foodfoodbodybody

lovehateagonyecstasy

Diary of an Injury May 17, 2013

I’ve been dealing with a hurt hip ever since the Oakland Half Marathon over a month ago. I’ve been trying not to freak out about it, but it continues to persist off and on. I have to admit it has slowed me down both physically and emotionally. Trying to remain positive.

For the first week, it was hurting a LOT. So much so that it made me wince to walk even a short distance. I was traveling that week, and the combination of post-race, then a long plane flight, then a bunch of sitting made it really hurt. I didn’t find relief until I located a used softball for $1 at a sporting goods store.

Insert under hip, and ROLL. Ow! Yay!

Insert under hip, and ROLL. Ow! Yay!

After I got home, I finally decided that I needed to seek professional help. I went and found a physical therapist that I really liked.

I enjoyed the massive ice packs.

I enjoyed the massive ice packs.

However, alas, after three treatments I discovered that this particular place was not covered by my insurance plan and would not be reimbursed. Big sad. :-(

I decided to take a different route. I went back to my trainer, who also is very skilled at body work. I went in there limping about a week ago. He mashed on my hip and stretched me for over 90 minutes. After he was done, I was pain free. He’s so good at what he does.

IMG_1620

magic hands

magic hands

I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was kind of discouraging. But I’ve been trying to focus on other things. I started taking a MSBR (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) Class. Which has been amazing and wonderful. I think it has helped me cope with this injury more than anything else. It is a weekly class held at the Writers’ Grotto where I write. It’s been a real opportunity for reflection. Am I doing too much? Not enough? Am I getting lazy, or am I resting it appropriately? It is so hard to know. I’m just trying to be patient.

Last week I got this brochure in the mail and damn, I’m tempted to take it just so I can figure out what the heck is going on, and how to fix it. A friend of mine suggested that I look into trying to get some of those black rings inserted. Heh.

Physical therapist, heal thyself.

Physical therapist, heal thyself.

The See Jane Run half marathon is three weeks from today. I’m not quite sure what I’m going to do. Part of me is still so reluctant to downgrade to the 5k, but I kind of know that’s what I need to do. I haven’t run more than three miles at a time since the Oakland Half.

My meditation and mindfulness practice has taught me that this, too, shall pass (I hope).

 

Finally Bootless! October 14, 2009

I went back to my podiatrist today. The great news is that I get to put that damn cast boot in the closet! The other great news is that he says no surgery for now. The medium news is that I have to trade the boot for a brace that I must wear to do any exercise. I went out and bought it but it does not look very comfy so I admit I have not worn it yet. I will do so tomorrow morning when I go to see the trainer.

This is the longest I have gone without exercise since January. I worked out hard about twice in these past two weeks. I wanted to work out while I was on vacation last week, but it just did not happen, other than a long walk with my friends. I did have good intentions but with so many people to visit with in such a short time, I just mostly ended up sitting around and talking with dear friends and also my daughter, who flew in to spend her 19th birthday with me/us. It was truly blissful, lovely, wonderful, etc. We had a fabulous celebratory meal at the one and only Moosewood restaurant.

The upshot of it is that I gained a few pounds. I am not panicking, because it isn’t any more than I’ve gained on other “off” weeks I’ve had this year. But it’s bad timing because I am going to my WW leader training in two days. I sure as heck hope they will not weigh us, but they probably will. Aghh..

If anything was “worth it,” this was. But I really notice the big difference that these few pounds makes. I notice how it feels to not exercise in so long. (not good) Today I went to Sports Authority to buy my ankle brace and while I was there, I also bought a new fitness ball, a pair of 8 lb weights, and two new exercise DVDs: something called “Yoga for Inflexible People” (that’s me!!) and an on-sale Biggest Loser exercise DVD. I am very very anxious to get back to it.

Tomorrow morning!

 

Nia jammmmmmin’! October 5, 2009

Filed under: exercise,health,Nia — Susan @ 12:42 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

IMG_0660The Nia Jam today was so great. Wouldn’t it be amazing if every class could have a dozen awesome teachers, go on for an hour and a half and just be enormous? I would love it.

