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Pumpkin Yum and the Dress Rehearsal

IMG_7295-Version-2I thought I’d dodged the bullet of Halloween, since my kids are past trick-or-treating age, and we don’t live in a trick-or-treating neighborhood… but then on Saturday, my daughter was bitten by the Baking Bug and she decided she needed to make some mini pumpkin cheesecakes! With cinnamon cream! Aghhhhhh!!!!  So she went ahead and made them. They were adorable. I decided to check out the points of this item using my handy WW online recipe builder (on the WW eTools site). I figured out that each little cheesecake was 5 points. I cut one down into one-point bites (small bites) and shared with some friends. Mmmmmm, that was yummy.

Then I had a pumpkin craving. So I took the extra canned pumpkin that was leftover. I added a box of fat-free, sugar-free vanilla pudding mix. Then I added some fat-free Cool Whip. And…. yum! It was like a pumpkin mousse. It was goooooooood. And I was able to eat a lot more than a teeny tiny bite.

It was a great experiment, and also a great self-demonstration of the options you can choose when you have some high-calorie treat facing you: you can either eat a little bit of it, or you can find ways to “lighten” it so that you can enjoy more volume. I did both this weekend, and both were satisfying, in different ways. Yay. (delicious photo from PinchMySalt.com)

In other news, I did my “dress rehearsal” of my full-on WW meeting today, at a smaller at-work meeting with only my mentor watching. Man, I was nervous. I felt like I was talking a mile a minute, and I was totally overheated (um, sweaty).  After the second page, all my flip chart pages fell on the floor, out of order. Ack. I recovered, but that was not fun. And I had kind of an awkward ending because after I did what I *thought* was my “ending,” someone asked a question, and I answered them, and then I had to end it again, and it just sort of… petered out. Ugh. But OVERALL I think if it was a pass-fail, I would’ve passed, and I guess if it were a letter grade, I’d give myself a… B or B-.

Then tonight, at my regular meeting, my leader did the same topic and I was listening/watching with one ear and eye while working the desk. Wow he’s good. He did touch on the meeting topic, but really he was mixing and matching and really masterfully working with everything the members were saying, and everything just seemed so beautifully orchestrated, and he just is smooooooth. Like he never stumbles. And he’s funny. He’s way funny. His version of the same meeting topic was so very different from what I’d come up with. Which is cool in a way, but also sort of scary. I think I have to think about all the ways that one can address the same issue, and just… breathe, and do my best.

I do think that some of my friends might show up on Thursday to lend some moral support and friendly faces. Which would be so nice.  Again, I know (or I feel pretty confident) that I’m going to PASS, but I want to do more than “pass.” Y’know?

In other OTHER news, I’ve decided to take the month of November off from (gasp) Twitter AND (double gasp) Facebook. Much as I love them both, they are huge time suckers. I’ll still be blogging though, still be emailing and answering the phone and such. So it’s not like I’m going off to some desert island. I will still be HERE and I really hope that people still visit this blog even if I’m not tweeting about it. It will be an interesting experiment.  How many people DO come here through Twitter, and how many come on their own?

8

Almost Showtime!

imagesI just finished my 4th WW meeting this week. I was supposed to lead the “this is what the program is all about” part of the meeting for new members, but there were no new members, so I just did it for the leader, who was a perfect stand-in. She gave me some great feedback and said I did “an excellent job.” YAY. I have to say, attending 4 meetings a week really does have a way of increasing one’s awareness during the week! When I got home I immediately looked up the points for my lunch (which I don’t always do) and made some good choices. Have y’all tasted those Imagine soups? Besides loving the name, they have some incredible new flavors. I recently tried the Corn and Lemongrass and it is soooooooooo yummy. And healthy. That was my lunch!

So today my mentoring leader told me that for my next session on Monday she wants me to…… lead the whole meeting!! Eeeeeeek! I wasn’t expecting that until the END of next week!  Next Thursday, I will not only be leading the whole meeting, I’ll be observed by THREE people (plus all the members) – my mentor, my leader that I work for, AND the territory manager! Yikes. Nerves. But I have been having a lot of fun planning for this meeting, and I’m going to practice a lot over the weekend.

I went to the art store on the way home to get a tube carrier thingie for my flip-chart pages. For anybody who has ever been to a WW meeting, you know that flip charts R us. Which I actually love. It allows me to bring out my inner artist! I’m going nuts with the smelly markers! Woo!

