exercise

Listening to My Body: but what is it saying??

images This ankle injury has been making me think a lot about this idea of “listening” to one’s body. On one hand, listening to my body got me into this trouble in the first place. But then part of me was trying to say something else. What if your body sends you mixed messages?

Today, the 3rd day of my injury, it is feeling a lot better than Sunday. I am limping just the slightest bit. It’s hurting about the same as it was 3rd-day-past, when I sprained it back in August. If I were “listening” to my body, I’d say I’m definitely ready to go to Nia class tomorrow, and running this weekend for SURE. But that’s not what the podiatrist said, and definitely not what I’m supposed to do.

It’s really hard to be compliant when your body is saying it “needs” something other than what you’re doing with/for it. Last night, I put my cast boot on at bedtime. At first (for the first twenty minutes) it felt comforting, like it was holding me in place. But I woke up around midnight and felt like I was encased in some medieval torture device. The plastic edge was digging into my toes, and my ankle was throbbing and searing in discomfort. I thrashed around trying to come into a comfortable position. But I am a diehard stomach-sleeper, and with that comes the position of having the top surfaces of my feet flattened into the mattress. I can’t do that with my ankle cemented at a 90 degree angle. I tried to negotiate with myself, but around 1am my body was shrieking, “GET ME OUT OF HERE!” I couldn’t take it.

And because I COULD, I sat up and ripped the velcro belts off the thing, liberated my lower leg – I told myself “just a few minutes,” fell back asleep, and the next thing I knew it was 6am, I was on my stomach and my ankle was in the Forbidden Position. (much like the illustration here) I felt guilty, sheepish and afraid. What if I had just stretched my ligament fragments even further apart?

Today, already I feel myself questioning the need to wear the dumb boot. Come ON! I feel FINE! It’s more of a pain to clomp around in what is essentially a ski boot, than to go barefoot and have a small limp.

Suddenly for some reason I am understanding why and how there are diabetics who pretty much ignore the fact of their disease because they can’t “feel” it. It was that way for me when I had high blood pressure.

I don’t know why it is that I feel that I need to be compliant re my diabetes no matter how I “feel,” but I am feeling more resistant about this ankle thing. Maybe because I don’t really believe that it will be harmful to go without the boot – because it doesn’t hurt. But diabetes doesn’t “hurt” either, not really. (not at THIS point)

It’s a short-term vs long term thing. Grasshopper and ant. I want to dance NOW. I want to run NOW. But if I do that, I could end up with debilitating arthritis. I can keep the vision of diabetic amputees, blindness and kidney failure at the front of my consciousness, because I’ve seen that, and I know it’s real. Is it just that I haven’t seen people with debilitating arthritis who are saying, “Oh I sprained my ankle a hundred times, and never immobilized it, and look where I am now!” Do I have to see it to believe it??

September 29, 2009 15

Immobilized.

I went to the doctor this morning, our family podiatrist whom I really like. He trims my mother’s claw-like toenails, and he fitted me for my awesome orthotics which allow me to run without pain. So I really like him.

When I made the appointment, I told the receptionist (who happens to be his wife), “I sprained my ankle,” and she said “Oh!” in a way that *I* interpreted to mean, and you’re coming in for THAT? But who knows, I have been known to misinterpret one-syllabled utterances before. So I felt kind of sheepish going in there, feeling like, I’m overreacting, this is dumb, I shoulda just stayed home and put more ice on it…

His face said it all. He moved both my ankles around, the skinny one and the big fat one. The fat one moved a LOT further than the skinny one. He said, “This is bad. This is very bad.” OH. He then went on to say that all of my ligaments were probably completely ruptured, and it was possible that I had a bit of a fracture as well.

I was pretty stunned. He said that it was really unfortunate that I didn’t come in when I had my first bad sprain back in August. Because basically I probably had a partial tear then, but then I’ve been running on it (and it became noticeably worse after the 5k over Labor Day weekend), not immobilizing it, and my ankle was just getting more and more unstable and compromised, and yesterday it just gave way completely. I could see that when he moved my ankle, there wasn’t any pain (bad sign!) it just was completely floppy and loose.

