non-scale victory (NSV)

Friends with Snow Again

Sargent Wilderness Area, Chama, New Mexico

By the time I’d gotten to the heaviest of my Before phase, I had become a true hater of snow and snow sports. I grew out of my very-largest, expensive snow pants and SWORE I was not going to move up to the next size. So I’d go out in the snow with the pants unsnapped and only halfway zipped up. That was, er, chilly and distressing. I also remember that the maneuvering that involved snapping or buckling ski boots or other such things resulted in an uncomfortable/impossible squishing together of my ample midsection, and just tightening my boots made me dizzy enough to pass out. Often I’d opt to sit by the fire and drink lots of hot cocoa. Eventually I ended up opting out of going to the snow altogether, it was so unpleasant.

It had been probably more than 3 years since I’d done anything snow-related. But my very best college friend and the godmother of my daughter was throwing a 50th birthday bash with all her besties in the New Mexico mountains, and it involved cross-country skiing and snowshoeing, and I could not say no. I thought maybe I’d end up sitting by the fire and reading/writing all weekend. But no.

The first NSV (nonscale victory) came the night before the trip, when I went down to the basement to rummage around the piles of snow clothes. I found the hated VERY BIG snowpants that I could not even zip up 3 yrs ago. Then I found the 3-sizes-smaller ones that my kids had worn when they were maybe in junior high. I held my breath. I tried on the small ones. HEY! THEY FIT! So that put me in a pretty good mood.

I got there, and it was beautiful. So beautiful! I am spoiled by being one of those people who can “go to the snow” and then leave it. And this was some of the nicest, prettiest snow I had ever seen. The flakes were giant crystalline shards of beauty. I was entranced!

My friend had rented me some cross-country skis. Back in the day, I was probably the World’s Worst Cross Country Skier. One, I had absolutely no stamina or cardiovascular endurance. So after about three feet I would be panting. Secondly, I was absolutely terrified to go up or down the slightest incline because I would immediately fall to the ground. NO JOKE. Once I went to this X-C ski resort with the family and I signed up for this hellaciously long (could it have been more than 2 hours?) X-C group ski lesson. It was one of the most humiliating experiences of my LIFE because I was either panting in absolute oxygen debt, or I was trying to struggle up from an upside-down turtle position on the snowy ground, while the entire group looked on in abject pity and disgust, or left me miles behind. It was miserable and I swore on ten frozen Bibles that I would never, ever, EVER cross-country ski again.

But my best college friend, the hostess and birthday girl, had rented me some X-C skis. What was I to do? Well, the REI gods were smiling on me. They sent me one defective ski so that I could not for the life of me get it latched on to my boot. DEFECTIVE BINDINGS saved my dignity. I praised the Lord and reached for the snowshoes. Which I loved. And adored.

It is damn near impossible to fall down while wearing snow shoes. And thanks to all the running I did in 2010, I was not the least bit cardiovascularly challenged by this activity. I tromped through the snow, sometimes up to my knees, in total glee. It was freakin’ AWESOME. And it made my heart pump and my DirectLife activity monitor wake up and say “hey, she’s not dead!” and a happiness rang out across the snowy land.

So now I am friends with the snow again. I went out twice on Saturday and once on Sunday, the first exercise I’d done since the Plague hit me on New Year’s Day. It felt really, really good! And now I can actually contemplate the idea of renting some snowshoes again and going to play in the snow in my own home state.

PS. One of the nicest things about this weekend was learning how to make homemade chai. SO DELICIOUS and so simple. There was always a pot of chai on the stove and I became obsessed with it. Recipe and how-to photos here!

January 11, 2011 9

All the Invisible Nudges

I am really indebted to my Invisible Friends for my run tonight. I had sort of vague plans to do some sort of exercise today, but I’d written off running because I thought it was supposed to rain all week. But then it didn’t really rain today – it was more cloudyesque. I got out of work early (yay! 1:00pm! no more of that job until 2011!) and thought I’d go right away, especially when I got a message from Sportsfan, who had just done a 5 mile run. I noticed I felt slightly envious and slightly… er, competitive. I realized I had not run in over a week.

Earlier this week I Tweeted that one’s identity as a runner has to be constantly renewed or else it kind of dissipates. It’s much like one’s identity as a writer, which I also struggle with on an ongoing basis. It doesn’t matter if one has published a book or run a half marathon– if you don’t keep going, that identity will melt away over time. It’s not like getting a professional degree, which you can just renew by sending in a check to the state every few years. I didn’t fret about “not really being a physical therapist” until about ten YEARS had passed without practicing. It’s not like that with running.

My running identity was definitely getting melty this week. I was overwhelmed with Christmas shopping and prep and a million little errands that chipped away at my exercise time.

I did some errands after work. Time was chipping away. I had some late lunch. I got kind of sleepy. But then I saw some Tweets. @Diegirl said she was either going to sleep or nap. I told HER to run. She did!