If I “pass” the two sessions next week… it will be official, and hopefully I will be in the pipeline for my own meeting… somewhere!

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Losing or Learning?

muffinOne of the phrases (and there were many!) that really stuck in my brain from WW training was, “You either have a losing week, or a learning week.” I LOVED this, because it takes away the notion of failure. If we don’t lose weight, what can we learn from that, from our behavior, that we can change if we want to have a losing (or maintaining) week the next time? I must repeat that refrain in my head a dozen times a day.

I am having a big-time learning week. First, I learned that it really IS hard to lose or maintain when I eat out in a restaurant like 5 meals in a row, even if I am trying to make healthy choices. Part of it is the food is just TOO GOOD, and I lose sight of necessary portion control.  Also, we really do not know for sure what is IN the food we eat at restaurants. Then, especially for me, there’s the social aspect, which is sooo distracting. All that adds up to, even with the best intentions, an inevitable weight gain. SO I am making a resolution to really cut down/minimize my restaurant eating as much as possible, from now until December.

As if that weren’t enough, I came home to even more of a delusional bubble. Some part of my brain seems to believe that as a WW staff person I have donned some invisible cloak of immunity, ie, I can do anything and not gain weight. NOT! OMG!  But there’s a little devil on my shoulder this week, poking me and saying, “This won’t count!” and other lies.

Here was my lesson for this morning.  I am particularly vulnerable in the fall, because of colder weather, upcoming holidays, and special things like PUMPKIN TREATS. I am such a sucker for pumpkin muffins, pumpkin bars, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin EVERYthing. I especially love pumpkin muffins. But I have resisted them… until today. I just freaking wanted one. So I got one. And I ate it.

And this is what I learned:

  1. It tasted really good.
  2. But not THAT GOOD.
  3. I felt a little bit sick after I ate it, because I am not used to eating sweet carbs for breakfast anymore.
  4. It did not sustain me. I was hungry pretty quickly, like 90 minutes after I ate it.
  5. I really don’t know how many points it was, but it was anywhere between 6 (best case scenario, which I doubt) and 11. (ACKKKKKK!) Which is like half of my points for the ENTIRE DAY.
  6. It probably was very very bad for my blood sugar but I did not test it right away so I don’t know. 😦
  7. Bottom line? Yeah, it tasted good, but ultimately….. NWI. (NOT WORTH IT)

So yeah, I learned! I could’ve just craved and desired that pumpkin muffin all day- all week or month- but I am actually glad I ate it because now I know. I know it was fine, but y’know? I don’t need to do that again. Instead I am going to search out some low-point pumpkiny treats, and make those instead for the next time the pumpkin urge hits me.

I’m learning! I’m learning!

(pumpkin muffin photo – and recipe -courtesy of my friends over at Muffin Top!)

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The Company Party

Yesterday was WW’s local “Celebrations” party in which staff were given awards for various things, people got to meet and mingle, and there was some delicious food with nice little signs that detailed the ingredients and points-values. How considerate!! There was a nice spinach salad with dressing on the side, and a variety of wrap sandwiches, and some trays of 1-and-2- point cookies that had been custom baked. Wouldn’t it be nice if ALL restaurants and parties did this… gave you all the information you needed to make great choices?

Anyway, it was fun. I’ve actually never worked for a large company before, so it was all new to me. People got awards for working for 5, 10, 15, 20, and (really!!) 25 years! Which was pretty amazing. There were also awards given for Diamond Leaders, who are in the top 20% of leaders nationwide as far as having their members lose weight and sticking with the program until they reach Lifetime. Then they gave out awards for people who had helped members lose 100 lbs or more. Leaders told some very moving stories; one woman lost over 200 lbs this year. Then everyone (including me!) got gift certificates from Lands End, which was pretty nifty! I had no idea that was coming, so it was nice.

After the party I zipped over to the airport, but I didn’t really need to zip, because my flight was delayed over an hour. I’m accompanying my spouse while he’s at a conference.  At the airport, I was sooo tired and sleepy and bored, and I realllllly wanted a Starbucks hot chocolate for some reason, but thanks to Twitter, I got talked down and made it onto the flight without doing anything regretful.

I have set up a new Twitter account (not my Foodie one) that I’m going to use when I start leading meetings. I am toying with the idea of using Twitter to support my members. I can’t even express how much my Twitter friends have helped me stay accountable, and feel supported, over and over again. (case in point last night)

Coincidentally, I received a very long and detailed email from the Powers That Be over at WW this morning, explaining what we can and cannot say or do regarding WW online. I guess that includes this blog. OK, it DOES include this blog.

