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I Passssssed!!!!!!!

imagesPassed the WW training session, that is. I am not… quite….. a leader yet. I have to do four mentoring sessions at actual meetings with members, and when I pass THOSE I’ll be a bona fide WW leader!!

The weekend was so intense. Really good. I have to say, the training is super impressive. It’s incredibly thorough and designed to make members have a truly great experience. I think any problem that anybody has with WW can’t be from the program itself, because I’ve come to believe that the program is pretty darned impeccable. It would be because a leader can’t really deliver it well, or they’ve become complacent or tired. Because what we’re supposed to do, is well, just really good stuff. The program is solid. It’s good. And what we’re supposed to do for members is also pretty over-the-top swell. The thing is, to do this all well is no piece of cake! (no pun intended) We’re supposed to incorporate many elements into a short meeting time time frame. Each element is designed to support members in various ways. It is a LOT. And a lot to remember. But it’s also awesome.

I was in a group of ten trainees. Everyone was great. It was kind of awesome to spend three days with a group of people who all have the same health and eating habits (with variations, of course!).  I was amused to see that most of us very much enjoyed our bacon at breakfast, (only one point!) we LOVE talking about food ad infinitum.  I had a couple of workout buddies who joined me at the hotel gym, and that was fun. We’ve all come a long way in  our journeys. People had lost a range of weight, one person over 100 pounds, which I found incredibly inspiring and moving. We’ve all Been There. I think I’m one of the most recent Lifetimers and have maintained for the shortest amount of time, so seeing them gave me confidence and hope.

We had little practice sessions all along, which were both nervewracking and helpful. But today was the Big Kahuna – we had to prepare for and lead an entire meeting on our own, after having been assigned a specific topic.  It was INTENSE! The hour and a half prep period reminded me of Top Chef… “Your time starts… NOW!” and everyone just flew into action, drawing on flip charts, looking stuff up, going into corners to mutter to ourselves, etc. The adrenaline was flowing like the mighty Mississippi. But everyone pulled it together, and did it, in their own unique ways. I survived mine; I think it was went well although I was “clearly nervous” for the first five minutes or so. I calmed down once I started asking questions and having more dialogue with the members (I have to remember this!).  Anyway, it’s done! It was really a remarkable experience.

I am not ready to sleep for about three days! (ha)

11

Foodie on the Fly!

Wow, it’s been whirlwindish since I left home … two days ago? I’m sad to say that even though I had all good intentions of using my friend’s home gym I never made it down there. 😦 Now I am at another friend’s, and I am fully planning on doing SOMEthing tomorrow morning since I do not have to get up super early.

But it’s been awesome. I went back to the little hometown I grew up in (population 8,000) and had an incredibly wonderful time with old friends I haven’t seen, some in 30 (!) years. I visited my old high school with my high school best friend. We found our old lockers, sat in the senior lounge at the cafeteria (place of huge social status!), ate at the famous down in the center of town. Gosh, I miss diners. They are all over New Jersey but they really don’t have this kind of diner where I live now. It was awesome to be in there and to hear people tawkin’ like I’m used to. Did you know that James Gandolfini (Jimmy in my memory) came from my home town? He was a year behind me in high school.  Nice signed photo of him up in the town diner, because of course HE has fond memories of the place too. I was sad to see that the local Friendly’s is now a bank, and the place that used to make amazing hot donuts and cider is no longer. Just as well, right? I could’ve just eaten my nostalgic way through the week!

I have no idea what is happening weight-wise. Yesterday we didn’t have time for dinner before meeting other HS buddies so we just ordered some appetizers from the bar. I  nibbled at a plate of seared ahi, and had two stuffed (with seafood) mushrooms. I ordered a cocktail that was REALLY BAD so I followed up with some mineral water and lime. Today I was on the run hobble all day, so just ended up having some fruit, half a scone, a bowl of miso soup and one piece of sashimi.  BUT I haven’t exercised all week, so… we shall see.

Folks on the Biggest Loser are right; it’s really challenging to eat in restaurants for a week and still lose weight. AND to be in a freaking cast boot. I’m not aiming to lose this week but I am sure hoping I can at least maintain. WW training is just 3 days after I get home. I don’t know if they’re going to weigh us (GOD I HOPE NOT) but I want to look as good as possible.

