March 2010

I feel like I’m in the midst of a major test right now. Stress raining down like bowling balls, and the test is: will I turn to food? Will I be able to wriggle out of this one without gaining significant amounts of weight? I feel like I’m in the SATs, the MCATs and the LSATs all rolled into one. Please cross your fingers for me that I am Prepared enough to get through this.

Thank you.

Edited to add:

Well, if it was a pass-fail test, I think I passed. If it was a letter grade, I’d give myself a B-. Maybe a C+. I managed to get through the hardest day because I was being super-mindful in the midst of my stress. I kept telling myself, “Food won’t fix it.” I kept reminding myself how much WORSE I would feel if I ended up binging out on some food, and that it would, in fact, ADD to my stress.

The problem with such reasoning, of course, is that often in the midst of an emotional crisis, one just plain doesn’t care. (I was there a ways back, for a little bit) Who cares if I gain weight? Who cares if I feel worse later? I WANT THIS NOW. Sigh.

Anyway, I did manage to get through the worst of it pretty well. It felt good then to exercise the next day (yesterday). I thought I had gotten through it. But then what? I let my guard down. I thought it was “over.” Then, another sneaky, different stress came and attacked me. I was Unprepared. I slipped into I Don’t Care mode. I was just tired.

I was emotionally in a bad place. I had about 15 minutes to get something to eat before teaching (not WW) class. I went to Quiznos. I just got whatever I wanted, without regard to anything. Just looked it up. 1030 calorie sandwich. NICE. Then I had a couple of madeleine cookies from Starbucks.

So it wasn’t, like, a complete and total disaster. In fact, this is something I would have considered reasonably “healthy” a year ago. But it is not the choice I’d make if I was on target.

I think the mistake I made was thinking I’d somehow “made it through.” I got distracted by the fact that I’d had a good workout. But I wasn’t “out of the woods” yet. I was still feeling kinda funky, then I was sideswiped by something I wasn’t totally expecting.

The moral of this story: stay awake.

What else could I have done last night? I don’t know. I could’ve talked myself down somehow, probably. I could’ve gone to CPK and gotten that asparagus soup.

Back in the saddle.

Mary over at a Merry Life and Karen at Why Weight? just answered a foodie meme question posed by Mish at Eating Journey. I am following suit, partly because I am procrastinating going for my run today (:-)).

The question is: Name five foods you used to love, now love, and still can’t stand.

Foods I Used to Love:

Macaroni & Cheese: I don’t care if it’s gourmet with aged cheddar and truffles, or it’s Kraft out of the box (I’m not kidding). I love ANY combo of pasta and cheese. Or I did. But it doesn’t love me back. Or isn’t so good for me. So I will still eat it, but instead of craving it like a heat-seeking missile, I will now only eat it once in a very, very blue moon. So. I still love it, but from afar.
Hotdogs. Again, I’m not kidding. Please don’t disown me. But I adore hotdogs, and have ever since I’ve been little. I’ve pretty much taken them out of my repertoire. I know they’re made of rat toenails and snot and dye, but I couldn’t help it. I love(d) hotdogs.
Kentucky Fried Chicken: I haven’t had this in over a year, and I am not going to allow myself to taste it to see if I still love it. Probably ever. It’s one of those things.
Snack Chips. Cheetos (my favorite), Pringles, etc. I’m done with those now. Done.
Cheap Packaged Cookies. Oreos, Chips Ahoy, Pecan Sandies. If I’m going to do cookies now, I want the really really good stuff.

Food I Now Love: (and presumably didn’t before)

Cauliflower. I am now obseessssssssed with cauliflower! I love it pureed (a la mashed potatoes), in soup, roasted, curried, ANY way (but not raw. I am not yet a raw cauliflower fan).
Nonfat, unflavored Greek yogurt. Fage! Oh yum! It tastes like whipped cream to me now. Really thick, perfect whipped cream.
Blueberries. Yum! I eat about a quart of these a week. I used to be rather “meh” about blueberries but now… cannot get enough. WITH the Greek yogurt, and also by the handful. I used to only like blueberries cooked (ha, like in MUFFINS) but now love them just plain.
Portobello mushrooms. Yes, they are the vegetarian’s meat. I am not a vegetarian, but I am just as (if not more) satisfied with a Portobello burger than a meat burger. I do not think I can ever travel the tempeh-seitan route, but Portobellos? YES.
Dark chocolate with sea salt. Dark chocolate is good for you, right? RIGHT? LOL. I never said this list was supposed to be, like, all health food. The reason I love it now and not before, is that it had not been invented before. Ha!
HONORABLE MENTION: Brussels Sprouts. I used to avoid these like the plague, and I do not say I LOVE them now, but I LIKE them. Especially with bacon. 🙂

Foods I Still Can’t Stand:

Beets. I try. I try about once a year. Slimy. Icky. No. And don’t even mention the pee.
Bananas. No. Never. Gross. Gag. ACK. Not in bread, not in cake or muffins, not with ice cream, not raw, not ANY FORM. NO.
Oatmeal. Again, I try. Often. But there’s something so… lumpy and ugh about it. Only edible with large amounts of cream, butter, brown sugar and walnuts, which I pretty much think mitigates any health value.
Sardines. Shudder. I’ll eat a raw tuna belly with gusto, but those little.. tiny… bony.. oily? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Licorice. Especially black licorice. No thank you!

So… what’s on YOUR lists?

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