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To Plan or Not to Plan

I know that many people plan out their meals days or hours ahead of time. I can certainly see the benefit of that, but I also feel like it contradicts the idea that one should enjoy one’s food and only eat what one wants in a certain moment.

I was caught in indecision this morning, and it really has set me up for a funky day. I didn’t  have a lot of time for breakfast. I was plannning on making an eggwhite omelet with veggies, but when I got up, I was SO not in the mood for eggs. I couldn’t think of what else, and I was in a hurry. I ended up with a cup of coffee and a handful of Antioxidant Trail Mix. (basically, nuts and dried fruit) It wasn’t enough. I was cranky. I was in a hurry. I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich in the worst way. Then I started having a mini internal tantrum about lack of food choices. The internal chorus was chanting about grilled cheese.

So I ended up with no breakfast. I had a cup of tea while at a work meeting. Now it’s lunchtime. My mother (who volunteers in my office one day a week) wants to go to the ice cream parlor place for lunch. She’s going to have a chili dog. What can I have that is acceptable yet satisfying? A veggie burger?

Yeah. I can live with a veggie burger.

I’m also frustrated bc I’m stuck at a weight plateau again but I know why. Last week I had FOUR social dinners (2 dinners out and 2 potlucks, AGH) and I had a particularly stressful weekend. I have to get back on track.

I’m starving. Veggie burger, here I come.

What Works/What Doesn’t?

(for me)

Hilary over at Turtle Progress took my blog post topic right out from under me this morning (and did a great job of it, too). She wrote about structure vs. nonstructure, moderation vs abstinence. Go read it – it’s a great post.

I feel like I’ve been pondering these things very deeply ever since I began this journey on January 17th. I have tried to lose weight and have a “different relationship to food” for a long time now, and ultimately always failed. So I was very wary about trying anything new, or trying anything old for that matter, for fear of “failing.” Also, I was waiting to get guidance from my new doctor, my endocrinologist, in hope that she would give me a food plan for my prediabetes.

So what did she tell me to do? “Whatever works for you.” And we talked about how figuring out that “whatever works” is no simple task, but it is SO IMPORTANT. Because if you try to do something that doesn’t work, well then, it’s an exercise in futility. So I hesitated about accepting a friend’s invitation to join O.A.  I hesitated about going back to Weight Watchers. I read a bunch of books. I read blogs and articles and Twitter links constantly, searching for things that will resonate, that will go “ping!” I feel like every moment there’s a new choice to be made.

Here’s some stuff I’ve learned about my self and WWWD (what works, what doesn’t) in the past several weeks:

Sweet stuff:

  • Trader Joe’s Sugar Free Chocolate Covered Almonds: these used to work for me last year when I was doing South Beach. They don’t seem to anymore; ie I realllllllllly can’t eat just a few. Eat one, and I want to scoop up a whole palmful.
  • Hard candies: these work. These really, really work. The great thing is that they last a really long time – which seems to be key. They last as long as my craving for something sweet does.  Sugar free Werther’s hard caramels, and SF Life Savers are my friends.

Magazines: Let me say right off that I am a magazine junkie. I just find magazines soothing, relaxing, I like looking at the pictures and it’s just one of my favorite guilty pleasures. SO I’ve been checking out some new ones lately.

  • Diabetic Living magazine. Doesn’t work for me. I thought it would be good to check out what’s being said to this community, since I am on the periphery of it. It’s all about (seems to me) trying to calm people down about not being able to have their Ho-Ho’s and Ring Dings anymore, and giving them alternative Ho-Hos and Ring Dings. The tone is slightly patronizing and assumes that diabetics are REALLY into junk food.
  • Eating Well magazine. WOW this one works. Their subtitle is “Where Good Taste Meets Good Health” and it’s not expressly about losing weight, so it’s not a diet magazine per se, but it’s all about being healthy which means stuff that’s overall lower in calorie. They had a really interesting and intriguing article on bison meat vs beef and another one about the many ways to love asparagus. So they’re not jamming stuff down your throat, but just, this makes sense.