So, according to rules, I am stating for the record,

“I am a Weight Watchers employee writing about my personal experience on plan. The views expressed are my own and do not reflect the views of Weight Watchers.”

I hope I’m not being desrespectful when I say that this additional statement from the memo made me laugh out loud: if you choose to write a blog posting about how much you enjoy shopping with your daughter, your relationship with Weight Watchers would be irrelevant and you would not need to disclose it to the community.

Ha! But seriously, it was good that they clarified their stance. Which makes it easier for me.

SO. This hotel has a very very nice fitness center. I was all set to roll on down there this morning. I have my sneakers, my socks, my ankle brace, my iPod and armband, and my sports bra. And that’s IT. I forgot my workout clothes!! I knew I was in too much of a hurry yesterday. So I am going to have to take a walk over to the mall (20 minutes each way, yay) and pick up some exercise duds. I really wanted to workout before breakfast, but that unfortunately did not happen since the mall does not open until 10. I had a beautiful healthy breakfast! And now it’s 9:40, time to head out! Have a great weekend, people!

5

The Stress of Shame

I almost lost it last night. I was scheduled to be a receptionist substitute at a “traveler” WW meeting; ie one in a remote location, not an official WW Center.  At those locations, they use all manual/paper tallies to track everything, instead of the groovy computer system that is now in place at Centers. I only did a few weeks worth of those before they did the switchover, and boy was I rusty. In fact, I ended up forgetting to do a very important step – marking down all product purchases on the product sheet. This is super important for reconciling the $$ at the end of a meeting. When the other receptionist counted up the money and checked it against the product sales, it was like $80 off. Because I forgot to mark it down. This resulted in everyone having to stay almost 45 minutes later, to fix the problem. I felt terrible. I felt like slinking under the carpet and dying. The other staff members were pretty nice to me about it, but to be honest, I sort of messed up their night. Everyone ended up going home late, after a lot of stress. Caused by me.

I don’t deal with this kind of thing well. AT ALL.  Guess what it makes me want to do?

I drove home down this main road I used to take, after teaching evening classes several years ago. Back then, I didn’t normally have huge problems, but it was still stressful to teach on some level. There would be ONE student who had some kind of issue, or some thing I’d forget to do, and all the way home I’d be beating myself up about it.  One night I stopped in at a Jack in the Box and looked for the most anesthesizing thing on the menu: Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges!! (omg, I just looked those up: 720 calories in a serving, 432 from fat! O boy!!) Soon it became a habit to just pull in to the drive-through on the way home and inhale a box of those. When I think of that now, it makes me really sad.

So what did I do with my stress last night? I started the evening with a full hand of nice fingernails. They’re down to little nubs now: chewed and torn away. Ah well, I didn’t EAT them so it didn’t cost me any calories.

All night I had recurring dreams of being horribly inept at one thing after another: I had to give a speech, but had brought the wrong one, and then I lost the pages, then I couldn’t work the AV equipment, and then and then…. AUGH I hate messing up!!! It upset me so much I couldn’t even do my regular Biggest Loser liveblogging last night. I did get home in time to watch the final hour, but I pretty much sat here and watched it like a blob. I didn’t really care one way or the other.

This morning, I went to my trainer and had a fantastic workout. THEN, FINALLY, I felt better. Much better.

I am glad that I did not veer into the Jack in the Box and take up old bad habits. I’m glad it didn’t really even occur to me, like it wasn’t a struggle to not do that. I just made a mental note as I drove past. But I still felt terrible.

I need to find ways to not freak out so much when I make a mistake.

9

Recharged: It’s All New Again!

It’s so funny. I used to have a very contentious relationship (in my head) with WW.  There were times when I loved it (actually, this was wayyyy back in the beginnning, when I first joined in 1997), times when I felt “eh” and other times when I was outright angry. I was one of Those Members who sat in the back row, arms folded, with an “I dare you to tell me what to do” look on my face. There were times when I paid to go to meetings for three or four months and my weight never budged. Or it went up and down the same two pounds over and over. I just was not ready (or willing, at ALL) to do the program. I’ve never had any doubt in my mind that if you do the WW program, it will work. The problem is all the junk in the way of DOING it.

Yesterday I received my leader prep materials for November, plus a preview package of some things that are new to the program for 2010. I got so excited! I pored over every single piece of paper, word, drawing with huge eyes. WOWEE! I kept nodding my head, saying, “Yeah, that’s right!”

