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Losing or Learning?

muffinOne of the phrases (and there were many!) that really stuck in my brain from WW training was, “You either have a losing week, or a learning week.” I LOVED this, because it takes away the notion of failure. If we don’t lose weight, what can we learn from that, from our behavior, that we can change if we want to have a losing (or maintaining) week the next time? I must repeat that refrain in my head a dozen times a day.

I am having a big-time learning week. First, I learned that it really IS hard to lose or maintain when I eat out in a restaurant like 5 meals in a row, even if I am trying to make healthy choices. Part of it is the food is just TOO GOOD, and I lose sight of necessary portion control.  Also, we really do not know for sure what is IN the food we eat at restaurants. Then, especially for me, there’s the social aspect, which is sooo distracting. All that adds up to, even with the best intentions, an inevitable weight gain. SO I am making a resolution to really cut down/minimize my restaurant eating as much as possible, from now until December.

As if that weren’t enough, I came home to even more of a delusional bubble. Some part of my brain seems to believe that as a WW staff person I have donned some invisible cloak of immunity, ie, I can do anything and not gain weight. NOT! OMG!  But there’s a little devil on my shoulder this week, poking me and saying, “This won’t count!” and other lies.

Here was my lesson for this morning.  I am particularly vulnerable in the fall, because of colder weather, upcoming holidays, and special things like PUMPKIN TREATS. I am such a sucker for pumpkin muffins, pumpkin bars, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin EVERYthing. I especially love pumpkin muffins. But I have resisted them… until today. I just freaking wanted one. So I got one. And I ate it.

And this is what I learned:

  1. It tasted really good.
  2. But not THAT GOOD.
  3. I felt a little bit sick after I ate it, because I am not used to eating sweet carbs for breakfast anymore.
  4. It did not sustain me. I was hungry pretty quickly, like 90 minutes after I ate it.
  5. I really don’t know how many points it was, but it was anywhere between 6 (best case scenario, which I doubt) and 11. (ACKKKKKK!) Which is like half of my points for the ENTIRE DAY.
  6. It probably was very very bad for my blood sugar but I did not test it right away so I don’t know. 😦
  7. Bottom line? Yeah, it tasted good, but ultimately….. NWI. (NOT WORTH IT)

So yeah, I learned! I could’ve just craved and desired that pumpkin muffin all day- all week or month- but I am actually glad I ate it because now I know. I know it was fine, but y’know? I don’t need to do that again. Instead I am going to search out some low-point pumpkiny treats, and make those instead for the next time the pumpkin urge hits me.

I’m learning! I’m learning!

(pumpkin muffin photo – and recipe -courtesy of my friends over at Muffin Top!)

14

Recharged: It’s All New Again!

It’s so funny. I used to have a very contentious relationship (in my head) with WW.  There were times when I loved it (actually, this was wayyyy back in the beginnning, when I first joined in 1997), times when I felt “eh” and other times when I was outright angry. I was one of Those Members who sat in the back row, arms folded, with an “I dare you to tell me what to do” look on my face. There were times when I paid to go to meetings for three or four months and my weight never budged. Or it went up and down the same two pounds over and over. I just was not ready (or willing, at ALL) to do the program. I’ve never had any doubt in my mind that if you do the WW program, it will work. The problem is all the junk in the way of DOING it.

Yesterday I received my leader prep materials for November, plus a preview package of some things that are new to the program for 2010. I got so excited! I pored over every single piece of paper, word, drawing with huge eyes. WOWEE! I kept nodding my head, saying, “Yeah, that’s right!”

But I remember getting those weekly booklets and just tossing them into the recycling. At one point, it was just all “blah blah blah blah” like Charlie Brown’s teacher. There was just no reception for it.

Last night I did a little practice bit of a meeting, no more than two minutes, at my regular meeting. We are supposed to share something about our own personal WW journey. As I talked, I was surprised (no? should I be surprised? Ha) that I got a little emotional about it.