I went and put on my running stuff. By then it was almost 4pm. I sat in the car and twiddled around with my iPod, allegedly “charging it up” but I knew I was procrastinating. I tweeted so.

That got me going. Somebody noticed! Their nudges and encouraging me really got me OUT of the car and onto that trail.

Right away, I felt like something was wrong with my legs. My calves were tight as cement and felt like they had golf balls stuck in them. The first mile felt terrible. I thought there was no way I’d make it more than a few miles. But then I cranked up the good music and just kept going. And lo and behold, by mile 1.5 the golf balls started softening up and everything started feeling loosey-goosey and a lot better.

Meanwhile, it was getting darker out. And darker. This is what happens when you start a 5+ mile run at around 4:15pm on the shortest day of the year. Whoops!

My body actually felt pretty good but I didn’t finish until close to 6pm and it was DARK DARK DARK. But it was true that I felt really good and really glad I’d gone. I was so thankful to all my invisible running friends: @letitgo8 and @diegirl who nudged me out of the car, and Sportsfan who motivated me by his own run earlier in the day, and @bitchcakesny who has been really upping her running game, and @mpkann who just returned to running after patiently healing from a hurt knee. All of you have inspired me so much. Ultimately, we are alone in this, and we make the decision whether to lace up the shoes and either go for a run or take a nap. Thank you for helping me make a good decision today.

I love my invisible community!

Oh yeah – I forgot to include DirectLife coach Erin in that invisible cheering section. I got an email from her today. We’ve been trying to work out the details of my daily Targets since coach Jen is on vacation. My activity really JUMPED around the time of the half marathon (like 300% of target) and DL asked me if I wanted to adjust it. Silly me, I said yes, but then returned to non-half-marathon life, and I’d been slacking on my percentages. So there has been some back and forth with the coaches about what my real target should be. Just these small communications also helped me feel like I am not alone, that someone out there Cares about my activity and health.

Accountability rocks.

December 22, 2010 3

If It’s Physical, It’s Therapy

This is the shirt that we physical therapy students wore back when I was an undergraduate. It was sort of meant to elicit snickers like, heh heh, physical, heh heh. Back in the Olivia Newton-John “let’s get physical” days. But I’ve been thinking about this shirt, and that saying, and my long-abandoned career that I only recently dusted off and removed from the mothballs.

I graduated with a physical therapy degree in 1982. When I had my first child in 1990, I turned to other things, mostly nonprofit work, then writing, then teaching writing. And even though I renewed my license every few years, I pretty much thought of it as something I had done once but never would again.

I went back to doing PT work this past April. It’s been tough – the learning curve of learning brand new skills as well as dredging up information I’d packed away in the deepest recesses of my brain has tested me like nothing else. It’s been a very hard road, but I have not wanted to give up because I have been hoping, that with time, it would get easier.

After six months, I think I can say that going to work is not the intense stress that it was during the first couple of months. I am more relaxed now, although with moments of anxiety that I don’t know enough, or can’t do it right. It’s beginning to feel smoother. I’m going to be attending a professional course in February that I am actually looking forward to.

But it occurred to me recently, like a bolt of lightning, that another (of many factors) reason that I stayed away from this profession for 18 years (!!) was that I felt unworthy of it, physically. If I was overweight and inactive, who was I to help or counsel others regarding their physical issues?

Maybe it’s no coincidence that even when I was practicing, decades ago, I most often worked with the most severely disabled or the very oldest (or youngest) people around. I helped people who needed to learn how to hold up their heads, or sit for 10 seconds at the side of a bed, or take ONE STEP. I remember feeling a sort of disdain for athletic trainers (and their patients) and thinking that that was a stupid use of professional skills and that athletes did not need or deserve any help, when there were so many people who couldn’t walk or stand up without help.

Ah, the arrogance of youth. But I also think there was something else going on. I was intimidated by athletes and athletic trainers. They made me feel lumpy and inadequate.

I realize now that for the first time in decades, I feel worthy of practicing as a physical therapist again, and as I am beefing up my brain-skills, the same is true for my physical skills. This week I was doing something called a POET evaluation – a post-offer employment test, which is something that employers are now requiring of some heavy duty physical jobs. These people are offered employment, but they are dependent on passing a set of physical tests to see that they can physically DO the jobs without getting injured. I have been trained to administer these tests using this ginormous machine and computer system. One of the tests involves lifting a crate up to a shelf with 10 to 60 pound weights. After every 10 lb crate is lifted, I have to add another 10 or 20 lbs to it. I also have to lift this 45-lb steel bar on and off the Big Machine and add attachments to it for various pushing and pulling tests.

On Friday, I noticed that my shoulders and upper back were aching like I’d done a serious workout. Then I remembered I’d done this POET test. It HAD been a serious workout! I do not think I could have easily done this 20 years ago.

This whole thing is such a big deal for me. I ran away from this profession for so many years because I never felt good enough, intellectually OR physically. But I’m learning now that maybe it’s not too late.

December 12, 2010 11

I Finished a Half Marathon!