So now I am in this cast boot for a minimum of two weeks. I am not sure what is going to happen with the Nia Jam. I am GOING, for sure, and I will see what I can do within the confines of this boot. Swimming? Not yet. Running? NO WAY.

He said that I would have to wear the boot for weeks, and then a brace thing “forever” unless I get ankle surgery. He likened the ligaments to a nylon band and said that these things do not just mend like new, it’s not like bone or even muscle. I have to admit that after the appointment I went out to my car and cried for a while. (and if you’ve read my blog for a while you’ll know that that has become my M.O. after certain medical appointments)

The thing is, if this had happened last year (well, last year I would never have injured myself running!) I would have been secretly thrilled to have an excuse to not exercise. I would be like, OH DARN I can’t work out! and instantly take it as license to sit around and eat cupcakes. This year, I am devastated. Sure, I know it could be worse. I could have some dreadful diagnosis (yeah, more dreadful than diabetes!) — but the thing is, y’all KNOW how much it has meant to me to be working out this year. I have come to love it and rely on it and need it.

I know that my great trainer will keep me reasonably fit and busy. I can do a ton of upper body stuff (go, Michelle Obama arms!) with weights, sitting on the ball etc. and there’s all that fun CORE stuff. I can do a lot. But it’s not the same as Nia and running, which were both really important to me.

I’m lying on the bed with my boot on now. I have to say, this boot feels really good. Last night as I was trying to sleep, I could feel my ankle flip-flopping around all loose like, and that felt terrible. The boot makes me feel secure, like I am being held together. Which is good.

September 28, 2009 12

Grounded Again (ouch)

images I’m so bummed. I went running this morning and about 3/4 around the lake, I felt my ankle give way. It went snap! and I crashed to the ground. HELL, it hurt. I bloodied my knee and my palm where I tried to catch myself. My ankle is now a big swollen golf ball. It really hurts to walk on it. I was going to go to a Nia class today, but that’s clearly out. I just hope I am healed enough to do the Nia Jam (two hours of nonstop Nia with over a dozen teachers!) a week from today.

I knew something was wrong with my ankle. I sprained it while running about 3 months ago. It took a few weeks to heal, but then after my 5k a few weeks ago, it started bugging me again – just feeling kind of sore and a little unstable. What did I do? I ignored it and hoped for the best. Dumb. So today when I was running with my friend, we were talking, and there was an area where it went from path to sidewalk, just a little uneven surface. I just crashed (literally). It hurt like the devil, and we still had about 1/4 mile to go to the cars. I hobbled to the car.

Now I’ve got it propped up, I have an ice bag on it. It’s throbbing. It’s big. I just Googled “ankle sprain” and I’m trying to figure out if it is Grade 1 or 2. I sure hope it is Grade 1. But I’m realizing that this ankle is truly my body’s weak link for now.

This is one of my biggest fears in terms of weight loss, fitness, maintenance etc. That I will be injured for a long period of time and thus be unable to exercise, that I will become inactive and become blobby and gain weight etc etc…

But I can’t go there. I just have to try not to panic, to keep my ankle iced and elevated and try to remain calm. There are two events I am missing today because of this: my Nia class, and also a friend’s going away that is in a park, at a picnic site a 1/4 mile hike in. Can’t do. So I will take these extra hours. Get some writing done. Rest. Try to breathe.

September 27, 2009 20

Gone Fishin’

No, not really fishing. Mostly, teaching. But yes, I’ve been kind of scarce around here. I hope you won’t all forget about me! I’m doing well, just super super busy with my classes. And other stuff.