I talked about how I first joined WW in 1997 when I was preparing to go to a high school reunion. I wanted to look good, or at least decent. I probably was 25-30 lbs over my high school days at that point. So, I got allllllmmmmmmmmost to my goal weight, but not quite. I was about 4-5 lbs shy at the reunion. Then it was over. I went home. All my incentive had evaporated. I stopped being “OP” (on plan). All that weight (plus more) boomeranged right back at me. That was my first mistake: to have a specific goal, and then not replacing it with a new goal right away. Oops.

Thus began my in-and-out, love-hate relationship with WW. I came and went many times more over the next several years, but never really had the same enthusiasm as my first time. Then it was replaced with dread and hatred as I failed over and over again. Until this last January, when I was in such a state of desperation with my diabetes diagnosis. Even then, I sort of slunk in to the meeting. I sort of did the program.

It wasn’t until I was within fingers’ reach of my goal that I woke up and realized what it had all done for me. And then I started maintenance, which is a whole ‘nother ball of wax, as they say. It’s then that I started really paying attention, and really complying. Really reading the materials and seeing what value they had for me. Really GETTING IT.

I don’t want to get all WW-evangelical on y’all, but this training has really opened my eyes even MORE to what a good, solid, comprehensive program this is. And if people engage with it, and really take in everything it has to offer, it’s such good stuff. Truly.

7

I Passssssed!!!!!!!

imagesPassed the WW training session, that is. I am not… quite….. a leader yet. I have to do four mentoring sessions at actual meetings with members, and when I pass THOSE I’ll be a bona fide WW leader!!

The weekend was so intense. Really good. I have to say, the training is super impressive. It’s incredibly thorough and designed to make members have a truly great experience. I think any problem that anybody has with WW can’t be from the program itself, because I’ve come to believe that the program is pretty darned impeccable. It would be because a leader can’t really deliver it well, or they’ve become complacent or tired. Because what we’re supposed to do, is well, just really good stuff. The program is solid. It’s good. And what we’re supposed to do for members is also pretty over-the-top swell. The thing is, to do this all well is no piece of cake! (no pun intended) We’re supposed to incorporate many elements into a short meeting time time frame. Each element is designed to support members in various ways. It is a LOT. And a lot to remember. But it’s also awesome.

I was in a group of ten trainees. Everyone was great. It was kind of awesome to spend three days with a group of people who all have the same health and eating habits (with variations, of course!).  I was amused to see that most of us very much enjoyed our bacon at breakfast, (only one point!) we LOVE talking about food ad infinitum.  I had a couple of workout buddies who joined me at the hotel gym, and that was fun. We’ve all come a long way in  our journeys. People had lost a range of weight, one person over 100 pounds, which I found incredibly inspiring and moving. We’ve all Been There. I think I’m one of the most recent Lifetimers and have maintained for the shortest amount of time, so seeing them gave me confidence and hope.

We had little practice sessions all along, which were both nervewracking and helpful. But today was the Big Kahuna – we had to prepare for and lead an entire meeting on our own, after having been assigned a specific topic.  It was INTENSE! The hour and a half prep period reminded me of Top Chef… “Your time starts… NOW!” and everyone just flew into action, drawing on flip charts, looking stuff up, going into corners to mutter to ourselves, etc. The adrenaline was flowing like the mighty Mississippi. But everyone pulled it together, and did it, in their own unique ways. I survived mine; I think it was went well although I was “clearly nervous” for the first five minutes or so. I calmed down once I started asking questions and having more dialogue with the members (I have to remember this!).  Anyway, it’s done! It was really a remarkable experience.

I am not ready to sleep for about three days! (ha)

11

Follow the (Almost) Leader!

It feels like I’ve been waiting a long time for this day. Today I go to WW leader training  (today through Saturday). I’m excited. I’m nervous. Crazily, the pounds that leaped onto my body earlier this week are now gone. I have to say I don’t really understand this stuff. It’s not like I starved myself or ran a marathon yesterday. Maybe it was water retention. But whatever, I’m back in range and glad about that (whew).

The instructions were to pack two days of “regular” clothes and one day of “dress-up” clothes where we are supposed to simulate leading a meeting and looking as Nice (and probably, as skinny!) as possible. Of course I am fretting and deliberating over this. I’ve never really had a job where Appearance was an important aspect of the work. I remember when I was working as my first job – as a physical therapist – I’d be leaving my apartment building – in navy blue pants and a polo shirt, and big white sneakers – and the corporate neighbors in their suits and high heels would be all, “Hey, you have a day off today?” LOL.