But I remember getting those weekly booklets and just tossing them into the recycling. At one point, it was just all “blah blah blah blah” like Charlie Brown’s teacher. There was just no reception for it.

Last night I did a little practice bit of a meeting, no more than two minutes, at my regular meeting. We are supposed to share something about our own personal WW journey. As I talked, I was surprised (no? should I be surprised? Ha) that I got a little emotional about it.

I talked about how I first joined WW in 1997 when I was preparing to go to a high school reunion. I wanted to look good, or at least decent. I probably was 25-30 lbs over my high school days at that point. So, I got allllllmmmmmmmmost to my goal weight, but not quite. I was about 4-5 lbs shy at the reunion. Then it was over. I went home. All my incentive had evaporated. I stopped being “OP” (on plan). All that weight (plus more) boomeranged right back at me. That was my first mistake: to have a specific goal, and then not replacing it with a new goal right away. Oops.

Thus began my in-and-out, love-hate relationship with WW. I came and went many times more over the next several years, but never really had the same enthusiasm as my first time. Then it was replaced with dread and hatred as I failed over and over again. Until this last January, when I was in such a state of desperation with my diabetes diagnosis. Even then, I sort of slunk in to the meeting. I sort of did the program.

It wasn’t until I was within fingers’ reach of my goal that I woke up and realized what it had all done for me. And then I started maintenance, which is a whole ‘nother ball of wax, as they say. It’s then that I started really paying attention, and really complying. Really reading the materials and seeing what value they had for me. Really GETTING IT.

I don’t want to get all WW-evangelical on y’all, but this training has really opened my eyes even MORE to what a good, solid, comprehensive program this is. And if people engage with it, and really take in everything it has to offer, it’s such good stuff. Truly.

7

I Passssssed!!!!!!!

imagesPassed the WW training session, that is. I am not… quite….. a leader yet. I have to do four mentoring sessions at actual meetings with members, and when I pass THOSE I’ll be a bona fide WW leader!!

The weekend was so intense. Really good. I have to say, the training is super impressive. It’s incredibly thorough and designed to make members have a truly great experience. I think any problem that anybody has with WW can’t be from the program itself, because I’ve come to believe that the program is pretty darned impeccable. It would be because a leader can’t really deliver it well, or they’ve become complacent or tired. Because what we’re supposed to do, is well, just really good stuff. The program is solid. It’s good. And what we’re supposed to do for members is also pretty over-the-top swell. The thing is, to do this all well is no piece of cake! (no pun intended) We’re supposed to incorporate many elements into a short meeting time time frame. Each element is designed to support members in various ways. It is a LOT. And a lot to remember. But it’s also awesome.

I was in a group of ten trainees. Everyone was great. It was kind of awesome to spend three days with a group of people who all have the same health and eating habits (with variations, of course!).  I was amused to see that most of us very much enjoyed our bacon at breakfast, (only one point!) we LOVE talking about food ad infinitum.  I had a couple of workout buddies who joined me at the hotel gym, and that was fun. We’ve all come a long way in  our journeys. People had lost a range of weight, one person over 100 pounds, which I found incredibly inspiring and moving. We’ve all Been There. I think I’m one of the most recent Lifetimers and have maintained for the shortest amount of time, so seeing them gave me confidence and hope.

We had little practice sessions all along, which were both nervewracking and helpful. But today was the Big Kahuna – we had to prepare for and lead an entire meeting on our own, after having been assigned a specific topic.  It was INTENSE! The hour and a half prep period reminded me of Top Chef… “Your time starts… NOW!” and everyone just flew into action, drawing on flip charts, looking stuff up, going into corners to mutter to ourselves, etc. The adrenaline was flowing like the mighty Mississippi. But everyone pulled it together, and did it, in their own unique ways. I survived mine; I think it was went well although I was “clearly nervous” for the first five minutes or so. I calmed down once I started asking questions and having more dialogue with the members (I have to remember this!).  Anyway, it’s done! It was really a remarkable experience.

I am not ready to sleep for about three days! (ha)

11

Follow the (Almost) Leader!

It feels like I’ve been waiting a long time for this day. Today I go to WW leader training  (today through Saturday). I’m excited. I’m nervous. Crazily, the pounds that leaped onto my body earlier this week are now gone. I have to say I don’t really understand this stuff. It’s not like I starved myself or ran a marathon yesterday. Maybe it was water retention. But whatever, I’m back in range and glad about that (whew).