Weight Loss/Eating Approaches:

  • Overeaters Anonymous: to be completely fair, I have not been to a meeting in ten years+, and I have never been to one of the more hard-core “gray sheet” meetings. But I really feel it is not for me. Because I am the kind of person who needs to be constantly experimenting, testing, trying out to see if something works, and if it doesn’t I can’t do it. So a program that has a prescribed list of foods for EVERYone is not something that feels workable for me. I don’t believe that there can be a one-size-fits-all approach to weight loss, unless a person says, “Just give me a list so I don’t have to think about it.” Also, I object strongly to the secrecy around it and the fact that they won’t publish the damn list unless you go to a meeting and hold hands with people. My life has been damaged by people keeping secrets and I am very balky about these things. I recognize that OA might be THE perfect, life-saving, joyous path for many people, and I am very happy for them, but I really feel on a visceral level that it is not right for me. I don’t believe nor want to ever believe that I have an illness, other than prediabetes. I also don’t believe that there is no hope for me to ever be “normal.” I am holding that hope out for myself.
  • Weight Watchers: the jury’s still out on this one, since I have been through this program many time and ultimately abandoned it – often very quickly. I’m going to hang in there this time. I’m approaching it with a curiousity, what is it like to weigh food on a scale? If I do stay within the points they give me, can I be happy and satisfied and make it work? Sometimes the little classes are too dumb for words, but sometimes they are good and funny and inspiring. So what the heck. I do find it motivating to know that that scale will be there every week.
  • I noticed someone on Twitter called EatWithoutGuilt, which piqued my interest. I’d love to get rid of some guilt. After some perusing of her blog, I understand that her approach is something along the lines of the “Why French Women Are Skinny” thing; ie they eat all sorts of decadent and rich foods but they don’t gain weight. Why? Because they eat small amounts and don’t overeat and only eat what they truly enjoy.  I dialogued back and forth with Dineen and she was amazingly generous with her time and attention. I told her it truly does seem to good to be true, and that I could not imagine myself eating brie and chocolate and croissants without dire consequence.  I think it would take a major amount of re-training to be able to eat these things in the limited amounts necessary to lose weight. Psychologically, I am not sure I am capable of this right now, but it’s something that I would like to aspire to. One day. To be able to trust myself enough to enjoy ANY kind of food out there, to a healthy degree. Again, this might be too good to be true, but I’m not dismissing it as “never.”  Maybe one day.
  • Mindful Eating: This, I have to say, is the most appealing thing I’ve read.  It’s somewhat related to the EatWithoutGuilt approach in that it doesn’t advocate prohibiting particular foods. However it does advocate taking the time and mindset to make good choices, which often are the healthiest choices. It appeals to the wannabe Buddhist in me, the contemplative approach, the conscious and mindful approach. I read a very inspiring article in a local magazine about a woman who took a workshop with this approach and had a real turnaround. It sounded very much like a “good fit” for me and I am looking forward to exploring more.
  • The Beck Diet Solution: I’ve already gone on and on about how helpful I think this approach is, so I won’t be redundant here. It’s a more psychological approach, a cognitive-therapy way of going about things, and personally I am finding it enormously helpful. It doesn’t include a diet plan but a way of following the food plan that you choose. It’s a system of offering “helpful thoughts” to counter the myriad of “sabotaging thoughts” that assault us on a daily basis. I truly think that if I could remember the helpful thoughts throughout the day, I’d be in much better shape. I’ve been using these regularly since January and I truly think they have helped.
  • The South Beach Diet: I almost forgot this one. I would never recommend a particular food plan for anyone else, but being a glucose “impaired” person (my official status), all of my doctors have recommended that I follow a low-GI (glycemic index) sort of plan. I think especially doing Phase 2-3 of SBD is quite liveable, and basically what I am doing right now. I’ve found some excellent and delicious recipes at Kalyn’s Kitchen. It’s chock-full of great recipes for every phase of SBD. Thanks Kalyn!

I’m very curious and eager to hear what particular “approaches” or foods or magazines or books or whatever have worked for y’all. I do believe that these things are so individual, and that what works for some of us won’t for others, and vice versa. But I’m very interested in learning about the many tools out there for those of us who want change.

Next blog post brewing: what’s underneath it all.