Mr. McBody and I celebrate being married 21 years ago today! Woo!! Sometimes this just boggles my mind. Where did all that time go? I am thankful that it has been a good, sweet journey, not without its bumps, but we’ve ridden them all so far. I am grateful for his support and his always advocating for my health even when I didn’t advocate for it myself, in fact I was trying to toss it out the window with both hands. I think we’ll probably go out to a nice dinner, and I will practice my appetizers + wine + 3 bites of dessert method of maintenance. I’ll let you know how that goes. We also got tickets to a play that has gotten rave reviews and is allegedly romantic. We shall see!
I have been WANTING to write a post about the recent brouhaha about Michael Pollan and people accusing him of Fat Hatred. Unfortunately, this is not something I can just zip off in three minutes. I feel like in order to be coherent and really make any sense, I need to do a LOT of reading and then take a lot of time to formulate my thoughts. Of which I have many. If you’d like to read ahead, and get started on this conversation without me, just Google “Michael Pollan fat hatred.” You’ll be busy for a while.
I’m going to 4-day intensive WW Leader training starting October 15th! Without giving away any Big Secrets, I’d love to blog that experience.
I have a winner in the MizFit “unapologetically myself” T-shirt giveaway! It’s LND, who wrote:

Excuse: I cant work out because that work out scares the shileighleighs out of me.

Response: (Don’t look up the workout before going to the gym…CrossFit changes it daily)

Actually, the response is something along the lines of: If you don’t go you are just cheating yourself. Scale the workout if you have to, but results only happen if you do the work necessary to get there.

I just love that word, “shileighleighs.” OK LND, I’ve emailed you. Hit me up with your mailing address and you will have your MizFit shirt in no time!

I will really try and stop in but it will probably be kind of boring. “I ran.” “I went to Nia.” “I maintained my weight.” 🙂

Seriously though. This blog has been my lifeline for MONTHS so I do not want to stay away too long. I know once I stop blogging, I might be tempted to get slacky in other ways. Don’t let me do that. Write me and let me know if there’s anything you want me to write about. I respond well to homework.

AND I’ll be here Tuesday night for Biggest Loser liveblogging, without fail.

September 25, 2009 8

A Little Speedblogging

rice beans I haven’t been around here much but I wanted to do some catch-up blogging before tonight’s Biggest Loser. Why haven’t I been around? Because I’ve been teaching like CRAZY – a blog class (!) and then two writing classes, all of which are fantastic but which are taking up huge gobs of time.

But all is well. I’m exercising, going to Nia, running, weight lifting. I’ve gone to a lot of doctor appointments. Cardiologist and endocrinologist are both very very happy – my cholesterol is GREAT now that I am taking a bit of statin. Which I resisted mightily but has actually been fine. I am happy with that. My A1C (for those who know and care about such things) is 5.9 which made me happy even with all the prednisone I took in July.

Also been to OBGYN because even though I am 50 and allegedly menopausal, I have had the world’s most relentless periods. First every 3 weeks (too short) then every two weeks (huh?) then every week and now I have about 48 hours break before it all starts up again. It’s not good. Trying to get to the bottom of it. So, I feel like I’ve been getting my blood drawn every five minutes and it’s all good except for that one thing. Argh.

I wanted to do a big blog post about WW’s “Lose for Good” campaign which involves donating food to food banks etc. which corresponds with our weight loss. I went out and bought 31 lbs of rice and beans. I was going to ceremoniously wear it on my body to one of the WW Meetings, and then peel it off but after putting on about 12 lbs it was SO SO damn uncomfortable I couldn’t bear it. I actually couldn’t believe that I could barely haul that stuff around in a grocery bag. I piled it on the table. Can you see? It’s BIG. But not only did it show me the big pile of 31 lbs, but when I picked up the little one or two lb bags, those were not insignificant either. And it showed me, than when I am “up” 3-4 lbs, I can feel that bulk’s extra on me.

I’ve been continuing my birthday revelry, over one month past birthday. Today a friend took me to breakfast at this favorite spot. They have this mega decadent soft polenta with melted cheese. Which is like my favorite thing ever. Normally I would snarf down this big bowl and feel ILL but today I had three beautiful large spoonfuls and that was like heaven. Just enough. SO so good.

