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It’s a Big Blue World Diabetes Day!

Today is World Diabetes Day! Last year on this day, I had no idea what this meant. I had no idea that I had pre-diabetes at the time, and I surely did. I knew nothing. This year is so different.

Today I participated in The Big Blue Test, which consisted of diabetics the world over simultaneously testing their blood sugar at 2:00pm, then exercising for 14 minutes (because it’s November 14th!) and then re-testing. I happen to be out of town this weekend. I also happened to have left my blood testing meter at home (bad me). But this was really important to me so I slipped out of the retreat I’m attending and went home to test, exercise, test. It was about an hour after I had eaten lunch so I thought it would be pretty high. But happy surprise, it wasn’t. It was 118 at 2:00pm, which is pretty darned good. Then I jumped rope for a while, did some lunges with weights for a while, and rowed on the rowing machine, until I had totalled about 14 minutes. Tested again: 76!!!!!!!! I was floored!

This was  real eye opener for me. I know that exercise is really good and beneficial for one’s blood sugar. But I had now idea HOW effective, and how IMMEDIATE it is. I mean, wow. It made me feel really happy. And also really sheepish that I have been rather slackish about testing my blood. It’s been generally really really good, so I figured, it must always be really good.  But I’m planning on testing at least once or twice a day, promise.

The American Diabetes Association has introduced a new site called Diabetes Act Now. It’s got some great features:

·         A virtual diabetes health care professional who explains why people with diabetes need to know their ABCs (A1C – a measure of average glucose, blood pressure, cholesterol).

·         A personal dashboard where users can track their progress and select action plans.

·         A library of videos designed to help users make easy lifestyle changes to improve their diabetes numbers.

·         A new interactive widget provides users with diabetes-related content and resources that can be accessed directly on their personal desktops.

·         You can check out the PSA’s for the campaign on YouTube here:  English / Spanish

·         There’s also an official Twitter account for the campaign at http://www.twitter.com/diabetesactnow.

It’s a cool animated site designed to increase awareness and easy actions. Do YOU know what your blood pressure, cholesterol and fasting blood glucose numbers are? It’s a good idea to get them checked even if you think are super healthy. Just to be sure.

5

Losing or Learning?

muffinOne of the phrases (and there were many!) that really stuck in my brain from WW training was, “You either have a losing week, or a learning week.” I LOVED this, because it takes away the notion of failure. If we don’t lose weight, what can we learn from that, from our behavior, that we can change if we want to have a losing (or maintaining) week the next time? I must repeat that refrain in my head a dozen times a day.

I am having a big-time learning week. First, I learned that it really IS hard to lose or maintain when I eat out in a restaurant like 5 meals in a row, even if I am trying to make healthy choices. Part of it is the food is just TOO GOOD, and I lose sight of necessary portion control.  Also, we really do not know for sure what is IN the food we eat at restaurants. Then, especially for me, there’s the social aspect, which is sooo distracting. All that adds up to, even with the best intentions, an inevitable weight gain. SO I am making a resolution to really cut down/minimize my restaurant eating as much as possible, from now until December.

As if that weren’t enough, I came home to even more of a delusional bubble. Some part of my brain seems to believe that as a WW staff person I have donned some invisible cloak of immunity, ie, I can do anything and not gain weight. NOT! OMG!  But there’s a little devil on my shoulder this week, poking me and saying, “This won’t count!” and other lies.

Here was my lesson for this morning.  I am particularly vulnerable in the fall, because of colder weather, upcoming holidays, and special things like PUMPKIN TREATS. I am such a sucker for pumpkin muffins, pumpkin bars, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin EVERYthing. I especially love pumpkin muffins. But I have resisted them… until today. I just freaking wanted one. So I got one. And I ate it.