(DISCLAIMER: This is the longest blog post I have EVER WRITTEN. It is an epic of a race recap. Feel free to scroll or skip)

This has been an amazing experience. An amazing, amazing, wonderful, incredible, challenging, painful and beautiful experience. I am never going to forget it. But just in case, I’m going to put down every single detail here. I hope you like lots of obsessive detail as well as a lot of pictures, because that’s what you’re going to get! See slideshow (scroll to end) for a trip through Foodie’s race weekend. Be aware that the slide show seems to have randomized my pictures so they are NOT in chronological order but hopefully you will recognize the images from the recap.

Where do I begin? I guess I begin on Friday night when I arrived here alone. I was all chompy at the bit so I went over the race Expo. WOW what a scene. It was very exciting. I checked-in and got my race number. The Brooks people had this giant area with prizes and a carnival atmosphere and stuff. They had a giant painted bus and a place where you could run on a treadmill and they took video of your feet running in slow-mo. That was pretty cool. I also won a bumper sticker and a hat.

I was a little sad but also a little relieved to be all alone in our giant 3-bedroom suite (which I had booked in July, thinking it was going to be Party Central, but alas, many people had to cancel). I was exhausted and I crashed very early Friday night.

I visited the Expo three times because frankly, I was kind of obsessed with my feet and ankles and determined to find whatever support I could to assure that I was going to finish this race in the best shape possible. I was worried. I’d had a good ten-mile run a week ago, but since then I was plagued by right ankle and heel pain. I was kind of freaked out.

So at the Expo I had my feet and ankles taped at the KTT booth, I bought an ankle wrap support doohickie, bought a pair of compression socks from Zensah and if they had had a shamanic healer booth, I would have gone there too. I also bought a pair of those rocker-bottom sneakers because they were 50% off (I am such a sucker for deals!). I don’t believe any of the hoo-hah that claims they make you lose weight or get buns of steel, but I think it’s probably worthwhile to change up your gait and posture. My cousin-in-law was wearing them for Thanksgiving and he swore by them and said they are great. So I got a pair. I also got a foam roller kit with a killer little roller, a foam block and a hard foam ball.

I met up with Brandon (aka @AHealthyDad) and @fitmacdaddy at the Expo and we took a fun photo at the faux finish line. It was great to meet some other healthy Tweeters!

Julianne (aka @pubsgal) and Junior arrived on Saturday afternoon and we went through the Expo one more time. We especially had a hoot going through all the Tshirts at One More Mile (I didn’t buy any). I did get some new sporty don’t-fall-out earbuds (more on those later).

After shopping-till-dropping, we went back to the hotel and got ready for dinner and our show night. Ended up at a fancy-shmancy place called Yellowtail where they served, of all things, crab sushi with POP ROCKS (yes, the CANDY) in it. It was like a weird episode of Top Chef. Did it “work?” Um, not really. But now we can say we’ve eaten sushi with candy in it. For the first and last time. See photo of @pubsgal’s facial response.

After dinner we went to see Cirque du Soleil’s “O” show. It was breathtaking and awesome and beautiful and dazzling and melancholy and just a wonderful experience. That afternoon, Dr. Mo had counseled me (among other things) to see something “physically inspiring” (she mentioned YouTube videos) and this certainly fit the bill.

We went home and I set up my pre-race pile o’stuff, put my race chip on my shoe, fastened my number to my waist belt, packed my little pack with money, Gu Chomps, etc.

I set my alarm for 5:00am but ended up waking at 3:45. I think this is pretty common. I debated going back to sleep for another hour but I was so wired I didn’t think it was going to happen. So I got up, stretched, had coffee and bagel with peanut butter.

Since the Strip was closed for the marathon, it was a bit of a nervewracking debacle getting down to the start line. (especially since I noted on Twitter that various people were heading over there starting at 4am when I woke up!!) Our plan was to leave our hotel at 6 to arrive there (4 miles away) well before 7:00am. But the hotel staff seemed rather perplexed by the whole thing and said they were having a hell of a time getting taxis to come around “the back way.” There were lots of people waiting around and no taxis. They recommended taking the Monorail, but that meant walking a few blocks from our hotel and then walking another MILE AND A HALF to the start line. I was not really interested in adding another 1.5-2 miles to our race distance, so we were holding out pretty much for a taxi.

We walked to a hotel across the street since one of our taxi drivers the night before had told us they would have taxis at their back entrance. We trudged through the casino and there were NO taxis to be seen. Anxiety increased. I kept bugging the valet guy who insisted he was putting out multiple calls and after what seemed like FOREVER, a taxi showed up. It was one of the jankiest taxis I have ever ridden in, but we did not care. It got us there.

Arrived to find thousands of people streaming toward the starting corrals. They had a “wave” start with people lined up in corrals based on estimated pace time. I was in one of the last ones. But what I did not realize is that the “gear bag check” area was not anywhere near the corrals, and I was in a bit of a panic that I was going to miss the start. By this time it was about 6:55. I needn’t have worried.