5

Listening to My Body: but what is it saying??

imagesThis ankle injury has been making me think a lot about this idea of “listening” to one’s body. On one hand, listening to my body got me into this trouble in the first place. But then part of me was trying to say something else. What if your body sends you mixed messages?

Today, the 3rd day of my injury, it is feeling a lot better than Sunday. I am limping just the slightest bit. It’s hurting about the same as it was 3rd-day-past, when I sprained it back in August. If I were “listening” to my body, I’d say I’m definitely ready to go to Nia class tomorrow, and running this weekend for SURE. But that’s not what the podiatrist said, and definitely not what I’m supposed to do.

It’s really hard to be compliant when your body is saying it “needs” something other than what you’re doing with/for it. Last night, I put my cast boot on at bedtime. At first (for the first twenty minutes) it felt comforting, like it was holding me in place. But I woke up around midnight and felt like I was encased in some medieval torture device. The plastic edge was digging into my toes, and my ankle was throbbing and searing in discomfort. I thrashed around trying to come into a comfortable position. But I am a diehard stomach-sleeper, and with that comes the position of having the top surfaces of my feet flattened into the mattress. I can’t do that with my ankle cemented at a 90 degree angle. I tried to negotiate with myself, but around 1am my body was shrieking, “GET ME OUT OF HERE!” I couldn’t take it.

And because I COULD, I sat up and ripped the velcro belts off the thing, liberated my lower leg – I told myself “just a few minutes,” fell back asleep, and the next thing I knew it was 6am, I was on my stomach and my ankle was in the Forbidden Position. (much like the illustration here) I felt guilty, sheepish and afraid. What if I had just stretched my ligament fragments even further apart?

Today, already I feel myself questioning the need to wear the dumb boot. Come ON! I feel FINE! It’s more of a pain to clomp around in what is essentially a ski boot, than to go barefoot and have a small limp.

Suddenly for some reason I am understanding why and how there are diabetics who pretty much ignore the fact of their disease because they can’t “feel” it. It was that way for me when I had high blood pressure.

I don’t know why it is that I feel that I need to be compliant re my diabetes no matter how I “feel,” but I am feeling more resistant about this ankle thing. Maybe because I don’t really believe that it will be harmful to go without the boot – because it doesn’t hurt. But diabetes doesn’t “hurt” either, not really. (not at THIS point)

It’s a short-term vs long term thing. Grasshopper and ant. I want to dance NOW. I want to run NOW. But if I do that, I could end up with debilitating arthritis. I can keep the vision of diabetic amputees, blindness and kidney failure at the front of my consciousness, because I’ve seen that, and I know it’s real.  Is it just that I haven’t seen people with debilitating arthritis who are saying, “Oh I sprained my ankle a hundred times, and never immobilized it, and look where I am now!” Do I have to see it to believe it??

15

Gone Fishin’

No, not really fishing. Mostly, teaching. But yes, I’ve been kind of scarce around here. I hope you won’t all forget about me! I’m doing well, just super super busy with my classes.  And other stuff.

  • Mr. McBody and I celebrate being married 21 years ago today! Woo!! Sometimes this just boggles my mind. Where did all that time go? I am thankful that it has been a good, sweet journey, not without its bumps, but we’ve ridden them all so far. I am grateful for his support and his always advocating for my health even when I didn’t advocate for it myself, in fact I was trying to toss it out the window with both hands.  I think we’ll probably go out to a nice dinner, and I will practice my appetizers + wine + 3 bites of dessert method of maintenance. I’ll let you know how that goes.  We also got tickets to a play that has gotten rave reviews and is allegedly romantic. We shall see!
  • I have been WANTING to write a post about the recent brouhaha about Michael Pollan and people accusing him of Fat Hatred. Unfortunately, this is not something I can just zip off in three minutes. I feel like in order to be coherent and really make any sense, I need to do a LOT of reading and then take a lot of time to formulate my thoughts. Of which I have many. If you’d like to read ahead, and get started on this conversation without me, just Google “Michael Pollan fat hatred.” You’ll be busy for a while.
  • I’m going to 4-day intensive WW Leader training starting October 15th! Without giving away any Big Secrets, I’d love to blog that experience.
  • I have a winner in the MizFit “unapologetically myself” T-shirt giveaway! It’s LND, who wrote:

Excuse: I cant work out because that work out scares the shileighleighs out of me.