And this is what I learned:

  1. It tasted really good.
  2. But not THAT GOOD.
  3. I felt a little bit sick after I ate it, because I am not used to eating sweet carbs for breakfast anymore.
  4. It did not sustain me. I was hungry pretty quickly, like 90 minutes after I ate it.
  5. I really don’t know how many points it was, but it was anywhere between 6 (best case scenario, which I doubt) and 11. (ACKKKKKK!) Which is like half of my points for the ENTIRE DAY.
  6. It probably was very very bad for my blood sugar but I did not test it right away so I don’t know. 😦
  7. Bottom line? Yeah, it tasted good, but ultimately….. NWI. (NOT WORTH IT)

So yeah, I learned! I could’ve just craved and desired that pumpkin muffin all day- all week or month- but I am actually glad I ate it because now I know. I know it was fine, but y’know? I don’t need to do that again. Instead I am going to search out some low-point pumpkiny treats, and make those instead for the next time the pumpkin urge hits me.

I’m learning! I’m learning!

(pumpkin muffin photo – and recipe -courtesy of my friends over at Muffin Top!)

14

Recharged: It’s All New Again!

It’s so funny. I used to have a very contentious relationship (in my head) with WW.  There were times when I loved it (actually, this was wayyyy back in the beginnning, when I first joined in 1997), times when I felt “eh” and other times when I was outright angry. I was one of Those Members who sat in the back row, arms folded, with an “I dare you to tell me what to do” look on my face. There were times when I paid to go to meetings for three or four months and my weight never budged. Or it went up and down the same two pounds over and over. I just was not ready (or willing, at ALL) to do the program. I’ve never had any doubt in my mind that if you do the WW program, it will work. The problem is all the junk in the way of DOING it.

Yesterday I received my leader prep materials for November, plus a preview package of some things that are new to the program for 2010. I got so excited! I pored over every single piece of paper, word, drawing with huge eyes. WOWEE! I kept nodding my head, saying, “Yeah, that’s right!”

But I remember getting those weekly booklets and just tossing them into the recycling. At one point, it was just all “blah blah blah blah” like Charlie Brown’s teacher. There was just no reception for it.

Last night I did a little practice bit of a meeting, no more than two minutes, at my regular meeting. We are supposed to share something about our own personal WW journey. As I talked, I was surprised (no? should I be surprised? Ha) that I got a little emotional about it.

I talked about how I first joined WW in 1997 when I was preparing to go to a high school reunion. I wanted to look good, or at least decent. I probably was 25-30 lbs over my high school days at that point. So, I got allllllmmmmmmmmost to my goal weight, but not quite. I was about 4-5 lbs shy at the reunion. Then it was over. I went home. All my incentive had evaporated. I stopped being “OP” (on plan). All that weight (plus more) boomeranged right back at me. That was my first mistake: to have a specific goal, and then not replacing it with a new goal right away. Oops.

Thus began my in-and-out, love-hate relationship with WW. I came and went many times more over the next several years, but never really had the same enthusiasm as my first time. Then it was replaced with dread and hatred as I failed over and over again. Until this last January, when I was in such a state of desperation with my diabetes diagnosis. Even then, I sort of slunk in to the meeting. I sort of did the program.

It wasn’t until I was within fingers’ reach of my goal that I woke up and realized what it had all done for me. And then I started maintenance, which is a whole ‘nother ball of wax, as they say. It’s then that I started really paying attention, and really complying. Really reading the materials and seeing what value they had for me. Really GETTING IT.

I don’t want to get all WW-evangelical on y’all, but this training has really opened my eyes even MORE to what a good, solid, comprehensive program this is. And if people engage with it, and really take in everything it has to offer, it’s such good stuff. Truly.

7

Foodie on the Fly!

Wow, it’s been whirlwindish since I left home … two days ago? I’m sad to say that even though I had all good intentions of using my friend’s home gym I never made it down there. 😦 Now I am at another friend’s, and I am fully planning on doing SOMEthing tomorrow morning since I do not have to get up super early.