Dinner’s about to burn without me so I’m going to stop here but this is what I’ve been up to. Next, BL, in one hour!

September 22, 2009 4

Weighing In Mess

I got an email from the WW people saying that my monthly official weigh-in was overdue (it’s taking me a while to understand the rules here) so I thought I’d check out a meeting out here in the Midwest. Found one just a mile from my hotel.

Now this is the deal with Lifetime. You are eligible for free meetings if you are no more than 2 lbs over your Goal Weight. (the weight you were at when achieving LT). At my last weigh-in, I was almost two pounds UNDER. So today, I was 1.8 lbs over THAT weight, which meant I was .4 lb over my GOAL. (also, the clothes I am wearing are easily .4 heavier than my normal weigh-in outfit) And the weigher tsk-tsked at me and said, “Hmm, 1.8 up. Well, you’re on vacation, right?”

It affected me. WOW. Why did I let it affect me? I sat and steamed through the whole meeting (and btw the leader was TERRIFIC, not the same person as the weigher). It made me think, once again, about how sensitive this whole weigh-in thing is. People who do this can seriously throw people off. When I do this at my job, I really try to be as positive as possible, as encouraging as I can.

I really liked the meeting, which was about restaurant eating. Speaking of restaurants, my daughter took me to this GREAT place last night. It was so uber-healthy and delicious! You basically go to this huge vegetable bar, load up your bowl, add some protein (if you want) and they stir fry it up and bring it to your table. You have total control of portions, ingredients, etc. It was incredibly yummy.

Anyway, back to the meeting. The leader had everyone fold up their nametags (good way to have people not walking around with tags on all day) and she did a drawing for a prize. The woman next to me said she does this every week. I’ll have to remember this. It was fun – she gave away a journal. I wonder if she gets these things in bulk or whatever, but I thought it was a great idea.

I came back to my hotel for breakfast. They have this free buffet thing with a decent assortment. I headed straight for the hot egg mcmuffin (actually a mcBagel thing). Definitely not the best choice but I was still all messed up from the stupid weigh in. WHY? And why did it make me make a “bad” choice? I didn’t just have one, but two. (OK, two HALVES so I guess one whole bagel!) NOT a big deal in and of itself, but the fact that I was eating out of pure emotion. Hmmm.

Then after breakfast I was too full to go work out. But I’m not in the mood for hotel gym right now. I’m going to go to that Nia class again. I am hoping it will help calm me down.

Interesting what a crazy cycle it all is. If I had weighed-in at home, I would have felt perfectly HAPPY with my weight, which is just FINE. But that offhand little comment/facial expression whatever, just threw me. It THREW ME ACROSS THE ROOM. It made me eat all emotionally. How stupid is that? Or how…? I don’t know. I’m just feeling all discombobulated right now and I could really use some spacey music (or maybe some geriatric lavender aromatherapy, hm Mizfit?) to calm me down.

September 11, 2009 11

Every Day? Yeah, Every Day!

280 Today’s post is dedicated to MizFit. She has been inspiring me since Day One and today her guest-blog post felt almost psychic. Her blog post (written by guest George) is about working out every day.

Not too long ago a friend Tweeted me (Twittered me?) and said “Dude you work out every day? You are hard core!” That made me laugh. I do not think of myself as a hard core person, especially in terms of workouts. But gradually over the past months I have come to expect that unless something (see MizFit’s post on what those somethings might be) comes up that makes it impossible, I will work out every day. It used to be that I would work out “when I felt like it.” Which could range from “never” to once or twice a month. Then I began working out, by schedule and appointment, about 2 times a week, maybe 3x if I was feeling extra hard core (ha). THEN I started aiming for 4-5x a week. But then I’d forget, “What is the day I don’t work out again?” and eventually it morphed into, if I am alive and breathing, not injured or ill, then I’m working out.

It helps a LOT that I do different things on different days. Some days I run. Some days I go to a Nia class. Some days I go to my trainer and do weights and stuff. Today I woke up in a hotel so I went to the fitness center (a really, really great one!) and did 40 minutes on the elliptical, a bunch of free weight and ball stuff, and some other stuff. When I read the MizFit post, it made me really happy. I was like YEAH! I feel good now, and ready to do all the other things in my day.

