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February 7, 2009

Choices

Basically, that’s the bottom line, isn’t it? Making choices every minute of the day. Paper or plastic, pasta or pickles…

I have some tough choices coming up this weekend.  I decided to organize that Hill challenge on Sunday, and then I was going to go to meet an longtime online friend, who is here from across the country. Some other friends organized a brunch for her at this fancy seafood place. I thought this fancy place was 15 minutes from my house, and I scheduled accordingly, but as it turns out, they ALSO have a restaurant an hour away.

It’s at the one an hour away.

So. I could

1) cancel the Hill challenge. (NO WAY!!!!!!!)

2) I could go late to the brunch.

3) I could send my regrets and not go to the brunch and try to figure out a different way to meet up with said friend.

What do you think I should do? I am going to do the right thing. I am doing #3. At first it seemed easy and all worked out. But I am also hosting another social event that same night, and do I need two entire social temptations in one day? No I do not. I am NOT going to skip or cut short the hill thing.

But I imagined myself rushing down to this restaurant, being all stressed out, feeling awkward because I am arriving so late, and thus… wanting to EAT TOO MUCH or the wrong thing. No thanks.

It’s not worth it, is it? When I really think about it, the choice is so obvious and easy and clear. And now, think of all the calories and money and gas and time I will save by not going.

I’m sad to not see this friend but I hope it will work out together to see her another time.

I can’t tell you, that 8x out of 10 I would have done option #2 (OR, heaven forbid, #1) and that, dear friends, is how I got to be overweight and medically compromised.

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A Dreaded Little Plateau and a Big Hill

I hope it’s little. I hope it doesn’t last too long. But the scale has not budged since I got home from vacation, and I am sad about this. I am trying not to be too sad or to let it get me down. What does Dr. Beck say about this?

She says,

You should expect occasional weight gains or plateaus, even if you’ve been doing everything right.

I’m not sure I’ve been doing everything right. I can certainly step it up especially in the exercise department. One thing I’ve done that I’m very proud of is that I organized a Hill Challenge, climbing the hill that is my nemesis and which I HATE with a passion. But I am thinking, maybe I can make that hill my friend. I would love to be able to climb that hill without feeling like I am dying.

I organized an Event on Facebook and invited a bunch of people to come. Three people signed up! So I can’t back down. I am actually shocked that I have done this; that I am voluntarily doing something that I normally dread. BUT I have a secret hope that since I am 9 lbs lighter than the last time I did the hill, it will feel somewhat better or somewhat less awful this time. I also hope my friends don’t hate me for introducing them to this form of torture.

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The Company We Keep

I was thinking about the fact that I ate more than I should/wanted to when I was on that boat, and my husband was not around.  When he is with me I worry about what he’s thinking and end up eating less, or more healthfully. To impress him? That’s not good.

On the other hand, when I am with my mom I tend to give myself permission to eat everything in sight and to make the worst choices, because that is what she does.  She definitely played a large role in my habit of eating to squelch emotion, eating to celebrate, eating when sad or bored or tired or depressed or angry. I’m not blaming her, I’m just saying… this is where it started, and how I learned to pass it on to my poor unwitting next generation as well. Even now (or maybe especially now) she will always choose the richest, meatiest, chocolatiest, thing on the menu. Maybe because she is in her 80s and she thinks, why deprive now? She has never been on a diet as far as I can remember, except right after her open heart surgery when her cardiologist made her go on a diet. My father pretty much administered it and she was very angry and resentful about the stuff she couldn’t eat.  After a few years she just kind of ignored it and I think ate even more as a bounce-back.

Anyway. We will all eat with all kinds of people with their own food issues, all the time. And the thing that is important is to keep grounded in our own plan, our own commitment to what we are going to eat or not eat.  In the past, I’ve been with people who ate like birds, and it made me nervous and panicky, and want to eat even more. Or else I would get in some stupid, silent “I can eat just as little as you!” competition.  That then backfired as soon as I was out of their sight.

I’ve been lucky that nobody has really tried to push food on me since I’ve started this. A friend came over for dinner and brought a beautiful looking pound cake but I wasn’t tempted and she was also really sweet and apologetic, and the people who could eat the cake enjoyed it. (guess who? Mom!) I think it’s a lot easier to say you are on a diet for medical reasons than for vanity reasons because if you just say you want to be thinner, people say, Oh you look just fine!

I am almost relieved that I have this medical “excuse” to fall back on. But really, we all do. We all need to be healthier and more conscious.

How do the people around you affect your eating habits? And how do you deal with it? (if at all) Foodie wants to know!

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