The instructions were to pack two days of “regular” clothes and one day of “dress-up” clothes where we are supposed to simulate leading a meeting and looking as Nice (and probably, as skinny!) as possible. Of course I am fretting and deliberating over this. I’ve never really had a job where Appearance was an important aspect of the work. I remember when I was working as my first job – as a physical therapist – I’d be leaving my apartment building – in navy blue pants and a polo shirt, and big white sneakers – and the corporate neighbors in their suits and high heels would be all, “Hey, you have a day off today?” LOL.

I’ve had other jobs where I’ve had to look DECENT, but where it just wasn’t the main thing. In WW, it is really crucial that not only do you look good, you look healthy. I’ve been tearing things out of my closet all morning. Do I wear Spanx? (LOL) I think maybe I do.

I’ve got a ton of things to do before I hit the road – like get a mani-pedi (my fingernails look like some wild beast has been gnawing on them – oh yeah, maybe it has!) and get my eyebrows tamed. They’re looking like fuzzy bear caterpillars about now.

I have no idea what the Internet/time situation will be once I get there, and how much I will be able to share, but I will try to report back when I can. Byeee everyone, wish me luck!!

7

Measuring Up, Writing Down

images-1I took my measurements today, for the Biggest Loser challenge.  I still have a bit to lose at my waist, which is 32″ at the smallest level. According to J. Crew size charts, this puts me at size 14-ish for most clothes, and I’m off the chart for Petites, which I am height wise. I’m definitely still an apple. But it doesn’t make sense, because a size 14 would be pretty swimmy on me right now. How can anyone really order stuff online?

Bust: 38″  Waist: 32″  Hips: 38″  Arm: 9″ Thigh: 18″

I’m not sure about my BL goal, but let me just say I would be OVERJOYED if I could get my waist under 30″. Anything, even 29.999″ would be fantastic. This is truly where my body fat all concentrates, and I still have big handfuls of it. And the part where it’s the most dangerous for one’s health. According to WebMD,

Are You an Apple or a Pear?

So how do you tell if you have more belly fat than is healthy?

  • To measure your waist circumference, place a tape measure around your waist at the smallest point, which is usually just above the navel. A waist size of 40 inches in men and 35 inches in women is generally considered to indicate increased health risk.
  • Waist-to-hip ratio is calculated by measuring your waist at the smallest point and your hips at the widest point — usually at the widest part of the buttocks — and dividing the waist measurement by the hip measurement. A waist-to-hip ratio of greater than 0.9 for men and 0.8 for women is generally considered high risk.

My waist-to-hip ratio is o.84 – high risk! So my goal for the BL challenge is to get my ratio down UNDER .8.

I like this goal. It’s a reasonable one for me, and something I hope I can do in 12 weeks or so, and it’s medically the next thing I need to do for my health. When I began this in January I think my waist circumference was around 37″. So I’ve definitely come a long way, but I’d like to go that last bit more.

In other measuring news, I’ve been counting my WW points yesterday and today. It’s illuminating! Let me say that for SURE I have been eating wayyy over my points since reaching Lifetime, and I am just lucky that whatever activity I’ve been doing has allowed me to maintain at that level. Once I started writing things down, it became obvious to me that if I were doing WW again actively now (ie in LOSS Mode rather than Maintain Mode) I’d be needing to eat a lot less food. Which makes sense.

And it has showed me how I’ve gotten kind of complacent and kind of “I can get away with that!” And how some habits have crept in. I’ve gotten into the habit of eating a WW or Skinny Cow frozen bar after dinner most nights.  Or some sugar free tapioca pudding – some small dessert that is in the 90-100 calorie range. But last night, as my husband was “taking orders” from the freezer after dinner (we all have our favorites) I thought, do I really need this? Do I want it? I was already plenty full from dinner. But I like to have something sweet after dinner. A frozen bar is only one point. But I said no, and instead I had a sugarfree caramel/butterscotch hard candy thing. Which has like 5 calories. I felt fine, and satisfied my little sweet craving, and I didn’t have that 100 extra calories (which over a week = 700)

So it was good to remember this, something I was a lot more conscious of last spring, but which has slipped. I know that pretty soon I am going to have to be telling people, “You bite it, you write it!” and it really IS good practice to be doing it again myself. They say that people who write down their food lose like 50% more than people who don’t write it down, and I can see why. It does make a difference. I am about to put something in my mouth, and I think, “Do I realllllly want to write this down?” and I think twice.

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