Response: (Don’t look up the workout before going to the gym…CrossFit changes it daily)

Actually, the response is something along the lines of: If you don’t go you are just cheating yourself. Scale the workout if you have to, but results only happen if you do the work necessary to get there.

I just love that word, “shileighleighs.” OK LND, I’ve emailed you. Hit me up with your mailing address and you will have your MizFit shirt in no time!

I will really try and stop in but it will probably be kind of boring. “I ran.” “I went to Nia.” “I maintained my weight.” 🙂

Seriously though.  This blog has been my lifeline for MONTHS so I do not want to stay away too long. I know once I stop blogging, I might be tempted to get slacky in other ways. Don’t let me do that. Write me and let me know if there’s anything you want me to write about. I respond well to homework.

AND I’ll be here Tuesday night for Biggest Loser liveblogging, without fail.

8

Vacation Then and Now

IMG_9325We’re taking a short little vacation up in beautiful Whistler (site of the 2010 Winter Olympics) in British Columbia, Canada. The mountains here are truly spectacular. Yesterday we took a gorgeous hike; today we walked around a stunning jade-green lake and then I went to the fitness center for a little workout.

It used to be that the word “vacation” was synonymous with: eat as much as possible because you might not ever have this opportunity again;  exercise as little as possible because this is supposed to be a “rest.”

But this vacation has showed me how much my mindset has changed. When we first arrived in Vancouver the other night, I discovered that there was a Nia (!) class taking place about a mile from our hotel.  I was so excited. International Nia! I put on my running shoes after dinner and took off in the direction of the class. I realized I only had about 15 minutes so I knew I’d have to run. It was fun, running through the crowded city streets in search of Nia. When I finally arrived at the building, the receptionist told me the class had JUST ENDED. Whoops. I am pretty bad when it comes to military time! So hubby and I walked back to our hotel (he had come with me to keep me company, not that he had any intention of doing Nia, LOL) and on the way we stopped in at a Lululemon store (nifty workout clothes). We both tried a bunch of things on and I bought a very Nia-esque top. And I thought, wow, THIS is different. Finding a workout in a different location (a different country, even!). RUNNING to get there. Shopping at a store that features exercise gear. All of these things would be fairly unheard of a year ago.

I feel like I haven’t fallen into “vacation bottomless pit mode” just because I’m on vacation. That is a relief and it feels good. Happily, we have a little condo type unit with a kitchen, so we haven’t had to go out for (and pay for) breakfasts and lunches. I was bummed to see that the supermarket here had NO WHOLE WHEAT English Muffins, let alone the double-fiber ones that I like. Likewise, no Fage nonfat yogurt! Needless to say, no super fiber waffles. I’ve been eating eggs for breakfast.

It has shown me that vacation can be fun and celebratory and relaxing and it doesn’t have to mean falling off any wagons. What a revelation!

8

A Little Nervous Without My Scale

I’ve been on vacation, celebrating my birthday in high style, since last Friday. Up here on the river, it’s mostly been a very blissful experience, floating about on the water, visiting with friends, eating well, and generally feeling very happy. Yesterday I went for a good run. But I’m feeling a little bit nervous because I don’t know what all this celebrating is meaning for my weight.

I know one friend who brings her scale with her wherever she goes. I actually considered that – we drove up in two cars, so there was plenty of room – but I resisted. But being without it has made me realize how I rely on it to keep on track. I know, I know, there is the whole “throw your scale away!” contingent out there. I realize that I’m not ready to do it. I actually HAVE been known to gain as much as 5 lbs (more?) in a week. And if that happens, I’ll deal with it. But I do think that knowing, on a daily basis, if it has crept up one or two, really does help keep me accountable.

I’m just… curious. On the day of my big birthday party, we had lots of good food. Including cake. I didn’t go WILD but I was nibbling a lot through the day. I had one piece of cake (it was goooooooooood) and luckily for me, we finished it off in one sitting so there were no leftovers.  Last night we went out to dinner. Tonight we’re going to a birthday celebration for my cousin-in-law, who is also staying up here for vacation. I just don’t know what the cumulative effect of all of this is.