I’ve had other jobs where I’ve had to look DECENT, but where it just wasn’t the main thing. In WW, it is really crucial that not only do you look good, you look healthy. I’ve been tearing things out of my closet all morning. Do I wear Spanx? (LOL) I think maybe I do.

I’ve got a ton of things to do before I hit the road – like get a mani-pedi (my fingernails look like some wild beast has been gnawing on them – oh yeah, maybe it has!) and get my eyebrows tamed. They’re looking like fuzzy bear caterpillars about now.

I have no idea what the Internet/time situation will be once I get there, and how much I will be able to share, but I will try to report back when I can. Byeee everyone, wish me luck!!

7

Biggest Loser: Season 8, Ep 3 LIVE BLOG

Surprise from Alison! “In life, success comes down to your choices.” Decision 1 that could change the entire competition.

Would you rather: have your trainers, or an advantage of this week’s weigh-in? Hmm. They will still have access to the gym, but they won’t be trained by the trainers. Two pounds, or the coaches?

Well I can tell you, for me it’s no contest. I’d take the trainers no question. Everyone’s looking at each other. Pink girls say, they need the advantage because they’re smallest.  Tracey crosses the line. Coach Mo is like, NO. They’re all looking at her. Sean: “What are you doing you crazy woman?” Coach Mo is totally bummed. They are the only ones who took the two pounds. (and Mo didn’t even want to) OK, good luck!

Tracey is crazy. “I’m here to be the Biggest Loser, I’m not here for giggles!” Believe me, I’m not giggling.

DRUMS OF DOOM. The trainers interrogate everyone about who took the 2 lb advantage instead. They all deny it. Jillian finds out it’s Tracey: “Not the brightest bulb.” HAH! So true. They want to get inside Tracey’s head. She starts crying immediately. “I was scared. I just got here and I don’t want to leave.” What will happen with Coach Mo? I feel so bad for him. Coach Mo is looking sideways at the whole thing, feeling totally mad and screwed.

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!! Dr. H comes on to talk to Abby who has shin splints. My husband (WHO HAS NEVER SEEN BIGGEST LOSER) says “I know him! We trained together!!” THEY WERE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!

(excuse me while I lie down and fan myself) Is that nuts?!?

OK, I just missed Abby’s sob story. And everything about the shin splints. What did he say? Husband: “Hey, he’s looking good!” I can’t get over this craziness. Commercial break. “Yeah, he’s a nice guy. He’s a serious doctor!” No kidding? Really? Wow.

OK. Back to the show. I’ve recovered. Bob tells us (in secret) that he is not feeling hopeful about her injury. He says that working out with injured people is something he can do. He tells her to get in the pool.

Back to Alison, who is looking spiffy in black leather. TEMPTATION TIME. She asks, Would you rather: … or control this game? Ah. One person from each team will weigh in. The winner of the temptation gets to choose. The winner will control the entire weigh-in. They line up in front of silver trays. They lift the silver domes. It’s not catfish (as Liz wants) – it’s a cupcake. They’re like, Come ON.

To win the temptation, they have to eat more cupcakes than anyone else. Oh jeez. They have ten minutes. Some of them smell it. Lick it. Alison comes through with a big tray with more cupcakes. Ohh, there’s a black curtain. They can’t see each other. Liz hopes that Danny is not eating a cupcake. He is. Sean is shaking his head. “I want to take a cupcake and rub it all over my body.”

You all know the marshmallow experiment? This is a BL version of that. Exactly.

Alison yells out, “Someone is eating a cupcake.” People’s eyes start popping out. Tracey loses it. She’s stuffing cupcakes in as fast as she can. So is Antoine. Sean is dumfounded. “You better won.” The winner was: Tracey. FOUR cupcakes.

Husband: “Tracey has impulse control issues.” Hee. He’s a funny little sidecake sidekick. Tracey now feels sick and hates herself. AND she now has the power in the weigh-in. Coach Mo whispers, “What were you thinking?” They all now know she is certifiably insane.