Finally found the gear check area, which was actually awesomely organized. I had packed a giant plastic bag (supplied by the race people) with warm dry clothes, an extra jacket, socks, etc. Then I rushed (I mean RAN) over to my corral. And then proceeded to stand there for like half an hour. I could tell by Tweets that Sue O (aka @mrsfatass) was in my same corral and I really wanted to meet her! But she was packed into the center of the corral like a sardine, and I was kind of claustrophic so I stayed outside the corral “fence” until the herd began moving forward.

FINALLY we started moving toward the start line which was way, way, way off. The anticipation was both killing and exciting. We kept seeing clumps of people hear the “GO!” signal ahead of us, and then we would trudge ahead a few more feet. This was a big adrenaline moment.

Then it was our turn. I was only about 3 people away from the actual start rope and the feeling at that spot was amazing. Then the 3…2…1… GO! And we were off.

I had a hard time “finding my feet” at first, trying to figure out what pace to go. I knew I wanted to walk but I was so tempted to run and I did run a very short distance before realizing that was a bad idea. I also used the first mile to figure out my electronic situation. I had an iPod shuffle which I had meticulously loaded with great music the night before. My plan was to use the Shuffle for my music, and to save my iPhone for occasional tweeting and to text Junior and possibly Mr. McBody during the race, but we had signed up for this service that gave pace and distance updates via texting during the race, so I figured he’d be updated.

Well. First problem I discovered that the NEW EARBUDS I had purchased at the Expo did NOT WORK with my Shuffle! It did not have the little volume and song-choice control button thing on it. It had a microphone, and I could swear the sales person told me or maybe I assumed, but I had NO control over the volume (it was so low I could barely hear it) and worse, I had no choice over what song I was listening to. It was NOT set to my Running playlist. AGHHH.

Music is one of the lifesavers of my running experience. It is super, super important to me and can make or break a race for me. So I immediately felt panicky about losing my best music. I had a choice: I could randomly listen to whatever the Shuffle turned up, or I could put the earbuds into my iPhone and access my playlist. But this would also suck up the battery life and then I might not be able to use the phone for actual communication.

For the first part of the race I just went with the Shuffle. I was amused that certain songs that I’d never consider “running songs” actually worked. Including “By My Side” from the Godspell soundtrack (ßnostalgia for high school era musicals).

Where are you going? Where are you going? Can you take me with you? I’ve got a pebble in my shoe. And watch me walk. I can walk, I can walllllllllllkkkkkkk…. (swelling chorus)

That kept me going for a while.

As we went down the strip I realized I had not seen any mile 1 marker. I don’t know if they didn’t have one, or I missed it because I was messing with my music. But I was really unhappy during the first 2 miles. My left arch was aching, I just wasn’t feeling GOOD, and I thought, holy mackerel, if this is the first mile, I am dead.

We passed the Mile 2 marker after what seemed like an eternity, and then I perked up because I realized I’d just finished 2/3 of a 5k. At that point I had still been seeking out the Mile ONE marker and I was beginning to freak out. But when I realized I’d gotten to Mile 2, I felt immediately better. I knew that in 1.1 mile I’d be at the first 5k.

I texted Mr. McBody to see if he was getting updates on Junior, who I knew was way ahead of me. He said he’d gotten nothing. Hmm. As it turned out the whole “auto-update” thing had technical problems and issued an apology and refund promise at the end of the day.

Texting him made me realize how much I needed that support. I began sending some updates to Twitter and it made me feel sooooo good to receive encouraging “Go Foodie!” tweets in response. It was HUGE.

Okay, so a little about the course. Basically it was my understanding (I did not study the map in huge detail and I thought I understood it) that we would run up the Strip past this giant landmark called the Stratosphere, then go a little ways past it, then turn around and come back down the Strip. So for the first part I was just focused on getting past the Stratosphere. I sort of thought of it as my halfway-ish point.

This is where the mental part of running comes in. What happened is that we passed the Stratosphere. Yay! Then a few blocks ahead I saw a bunch of runners going perpendicular on a cross street, and I thought, oh, just a couple blocks, then we’re going to turn left and come back down! WRONG. What happened is that we passed the Stratosphere and then went through this freaking long MAZE of streets, I mean it felt that Harry Potter maze of death. Within this maze we passed the 6 and 7 mile markers, the 10K etc. But it seemed to take FOREVER to get to that place of turning around and heading back down the strip.

In reality it was like this: 1/3 up the strip, 1/3 wandering around a horrible maze of downtown Las Vegas, including decrepit awful depressing liquor stores, strip bars, tacky Wedding Chapels (not the cute tacky kind, the truly bleak kind) $25-a-room crack dealer hotels, and just AGHHH, and then 1/3 down the strip. This was kind of horrific. Race planners, I think I would have preferred that 1/3 wandering around in a desert or a subdivision or the AIRPORT then that particular plot of geography. But whatever.