SO, in honor of and in gratitude for MizFit and all she says and does, I am doing a giveaway today! I have a wonderful size L women’s T-shirt designed (I think) by Miz herself. I ordered it because I always assume that if something says “womens” then it is automatically very tiny. But this shirt is actually pretty large, and too large for me. I would guess it is about a size 14-ish. Maybe 12. So I am going to be ordering another in a different size for myself, and I am giving this one away.

In order to be eligible to obtain this fantastic piece of apparel, just leave a comment here about your favorite/most used/most creative excuse to NOT exercise, AND what response you can come up with to turn that around so that you DO exercise. Example:

Excuse: I don’t have enough time. (this is certainly not creative, but it is common)

Response: I have plenty of time. In fact, I am going to ______ while __________ or instead of ________.

OK? Ready set go!

September 10, 2009 18

Did another 5k – But am I a Runner?

I did my 3rd 5k race today. I was really nervous about it since I have not been running very much at all – maybe a 20 minute run per week -and I had not trained for it. But I was curious to know how the rest of my exercise would prepare me – does general fitness help? And I was curious about how my running time would stand up to the previous two runs.

There were all sorts of impediments that I was sort of hoping would make us decide to NOT do the run. I realized that the major bridge between where I live and the run took place, was closed all weekend for construction. But we ended up going around, and taking two other bridges, and we actually got there in about half an hour.

We got there so early we went to a Starbucks nearby (there are ALWAYS Starbucks nearby, aren’t there?) and I had my 2nd cup of coffee for the morning (probably not wise). We went over to the race course about twenty minutes ahead of time, registered and got little tags to pin to our shirts. This was definitely a low-budget, low-tech, volunteer affair, unlike the other races. Which meant that most of the people participating were more serious runners.

There were only a few minutes to “warm up” and I was sort of kicking myself, because the point of getting there super early was to WARM UP, not to sit and drink coffee at Starbucks. Duh! There was no bell or gun or anything at the Start, just a guy yelling, “Ready…. set… GO!” We went. Most of the crowd (a few hundred people?) took off really, really fast. M and I had sworn to each other that we would try and go at a comfortable pace, and not get all worked up about trying to keep up with folks. This was hard as most people just kept passing and passing us.

For the first mile or so, my feet hurt. My feet haven’t hurt while exercising in MONTHS. But they hurt. Plus I knew I was breathing harder than usual. M kept saying, “It’s going to get easier.” Probably the middle mile was the easiest. My foot pain eased up and we were in sort of a rhythm. It was super windy. We were going against the wind and it felt like a huge hand was just pushing us way back. The good part was that it was right along the water and the Golden Gate Bridge was right there and it looked quite pretty. (not that I looked at it much)

After a while, we started seeing the front runners coming towards us. The route had a turnaround point and those out in front were sailing past. They looked pretty awesome and cool and I felt inspired seeing them. Then I kept wondering, when do WE get to turn around? It took a lot longer to get to that point than I would have liked.

The last mile was both better and worse. The prospect of finishing made me happy, but I think we were both struggling a bit and wondering if it was going to happen. Then the finish line was in sight. We sprinted at the end, so we could finish with a time of 36 minutes. We did! But then I felt instantly nauseated. I had to walk around. I felt pretty awful.

After we drove home and I dropped M off, I noticed that I was only about a mile from my Sunday morning Nia class, and it was starting in 15 minutes. Part of me said, “That’s crazy” and part of me felt like I really, really needed it. I think the run had stressed me. I felt pretty anxious during most of it, asking constantly about the time and trying to figure out if I was going to survive. I was sure I was filled with adrenaline and stress hormones. I felt like I needed the calm and grounding of Nia, even if it was another workout. So I went.