Next morning: Bob says, “I hope nobody did anything stupid.” B and J say, “Who cares about this game? WHO in the world would’ve done this?” Tracey raises her hand. Jilian is about to put her first through her forehead.  She’s punching her first. Jillian hisses, “I HATE WASTING MY TIME TRACEY, it PISSES ME OFF.” She’s about to throttle Tracey with her bare hands.  Jillian is going ballistic. I love her so much. “You ignored what I told you and you threw it away.” Jillian: “She is Bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.”

(Daughter: “I like how when she’s mad she starts quoting songs.”)

They go to the gym. I am crying for Mo. Bob” Game players get fat again. Sorry, that’s what happens.”   You said it, dude. Sean is worried about Tracey’s power in the weigh in. Instead they all kick ass in the gym.

Coach Mo is watching what everyone is doing. He is taking instruction by watching what other people are doing. Jillian offers Danny a choice between sledgehammer and kettlebells. He chooses sledgehammer. He says it burns his muscles to the core. He’s been through the sausage grinder. I believe him. Now he’s upending some massive tire that looks like it belonged to Paul Bunyan. Jillian laughs diabolically, “Would you rather have chosen kettlebells?”

CHALLENGE TIME: Alison looks cute in a straw hat. “Today’s winner will get something that is better than … anything. The winner gets immunity.” OK this is where Tara would have smoked it last season. Not so sure who is really the strongest/fittest at this point. Daniel? Hard to say. They need to get 500 lbs. They can carry 10 lb weights or 25 lbs weights a shorter distance. Julio, Mo and Allen only need to carry 250 since they are individuals.

They start. Green team seems to be doing good. Pink team rocking.  Pink team is looking like Tara. “I’m used to eating pizza, not climbing hills!” says pink girl. HA. Yup. Green team Allen (the firefighter) has a real advantage here. Yeah, he’s been pulling hoses and things. GO ALLEN. I like his bad firefighter self. HE WINS IMMUNITY. Yahooooo!

The people who didn’t win keep going. They’re full of fire. Go Shay. Go Daniel and Sean. You guys rock.

Last chance workout: Bob and Jillian are totally focusing on the girls because they think Tracey will be sending them home. Liz is afraid. Pink Amanda says, “Tracey told me she’d never write my name down.” Tracey says, “I haven’t thought of a strategy yet. But there will be one.” Shay: “Every day is a last chance for me.” She’s on what she calls Jacob’s Ladder from Hell. She started out not being able to do 20 seconds, and now she’s up to six minutes. That rocks.  Sean says, “I don’t think a puma could do this much.”

Note to self: Never tell your trainer, “I’m tired.” Jillian says “I’m the bad parent. So be it.” She’s all in Dina’s face. (is that her name?) “You can choose to do it, or you can choose to quit.” I love the chorus of doom.  GO DINA. She runs like hell. Jillian: “There you go. Really solid.” What I would not give to hear those words from JM!

Bob is all over Amanda and she’s like I can’t! I can’t! She does it. He counts down. Then, “Don’t ever say you can’t do anything. Pisses me off.” He stomps off and she slumps and sweats on her treadmill.

OMG! Ray LaMontagne singing on a dog commercial! Trouble! hee! (O MAN I love this song) It’s an adorable commercial. Oh it’s for Travelers Insurance. Now Cat Stevens! Singing “If you want to be you be you” for My Touch phone. LOVE the music. OOH Now it’s the Jim and Pam from The Office commercial! Best set of commercials all night.

Back to the show: Daniel goes to Tracey to ask for mercy in the weigh in. Tracey: “The pressure to think about this is driving me crazy.” Too late for that, girl. You are already crazy. The pink girls go and meet with her. They want Rebecca to go on the scale.

Coach Mo is trying to stand up for Tracey – he is a real gentleman – and Jillian is saying that T is full of shit and that Mo needs to look out for himself because she is sure not going to do it for him. Everyone’s shocked.