It makes me relieved that now that I am a Lifetime member of WW which means I only have to weigh in once a month instead of once a week. I am confident that I’ll be able to get back into range by next month. But if it was a weekly situation, probably not. (sigh) HOW unfair is it that it’s so easy to gain 3-5 pounds in a week, and almost impossible to lose the same?

I guess I will find out when we go home on Friday.  Meanwhile, I’m wondering.

13

It’s Healthy Challenge Time Again!

Some of you may remember when I participated in the Fabulous Fatties’ Challenge a few months ago. It was a great way to put together all of the different elements of healthy living. Well, Shannon and Angie are at it again, and this time they’ve got an incredible assortment of AMAZING prizes, including a deposit for their Fit and Fabulous Cruise in January of 2010!!! (I realllllllllllly want to go on this cruise, because it falls in the same week as my Healthaversary, or the one-year anniversary of when I began this blog and started my new healthy life – wouldn’t that be an incredible way to celebrate?)

These are the things involved in THIS new challenge, and note, there will be PRIZES given away every day. Guess what one of the prizes is? A gorgeous handmade quilt handmade by none other than MY MAMA.

* Bring people to the challenge from 8-12 to 8-19 this option closes at midnight on 8-19  *5 entries per recruit.
* Lose weight  *1 entry per pound
* Lose Inches  *1 entry per inch
* Set a goal of what you want to achieve during this challenge.  *2 entries
* Meet your goal  *3 entries
* Creativity tweet, myspace, facebook or other social network about this challenge  *1 entry per tweet/post etc. maximum 10 per day (hashtag for twitter #ffchallenge3 )
* Drink 8 glasses of water a day  *1 entry
* 5 servings of fruits or vegetables a day  *1 entry
* Exercise 30 minutes a day or more  *2 entries
* DO A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS  *3 entries
* Keep a food journal  *1 entry per day
* Post about this challenge or linky love us on your blog  *3 entries
* Eat a healthy breakfast  *1 entry per day
* Do not drink soda pop  *1 entry per day
* Leave comments on other peoples blogs *1 entry per comment

As usual, I’ll do great on the blog-commenting, vegi eating and not drinking soda. I am sure I will fail in the water consumption. As always!

I have joined a team (nothing involved in being on a “team” other than receiving a lot more encouragement and support and company on the challenge) called the Downsizing Divas. JOIN US! It’s not too late!

The points you achieve each day are tallied up by YOU (on the honor system). You need to report them to the Fab Fatties on their blog in order to be eligible for the prizes. If you want to join team Downsizing Divas, please leave a comment HERE on my blog.

6

Having Faith It Will Last

I’m in a weird blue-ish mood today. For some inexplicable reason, I am feeling “fat.” Yesterday I felt just fine. Nothing has changed. I had a good workout this morning, an excellent one, in fact. And yet I feel “fat.” I don’t know why.

This week I had my passport photos taken (for a big trip to faroff Canada, yay!). When I looked at my newly expired 10 year old passport, I saw myself ten years ago. I looked pretty chubby in the face and not too healthy. I wondered about what I will look like for my next passport, ten years from now. And it made me really sad. I realized that I don’t believe that this current healthy state will last. I have this weird dread feeling in the pit of my stomach, that one or five or ten years from now, I will be 50 or more pounds heavier, and will look back on the “now” me with a mixture of sadness and regret and longing. It’s enough to put me into a serious funk.

What is THAT about.

I think it’s that this state of health and fitness is very fragile. It’s new. I don’t really believe in it yet. And I think the only cure for this is time. Taking it one day at a time, holding onto it every day, every week, continuing to make good choices. And that hopefully these days, weeks and years will add up to a long time and one day I will be able to take it for granted and not worry that it will just (poof) vanish.

Maybe it’s like my marriage. When I first got married, I had no real faith that it would last. I WANTED it to, I really did, but I wasn’t sure it would really happen. I had had many relationships before my marriage, and they lasted for varying short amounts of time. So I didn’t have any experience to go by. I was not very secure or solid or confident in the early years of my marriage. But the years went by, and we went through hard times and wonderful times together. The relationship got tested. We changed, and we didn’t change. And now it’s been almost 21 years of marriage (come September). I don’t worry anymore that we can’t deal with challenges, or that it’s just going to vanish on me. I feel solid and comfortable and confident in it in a way that just wasn’t possible twenty years ago.