I went in feeling not so psyched and kind of trepidatious, what with the stupid boot and all. I was feeling kind of glum and like I was going to have to be on the sidelines of all the fun.  I had a chair set up in the back if necessary. But I ended up not needing it at all. I was so surprised (and thrilled!) that I was able to do about 80% of the moves, even the turns and twirls, in my boot! AND I got a great workout, I was nice and sweaty afterward.

BIG fun is that I got to meet the awesome Terre Pruitt, the lovely Nia teacher who started commenting on my blog after my very first Nia class! She’s sweet and adorable and also has great dimples.

I was re-energized. And encouraged. If I could do a 90 minute Nia Jam, then I can DEFINITELY go back to my regular Nia classes, even with the boot. Yay!

It’s probably my last Nia for a while, though. On Tuesday morning I am taking off for the East Coast, for the grand finale/icing on the cake/best birthday celebration ever. (yes, my birthday was in August, I believe in drawing it out as long as possible!) And I’ll also be getting to celebrate my beloved daughter’s 19th birthday with her! (not something I was expecting, so it’s a special gift for both of us) I’ll be with some of my dearest friends ever, people I never get to see enough of, and we’re capping it off with dinner at the awesome, original, one and only Moosewood restaurant! I can’t waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Then I come home, and a few days later it’s off to Weight Watcher leader training. October is nonstop on the go!

 

Workout With Boot, etc etc etc! September 30, 2009

IMG_0650I went to my trainer this morning and told me, in a post-BL fervor, to kick my butt. He laughed. I showed him my boot and he was like, that’s no problem. So we did a workout that was very heavy on the arms (watch out Michelle Obama!) and other on-the-floor stuff. I did do some medicine ball twisting and pivoting from standing position, as well as some 3-lb barbell things that seemed to go on forever. Then, for a cardio portion, he had me lying on my back doing these bicycle moves. With the heavy boot on this was hard. But I felt like I was doing SOMEthing, you know? I wasn’t sweating as copiously as I do when I do a 5k run, but it was certainly way better than nothing.

This afternoon, my ankle was hurting more than yesterday. It worried me a little bit, so I took the boot off and iced it a while. That helped. Maybe when I go back on Friday I will do no standing whatsoever.

Today I got a bunch of training materials, including an online class I have to take, in preparation for my WW leader training in a few weeks. It’s a LOT of detail but I am excited to learn it. I also need to start following The Momentum Plan exactly (this is also a requirement) in the weeks leading up to the training.  This is also a good thing, because I have been sort of winging it in my maintenance and I think I’m going to have to be more focused now that I’m using a lot fewer activity points. (ie burning fewer calories)

It is the perfect time for me to take up a new challenge, and what better than the Biggest Loser challenge? (see button on right) I decided to go ahead and join this. Here are the elements of the challenge:

1. Decide to do it!!! Follow the blog so we know who we should be supporting with comments and encouragement. (CHECK!)
2. Set some goals- make sure you set a least one non- scale related goal!
  • Lose 10 lbs (I am hoping I can do this in 15 weeks or however long the season is, it’s less than 1 lb/week)
  • Lose some inches (I will measure myself tomorrow) – I have no idea what is a reasonable amount. 10″ overall??
  • Be able to run another 5k IF my ankle allows (please please cross fingers for this)
  • Umm…. I have to think of some other ones.
3. Make a conscious effort to exercise every Tuesday!!! Double points if you workout during the show! (I will work out before the show, but not during – I’m too busy liveblogging!)
4. Weigh-in once a week. Whenever you choose. Tuesday (the day of Biggest Loser) are great!! (OKAY)
5. Take a picture of yourself and your measurements, post it on your blog if you want. (WILL DO. You can see the pic above, I know it isn’t very clear.)
6. Make sure to give your fellow challengers plenty of encouragement every day! (I can do that!)
7. At the end of the season take a final photo of yourself! (for our final reveal) OK
8. The “winner” will be the person who loses the highest percentage of body weight. (I know for sure I am not going to win this but I still think it will be good for me to participate. I am excited in fact)
I know I sorta pooped out on my last couple of challenges but I think this time of being, er, “differently-abled,” is a good time to really focus on the food things, to keep active and just stay in the game.
 

