triathlon

Week Four Workout Blitz

This weekend I thought I would be missing out on the big coached team workout (held on Saturday instead of Sunday). But plans changed at the last minute and I was able to make it. Yesterday I spent much of the day traveling and arrived back home really tired at 8pm. It was the first day that I skipped a TNT workout. 😦 I chose not to beat myself up over it, but I don’t want to make it too easy on myself to allow that to happen very often. It’s so easy to come up with excuses!

So I was happy to be able to get to the coached workout this morning. We had a big swim. We are now officially in the “Fitness” level of swimmers, for better or worse. I got up at 6 and picked up Lily at 7 and we headed up to Novato for the workout. The exciting thing for today is that they set up these underwater cameras so that everyone got video’ed so we can have our strokes analyzed. How cool is that? This is what makes Team in Training so world class. There is this GIANT team of coaches, mentors, captains and overall Helpful People to support you in every way, and they really work hard to help you improve. It’s really so awesome.

The swim went pretty well but it was long. First we had a warmup of 200 yards. Then we did a set of 25 x 8 (25 = one length) during which we were supposed to start out slow and progressively speed up or exert more and more each successive time. I have a very hard time controlling or gauging my swimming speed so I did #1 glacially slow (ahhh), the middle ones at sort of “regular” and then the last one I tried to imagine that I was swimming away from a shark. That got my heartrate going all right, but I am also sure I was thrashing around like an octopus.

Then we did several uninterrupted sets of 300, 400 and 500 yards (500 = 20 lengths!). At the end of the 400 I felt like I was getting sort of delirious underwater, swimming crooked and having trouble with my breathing. In the middle of the 500 we were told to go get our video recorded. We only had to do 2 lengths for that, and it gave me a much needed break in the 500 or I feel like I might’ve just melted my brain into the pool. Then we did a 200 “cooldown.” I wish I could really do any other stroke – I’m not very good at backstroke or breaststroke so I could really recover more. But all I know is freestyle so that’s what I did.

We got changed into our bike stuff. I was feeling kind of shaky and wobbly and just WEAK after the swim. I’m sure I didn’t drink enough (DUH). I had a KIND bar and tried to drink water. But I was not feeling at my physical or emotional best.

Last week I had an official fitting which was supposed to make things all perfectly aligned and awesome, but: I think the seat is too high because when I get up on my toes, I can barely get my padded bottom onto the seat. Often it gets stuck, which is awkward and… unsmooth. Then, my new bike shoes are too thick for the toe cages I bought. The toe cages officially make me REALLY NERVOUS and I noted that my start-stop is MUCH more anxiety-provoking than last week. I think I might take them off. I am not sure. I got all tangled in stuff and have claw marks up and down my legs just because I was nervous and not doing things right.

There were two bike groups: the Olympic group, which is supposedly me, but they were going for either a 70 or 50 minute ride. The Sprint group was doing allegedly a 30 minute. I wanted to do more than that but I was kind of disoriented and the Olympic group took off and I was not with them. I tried to follow them and catchup but to no avail. For about 15 minutes I was riding completely by myself which I did NOT LIKE. So I stopped and waited for the S group to catch me (that didn’t take long). But then we were going on the wrong route and ended up at the freeway entrance (which I also did NOT LIKE) and had to turn around. Finally we found the street we were supposed to turn on in the first place. This street had the biggest hill I have ever ridden on in my entire life. In every other instance of my life, I would have taken one look at that hill and just walked the bike. But our group leader, Art, urged us to STAY ON THE BIKE and use our gears and our legs and what-all to do the hill. Going up it was pretty hard, but OK. Then we went down. And down and down and down. And I realized that the OTHER side of the hill was even steeper and we’d have to return up it. OH SHIT.

After a while we turned around and started heading uphill — first it was gradual, then it got more and more intense. Then REALLY intense. I desperately put my gears at the very lowest setting and just tried to stay on and stay alive. My breath was totally ragged and I was gasping, gulping and praying for air. AND I felt like I was going to puke my guts out. It was like the most all-out running sprint ever. I knew that if I stopped or got off, I would just collapse into a heap of jelly and there would be no getting up. So I kept going and finally got to the top. At the top, it was not this big relief. I felt like I’d died a little inside. I didn’t really start breathing normally for about half an hour, and I was sort of veering and swerving like a drunk.