It was lovely, and very energizing. I felt like the run had really warmed me up, plus the room was super hot. I was really happy to be in there. The teacher was fantastic (again). I was glad I had done it. After the class, I decided to go check out the mega amazing super organic million-times-better-than-Whole-Foods new grocery store.

And it was in there that I bonked. Suddenly I was pushing my cart like a 100 year old person, feeling faint, nauseated, overwhelmed. None of the amazing food looked good to me, even though I hadn’t eaten anything since my PB-on-whole-wheat-English-muffin at 6:30am. (MISTAKE) But I pushed it along for an hour, came home, brought the groceries into the kitchen, feeling worse and worse and worse, then promptly fell into bed and did not move except to moan for the rest of the day (I am still in bed).

I think I got super dehydrated. I also did not do myself any favors by not eating, especially before the Nia class. But I had been feeling so upset-stomachy that food did not appeal. So I pretty much messed myself up today. Oh well. I learned. And I recovered by having some super salty chicken soup that my nice husband brought to me.

But I’m feeling ambivalent about running now. The good news is:

I finished.
I finished with the same time as my last race.
36 minutes for 3.1 miles is not amazing, but it is also not too shabby. For a 50 yr old who does not run a lot.
It made me feel happy and accomplished, and I got another little ribbon to add to my collection.

The bad news is:

I was really pretty anxious during the whole run.
I was dumb and did not hydrate or eat enough.
I basically was useless the entire second half of the day. I mean, I felt TERRIBLE.
I do not want to run all the time, which is probably necessary for doing better during races than I did today.

The thing is, I actually like running when I am running to run, but not in races. I get too caught up in keeping up with people. Meanwhile, today, an 80 year old limping guy passed us. A woman who probably weighs 150 more than me passed us. A ton of little kids passed us, including a few who fell down and were crying, but got up and still beat us.

We ARE the running Penguins, that’s for sure. Should we just run for the fun of it when we want to, as far as we want to, or should we (or mainly I) keep doing races?

September 6, 2009 28

Vacation Then and Now

We’re taking a short little vacation up in beautiful Whistler (site of the 2010 Winter Olympics) in British Columbia, Canada. The mountains here are truly spectacular. Yesterday we took a gorgeous hike; today we walked around a stunning jade-green lake and then I went to the fitness center for a little workout.

It used to be that the word “vacation” was synonymous with: eat as much as possible because you might not ever have this opportunity again; exercise as little as possible because this is supposed to be a “rest.”

But this vacation has showed me how much my mindset has changed. When we first arrived in Vancouver the other night, I discovered that there was a Nia (!) class taking place about a mile from our hotel. I was so excited. International Nia! I put on my running shoes after dinner and took off in the direction of the class. I realized I only had about 15 minutes so I knew I’d have to run. It was fun, running through the crowded city streets in search of Nia. When I finally arrived at the building, the receptionist told me the class had JUST ENDED. Whoops. I am pretty bad when it comes to military time! So hubby and I walked back to our hotel (he had come with me to keep me company, not that he had any intention of doing Nia, LOL) and on the way we stopped in at a Lululemon store (nifty workout clothes). We both tried a bunch of things on and I bought a very Nia-esque top. And I thought, wow, THIS is different. Finding a workout in a different location (a different country, even!). RUNNING to get there. Shopping at a store that features exercise gear. All of these things would be fairly unheard of a year ago.

I feel like I haven’t fallen into “vacation bottomless pit mode” just because I’m on vacation. That is a relief and it feels good. Happily, we have a little condo type unit with a kitchen, so we haven’t had to go out for (and pay for) breakfasts and lunches. I was bummed to see that the supermarket here had NO WHOLE WHEAT English Muffins, let alone the double-fiber ones that I like. Likewise, no Fage nonfat yogurt! Needless to say, no super fiber waffles. I’ve been eating eggs for breakfast.

It has shown me that vacation can be fun and celebratory and relaxing and it doesn’t have to mean falling off any wagons. What a revelation!

August 29, 2009 8

foodfoodbodybody

eat, move, think, feel

Category