Weigh in: Green team loses 9 lbs total. Which is great at this point, esp since Abby was injured. Julio: loses 7. Not too shabby (1.87 %). After this, Tracey rules on whose weight counts. I am not quite sure how this will go. She chooses Liz over Danny. Brown team: they each lose 4. (1.62%) Blue team goes up, Rudy and Dina. Tracey picks Rudy. He needs to lose more than 7. He loses…..TWELVE. Whoa. Tracey looks perplexed. Rudy has lost 54 lbs in 3 weeks? 3 percent.  Pink team next. They expect her to pick Rebecca. She makes a psycho smile. Cut to commercial.

Oh man I LOVE THIS commercial. Morgan Freeman, sea turtles and the Moody Blues?! What could be bettter?

Back to the show. Tracey picked: Amanda. Pink team is pretty much ready to kill her. She needs to lose more than 4 lbs. She loses: FIVE. Good going girl. 2.08%. It’s red team’s turn. Tracey chooses Sean. His eyes bug out. He needs to lose more than 7. He puts up a prayer. He’s lost six lbs, while Antoine lose 11. Sean is crushed. I feel so sad for him. Orange team is up. Tracey picks Shay, which goes totally against what she talked to Daniel about. She is betraying people right and left. If this was a prison, Tracey would be sliced up with a razor blade in her sleep. Shay does not lose the amount she needed. She’s devastated. Daniel gives her a beautiful pep talk.  Jillian says this is one of the nastiest things she’s ever seen on the show. “This is gross.”

Shay is below the yellow line. Now Tracey chooses herself. She needs to lose more than two pounds.  Everyone is praying she doesn’t make it. She loses…

Commercial. Agh. But at least it includes an awesome Mike Morelli Jennie-O commercial. Go, Mike and Ron. For anyone who thinks BL “exploits” people, ask these two guys. Do they feel exploited, or do they feel like they’re now going to live instead of  die?

Back to Tracey. She needs more than 2 lbs. She lost… ELEVEN POUND. WTF? And Coach Mo lost 1?

Nobody is happy for her. Dead silence. Peoples’ mouths are hanging open. “It’s hard to notice there’s no applause,” says Alison. They’re staring daggers at her. Coach Mo says, “isn’t that a good thing?” She’s lost more than 5%. Nobody looks at her.

The red and orange teams are below the yellow line: Shay and Sean. Jesus.

Shay is sobbing about hating herself. Sean looks utterly miserable. Antoine and Sean are awesome beyond belief. They are going to sacrifice themselves for her. I am ready to bust out bawling.  Sean says, “Tracey, you did some crazy stuff this week but I still love you.” He points at Shay. “You can’t go home. YOU have to stay here.”

So it’s obvious what’s going to happen. And all I can say is, Tracey better pray for mercy. I would never want to be in her shoes. Here comes the voting. Everyone is, predictably, voting for Antoine and Sean, while sobbing while expressing their utter love and admiration. Tracey is bug-eyed and whackadoodle. She’s trying to justify herself but it’s ridiculous. Antoine is a freaking hero. He’s so awesome. Sean is also a great dude. I will be so sorry to lose his fantastic one-liners. All I can say is, Shay better not turn nasty. She has a little streak of gossipiness I did not like last week. She better live up to this gift.

Where are they now? Sean is down to 324. He’s lost 120 lbs. Go kid!! He’s got his little kids. He looks a lot better. He’s speaking to groups of youth. I love him. He says he can now run without losing his breath. Really guy? That’s impressive. KEEP IT UP.

Antoine  — has lost 105 and now weighs 262. He looks HOT. He is super buff! He is taking kickboxing! He looks fantastic!!!!!!!!!! Now he’s bringing flowers to Alexandra from week 1. I have to say they’re kinda adorable. They’re jogging together! They’re spooning fruit into each others’ mouths. They’re kayaking together. Awwwww!!

Next week: Tracey gets some kind of injury. The screen says: KARMA? (Dr. H., my hubby’s buddy, breaks the news that she can’t exercise.) She says, I’m not finished!!!! Let’s hope  you are, Miz Crazy.

4

Grounded Again (ouch)

imagesI’m so bummed. I went running this morning and about 3/4 around the lake, I felt my ankle give way. It went snap! and I crashed to the ground. HELL, it hurt. I bloodied my knee and my palm where I tried to catch myself. My ankle is now a big swollen golf ball. It really hurts to walk on it. I was going to go to a Nia class today, but that’s clearly out. I just hope I am healed enough to do the Nia Jam (two hours of nonstop Nia with over a dozen teachers!) a week from today.