I was sort of proud of myself, but also sort of shell-shocked and miserable. It was about 10x harder than last week’s ride had been. I got into the car and sort of wondered again what I had gotten myself into.

Eventually, people from the Olympic group started coming back in. I had some Gatorade and a little bit of power ball something that someone gave me. I was pretty wacked out for a while. I talked a bit with Katherine, who had been the “sweep” (tail end) of our group and who had been a huge moral support to me when I had a little mid-intersection meltdown over my toe cages and felt too paralyzed to get up and go. She gave me a little pep talk about hills and such and cheered me up somewhat. She is one of maybe two people on the team who might be my age or older, and she has already done triathlons so I have the utmost respect for her. She inspires me. Whereas some of the uber-young people who leapt off their bikes to take an optional RUN after it all, just made me want to weep.

I started feeling just a tad bit better as people started finishing the other ride. For the record, the Sprint group did a 50 minute ride (not 30!) and the Olympic group did like an 80 minute ride (not 50 or 70). So it’s always longer than they say it’s going to be. (word to the wise) Today was a day when I was once again feeling very Grinchy about the bike. I hated the toe cages, and hated the height of my seat. Bah, biking!

This is what my mentor Annika and her husband do for fun: she leaps on his back in the “Superwoman” position and then he does squats with her on his back. Fun, huh! These crazy kids!

I got home and yes, I was tired. I lay around and read and did stuff on the computer for several hours. Then I took a long nap. Now it’s almost dinner time. I have to come to grips that these big workout days pretty much ruin me for anything else (ie don’t try and do a solo performance or anything dumb like that).

Today’s mood: determined but sober.

August 20, 2011 7

What “Can’t” Really Means

I’ve been thinking a lot about the word “can’t” lately. Since I started triathlon training, so many of my previously ingrained “can’t” beliefs about myself have been shattered, turned around, evaporated. Some of them are big and some of them are small, but I realize how in many instances, “can’t” has really meant (until now) “prefer not to.” Heh.

For example.

I ~~can’t~~ preferred not to bike or swim. I can only run.
I ~~can’t~~ preferred not to ride a bike in traffic or anywhere near cars.
I ~~can’t~~ didn’t train so that I was able to swim more than 4 lengths of a pool. (ahem: last night swam 76 lengths!)
When I’m swimming, I ~~can’t~~ prefer not to breathe on my left side.
I ~~can’t~~ would rather not but am willing to try to ride a bike with toe clips.

Language makes such a difference doesn’t it? In our heads and in our reality. I can’t even describe how many YEARS (decades) I used to say out loud, “I can’t bike or swim.” Well clearly that isn’t true. But the truth was, I preferred not to, and I CHOSE not to. But it wasn’t that I couldn’t.

This little one about breathing on the left side. Haha. Well, the truth is, that it’s awkward, and I turn my head in an uncomfortable and spazzy way, and I end up sometimes gulping water when I try to breath on my left side. Which is why I most often CHOSE to only breathe on my right side. But our swim coach Angie kept reminding us that it would be a good thing to be able to swim bilaterally because what if we are in open water and the wind and waves are ALL on the right side. That would not be good. So last night during our OYO swim workout I really, really practiced the left sided breathing. It did not feel easy or fun or natural. But at the end of the evening I had not drowned and I had clearly succeeded in doing even awkward, flawed left sided breathing. So I have no business saying “I can’t.”

RIght now I feel myself tending toward thinking things like, “I can’t run six miles after I’ve ridden 24 miles and swam a mile.” I’ve got to stop thinking those thoughts. I’m working on repeating to myself, “I am TRAINING to ride six miles after riding 24 and swimming one, and when the time comes, I WILL BE READY.” I believe I can’t do it today or this week, but I have to have the belief that when November comes I WILL be ready.

August 18, 2011 21

This is Recovery Week?!

swim team, a photo by getthebubbles on Flickr.