But it’s been awesome. I went back to the little hometown I grew up in (population 8,000) and had an incredibly wonderful time with old friends I haven’t seen, some in 30 (!) years. I visited my old high school with my high school best friend. We found our old lockers, sat in the senior lounge at the cafeteria (place of huge social status!), ate at the famous down in the center of town. Gosh, I miss diners. They are all over New Jersey but they really don’t have this kind of diner where I live now. It was awesome to be in there and to hear people tawkin’ like I’m used to. Did you know that James Gandolfini (Jimmy in my memory) came from my home town? He was a year behind me in high school.  Nice signed photo of him up in the town diner, because of course HE has fond memories of the place too. I was sad to see that the local Friendly’s is now a bank, and the place that used to make amazing hot donuts and cider is no longer. Just as well, right? I could’ve just eaten my nostalgic way through the week!

I have no idea what is happening weight-wise. Yesterday we didn’t have time for dinner before meeting other HS buddies so we just ordered some appetizers from the bar. I  nibbled at a plate of seared ahi, and had two stuffed (with seafood) mushrooms. I ordered a cocktail that was REALLY BAD so I followed up with some mineral water and lime. Today I was on the run hobble all day, so just ended up having some fruit, half a scone, a bowl of miso soup and one piece of sashimi.  BUT I haven’t exercised all week, so… we shall see.

Folks on the Biggest Loser are right; it’s really challenging to eat in restaurants for a week and still lose weight. AND to be in a freaking cast boot. I’m not aiming to lose this week but I am sure hoping I can at least maintain. WW training is just 3 days after I get home. I don’t know if they’re going to weigh us (GOD I HOPE NOT) but I want to look as good as possible.

5

Listening to My Body: but what is it saying??

imagesThis ankle injury has been making me think a lot about this idea of “listening” to one’s body. On one hand, listening to my body got me into this trouble in the first place. But then part of me was trying to say something else. What if your body sends you mixed messages?

Today, the 3rd day of my injury, it is feeling a lot better than Sunday. I am limping just the slightest bit. It’s hurting about the same as it was 3rd-day-past, when I sprained it back in August. If I were “listening” to my body, I’d say I’m definitely ready to go to Nia class tomorrow, and running this weekend for SURE. But that’s not what the podiatrist said, and definitely not what I’m supposed to do.

It’s really hard to be compliant when your body is saying it “needs” something other than what you’re doing with/for it. Last night, I put my cast boot on at bedtime. At first (for the first twenty minutes) it felt comforting, like it was holding me in place. But I woke up around midnight and felt like I was encased in some medieval torture device. The plastic edge was digging into my toes, and my ankle was throbbing and searing in discomfort. I thrashed around trying to come into a comfortable position. But I am a diehard stomach-sleeper, and with that comes the position of having the top surfaces of my feet flattened into the mattress. I can’t do that with my ankle cemented at a 90 degree angle. I tried to negotiate with myself, but around 1am my body was shrieking, “GET ME OUT OF HERE!” I couldn’t take it.

And because I COULD, I sat up and ripped the velcro belts off the thing, liberated my lower leg – I told myself “just a few minutes,” fell back asleep, and the next thing I knew it was 6am, I was on my stomach and my ankle was in the Forbidden Position. (much like the illustration here) I felt guilty, sheepish and afraid. What if I had just stretched my ligament fragments even further apart?

Today, already I feel myself questioning the need to wear the dumb boot. Come ON! I feel FINE! It’s more of a pain to clomp around in what is essentially a ski boot, than to go barefoot and have a small limp.

Suddenly for some reason I am understanding why and how there are diabetics who pretty much ignore the fact of their disease because they can’t “feel” it. It was that way for me when I had high blood pressure.