I knew something was wrong with my ankle. I sprained it while running about 3 months ago. It took a few weeks to heal, but then after my 5k a few weeks ago, it started bugging me again – just feeling kind of sore and a little unstable. What did I do? I ignored it and hoped for the best. Dumb. So today when I was running with my friend, we were talking, and there was an area where it went from path to sidewalk, just a little uneven surface. I just crashed (literally). It hurt like the devil, and we still had about 1/4 mile to go to the cars. I hobbled to the car.

Now I’ve got it propped up, I have an ice bag on it. It’s throbbing. It’s big. I just Googled “ankle sprain” and I’m trying to figure out if it is Grade 1 or 2. I sure hope it is Grade 1. But I’m realizing that this ankle is truly my body’s weak link for now.

This is one of my biggest fears in terms of weight loss, fitness, maintenance etc. That I will be injured for a long period of time and thus be unable to exercise, that I will become inactive and become blobby and gain weight etc etc…

But I can’t go there. I just have to try not to panic, to keep my ankle iced and elevated and try to remain calm. There are two events I am missing today because of this: my Nia class, and also a friend’s going away that is in a park, at a picnic site a 1/4 mile hike in. Can’t do. So I will take these extra hours.  Get some writing done. Rest. Try to breathe.

20

Biggest Loser, Liveblogging

The opening montage and I am already tearing up.  A woman is sobbing: “I’m so ashamed.” Jillian says (yells?) “There is NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT.” Some people might call this abuse, but this is why I love Jillian.  She’s not dissing the woman, she’s saying, let go of that shame or you are never going to change. Which I believe.

The peeps jump off the bus. They’re at the beach. They’re going to have their first challenge: to run? one mile of the final marathon that the last season’s final four completed. It’s a race. Whoever wins, gets immunity.

(commercial break: OH MAN look at that crazy junk food. Chili’s fried ugh. I will take this opportunity to say that many of my Tweetie friends expressed their disgust and disdain for BL tonight. Lots of us were excited for it to begin, others were like, TBL is evil. I totally get that many things that happen on the show are not “realistic” or “right.” But I feel very sentimental about this show. When the last season began, I was at one of my worst points, health and weight wise.  I felt like I was joining those people “virtually” and they did inspire me.)

Commercial over: here comes a car. Surprise! It’s…..Daniel from Season 7! My guy!  I love this dude. He’s lost 140 lbs and he’s back for more. GO DAN.  So now they’re racing the mile. Blue woman (Tracy) is wayyyyyy in the lead. But then at the top of the hill, Daniel catches up and passes her. Walking. Everyone else? Struggle. Big struggle. Of course it is.

DANIEL WINS. He HAS come a heck of a long way. Uh oh. Blue woman is in trouble. She can’t get up. Paramedics. Oxygen. Helicopter. AGH.

Everyone’s telling their stories. It’s very moving. Wow these people have been through a lot. Heroin addict mom, homeless, foster care. Woman whose family died in a car crash. Everyone’s sobbing. I’m crying. I’m noticing that this show seems to be have a lot more working class people. Who could not afford gym memberships, Whole Foods, counseling, trainers, maybe even WW memberships. This is huge for them.  (this is loong people, so continued after the break!) Continue reading “Biggest Loser, Liveblogging” →

12

Weighing In Mess

I got an email from the WW people saying that my monthly official weigh-in was overdue (it’s taking me a while to understand the rules here) so I thought I’d check out a meeting out here in the Midwest. Found one just a mile from my hotel.

Now this is the deal with Lifetime. You are eligible for free meetings if you are no more than 2 lbs over your Goal Weight. (the weight you were at when achieving LT).  At my last weigh-in, I was almost two pounds UNDER. So today, I was 1.8 lbs over THAT weight, which meant I was .4 lb over my GOAL. (also, the clothes I am wearing are easily .4 heavier than my normal weigh-in outfit) And the weigher tsk-tsked at me and said, “Hmm, 1.8 up. Well, you’re on vacation, right?”