Giveaway Reminder!

Reminder! Tomorrow is the random drawing for The Instinct Diet book giveaway. Comment (there, not here!) for a chance to win this book. It looks very sensible and well-written.

Good luck!

Overdoing It?

Last night I went out to dinner with a co-worker (actually my boss) and two guest speakers who are in town for this conference today. We went to a really nice place that I’ve been to a few times with my husband. There were so many good looking things on the menu and I got kind of overwhelmed; so I ordered a grilled asparagus appetizer (ie 4 stalks of asparagus grilled with lemon and about half an ounce of Manchego cheese) and for my entree, a big salad (a huge amount of lettuce, very lightly dressed with about 1/4 apple, a tablespoon of blue cheese crumbles, and maybe 4 walnuts). Was it virtuous, eating “right” or just over the top?

Everyone else had “regular” salads or appetizers and entrees. I don’t want to be that conspicuous ‘dieting person’ when going out with a group. All of my food tasted really delicious but it wasn’t totally satisfying in the end. I had eaten VERY lightly all day in anticipation of the dinner out, so I had “banked” my points so I could eat semi-normally. But when I got there I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I think there has to be a balance – between figuring out what I want, and not eating too much or the wrong things. I think I ultimately did not trust myself last night, so only ordered a vegetable and salad.

Today I am going to be at this conference all day with very few choices of what to eat. I better run down and make my own breakfast b/c when I get there it will be coffee and pastries, and if I’m hungry, adrenalized and stressed, that’s not what I want to eat.

Trying to figure out the restaurant thing. I’ll probably have another chance to “practice” tonight at the post-conference dinner. Hmm….

PS. And another thing. After my 2 hour workout and my paltry dinner last night, I’m still stuck at that darned 13 lb mark. Booo.

How Much Does that Food Weigh?

I never, ever thought I would buy or use a food scale. I had many reasons for this: the scale seemed expensive, it seemed like an excessive/obsessive thing to do, I was afraid that the scale would tell me I needed to eat much, much less than I wanted to, and so on.

But this week I got to the point where I was actually curious. About what my food weighed. And I felt like this was a reasonable reason to go ahead and buy a scale.

I used it for the first time tonight. We were having flank steak. To stay within my points range for the day, I was allotting myself 3 ounces of steak. First, I eyeballed it, using the visual “deck of cards” estimated size. Then I set up the scale and weighed. Hah. My portion weighed FOUR ounces. I was all, “How about that.” It looked like a very small amount. I was not upset, but I was surprised. Hmph. No wonder.  I started substituting and taking away until it read 3.0 oz. What I ended up with was two strips of steak.  Normally I can easily put away eight strips, no problem. So yeah. Portion control has definitely been my Achilles heel.

But my dinner was great. I had the steak, plus an extremely delicious mache salad with blush wine vinaigrette and slivered almonds and feta crumbles. Mache is a very delicate, round-leafed lettuce, almost like clover. It’s delicious.  I also had a fancy-shmancy shrimp and avocado cocktail that I got from Biggest Loser trainer Jillian’s book. It was yummy. All very yummy. And in the end I was quite satisfied, almost fullish.

How about THAT. I actually used a food scale, and the world did not come to an end.

Diet Book Giveaway: The Instinct Diet

At the beginning of this year, the New York Times ran an article featuring the “best of the new diet books.”  After reading the piece, I ordered two of them, The Beck Diet Solution and The Instinct Diet. I’ve gone fairly bonkers for the Beck book, but the other one didn’t speak to me as much. Somebody out there might really like it though.

The New York Times article explains that the author of the Instinct Diet…

explains how natural hard-wired instincts to eat in response to hunger, availability, caloric density, familiarity and variety, which served us well in paleolithic times (and until the mid-20th century), have been compromised by changes in the kinds, amounts and constancy of foods in the modern world. These changes, in turn, undermine the ability of many people to maintain a normal weight.

The book guides readers to alternative approaches to fulfilling the demands of these instincts in ways that can help them lose weight and, at the same time, adopt a more wholesome, nutritious and healthful eating plan that can be adapted to anyone’s lifestyle. Though the instinct diet is rather prescriptive for the first two weeks, it offers a reasonable number of options to accommodate different tastes and eating schedules. The next six weeks of the eight-week program enable dieters to adopt and adapt eating plans that can result in permanent weight loss and improve health.

