All my adult life, I’ve wished – I mean desperately wished….
- that I could enjoy exercise.
- that I could be satisfied with small portions of food
- that I could deal with hard emotional times without diving into high-carb comfort/smother foods
- that I could truly CHOOSE healthier options, and feel good about it
- that I could run again
- that I could lose weight without feeling deprived
- that I could feel the benefits of meditation
- that I could develop a meaningful spiritual life
Well, guess what. It looks like I’ve gotten all those things – for now, anyway. I have to say I’m sort of stunned. Because just a few months ago I would not have believed that even ONE of these things were even remotely possible.
All of these statements are now true.
AND… I’ve got diabetes.
Is that the tradeoff? Or was it diabetes that allowed me to finally wake up and have these things I always wanted?
It’s like a zen koan. It’s actually too incomprehensible for words. I wonder what I would have said, if I’d climbed to the guru on the top of the mountain, please let me have these things, and he said, “OK, but you also have to have diabetes.” What would I have said? What would I have chosen?
Several people have remarked to me that I am doing an amazing job dealing with my diabetes. But I really feel like, what choice do I have? That’s how I feel now. I feel like there is no option but to be as healthy as I can be.
But I didn’t feel like this before, when I was way overweight, when I had high blood pressure, when I was inactive. Those things didn’t scare me and didn’t cause me to change anything. If anything they made things worse. It was the diabetes that woke me up.
Funny how life is.