I don’t know why it is that I feel that I need to be compliant re my diabetes no matter how I “feel,” but I am feeling more resistant about this ankle thing. Maybe because I don’t really believe that it will be harmful to go without the boot – because it doesn’t hurt. But diabetes doesn’t “hurt” either, not really. (not at THIS point)

It’s a short-term vs long term thing. Grasshopper and ant. I want to dance NOW. I want to run NOW. But if I do that, I could end up with debilitating arthritis. I can keep the vision of diabetic amputees, blindness and kidney failure at the front of my consciousness, because I’ve seen that, and I know it’s real.  Is it just that I haven’t seen people with debilitating arthritis who are saying, “Oh I sprained my ankle a hundred times, and never immobilized it, and look where I am now!” Do I have to see it to believe it??

15

A Little Speedblogging

rice beansI haven’t been around here much but I wanted to do some catch-up blogging before tonight’s Biggest Loser. Why haven’t I been around? Because I’ve been teaching like CRAZY – a blog class (!) and then two writing classes, all of which are fantastic but which are taking up huge gobs of time.

But all is well. I’m exercising, going to Nia, running, weight lifting. I’ve gone to a lot of doctor appointments. Cardiologist and endocrinologist are both very very happy – my cholesterol is GREAT now that I am taking a bit of statin. Which I resisted mightily but has actually been fine. I am happy with that.  My A1C (for those who know and care about such things) is 5.9 which made me happy even with all the prednisone I took in July.

Also been to OBGYN because even though I am 50 and allegedly menopausal, I have had the world’s most relentless periods. First every 3 weeks (too short) then every two weeks (huh?) then every week and now I have about 48 hours break before it all starts up again. It’s not good. Trying to get to the bottom of it. So, I feel like I’ve been getting my blood drawn every five minutes and it’s all good except for that one thing. Argh.

I wanted to do a big blog post about WW’s “Lose for Good” campaign which involves donating food to food banks etc. which corresponds with our weight loss. I went out and bought 31 lbs of rice and beans. I was going to ceremoniously wear it on my body to one of the WW Meetings, and then peel it off but after putting on about 12 lbs it was SO SO damn uncomfortable I couldn’t bear it. I actually couldn’t believe that I could barely haul that stuff around in a grocery bag. I piled it on the table. Can you see? It’s BIG. But not only did it show me the big pile of 31 lbs, but when I picked up the little one or two lb bags, those were not insignificant either. And it showed me, than when I am “up” 3-4 lbs, I can feel that bulk’s extra on me.

I’ve been continuing my birthday revelry, over one month past birthday. Today a friend took me to breakfast at this favorite spot. They have this mega decadent soft polenta with melted cheese. Which is like my favorite thing ever. Normally I would snarf down this big bowl and feel ILL but today I had three beautiful large spoonfuls and that was like heaven. Just enough. SO so good.

Dinner’s about to burn without me so I’m going to stop here but this is what I’ve been up to. Next, BL, in one hour!

4

Did another 5k – But am I a Runner?

IMG_0625I did my 3rd 5k race today. I was really nervous about it since I have not been running very much at all – maybe a 20 minute run per week -and I had not trained for it. But I was curious to know how the rest of my exercise would prepare me – does general fitness help? And I was curious about how my running time would stand up to the previous two runs.

There were all sorts of impediments that I was sort of hoping would make us decide to NOT do the run. I realized that the major bridge between where I live and the run took place, was closed all weekend for construction. But we ended up going around, and taking two other bridges, and we actually got there in about half an hour.

We got there so early we went to a Starbucks nearby (there are ALWAYS Starbucks nearby, aren’t there?) and I had my 2nd cup of coffee for the morning (probably not wise). We went over to the race course about twenty minutes ahead of time, registered and got little tags to pin to our shirts. This was definitely a low-budget, low-tech, volunteer affair, unlike the other races. Which meant that most of the people participating were more serious runners.

There were only a few minutes to “warm up” and I was sort of kicking myself, because the point of getting there super early was to WARM UP, not to sit and drink coffee at Starbucks. Duh! There was no bell or gun or anything at the Start, just a guy yelling, “Ready…. set… GO!” We went. Most of the crowd (a few hundred people?) took off really, really fast. M and I had sworn to each other that we would try and go at a comfortable pace, and not get all worked up about trying to keep up with folks. This was hard as most people just kept passing and passing us.