Early this week we got an email from Coach saying,

Hello all you phenomenal triathletes (nice way to start an email, yes? :-))

Here we are in week four already. More importantly this is your first recovery week. While our training volume is still relatively small (uh-oh), it is very important to scale back a bit to give your body a chance to heal and recover from everything that you have put it through. If you are having any nagging physical issues, be sure to take extra time off to heal. Your body does not get stronger from simply beating it into the ground. Reality is actually quite to the contrary. When you exercise, your muscles are subjected to stress that actually damages the tissue. It is only during recovery that the muscle can rebuild itself stronger so that next time it is better able to handle the stress you put it under. In other words you get stronger and more resistant to injury.

Stick to the training schedule that I have laid out and don’t be tempted to push harder or do more. (oh, don’t worry about that, coach! haha!)

At first I was so excited. It sounded almost like a “rest” week! What is recovery week! Yay!

Then I took a look at our OYO swim workout for yesterday. It was a total of 1900 yards (76 lengths) – 600 more than last week. THIS Is recovery? I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

I said to Lily, “Are you SURE you want to do Fitness level again?” She replied, of course we can do this.

And as it turned out, we could. But I still am unclear on the concept of what “Recovery Week” means. It makes me afraid for NEXT week!

August 17, 2011 4

Kickin’ In Year 52, Triathlon Style!

I have to say, I had a pretty awesome birthday on Sunday. I got up at 6am, even did my 750 words, then dressed, had my pre-workout whole wheat English muffin with peanut butter and went to pick up Lily. We were going for our first long bike ride + run workout. I have to say, I was nervous. This was my first team bike ride and even though I’d done some biking on my own, it was all pretty much on trails. It’s the TRAFFIC I was worried about.

Team in Training is very spirit oriented, very rah-rah. Which sometimes can be annoying but with TNT I don’t mind it at all. In fact, I really appreciate it. This week’s Spirit Challenge was to wear weird and crazy socks. I had bought some pink flame socks to go with my new bike shoes, but Lily came through with some rocking matching animal print socks which she gave me in the car. She is the greatest.

We got out to Shadow Cliffs in Pleasanton and met up with the team. Guess how many other people were wearing crazy socks?? Not very many! So we won!!!!! We got some awesome TNT purple swag. Then our team mentor asked how many of us had not skipped a workout. Was I the only one to raise my hand? Really? I was presented with the golden sparkly cowboy/girl hat of fame!! WOW! Too much!!

goldhat — mentor Annika giving me the hat!

This was all very fun and distracting but I knew that the actual bike ride was coming up. NERVOUS. I immediately placed myself in the “Developing” group (the beginner group). They had us ride around the parking lot a couple times. Well, that was fine. Then we headed up a hill out of the park and across a four-lane road, and… we were ON THE ROAD! Cars were zipping by. We were in a bike line. It was flat. For the first few minutes I was having an out-of-body experience as the cars whooshed by. But then I just kept watching the bike in front of me, pedal pedal pedal. I started to realize that it was not so bad. (whew!)

Our Developing ride was supposed to be 50 minutes- 25 minutes out and 25 back. But it ended up being much longer. There were some slightly scary moments – when we had to ride in the MIDDLE OF THE ROAD because we were going straight, and there was a right-hand turn lane; when the “bike lane” ended and there were just cars (parked) and cars (moving) on both sides; when we came to a narrow curving overpass thing with basically NO shoulder and NO bike lane, and a few hills where my rubbery legs kept slipping off the pedals (toe clips being installed today!!). But I managed to deal with all of it without melting down or falling off or getting injured. Team mentor Karla who was bringing up the rear kept saying encouraging things to me, like, “You are so much better than you think!” and “You so got this!” etc. I couldn’t believe she was actually saying those words to me.

And one guy zipped by (not our team) and yelled out, “Nice socks!!!!!!” Hahaha.

After the ride (13.5 miles, 80 minutes!) we tried to quickly transition into running shoes and just take off for a “brief” 15-20 minute run. OMG. That was one of the most PAINFUL runs of my life. Ever. My calves and feet were SCREAMING and had no desire to run. Or even walk. Hobble maybe? I pretty much walk/hobbled/ jogged at a ridiculous pace. I couldn’t believe how jellified and also petrified and painful my lower extremities were. It was not a pleasant run. All I could think of was, I am going to do 6 miles of this?? NO WAY.

Thank goodness it was a short run. I got back to the picnic tables and pretty much collapsed. Happily, I was revived by birthday cupcakes! How sweet is that! Annika made them (with purple icing, natch) for me and Art, whose birthday was this week also. What an awesome team!