Amazon readers also seemed to like it a lot; it has an average of five (the highest) stars. Some reader reviews:

  • How well did the diet work? In short, it worked. It’s still working. I didn’t start off heavy, but I needed to lose some weight, somewhere in the ballpark of 15 pounds – a result of spending more time behind a computer at work. I lost the weight over the course of a month and some change, and without starving myself. The recipes and meal plans from the Instinct Diet helped me make changes in the way I eat. I still eat hearty meals, this book’s recipes are tasty and filling. I think that’s the key here – people need to enjoy what they are eating. This book finds the intersection between healthy and tasty, and gives you a plan for changing your eating habits to hit that intersection and stay there.
  • It works! I’ve tried other diets, and although I might lose weight for a while, it’s always been incredibly hard work and they didn’t stop my weight gradually creeping upwards over the years. I saw this book in the store and thought it looked interesting because it isn’t just some fad diet that promises the world but doesn’t actually work. Instead this is an intelligent book that is written by a scientist and tells you about strategies that have actually been shown to work by research. That makes it an interesting book to read – in fact I’d have been interested to read it even if I wasn’t trying to lose weight. And using it for weight loss is not complicated or difficult.
  • I seriously can’t believe it, but I’m not hungry on this diet. I’ve only been eating the menu for four days now, but ever since day 2 I’ve been totally satisfied. At first glance I thought the portions were very small (I mean, who eats 4 pecan halfs?), but they are really keeping me full. I even went to a party last night and passed on dessert! Believe me, that’s not my usual thing.

So… I’m probably not going to be using this book but I am offering it as a giveaway, randomly chosen, for readers of this blog who leave a comment. Just answer the following question:

What has been the most challenging aspect of losing weight for you, and how have you faced or solved that challenge?

I’ll pick a giveaway winner on March 10th, and contact you for your mailing address to send you the book. So make sure to include your email in your comment!

Lucky 13

It took me forever to break into the 12 lb weight loss but today I almost didn’t notice that I’m now at 13. Hooray for 13!!

Bad Day/Good Day

Yesterday was just one of those super funky days.  Today has been a very good day. The difference? E-X-E-R-C-I-S-E.

So yesterday I got up with good intentions. I put on my workout clothes.  Drove my daughter to school.  My plan was to come back, eat breakfast, charge up my iPod, work out on the erg machine, then shower and go to work. (luckily, or unluckily, I have a VERY flexible schedule and boss)

I had been thinking that maybe I ought to add back some “good carbs” into my eating. I’ve been eating more eggs than I can count, mostly egg whites.  So I thought to change things up I’d have a little oatmeal. Now, I am not a huge fan of oatmeal. I loooove “smooth” hot cereals like Malt O Meal but not sure how it compares health wise. I remembered seeing an ad for Starbucks “Perfect Oatmeal.” I got the oatmeal and was quite charmed by the tiny little packets of brown sugar, chopped nuts and dried fruit. I passed on the sugar, and added about 1/2 packet each of the nuts and fruit. Then I ran into someone I knew and chatted for a while. MISTAKE. When I got to my car, there was a bright green $45 parking ticket. BOOOOOO.

I came home. I was upset. I added up my points for the oatmeal etc and was mad when I realized it was more than I’d anticipated/wanted. I went into a funk. I started fooling around on Twitter/Facebook and before I knew it, hours had passed. I kept saying, “I ought to go exercise” but I didn’t. Then I started feeling HUNGRY and that made me even madder. Damn that oatmeal!!

I ended up not exercising at all. I had to go somewhere and didn’t have time to exercise AND shower, and I really needed to shower. I was in a funk. For some bizarro reason I had the weirdest, strongest craving for HOT DOGS all day. Really? Hot dogs? Why crave what is basically a NON food but really a piece of garbage? I don’t know. But I could not get hot dogs out of my mind.  My brain was crawling with hot dogs.