We emerged from the Maze and once again faced South. My first impression was, there’s the Stratosphere again. And OMG it is SO FAR AWAY. At this point I was completely disgusted with the volume and choice of musical offerings on my Shuffle so I switched to my iPhone. This again perked me up immediately and I am sure I really sped up here. I was about at mile 9 and feeling pretty good. I passed the 15k and then Mr. McBody texted me that Junior had just finished, at 2 hours 24 minutes. I was so excited for her and feeling good.

I passed ten miles. At that point I knew I was getting into territory I’d never been before: running more than 10 miles. I told myself I had just one more 5k to go, one more lap around my beloved Lake Merritt.

It started getting really hard. My left arch, which had been aching virtually since mile 1, started feeling actual intense PAIN. I did not know what to do. My right ankle, which has plagued me since the dawn of time, was miraculously feeling good. The rest of me felt pretty good – no hip or knee pain. But my left foot! (hey, wasn’t that a movie? ;-)) was suddenly KILLING. I tweeted plaintively, “11 miles oh Jesus.” I wasn’t quite sure what I meant by that, but it was an SOS of sorts. It was like… I am not sure I can do this. It was my Faltering Point.

At that moment I can say, thank God for Twitter because the encouraging messages started popping up on my phone. I cranked up the best music I could find, watching my battery level sink lower and lower. I had to pull out all the guns. Then it occurred to me that maybe I had given my left foot TOO MUCH support (is there such a thing?) by wrapping it in that ankle wrap. I had done that prophylactically, to keep from injuring it, but something was killing my arch. So I pulled over to the side and undid the Velcro straps. I contemplated taking it off completely but I did not want to stop for too long because I knew it would make me start feeling weak and sick. So I just undid them and let the flop about. I think it may have helped me a little bit. It helped me psychologically.

Miles 11-13 were hard. They were damn freaking hard. I’d say the first two miles and the last two miles of this race were the worst ones for me emotionally. I stopped tweeting and texting and just put on my determined face and powered through the best I could. Junior came up to meet me about ½ mile out and gave me an encouraging rub on the shoulder and a “Go mama!” I kept going.

Damn that last tenth of a mile! When I saw the 13 mile sign I was SO READY to be done. But we had a final tenth to go and it was, I swear, mildly UPHILL – the only hill in the entire race. I was so not in the mood for a hill of even one degree grade at that point. The end of the race was kind of confusing because there was a half-marathon finish line, a marathon finish line and a big puffy arch thing. I wasn’t sure which point was the actual stopping point. I kept running even through the finish line because the puffy arch was still a ways a way and then I asked the people, “Am I done?”

When they said, “Yup, all finished!” I just burst into tears. I cried and cried. It was so emotional. It was a big moment. Then I went to get my gear and find Junior and Julianna and listen to a few minutes of Bret Michaels (his music is Not My Thing but I like him bc he’s now a diabetes advocate). One of the COOLEST thing they had at the Post-Race Village was this tent with big cushy benches and giant TUBS OF ICE where you could go soak your throbbing feet. I took huge advantage of this. They provided big thick plastic knee-high bags to put over your socks and when I put my feet in that tub… Ahhhhhh. Nothing had ever felt so good. It was just… ahhhhhhh.

Getting back to the hotel after the race proved to be… challenging. The taxi line at Mandalay Bay was INSANE so we decided to take the Monorail. Let me just say that this was not easy and it added a good 2-3 miles of walking to our race. Not a happy thing. We were hurting and tired and at this point I started feeling all the familiar gastrointestinal symptoms of running a long race. (I will not give TMI, but let me say I was not feeling very good)

It took us over an hour and a half to traverse the 4 miles to our hotel. (which we had already passed twice during the race) Got there, showered and then Junior and I went down to the hotel spa for our post-race massage that I’d scheduled earlier. I was so zonked at this point that I just said, “My feet hurt. Please rub them,” and then I passed out on the table. I think it felt good. But when I stood up my feet STILL hurt, so she did not manage to perform any miracles.

Then we went to the room to nap for a bit then headed over to Serendipity3 at Caesar’s Palace. I am a lifelong fan of Serendipity3 in New York City and I never pass up a chance to get a Frozen Hot Chocolate. We enjoyed an amazingly delicious dinner of Kobe Beef Sliders (adorable and delicious), sweet potato fries, Summer Bries (turkey apple and brie sandwich) crab cake salad (@pubsgal) and a foot-long hotdog (Junior). It was a perfect post-race meal. Then we sent Junior off to the airport and Julianna and I came back to the hotel. And CRASHED HARD.

I was so happy to wake up this morning with only very minor aches and pains (I’ve had worse pain after sessions with my trainer) and an extreeeeeeeeemely swollen face. My lips were gigantic. That’s from all the hydrating! But after some coffee and resuming my blood pressure meds and a lot of water and trips to the bathroom, I am balancing out. I got on the airplane and came home. The end!