For the first mile or so, my feet hurt. My feet haven’t hurt while exercising in MONTHS. But they hurt. Plus I knew I was breathing harder than usual. M kept saying, “It’s going to get easier.” Probably the middle mile was the easiest. My foot pain eased up and we were in sort of a rhythm. It was super windy. We were going against the wind and it felt like a huge hand was just pushing us way back. The good part was that it was right along the water and the Golden Gate Bridge was right there and it looked quite pretty. (not that I looked at it much)

After a while, we started seeing the front runners coming towards us. The route had a turnaround point and those out in front were sailing past. They looked pretty awesome and cool and I felt inspired seeing them. Then I kept wondering, when do WE get to turn around? It took a lot longer to get to that point than I would have liked.

The last mile was both better and worse. The prospect of finishing made me happy, but I think we were both struggling a bit and wondering if it was going to happen. Then the finish line was in sight. We sprinted at the end, so we could finish with a time of 36 minutes. We did! But then I felt instantly nauseated. I had to walk around. I felt pretty awful.

After we drove home and I dropped M off, I noticed that I was only about a mile from my Sunday morning Nia class, and it was starting in 15 minutes. Part of me said, “That’s crazy” and part of me felt like I really, really needed it. I think the run had stressed me. I felt pretty anxious during most of it, asking constantly about the time and trying to figure out if I was going to survive. I was sure I was filled with adrenaline and stress hormones. I felt like I needed the calm and grounding of Nia, even if it was another workout. So I went.

It was lovely, and very energizing. I felt like the run had really warmed me up, plus the room was super hot. I was really happy to be in there. The teacher was fantastic (again).  I was glad I had done it. After the class, I decided to go check out the mega amazing super organic million-times-better-than-Whole-Foods new grocery store.

And it was in there that I bonked. Suddenly I was pushing my cart like a 100 year old person, feeling faint, nauseated, overwhelmed. None of the amazing food looked good to me, even though I hadn’t eaten anything since my PB-on-whole-wheat-English-muffin at 6:30am. (MISTAKE) But I pushed it along for an hour, came home, brought the groceries into the kitchen, feeling worse and worse and worse, then promptly fell into bed and did not move except to moan for the rest of the day (I am still in bed).

I think I got super dehydrated. I also did not do myself any favors by not eating, especially before the Nia class. But I had been feeling so upset-stomachy that food did not appeal. So I pretty much messed myself up today. Oh well. I learned. And I recovered by having some super salty chicken soup that my nice husband brought to me.

But I’m feeling ambivalent about running now. The good news is:

  1. I finished.
  2. I finished with the same time as my last race.
  3. 36 minutes for 3.1 miles is not amazing, but it is also not too shabby. For a 50 yr old who does not run a lot.
  4. It made me feel happy and accomplished, and I got another little ribbon to add to my collection.

The bad news is:

  1. I was really pretty anxious during the whole run.
  2. I was dumb and did not hydrate or eat enough.
  3. I basically was useless the entire second half of the day. I mean, I felt TERRIBLE.
  4. I do not want to run all the time, which is probably necessary for doing better during races than I did today.

The thing is, I actually like running when I am running to run, but not in races. I get too caught up in keeping up with people. Meanwhile, today, an 80 year old limping guy passed us. A woman who probably weighs 150 more than me passed us. A ton of little kids passed us, including a few who fell down and were crying, but got up and still beat us.

We ARE the running Penguins, that’s for sure. Should we just run for the fun of it when we want to, as far as we want to, or should we (or mainly I) keep doing races?

28

Exercise as Pleasure, Not Punishment

3388196563_528db7559eIt was not too long ago – less than a year – that I viewed exercise (or “activity” as WW likes to euphemistically call it) as painful, something to be dreaded and endured. Even though I was going to a personal trainer twice a week, I rarely did anything on the other days. And I often could barely get through my workouts. Sometimes I cried. Sometimes I threw up (I am not kidding). Sometimes I acted like a total whiney wimp so my trainer would have mercy on me and go easy on my poor pathetic self. It wasn’t pretty. I’d also use exercise as a tool to flog myself when I ate too much. Again, NOT pretty.