Listening to My Body: but what is it saying?? September 29, 2009

imagesThis ankle injury has been making me think a lot about this idea of “listening” to one’s body. On one hand, listening to my body got me into this trouble in the first place. But then part of me was trying to say something else. What if your body sends you mixed messages?

Today, the 3rd day of my injury, it is feeling a lot better than Sunday. I am limping just the slightest bit. It’s hurting about the same as it was 3rd-day-past, when I sprained it back in August. If I were “listening” to my body, I’d say I’m definitely ready to go to Nia class tomorrow, and running this weekend for SURE. But that’s not what the podiatrist said, and definitely not what I’m supposed to do.

It’s really hard to be compliant when your body is saying it “needs” something other than what you’re doing with/for it. Last night, I put my cast boot on at bedtime. At first (for the first twenty minutes) it felt comforting, like it was holding me in place. But I woke up around midnight and felt like I was encased in some medieval torture device. The plastic edge was digging into my toes, and my ankle was throbbing and searing in discomfort. I thrashed around trying to come into a comfortable position. But I am a diehard stomach-sleeper, and with that comes the position of having the top surfaces of my feet flattened into the mattress. I can’t do that with my ankle cemented at a 90 degree angle. I tried to negotiate with myself, but around 1am my body was shrieking, “GET ME OUT OF HERE!” I couldn’t take it.

And because I COULD, I sat up and ripped the velcro belts off the thing, liberated my lower leg – I told myself “just a few minutes,” fell back asleep, and the next thing I knew it was 6am, I was on my stomach and my ankle was in the Forbidden Position. (much like the illustration here) I felt guilty, sheepish and afraid. What if I had just stretched my ligament fragments even further apart?

Today, already I feel myself questioning the need to wear the dumb boot. Come ON! I feel FINE! It’s more of a pain to clomp around in what is essentially a ski boot, than to go barefoot and have a small limp.

Suddenly for some reason I am understanding why and how there are diabetics who pretty much ignore the fact of their disease because they can’t “feel” it. It was that way for me when I had high blood pressure.

I don’t know why it is that I feel that I need to be compliant re my diabetes no matter how I “feel,” but I am feeling more resistant about this ankle thing. Maybe because I don’t really believe that it will be harmful to go without the boot – because it doesn’t hurt. But diabetes doesn’t “hurt” either, not really. (not at THIS point)

It’s a short-term vs long term thing. Grasshopper and ant. I want to dance NOW. I want to run NOW. But if I do that, I could end up with debilitating arthritis. I can keep the vision of diabetic amputees, blindness and kidney failure at the front of my consciousness, because I’ve seen that, and I know it’s real.  Is it just that I haven’t seen people with debilitating arthritis who are saying, “Oh I sprained my ankle a hundred times, and never immobilized it, and look where I am now!” Do I have to see it to believe it??

 

Immobilized. September 28, 2009

IMG_0641I went to the doctor this morning, our family podiatrist whom I really like. He trims my mother’s claw-like toenails, and he fitted me for my awesome orthotics which allow me to run without pain. So I really like him.

When I made the appointment, I told the receptionist (who happens to be his wife), “I sprained my ankle,” and she said “Oh!” in a way that *I* interpreted to mean, and you’re coming in for THAT? But who knows, I have been known to misinterpret one-syllabled utterances before. So I felt kind of sheepish going in there, feeling like, I’m overreacting, this is dumb, I shoulda just stayed home and put more ice on it…

His face said it all. He moved both my ankles around, the skinny one and the big fat one. The fat one moved a LOT further than the skinny one. He said, “This is bad. This is very bad.” OH.  He then went on to say that all of my ligaments were probably completely ruptured, and it was possible that I had a bit of a fracture as well.