I learned a lot during this race. I think even though it had its Very Difficult Moments, it was one of my favorite races of all time. I learned:
I can pretty much run a half marathon. I think I walked a total of 2 (maximum) out of the 13.1 miles. Just knowing that is just an amazing feeling and it gets me all choked up just thinking about it. For most of the time leading up to this race I did not intend to run ANY of it, but something caught ahold of me just in the last month and I ended up shocking myself.
I’m getting the hang of this hydration thing. Drinking sports drinks instead of (or in addition to) water has made a HUGE HUGE difference in how I feel. Ditto on the nutrition. I had about 2/3 bag of Gu Chomps plus about ½ pack of regular Gu during the race and I think that was about right. This was the FIRST LONG RACE I’ve done in which I did not experience frightening numb/tingling hands, shortness of breath, dizziness or otherwise feeling like total death. So GO ME for figuring this out.
My final time was 3:09 so now I have a new goal of sub-three hours. Which is pretty modest but also I think quite attainable. And yes I am thinking of the Next One!! I do not think I want to go to full marathon level, but we shall see. I want to get better at doing halves.
My final race pace average was 14:26 minute mile, or 4.16mph. When I saw those stats I got very teary because my goal was 15 minute mile and I really did better than that. This is shocking to me because it means even though I walked a bit at probably 18-min pace, it means when I was running I was running quite a bit faster than 14:26 at some points. That’s like… wow.
I need to NOT TRY NEW STUFF on race day. Like wearing an ankle support thing just for the heck of it. Or trying new electronics. Those things both hindered me big time. On the other time, my new compression socks worked out just fine and I think the KTT taping was also a good thing.

It felt good. It felt soo gooooooood. To do something I really really did not think was possible. It’s such a mental thing! I cried (yeah I’m doing a lot of crying!) when I saw what Mr. McBody posted on my Facebook page (something he RARELY DOES):

Overcoming adversity and numerous obstacles. 2. Overturning lifelong limiting beliefs. This required great bravery and internal fortitude. It’s a beautiful thing. Susan is my hero.

Overturning lifelong limiting beliefs! And boy, does he know this. He remembers when he’d try to coax me on a one-mile run and I couldn’t/wouldn’t do it. He remembers when I’d go YEARS without exercise and was 40 lbs overweight.

I think he pretty much summed up why I feel so damn good about this weekend. How’s THAT for a Moby Dick of a race recap??

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December 7, 2010 46

TEN MILES.

It’s actually pretty shocking to me that on Saturday, I wrote this bleak, helpless post. Then by Saturday evening I was feeling better. On Sunday morning I went one of the first area launch meetings of the new Weight Watchers PointsPlus Program (try saying THAT ten times fast) which was like a HUGE PARTY and by Sunday afternoon I felt ready to put my sneakers on and try and run ten miles.

And guess what? I did it.

It shocked me. It really did. I’ve been struggling with running in one way or another ever since I did my first 5k back in 2009. I often end up getting dehydrated and sick, or hurt in my ankles or feet. So I was feeling trepidatious. But I really felt like I need to get this 10 miler down to see if I could really manage the half marathon in Las Vegas next weekend.

And I learned some stuff! Some really important stuff!!

I need to start out slooooooooooow. This is the complete antithesis to what usually happens during a race. There is so much adrenaline, and people are bouncing up and down, and the gun or the bullhorn goes off, and it’s like… WHOOOOSH! Everyone takes off. I always have started out every race way, way, way too fast. Like crazy fast. And what happens? I end up feeling really bad very quickly. On Sunday, I decided to start slowly, ie walking. Walking briskly, but WALKING. And I told myself I would not run until I felt like running. Which did not happen for a good half mile. Now during a REAL RACE, this means a lot of people – I mean HUNDREDS of people – will be passing me by. And I have to just not let that get to me. I have come to realize that I am really a loner when it comes to running. When people want to run with me, it generally makes me kind of nervous because I lose my natural pace. So I am going to have to really hunker down into mySELF during the Las Vegas half because that is what is going to get my through.
I need to be well hydrated but not TOO hydrated. Duh. I have been dehydrated so much it’s embarrassing. But I finally realized that what I need is a sports drink, like sugar-free Gatorade or Powerade or some such, and those little Gu chomps. (ie giant gummy bear things) And just a little bit of water. That’s my combo. That’s what I used on Sunday, and it worked better than any other long run I’ve had.
Slow, slow, slow. I just told myself that I would lope along at my turtle pace and stay comfortable at all times. I never got short of breath or otherwise strained. I just wanted to be comfortable. This is a good thing.
My feet and ankles had a few Moments of discomfort, but weirdly enough, the 10 mile run around the lake felt 100x better than a ten MINUTE run on the treadmill. Go figure. So.

So that’s it. That run on Sunday was just… amazing. It was as good or better than the 9 mile run I did a while back. It amazed me. And when my Runkeeper app hit that 10.01 mark, I just about cried. I could have gone on. I wasn’t wiped out. I knew then that I would be able to finish the half, and that I could probably stay within spitting distance of my 15-minute mile pace. Which is glacially slow for some people, but just right for me.