Fortunately, I practiced some deep breathing and managed to get through the day without eating any hot dogs. I was in a big rush. I ordered Indian food takeout. I ate much much much too quickly although did not eat any naan or rice. It was good but I probably ate too much. (note to self: buy food scale next time at WW) Went out to see a friend’s performance. Bought a bottle of water at intermission. Went to bed vowing to have a better day today.

TODAY, I woke up and after driving girl to school, went straight to my trainer. He was fa-bu-lo-so. He gave me a great Biggest Loser type workout. I felt like Sione. He kept hooting and yelling, GIRL, you are really BRINGING IT! I was happy and sweaty.

I have been having some hip muscle pain for the past couple months -first the inside of my hip (groin) and then it migrated to the outside. My trainer’s bodyworker came in and he so very generously GAVE ME half of his time with her. She had just done this workshop on hips and she was eager to try out all her new tricks. I was so excited!! She worked on me for 30 mins and when I hopped off the table I felt like a million bucks. Seriously. It was sooooooooo good. (note to self: schedule more bodywork)

Then I had a pre-existing appointment to go to this chair massage place (yeah! another bodywork) with a friend. We each got mini 15-minute chair massages which was great since this one focused mostly on my neck and shoulders. YAY. Then we had lunch and I had a very satisfying/modest bean soup, Mediterranean salad and a few steamed clams. All good.

I feel sooooooooooooo much better today.  It’s like a different universe.  I have to remember this every single day. If I don’t get my dose of endorphins, I feel awful. If I do, everything is easier.

Watching, Again

So yesterday I spontaneously decided to pick myself up and go to a Weight Watchers meeting.  I have been doing pretty well overall but had hit a bit of a plateau and figured I needed something a little more structured.

I had such mixed feelings when I walked through that door. I have been through a LOT in that little room and not all of it was positive.  I could feel the resistance roiling up in my stomach as I came in and filled out the familiar form on the familiar clipboard. I took a deep breath and went back to the scale. I knew it would be way more than my home scale, since I was fully clothed and it was in the middle of the day, but I still didn’t like seeing that number. Boo. Oh well, we can only go down from here (I hope).

The leader was someone I think I’d seen before. My heart sank. She was NOT one of the inspiring ones but rather one of the ones that instantly evoke a Bad Attitude in me.  She’s nice enough, but tends to talk to the group as if we were a bunch of kindergarteners. Could she make the “lesson” any more dumbed-down? I felt really condescended to. Some people were good sports about it, but lots of people in the room were looking about a millimeter away from a group eye-roll. I know they have this set “lesson” every week that every WW leader everywhere is supposed to follow – but I was fighting the urge to leap up there and take over for her. Of course I had no right to do that, considering *I* haven’t lost 40 lbs and kept it off for 9 years, but damn, I’m a better teacher. WAY better.

I have a secret desire to one day become a WW or other weight loss kind of teacher/leader, but I guess I’d better get to my goal weight before I think about that path. I love teaching and think it would be awesome to teach this kind of thing. If I am successful with the Beck program maybe I could do that. ANYway, cart before horse much?

I was chagrined to learn that I now am allotted 2 fewer “points” than the last time I was here. Bummer. That’s what happens when you get old! Bleah.

But I did get all the paraphernalia, and yesterday dutifully “tracked” the points of the day. At the end of the day I came in 5 points SHORT. What’s that about? I was psyched to realized that my sugar free tapioca pudding has only 1 point and a ton of fiber! Who knew.

So, here I go. I am definitely going to be checking out different meetings to find a leader who is a better fit for me. Why are WW leaders so … straight?  I’ve had two fantastic leaders in my long journey through WW – one man who was a really big, funny goofball, and another woman who dropped like 200 lbs and was really honest and awesome about her struggles. Why do they all look and dress like Laura Bush?  I’d be so psyched to find a WW leader who looks like Michelle Obama. I’d do anything for those arms!!

If anybody out there is also doing WW, please chime in. I could use the company.

PS. I went to get my blood drawn again today in preparation for my endocrinologist appointment today. The blood-drawing tech was super awesome (no pain!) and he said a magic “Shazaam!” over my lab slip to encourage Good Numbers. Let’s hope.

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