Truly though, NOTHING was a better birthday present than surviving that bike ride. Even enjoying more than half of it. And the nervous parts weren’t wildly, horribly debilitating. It was like butterflies in the stomach, not like panic attack level. So that was a huge victory. A great present. An enormous breakthrough.

I got home and had a wonderful birthday NAP. Zzzzzzzz.

Then cake and presents with my lovely family! Junior is away so it was Mister, Mom and Juniorette. We had an incredibly delicious cheesecake.

One of my favorite presents was this little kit which basically starts as a bunch of colored straws with holes in them…

Which you cut up and then follow numerical directions and they turn into… pig and chicken robots holding fish! WHAT!! Could there be anything cuter or more clever? I don’t think so. This was hands down one of my favorite gifts EVER.

After all the festivities, I got to go to San Francisco and have a girlfriend birthday dinner with one of my best buddies. It was sooooooo great.

Lobster salad!

It was really an extraordinary, wonderful day which made me feel very grateful and happy to be alive. I am a bazillion times healthier (and undoubtedly happier) than I was at 42, and I’m looking forward to more.

August 16, 2011 6

Tri Training: One Workout At A Time

So after my mini meltdown on Sunday, I’ve recovered and I am carrying on. I have kept up with my workouts. All of those check marks represent a completed workout according to the Team in Training schedule that our coaches gave us. I’m not giving up.

On Tuesday, Lily and I did a swim workout and it felt pretty good. She suggested that maybe we move it on up to the “Fitness” level next time. I was like, hahaha! The workouts are split into four levels of difficulty: Sprint level (the shorter triathlon), Developing Olympic level, Fitness Level and Competitive level. We had been working out at DO level for the most part.

On Wednesday, I took Junior to the airport in the morning and then had a tough work day that didn’t end until after 8. I was supposed to do a run workout. It was late. It was dark. I was so tired. But I did not want to miss doing my workout so I went to the gym and did my run workout on the treadmill. It involved six level 9 intervals which I was not excited about. But I did manage to finish it and went to bed tired and relieved I’d done it.

Thursday was the day of my TNT fundraiser. I got up early and did my bike/run workout on the local hill trail. It was not the best workout but not the worst one either. It was interesting to do the instant transition from bike to run and to think, I’m going to be doing exactly this in the race. Then Thursday night was my bartending fundraiser. A lot of people came and generously drank cocktails (our signature cocktail was the Tequila Sunrise, since we get up at sunrise to work out! Haha!). I still don’t have the total, but I think I raised a nice chunk of cash. Here I am raising the Jack Daniels! It was fun being bartender for the night.

Today was swim day. Another long work day and Lily reminded me that we said we were going to do the Fitness level. I said okay. We followed the printed sheet. At one point I asked, “What, no kickboards?” And she very cutely said, “No my friend, we are doing the Fitness Level. No kickboard for us tonight.” We proceed to kick ASS in our workout and we completed it. During one 12-length series I could feel my stroke disintegrating. I was so tired. I got a cramp in my foot. I finished. Go us.

Tomorrow – run at Inspiration Point. Sunday – bike and run out at Shadow Cliffs. I’m gonna keep going.

August 13, 2011 3

Flat Tire, Flat Brained

flat tire, a photo by ShmuliPhoto on Flickr.

Yesterday was one of those days when I was just completely overloaded: emotionally, physically, and every way. It was just TOO MUCH.

It started with a 6am wakeup and then being unable to find my bike shorts OR my swim cap and goggles, which I either left at the pool on Friday OR were taken at the pool. At any rate, they were missing. So I started out in a state of total discombobulation.

I carpooled to the swim/bike site with Lily. When we got there it was freeeeeeeeeeezing. I mean freezing. But thank goodness the water was warm and we got going on our pool workout.

I’d say the swim workout was the best part of the day. It wasn’t easy – I was often out of breath and tired – BUT I felt like I was improving and each small tip they gave us, like tucking our chins down, made a difference in my stroke quality. So that was awesome. The other good thing is that I got moved into the 2nd lane again, so I can feel confident that I am not in the beginner-beginner lane anymore. That made me feel encouraged. So it was a really good workout – probably 75 minutes or so – and I felt good about it.