I was so in love with Oakland when I ran this run. I started out in the late afternoon and by the time I finished (2.5 hours later) it was dark. The necklace of lights turned on around the lake, and I saw the runners, the hobblers, people of every race and age and size and ability, all circling around. It was a beautiful thing.

December 1, 2010 12

Nonscale Victory: Running Shirtless

It’s really good and important to take note of NSV (non-scale victories) when the scale is not feeling particularly victorious. I had one today.

I didn’t do it on purpose, I swear. But what happened this morning is that I left the house prepared for super chilly weather. It was like 50 degrees up by our house. Mr McB and I decided to check out a new (to us) route where he could bike and I could run and we could meet up and wave at each other and all that. I was very excited!

So we drove down there and WHOA it was easily 20+degrees warmer at the trail. I was wearing a hot, long sleeved t-shirt (that I usually wear cross- country SKIING or in super cold weather) plus a hoodie sweatshirt. I knew it was going to be awfully uncomfortable. Then I realized my pockets in the sweatshirt (my only pockets) were super shallow and this meant that my keys and phone were going to fall out.

My chivalrous spouse offered to let me have HIS jacket with the nice zippered pockets. He was just wearing a T-shirt so he didn’t need the jacket. But I could not deal with the long-sleeved shirt PLUS the jacket. Right then I decided to strip off the shirt. In the parking lot. I was like, it’s okay! I’m in my sports bra! And then I zipped up the jacket.

My plan was to run 6 miles, or to see if I could get anywhere in that range with a combo of run/walk. It is just now dawning on me (ha ha ha) that this Las Vegas half marathon is like five weeks away! and I better see what’s what. I wasn’t putting a lot of pressure on myself, and keep saying it’s fine if I walk it all, but I don’t WANT to walk it all because it’ll just take too damn long. I’m hoping for maybe a 50-50 ratio, and… getting in around the 3 hour range? I have no idea.

So I take off at a fast walk. After a couple of songs I felt nice and warmed up and started running. By the time I got to 2.5 miles, I felt like I was running with a soggy X-ray vest on my back. It was just sooooooo uncomfortable. And I decided to whip off the jacket and RUN IN MY BRA.

Now, I know people run in sports bras ALL THE TIME. But not me. I mean, I have always been way envious of those sports-bra type runners with the 6 pack abs (no, I have NO pack, or a one pack, or maybe a mini-keg). And I wasn’t actually baring my belly. I wrapped the jacket around my waist, and I pulled my pants up past my navel, quite dorkily, so that there was maybe two inches of skin exposed. But STILL. I was RUNNING IN MY BRA.

La la la! It felt really breezy and free and wonderful. The sun felt awesome on my skin and it was just great. And I felt pretty sure that I was not offending myself or any passersby.

It was an incredibly gorgeous, clear sunny day and I was running by the bay feeling just ecstatic. Until a couple things. 1. I realized I (don’t hit me! I KNOW!) forgot to bring water. AGAIN. FAIL.

2. I really, really, really had to use a restroom. Like really badly.

So my six-mile run got cut to five miles and the last 1/4 mile I was DYING of discomfort. (Shout out to Karen, whose recommendation of John Mellencamp’s “Human Wheels” literally kept me going instead of writhing about on the ground) I luckily did found a public restroom but then I needed to text Mr. McB to come rescue me. I was exhausted. But I was happy. I’d run at least five miles (maybe more? maybe close to six?) and it had really been great up until the bathroom moment.

I took a picture of my sweaty self in the parking lot. Feeling pretty pleased.

Viva Las Vegas!

PS. And just because of this post and the “Exposed” one below, NO it does not mean I’m going to be showing up in a bikini anytime soon. This is the end of taking my clothes off online!

October 31, 2010 20

Exposed: A Half Century, Plus One

I’ve been eyeing Miche’s “Exposed” movement at Eating Journey for over a year now, with not a little bit of awe and trepidation. And I kept thinking, well, that’s nice for THEM to do, but *I* would never…

And then the one-year anniversary rolled around. And all manner of people were hopping on and Exposing themselves. And I thought, well, if not now, WHEN?

I don’t think I’m really going to be getting much better. I’m 51 years old and I don’t think things are going to be getting a whole heck of a lot prettier ten or fifteen years from now. I think I look better , and I know I FEEL better, now than I did when I was 48. And it’s not about looking perfect (Um, I mean that’s the POINT). It’s about loving our bodies for what they are, and what they have done for us.

I took these pictures with my iPhone. I’m not happy with the quality of the angles. The camera and the mirror combo made my legs look like weird misshapen pegs. But here I go. I’m exposed. I did it. And I was gonna do it in my undiepants, but I’m in dire need of some bikini wax and I really didn’t want to go and expose THAT. So.

Thanks, body. Thanks for waiting for me to get my act together so belatedly. Thanks for shocking me with your resiliency, after all I put you through. oxoxo.