I was pretty stunned. He said that it was really unfortunate that I didn’t come in when I had my first bad sprain back in August. Because basically I probably had a partial tear then, but then I’ve been running on it (and it became noticeably worse after the 5k over Labor Day weekend), not immobilizing it, and my ankle was just getting more and more unstable and compromised, and yesterday it just gave way completely. I could see that when he moved my ankle, there wasn’t any pain (bad sign!) it just was completely floppy and loose.

So now I am in this cast boot for a minimum of two weeks. I am not sure what is going to happen with the Nia Jam. I am GOING, for sure, and I will see what I can do within the confines of this boot. Swimming? Not yet. Running? NO WAY.

He said that I would have to wear the boot for weeks, and then a brace thing “forever” unless I get ankle surgery. He likened the ligaments to a nylon band and said that these things do not just mend like new, it’s not like bone or even muscle. I have to admit that after the appointment I went out to my car and cried for a while. (and if you’ve read my blog for a while you’ll know that that has become my M.O. after certain medical appointments)

The thing is, if this had happened last year (well, last year I would never have injured myself running!) I would have been secretly thrilled to have an excuse to not exercise. I would be like, OH DARN I can’t work out! and instantly take it as license to sit around and eat cupcakes. This year, I am devastated. Sure, I know it could be worse. I could have some dreadful diagnosis (yeah, more dreadful than diabetes!) — but the thing is, y’all KNOW how much it has meant to me to be working out this year. I have come to love it and rely on it and need it.

I know that my great trainer will keep me reasonably fit and busy. I can do a ton of upper body stuff (go, Michelle Obama arms!) with weights, sitting on the ball etc. and there’s all that fun CORE stuff. I can do a lot. But it’s not the same as Nia and running, which were both really important to me.

I’m lying on the bed with my boot on now. I have to say, this boot feels really good. Last night as I was trying to sleep, I could feel my ankle flip-flopping around all loose like, and that felt terrible. The boot makes me feel secure, like I am being held together. Which is good.

 

Grounded Again (ouch) September 27, 2009

Filed under: exercise,Nia,running — Susan @ 4:08 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

imagesI’m so bummed. I went running this morning and about 3/4 around the lake, I felt my ankle give way. It went snap! and I crashed to the ground. HELL, it hurt. I bloodied my knee and my palm where I tried to catch myself. My ankle is now a big swollen golf ball. It really hurts to walk on it. I was going to go to a Nia class today, but that’s clearly out. I just hope I am healed enough to do the Nia Jam (two hours of nonstop Nia with over a dozen teachers!) a week from today.

I knew something was wrong with my ankle. I sprained it while running about 3 months ago. It took a few weeks to heal, but then after my 5k a few weeks ago, it started bugging me again – just feeling kind of sore and a little unstable. What did I do? I ignored it and hoped for the best. Dumb. So today when I was running with my friend, we were talking, and there was an area where it went from path to sidewalk, just a little uneven surface. I just crashed (literally). It hurt like the devil, and we still had about 1/4 mile to go to the cars. I hobbled to the car.

Now I’ve got it propped up, I have an ice bag on it. It’s throbbing. It’s big. I just Googled “ankle sprain” and I’m trying to figure out if it is Grade 1 or 2. I sure hope it is Grade 1. But I’m realizing that this ankle is truly my body’s weak link for now.

This is one of my biggest fears in terms of weight loss, fitness, maintenance etc. That I will be injured for a long period of time and thus be unable to exercise, that I will become inactive and become blobby and gain weight etc etc…

But I can’t go there. I just have to try not to panic, to keep my ankle iced and elevated and try to remain calm. There are two events I am missing today because of this: my Nia class, and also a friend’s going away that is in a park, at a picnic site a 1/4 mile hike in. Can’t do. So I will take these extra hours.  Get some writing done. Rest. Try to breathe.

 

 
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 4,799 other followers