Then we had to change clothes and get ready for the bike part. It started with a safety clinic and then a lesson in how to change a flat tire. I was noticing during that time that I was almost on the verge of tears and maybe some sort of panic attack (which is not typical for me). Just the thought of all the hazards they were describing were making me so anxious I could barely think. Then we had to take our tire off our bike, open it up and remove the tubing, blow it up with our mouth (!) then replace it and put it back on the bike. This entire process was just so fraught with anxiety for me. I didn’t know the name of anything or have any idea how any of it fit together or worked. I felt like I had been asked to remove the back of my computer and take apart the circuit board. I was a total deer in the headlights. Some of the coaches took mercy on me and kindly helped me out, like every 2 minutes, since I CLEARLY had no clue what I was doing, and I managed to do the whole thing. But it was still so anxiety filled for me. After that, the beginning level riders took off for a short ride but I had to leave to go to San Francisco for the SF Theater Festival where I was performing.

The whole notion of combining a workout day with a performance day was probably very, very bad. When I have a whole team workout, I pretty much collapse and go to bed after. And when I perform, I pretty much need several hours to calm and focus beforehand. So it was sort of a losing setup. I didn’t have time to shower as I had wanted, so I just changed and got in the car with crazy swimcap hair. Which was already a drain on my confidence. Then there was horrible bridge traffic in which I sat motionless for too long, and then my stupid GPS directed me to drive through SF CHINATOWN (ACKKKKKKK the worst place to drive EVER) and I got there with like a minute to spare.

The performance itself was… not my best. First, the amazing Zahra went before me. People kept streaming in through her whole show and we kept adding rows and rows and rows of more chairs. She probably had 100 people in there. Then, she finished, and like… 80 people left. That was… gulp. OK. Kind of demoralizing. So I already had bad hair, and no clue how to end my show, and a measly audience. I got through about 75% of it in strong form (I think) and then I pretty much tanked. It wasn’t the best. I had last tweaked the show for Fitbloggin and I knew I had to do something different, and I just didn’t have it together.

After my show I had to put in 3 hours of volunteer time ushering for the Festival, which was an unpleasant and resentful and exhausted way to spend the late afternoon. I was in a very bad mood.

Finally I came home and keeled over.

Today is a new day. I learned a lot yesterday. I learned that I HAVE to limit my activities or I’m just going to burn out. If I had yesterday to do over, I would have probably:

Chosen one thing or another: the workout OR the performance.
Chosen to perform my other piece which is polished and has a solid ending.

I have to really think about this bicycling thing. The level of fear I felt yesterday (without even going on the ride!!!!!) was overwhelming. I realize that this car/traffic thing for me is NO JOKE. I can’t bear the idea of cycling through a narrow space. (ie between cars) I just can’t.

The triathlon itself is going to be on a closed road with no cars. So I am wondering if I can do my training in areas with no traffic. Because I am damn sure I have NO goals of ever, ever, EVER riding in streets with traffic (for the long run). My goal is to finish the damn triathlon. I just need the skill and endurance to get through the 12 or 24 miles (Sprint or Olympic) in November. That is my ultimate goal. If I am going to train on traffic roads, I am going to need hypnosis or anti-anxiety meds or SOMEthing to get through it. I am really struggling with how I am going to manage this but I’ll be damned if I give up the entire triathlon just because of this fear.

August 8, 2011 8

Midweek, Week 2: Of Beasts and Blood

Two more workouts down! After that emotional meltdown on Tuesday, things have been going more smoothly, at least psychologically.

Yesterday was a run workout. I did it OYO (on your own) because of my WW meeting in the evening. Our coach had sent out a rather cryptic workout schedule with codes and numbers I didn’t fully understand. What he wrote was:

WARM UP: 10’ Easy jog with 4-5 x 10”-15” strides

MAIN SET

T = Threshold pace = RPE 6-8. This is moderate to hard pace where conversation is possible but labored. Walk or jog very easy during the recovery interval.

R = Repetition pace = RPE 9-10. This is a near max effort. Focus on maintaining running form throughout the set. No recovery interval is given. Take as much rest as needed in order to perform the next repeat at the same high intensity.