I wish I could be more sure of myself. I wish I could just KNOW that this is it, that I’m not going to lose sight of this. But I guess the only thing that will really make me feel that inside is time.

8

Momentum, Lost

I was worried this would happen – that during this time of year I would be so stressed from coordinating my big family camp, that I would just lose my momentum altogether. And at one point I was all determined that it would NOT happen. But, well, it did, sort of. Not completely. I didn’t go totally off the deep end and eat myself into a stress coma, but I DID lose an entire week of exercise, maybe more. (almost 2 weeks?) I knew in that week before camp that at least a WALK would have done me so much good, but I just… didn’t.  Every day I told myself I’d at least try to get in a walk or a 30 minute Jillian video, but neither of those things happened. Which sort of perplexes me and bums me  out. With ALL that I know about how good and helpful exercise is, I still had this inner resistance. With this voice that said, loudly, I’m too busy. And yes, I WAS busy, but I could have taken 20 or 30 minutes a day and it would have helped. But I didn’t. However, I did continue to make decent food choices during that time.

When I was at camp itself, I wore my pedometer and was walking a minimum of 4 miles a day, just running around doing camp stuff. In addition, I took one good (steep) hike and did one ill-fated run. (more on that later) So I felt good about that. The food at camp… well, it was overall fairly bad but they did have a good salad bar. So that often saved me. But on the last day or two I felt myself sliding a bit. I had a couple cookies. I ate some Cream of Wheat and other stuff I normally wouldn’t. But it wasn’t an all out disaster.

When I got home, I was up a pound or two (I had lost those 2 lbs before I left, so I wasn’t panicking). But the all out disaster came the day after I got home. I had been itching a little at camp. But the day after I got home (yesterday?) I had a huge, terrible outbreak of poison oak. Remember that run I did? Well I was about a mile from camp and had to go to the bathroom REALLY BAD. And you know how uncomfortable it is to run when you have to go. So I went in the woods. And… yeah, I got it THERE.

I have never known such horrible, insane, burning itching! Welts! I couldn’t open one eye. My lips were enormous and weeping fluid. On my face, chest, back, arms, legs… and yeah, THERE. Ugh ugh ugh ugh. I tried to go to my trainer yesterday morning but he took one look, would not come NEAR me and told me to go get a cortisone shot ASAP. I didn’t do that, but I did start taking prednisone. Which has my blood sugars all whacked. But I can’t not do this.

So, I’m stressed. I was so uncomfortable yesterday I didn’t want to MOVE but today I am feeling like things are calming down a bit. I might go for a walk later on.

The worst part? Yesterday I had the worst “food” day ever since January. I was scheduled to make lunch for 30 kids in my daughter’s theater group (they are in all day rehearsals now). She requested homemade mac and cheese (MY NEMESIS). And I think the combination of stress, the poison oak, totally losing my healthy mojo, and I just lost it. Two plates of mac and cheese (don’t even ask how many “portions” that may have been) and two brownies. BROWNIES. Wahh!

What was going through my head? (“Well, my blood sugars are already up from the prednisone, let’s make it even worse! or let’s disguise it.”) Or I don’t even know. I think my head was not working. Did you know that steroids can also make one emotionally and mentally whacked? Let’s blame it on the steroids!

Well, it had to happen sooner or later. And what did I learn from it? I learned that the mac and cheese was not as incredibly awesome as I’d dreamed. In fact, I think the reason I ate so much of it was I was chasing that elusive high, waiting for it to transport me into ecstasy, when it really didn’t. (the brownies, however, were darn good)

So I’ve learned. It’s been a humbling experience. I am ready to get back on the horse or the wagon or the donkey. I know it feels 100x better to act and be healthy than it does to make the unfortunate choices I’ve been making.

I’m glad that there wasn’t HUGE harm done – in the past this period has been much worse and lasted much longer and meant 10-15 lbs gain instead of the two or four that it probably is.

This post is getting really long but I wanted to say another that I learned. You know that quote, “You are what you repeatedly do.” That is so so so true. When I didn’t Tweet for a week, I also lost the momentum of that community and what it does for me. I came back, and I felt…. out of it. It would be so easy to fall away. But I don’t want to. I know that my blogging friends  are still out there, and I really need y’all.

I need a hand up on the wagon. Circle back round for me, will ya?

15

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