But things changed when January 2009 and this blog and my diabetes diagnosis rolled around. I knew that I was going to have to step it up or my body and health were in for big trouble. So I upped the trainer to 3x a week, and started myself on the Couch-to-5k running program. It was not so easy at first, but eventually my 60 second runs turned into two minute runs, then three and five and fifteen minutes. Around that time I actually began LOOKING FORWARD to working out. Once I began working out 5-6 times a week, I began feeling that endorphin rush that I had believed was a mythical state of being. I started feeling happier and more energetic. I stopped wanting to take naps every single day.

For many months, I felt like the longer, the harder, the better. I would go to the gym and go at the elliptical like a mad woman. All this was good. I got a lot stronger. I lost weight. All good!

But I started thinking, how the heck am I going to keep this up when I am sixty years old? Seventy? The idea of it made me feel kind of nervous and worried.

Not long ago, a friend of mine brought me to a Nia class for the first time. It was really one of the most unusual exercise experiences I have ever had. I was not sure what to make of it. I sort of mocked it but I had to admit that it made me feel good, and after that class, I really wanted to do it again (that’s always a good sign!). So yesterday I went to my second class. It was even better than the first one. I enjoyed it so much. The teacher had fabulous dimples (I am a complete sucker for dimples) and kept using words like “juicy” and “gooey” and “yummy.” She was just like that – yummy! and really happy. At the end of the class she put on this song called “Dream” and she was singing along with it really loudly and joyfully, just like you sing in the car with the windows rolled up. I mean, she really belted it out and it was so great! I did not have the guts to belt it out along with her, but it was great to hear.

Today I went to another class, at another place. This teacher was super graceful, elegant and willowy and just beautiful to watch. (that’s her in the photo above!!) She was so cool. The other two Nia classes I went to both made me want to laugh out loud (I did, actually) but today’s class had me almost crying in parts. I got really emotional and lump-in-throat as we were moving around. But in a good way.

If you look at the Nia website, one of the testimonials has this woman saying she used to pump iron and such, but now all she does is Nia and she is in super amazing shape. And I had to think, WOW, could you really be in such awesome shape from something that is so much FUN? It does not seem possible. And this is something that seventy year olds can totally do. And thirty year olds.

But I also did not think it was possible to lose weight while eating yummy foods like cheese, brownies, birthday cake and Prosecco. And here I am, doing just that.

It’s made me rethink all the ideas I had about “dieting” and “exercise.” Maybe it doesn’t have to be torture. Maybe the secret is that it CAN’T be torture.  🙂

27

The Diabetes Slippery Slope

When I first was diagnosed with pre-diabetes and then full-on Type 2 Diabetes, I was obsessed with testing my blood glucose. I was testing it a minimum of five times a day and could not imagine doing otherwise.

How quickly things changed! I had an excellent checkup and report from both my endocrinologist and cardiologist in May. And then I just kinda slowed down… and then kinda stopped. When I had a terrible bout of poison oak my blood glucose soared because of the prednisone I was taking. I was supposed to be testing a lot during that period but I HATED seeing those high numbers. So I pretty much stopped.

A friend with diabetes came to visit over the weekend. I got the picture that he pretty much doesn’t test his own blood sugars very regularly. Another friend told me that her mother (who died of diabetes at age 63) did not test at ALL.

How did I get to this point? By being complacent. By either assuming it’s “good news” so I don’t have to test, or assuming it’s “bad news” and making me reluctant to test. I can’t believe it’s only taken a few short months for me to fall into this lazy attitude.

How dumb is that.

So I’ve made a resolution to test a MINIMUM of 3x a day, starting… today. I woke up to a good 97. Now I’m going to go test again, post-lunch.

9

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