Developing   (400T, RI 200 + 200R) repeat 4x or (4’T, RI 2′ + 2’R) 4x

Fitness           (400T, RI 200 + 200R) repeat 6x or (4’T, RI 2′ + 2’R) 6x

Competitive   (400T, RI 200 + 200R) repeat 8x or (4’T, RI 2′ + 2’R) 8x

COOL DOWN: 5’-10’ Easy jog or walk

I’m not sure how YOU would interpret this, but what I did was: (at “developing level”) – warmup, then four minutes of Threshold Level, 2 minutes of Repetition Pace “near max effort,” 2 minutes of recovery (ie staggering/walking/trying not to throw up). Then repeated that 4x. Then cooldown.

I am getting a little more of an idea of how to figure out these RPE (Rate of Perceived Efforts). A “near max effort” is one thing to do for 20 seconds (a true sprint) and another thing to do for two entire minutes. I have to really pace myself. And it just feels sick. But I configured my Runkeeper to chime at all the intervals, and I did it. At the end I was REALLY wiped but felt quite proud of myself. And super sweaty.

Later I found out that I had interpreted the thing wrong. When coach Haakon interpreted his symbols into ENGLISH, he said it was:

4 minutes at Threshold pace (RPE 6-8), rest for 2 minutes
2 minutes at Repetition pace (RPE 9-10), rest as long as you need to in order to do next set at the same intensity and focus.

So I had left out the resting in between Threshold and Rep, and NEVER did the “rest as long as you need.” He said that he liked my workout and that should be called The Beast. 🙂 and that as long as I was not injured, it was “money in the bank.” You can see how this guy thinks.

Yesterday I coincidentally got a handwritten letter from Junior in the mail. I cannot even REMEMBER the last time I got a handwritten letter from ANYONE and so I treasured every word like it was a gold nugget. But my very favorite part was the end of the letter.

That pretty much made my day. There’s no way she (or anyone else) would have said this about me three years ago. It made me feel very awesome.

Today was bike/run day. I got to reunite with my workout buddy Lily, whom I had not seen in what felt like eons! We met up on the same mild hill trail that I did on Saturday.

Here we are before we set off.

We took off. The trail was very beautiful and cool and woodsy and not nearly as crowded as it had been on the weekend.

Lily's butt: woosh, she just whizzed past! So speedy!

We went down the hill, then up the hill (puff puff) and it was very pleasing to have a nice easy hill on which to practice our gear switching. We were pretty psyched. THEN on the way up for the 2nd time, all of a sudden I felt this JERK! and my bike just STOPPED and I was flung to the ground. OUCH. My shoelace had gotten all wrapped up in the gear and well… ack.

This was a very unhappy moment for me. I was on the ground and it took forever to untangle my shoelace and nurse my wounds (both legs) and regain my confidence. Lily was very nice and walked with me for a little bit. Of course it brought back all sorts of PTSD re my bike accident, and I started muttering internally about how much I HATE BICYCLES because they are dangerous nasty beasts that can hurt you and get you killed.

So eventually I calmed down and we resumed going up the hill and it went fine. I know it was my FAULT for wearing running shoes with long laces. Mr. McBody had warned me about this (wagging finger and all) on Saturday and I was also dreading the “I told you so” speech when I got home. Bleah. But I got over it and we finished the ride, which all in all had been a success.

Then we RAN! It wasn’t a long run, but we ran down the hill and then up the hill. When we were done we felt like we’d definitely accomplished something. This was our first OYO multi-sport workout. Coach says we need to get used to doing a couple things at once. Okay.

Tomorrow is swim day. I am actually looking forward to it.

August 4, 2011 5

The Workout That Almost Wasn’t

Today was one of those Not Easy days. I did not bounce out of bed all excited to get into my new triathlon week. First, I had a super tough day at work. It was psychologically tough. Sometimes I work with people who are in a lot of pain and who have huge physical limitations. Today was one of those days. I just felt such incredible sadness, and the folks I worked with were in despair and I felt like I could not do a thing to help them. As the day went on I felt myself getting more and more tired and weighed down. I went to Starbucks after lunch for iced coffee and a cookie (note: did not help in the LEAST). By the end of the work day I just felt glued to my chair, dragging with no energy and dreading my swim workout.

