piece of naan. AND several trips back to the chicken tikka masala and the vegi creamy stuff. It was all really good. But a combination of too much quantity, and too many white carbs.

After dinner, I had that falling-asleep drugged feeling again. I knew this was not good. I tested my blood. It was not disastrous by any means, but it wasn’t the lovely stellar numbers I’d been seeing for months.

So, it wasn’t a huge crash. It could’ve been the first step down a slippery slope. But I’m not going to let it. I tasted the rice. It was really delicious. But that feeling afterward? And the number on my meter? And the number that’s going to show up on the scale? None of that was worth it.

I think it was almost necessary to have this happen. I’ve been so “good.” For so long. I had to do a little experiment. The results were what I could’ve expected. Now I know that’s not going to happen again for a long while.

My body still can’t deal with carbs, can’t deal with that quantity of food. Sigh. Oh well. (but this is probably a good thing)

NEXT MORNING: Blood glucose STILL up. Weight up. OK, where’s that wagon? I am jumping back on and QUICK…!

8

Maintenance Is Like Plateau, But Better

So I’ve been “officially” at goal weight for two weeks, but I think more like a month or more because before that, I was less than a pound away.  The funny thing is is that before I hit that arbitrary Magic Number, I was at a Plateau (which everyone hates and dreads) and since I hit the number, I’m at Maintenance. But really there’s no difference. It’s all kind of silly.  Just something I’m noticing.

Somebody asked today if Maintenance was Hard, Easy, or Medium. I wouldn’t exactly say it’s EASY, but it isn’t hard either. It just… is. I think our bodies actually pretty much like staying in one place, which is why losing is hard(er).  I think it likes plateaus. I’m pretty much doing the same stuff as I have been all along but I definitely hit a wall of having weight just go away. I’d have to step it up in ways I can’t quite fathom in order to lose more right now.

I’m going to hang out here for a while. But it did occur to me that just a few months ago if my weight wasn’t budging, I’d be deeply unhappy. Now I see my body as just kind of resting, and stabilizing. I would like it if I could lose another bit of weight. I know I still have pudge in various areas that I’d like to lose. But I’m not desperate to do it, and feel like it will eventually happen. It might take me a year to lose another 5 lbs.  And that’s okay.

4

Eileen Fisher Made Me Fat

TK-P0547-GRAPHITESeveral  years ago, I began wearing Eileen Fisher clothing. At the time, I was ecstatic to find elegant, well-made clothes. They were comfortable, and flowing and I felt like they disguised my larger size. For many years it was pretty much all I wore. They are expensive, but I had a few pieces that were the staples of my entire wardrobe. I had one size L black pants with elastic waist and that was my uniform, paired with big boxy tops, or if I was feeling super daring, a cami paired with a big boxy jacket (LOL). I felt comfortable, and grateful that I didn’t have to look totally awful even if I was overweight.

The problem was that I had NO idea how my “clothes were fitting.” I could gain 25 lbs without having ANY IDEA of it, because those black elastic pants pretty much always fit. They probably would even fit me now. I didn’t really have any zippered pants other than some pretty large jeans, but even those depressed me when they got tight. So I avoided the scale, kept wearing elastic pants, didn’t know how fat I was getting AND really never had any sense of fullness when I was eating. Because that elastic could expand, and expand, and expand….

I’ve been reading lately how important it is to pretty much always wear nonstretch, zippered or buttoned clothing. For two reasons – so that you know what size your body is, and so that you can tell how full you are getting. These two concepts really meant nada to me for many years. I just wanted to be “comfortable.” But I had no idea how dangerous that comfort was.

Today I am wearing some pants that I bought recently. They are a tad snug because they went through the dryer for the first time this week. And I’m glad, because they are a reminder to me, as I go throughout my day, that I do not want them getting any more snug. I want them to fit, and hopefully, get a little looser over time.

I never really “got” this thing about elastic pants before. But I do now, and the only elastic I’ll wear now is for workout clothes. Oh, and I bought a new Eileen Fisher “pencil skirt” last week – size EXTRA SMALL (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and it looks pretty darn good. 🙂

PS. You have to realize that E.F. sizes their clothing HUGE, if *I* am wearing an Extra Small! But I’m not complaining.

————

I watched the 2nd episode of Dance Your Ass Off last night. On one hand, I liked it a lot (I love disco!!!!!) but on the other hand I liked it less. I noticed that my heart about JUMPED OUT of my chest when I saw a 10-second promo for the upcoming Biggest Loser Season! Woo!