It affected me. WOW. Why did I let it affect me? I sat and steamed through the whole meeting (and btw the leader was TERRIFIC, not the same person as the weigher). It made me think, once again, about how sensitive this whole weigh-in thing is. People who do this can seriously throw people off.  When I do this at my job, I really try to be as positive as possible, as encouraging as I can.

I really liked the meeting, which was about restaurant eating. Speaking of restaurants, my daughter took me to this GREAT place last night. It was so uber-healthy and delicious! You basically go to this huge vegetable bar, load up your bowl, add some protein (if you want) and they stir fry it up and bring it to your table. You have total control of portions, ingredients, etc. It was incredibly yummy.

Anyway, back to the meeting. The leader had everyone fold up their nametags (good way to have people not walking around with tags on all day) and she did a drawing for a prize. The woman next to me said she does this every week. I’ll have to remember this. It was fun – she gave away a journal. I wonder if she gets these things in bulk or whatever, but I thought it was a great idea.

I came back to my hotel for breakfast. They have this free buffet thing with a decent assortment. I headed straight for the hot egg mcmuffin (actually a mcBagel thing). Definitely  not the best choice but I was still all messed up from the stupid weigh in. WHY? And why did it make me make a “bad” choice? I didn’t just have one, but two. (OK, two HALVES so I guess one whole bagel!) NOT a big deal in and of itself, but the fact that I was eating out of pure emotion. Hmmm.

Then after breakfast I was too full to go work out. But I’m not in the mood for hotel gym right now. I’m going to go to that Nia class again. I am hoping it will help calm me down.

Interesting what a crazy cycle it all is. If I had weighed-in at home, I would have felt perfectly HAPPY with my weight, which is just FINE. But that offhand little comment/facial expression whatever, just threw me. It THREW ME ACROSS THE ROOM. It made me eat all emotionally. How stupid is that? Or how…? I don’t know. I’m just feeling all discombobulated right now and I could really use some spacey music (or maybe some geriatric lavender aromatherapy, hm Mizfit?) to calm me down.

11

Shock: CAN I Trust Myself?

Wow. So I just got on the scale for the first time in a week. I was nervous. I was so nervous. In fact, I had worked myself up into a total lather, convinced that I had gained ten pounds while on vacation.  I told myself, it’s okay if you gained ten pounds. You’ll work it off. It will be okay. But really it would not have felt okay.

And guess what? I weigh exactly the same – TO THE OUNCE! – that I weighed last week. I couldn’t believe it. I had been telling myself all KINDS of crazy stories in my head. I was convinced it had all gone to hell in a handbasket.

It was an interesting exercise in trust. I did not trust myself. Not one bit. And I was completely insecure without my scale.

I couldn’t tell if I was eating too much or just right. (I never worry about eating too little, ha!) I did have birthday cake. I ate more cheese – fancy shmancy cheese- than ever.  I did have a lot more wine than usual. (normally my max is about one glass a week, and I think I was averaging more like one a day) I went out to eat. I didn’t exercise as much as usual. But I was “active.” (splashing around in the river, a bit of canoeing, some walking, and two runs)

I’m just sitting here right now going, “Huh. WOW.”

Can I reallllllllly trust myself?

Along these lines, I have signed up for an interesting site along with a friend of mine. Basically, it uses monetary incentive to stick to a goal. It’s called Stikk. Their motto is:

Having a goal is easy. Turning that goal into an accomplishment…THAT takes commitment. We know you’re ready, so Put A Contract Out On Yourself!

The concept is, you make a goal and then put a monetary value on it.  If you don’t reach your goal, your money goes to the charity of your choice. You can also choose an anti-charity, ie if you don’t reach your goal, your money goes to a charity that you vehemently do NOT support (ie Sarah Palin!). (I find that much more motivating)

I signed up and put my goal down as maintaining my weight for the next 12 weeks. The first six went okay, but can I really maintain for three more months?

They’ve been sending me emails for days, nudging me to report in on how my goal is doing. I was thrilled (AND shocked) to report that I’d actually accomplished my goal for this week.

I really have no idea how that happened.


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