A little part of me contemplated not going. But I knew that this would just be a horrible slippery slope and if I didn’t go once, then it would just set a precedent for not going again and again.

I was bummed because my buddy Lily couldn’t join me today. I haven’t seen her since last Friday and I miiiiisssssss her. Funny how quickly we establish routines and traditions. I got used to working out with her last week! It feels like an eternity!

I came home after work to print out the workout and get my swim gear. Of course I COULD have done that before leaving in the morning, but I hadn’t done that. I knew it was going to be dangerous to come in the house and sit on a chair. I did not allow myself to lie on the bed (which I really wanted to do). I dragged myself over to the gym after 7.

As I was driving, I got a little flash thinking about my work clients. And it struck me that I was feeling kind of guilty. That here I could work out and do all these things with my body that they just can’t do. It struck me how unfair that was. And I realized that that exhaustion hit me in the afternoon, I think partly because I was overwhelmed with the fact that I get to go and train for a triathlon and they can barely walk down the hall. I felt like I was showing off. And that I didn’t have the right to go work out when people are suffering in their bodies. (this is something along the lines of not finishing one’s plate when there are children starving in X…….. country)

Then I remembered something that our coaches say to us at almost every workout. That when we are tired, or not sure we can start or finish a workout, we should think about our honorees who have, or did have cancer, and that what we go through in our workouts is a mere tiny infinitesemal fraction of what they go through. And that we have to keep going.

My triathlon training is unfortunately not going to help every single person who is suffering in every way in the world. But it can help some people who are dealing with blood cancers. I thought about Izzy and about Susan, another one of my honorees (just diagnosed a few weeks ago) who has already inspired me so much – post about her coming in the next week, and about Scott Simmons and Ruthann Cons and Robert Allen, my “in memory of” honorees. Then I realized that I just passed 25% (!!!!!!!!!!!!) of my fundraising goal (awesome, but that means I have 75% to go! hint hint!) , and that gave me some good energy.

So I went to the pool feeling tired, pretty grim, but determined to do it anyway.

I got in the water and right away I felt calmer. We were supposed to do a total of 700 yards of drills and freestyle. I did it and it was not a struggle. It actually felt really good. When I was done I added an extra 50 yards just because I felt like it. It made me excited to feel the progress I have been making with my swimming.

I was feeling so happy when I got out of the water.

After I took a shower I put on the shirt I’d tossed randomly into my bag. It was my shirt that I got at the Fight for Air StairClimb. In case you can’t read backwards, it says “I climb because I can.” And I guess I swim because I can.

When I was driving home there was an incredibly beautiful fingernail moon hanging over the city.

Peace.

August 3, 2011 12

Meet Izzy: One Big (Little) Reason I’m Doing This

One of the reasons we train with Team in Training is also to support the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. When I did my TNT marathon back in 2000, we met our honoree once I think. But I didn’t really feel a personal connection. This time it feels really different. Our team honoree is Izzy, the most adorable 3 year old EVER. Her parents are both training on our team as well. Her dad is one of the team captains and is leading many of the workouts. Her mom is also training for the triathlon. I met Izzy at our team kick-off last week and she just melted my heart.

Here’s a little bit about her (supplied by her mom).

June 29th marked Izzy’s one year cancer remission birthday. She is currently in her maintenance phase of treatment which consists of oral chemo everyday, steroid 5days out of the month, a dose of vincrisintin (chemo) once a month through her broviac (a central line port), and inter-thecal chemo every three months. Thankfully she is halfway through her treatment and has a little over a year left. She just started ballet and tap class, loves anything Disney princess, and her favorite place is the zoo.

izzy1 — At One Year Remission Anniversary!

So this is one of the reasons that I am going to continue hounding y’all who have not yet donated to my fundraising efforts. If you are reading this and have not yet donated, please do. Give a little or a lot, whatever you are able. If you are local, I invite you to the fabulous Cocktail and Cupcake party I’m throwing next week. (I’m bartending) If you can’t make it, no problem – just visit my fundraising page! Easy peasy!

Click here.

I have several other honorees that I’m training for (and in memory of) and I’ll be telling you more about them as the season progresses. If YOU have someone in your life who has (or did have) any form of blood cancer, and you’d like me to add their to my hat, please let me know. I’d be honored to honor them.

July 31, 2011 3

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