But something about lasts night’s DYAO just seemed… sad to me. I can’t explain it. The psycho crybaby made me very uncomfortable, and I wished she’d gone home. Although I did like the way they all banded together and hauled the tempting “bad” food out to the trash. Good move, but I hated the tantrum that preceded it. She just made me super uneasy.

Also: I was trying to figure out WHY I liked that Lisa Ann Walter judge so much. (the middle one) I felt like I knew her realllly well but did could not place her. I love her but I don’t know why. Well last night I checked her out on IMDB and realized that she (many many pounds ago!) played the housekeeper character “Chessy” on the Parent Trap movie.  She was so super awesome in that movie, and we must have watched it over a hundred times. But she is way skinnier now and that’s why I didn’t recognize her. I’d love to hear her story. So sad about that movie – Natasha Richardson is tragically gone, and Lindsay Lohan is… well, Lindsay Lohan. That was one of the prime kid movies of our daughters’ growing up time. We know much of it by heart.

13

Be Mindful, and Don’t Suffer

At least once a week I go someplace where I run into someone I haven’t seen in a few months or more. Since Before. And very often they will say, “HOW did you do this?!?” It’s hard to sum it up in a few words, because it truly is a long story, but I think my “elevator pitch” (code for how to pitch a book, or business proposal to an agent or funder in the time it takes to ride an elevator) would be “By being mindful, and not suffering.”

I know, it’s very Buddhist, right? But truly I think this is what has made All the Difference this time. I started attending a meditation class very soon after my pre-diabetes diagnosis. And the idea of being mindful- of paying attention – made a huge impact on my whole weight loss journey. I decided to really pay attention to everything  – to what I truly wanted to eat, and if eating was what I wanted at all, and how much to eat, and everything. It has been absolutely invaluable.

I loved that this week, in my WW mentoring session, the leader spoke a LOT about “being mindful.” I don’t know if he’s a Buddhist or not, but he did bring it up about 20 times during the meeting, and people were nodding and really getting it. I loved that.

Another big concept in Buddhism is that of Suffering.  I know that I have suffered mightily because of my weight and food issues, throughout my life. I suffered when I felt I was depriving myself of food I wanted, but I also suffered when I ate things for the Wrong Reasons (ie for comfort or distraction). I suffered from guilt and remorse, shame and self hatred. There was a LOT of suffering going on.

It’s been shocking for me to notice that this New Way has involved very little suffering, and I know that if I feel like I am suffering, it’s going to come back and bite me BIG time. So it’s important for me to never, ever sigh dramatically and say, “I guess I should eat THIS (salad?) instead of THAT.” Because if I feel deprived in ANY WAY, shape or form, I’m going to overeat. Every single time. I have to find something that makes me HAPPY and satisfied, as well as being a good choice.  Salad is a good example. Sometimes I really crave and love and feel like eating salad. But often, if it’s a cold day or whatever, I want HOT FOOD.  Before, it would be a choice between two kinds of suffering: I’d have a cold salad and feel all deprived, OR I’d have .. I dunno, a huge plate of lasagne or fried chicken and THEN I’d suffer because I’d feel overstuffed, guilty and remorseful. And fat.

So the key is to really be MINDFUL and say, OK, I don’t want salad. (“Then don’t eat salad!”) I want hot food. OK, what kind of hot food will satisfy and yet not make me feel remorseful? Often it is SOUP. I have come to looooooooove soup very much. Because there are so many delicious kinds of soup and EVEN soup that is a bit rich (some cream in it, or meat) a cup of soup can go a very long way. There is a wonderful French food takeout place near my work that has two kinds of amazing soup every day. Usually that will be all I want for lunch, and it probably has WAY fewer calories than a salad with blue cheese, nuts, dressing, avocadoes etc etc.

I have had to build up my repertoire of foods that I both love and feel good about eating. This has taken some time and practice but now I feel like I have wonderful choices.

I still always have half-and-half in my coffee, because I have tried many alternatives (black coffee, skim milk in coffee, nonfat half and half) and they ALL make me suffer. I want my half-and-half. But I have made other changes that allow that to be okay. (more exercise, soup for lunch, etc)

So that’s my short answer for How I Did It (and how I intend to keep Doing It): Be mindful and don’t suffer.

Over and out.

15

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