October 15, 2010 25

Lifetime: It’s A Long Time

Last weekend we had a special meeting for Lifetime Members at our Weight Watchers center. Lifetime members are people who reached their goal weight then maintained it for a minimum of six weeks. Many Lifetime members have been at their goal weight for YEARS (one woman there has been at goal for 17 yrs!!!!!!!) and others for shorter amounts of time. It was an awesome meeting. We talked about how exciting it can be to lose, and then, when you hit goal weight and maintenance, it’s: gain a pound. Lose a pound. Gain a pound. Repeat. You don’t get the same sense of celebration as “losers” do.

That is one reason that I jumped onto WW staff the second (and I mean the SECOND) I reached Lifetime. I knew it would be super challenging to maintain my weight loss. I knew I had to do it. And for me, to be on staff has been more rewarding and amazing than I ever could have imagined. I have gained an incredible community of friends who share the same healthy goals. I have the resources of this amazing organization. I am constantly learning new things: about health, and about myself.

People talked about feeling “invisible” in the mass of people who are primarily at WW to lose weight. On one hand, I know what they mean. But at the same time, I have to say that every single topic that we discuss in the meetings are JUST as relevant for maintainers as for people who are trying to lose. I personally reflect on every topic that we have, and each one is meaningful because they are all about living healthy lives. For good.

Another thing we talked about is this idea of maintaining being “hard.” Is it harder than losing? Yes and no. I think it’s hard when we realize that reaching a goal weight does not mean Immunity. Ha ha ha ha. You just have to keep doing what you’re doing, and do more of it, like, forever. I think it’s easy when we’re generally feeling better and healthier than we ever have. So it’s both.

I’ve made a personal vow to make sure the Lifetime members in my meetings feel just as welcomed and celebrated and honored as anyone else. They are inspirational! and awesome for what they have accomplished. And it also made me think hard about how important it is to constantly work to keep myself motivated. I have to keep changing it up.

On Sunday, we had the WW Awards event which was super amazingly awesome. It’s sort of like the Oscars of the WW world. I was proud to be part of some great accomplishments this year, especially for the Alameda Center. We also heard that the Northern California region, which was #14 in the country (for weight loss/maintenance accomplishments) last year – fantastic- has jumped to NUMBER TWO this year! Woo hoo! Go Northern California Weight Watchers!

I’m doing a bunch of things to change things up recently. To keep it fresh. I’ve made a new commitment to fresh produce. I’m going to go to the Farmers’ Market at least once a week (if not more). I’m going to keep reading new things and thinking about my health in new ways. Because there is no such thing as Immunity.

September 30, 2010 9

Comfort vs Comfort Food

This event from yesterday impacted me so much that I am double-posting part of it from the food blog. Here’s what happened:

the problem was, I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I went to bed really late and got up unrested and so that was the wrong foot. It’s a Monday after a nice celebratory weekend. I went to work and the poor guy I had to work with was just a miserable soul in a lot of pain. I felt for him, and his pain leeched into me.

So by 11:30am I was just feeling terrible. Exhausted, cold (SO cold!), sad, lonely, (this is my not-so-social work place, as opposed to my super buddy workplace) and just DOWN. I began plotting all the ways I could comfort myself at lunchtime. I would take myself to this restaurant across the street that has ginormous portions of comfort food. I told myself I’d “forget” to bring my camera. YIKES.

But I was trying to be mindful. I was trying to recognize the fact that I was actively planning to use food for non-food distress. (even though hunger was part of the mix too) I teased it out in my head. I told myself, I could go to a soup place instead, and that way I could take care of cold, hunger and comfort all at once. That was a really good first step. Then I felt willing to bring my camera.

THEN I had a REAL stroke of genius. (ha!) I remembered that it was Monday, the only day of the week when Mr. McBody and I work about 2 blocks apart from each other. I texted him. “Lunch?” He had already eaten, but he said he’d come meet me. I waited on the street corner and man, I was never so happy to see someone. I really felt like he was literally saving me from a binge.

And it was like: OMG. I wanted comfort. And I got REAL LIVE human comfort. How fantastic was that!! He gave me the biggest hug. And all of a sudden I didn’t even need the soup. I was warm! I was loved!

We went to my favorite salad bar place and he sat with me while I ate my salad and listened to my woes and then gave me another big hug. And then I felt like I could make it through the afternoon.

I actually can’t stop thinking about this and I credit the reading of Savor (which I love) – about slowing that moment down, being mindful, and saying, what do I REALLY need?

I was hungry. I needed food. But what KIND of food?
I was cold. I put on my jacket.
I was lonely and needed comfort. I called out for my dear spouse, who luckily was close by.
I was tired. I had a cup of coffee because I couldn’t really go for a nap at the moment. But it taught me that going to bed early is key.

I was so ready to go and get some plate of SOMETHING to deal with all those things when in fact it would have helped none of them, not even the hunger, because it would have most likely been something regretful that I would then feel physically and emotionally bad about.

I’m learning! I’m really learning.

August 17, 2010 8

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