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The Cup Runneth Over December 16, 2009

This week it seems I am being offered to lead WW meetings right and left. And up and down. On one hand, I find this very flattering. People seem to think I am doing a good job. Which is great. On the other hand, this it testing me in ways that are very… interesting.

How difficult it is for me to say no when something seems like a good idea, or is very compelling. Or when it seems like I will do a good job at it.

For a long time in my earlier adult life, I did not feel very competent or very good at what I did. I was a big ball of low-self esteem. It was rough.

Now, later in my adult life, I have grown into, or found many things that I actually do believe I am good at. Which is wonderful. And I feel very fortunate to be able to have opportunities in these areas. But the problem is that I think there is a small part of me that believes I still suck at everything, and that I NEED TO SHOW that I can do something well. And so I keep saying yes to stuff even when it is beyond my capacity, time or energy wise. Plus, I hate letting people down.

But if I don’t let SOME people down, then OTHER people will be let down. Not long ago my husband remarked that I was now “married to WW.” Ahem. Which seemed to be a signal of… something. How can I balance it all? I do not know. This is one of the major challenges of life.

It also occurred to me that this inability to say “no” was partly what got me into trouble (with food) in the first place. I’ve got that part going much better now, but now I have to be the same way with my time. Maybe I need a time tracker like a food tracker. No, not maybe. Definitely.

This morning, on Facebook, I came across this quote on someone else’s page:

“The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.” ~ Mary Oliver

That one kind of stabbed me in the heart. Because that is me. And yes, being a WW leader is a KIND of creative work (I truly believe that, and it is one reason why I find it compelling) but there is the other creative work, of my writing, that has been severely neglected this year. And part of me regrets that so much. I need to find a way to balance it all. I don’t know what that is yet. I am really wishing and hoping to find balance in 2010.

 

balance balance balance balance November 7, 2009

moom_balance01O.M.G.

I am so so very excited about all the new WW stuff happening. Yesterday I was offered YET ANOTHER meeting!! (so next week I will be leading THREE) I have so much to do!! I have to take the online training course for At-Work meetings, run to Office Depot and get some things in which to Haul Stuff Around, and answer a ton of emails and make a bunch of phone calls and PREPARE for yet another meeting topic (yeah, this happens every week!) and make flip charts and and and!!

PLUS I have to find time to eat, work out, be with my family, teach THREE online writing classes which are still ongoing (my other life), including teaching for THIS incredible project, edit and publish my section of a literary magazine, host a fundraiser this afternoon for a mayoral campaign in my city, get some writing of my own done (other than this blog) and tomorrow I am participating in the World’s Longest California Roll Sushi Challenge. Wheewwwwwwww!!!!!!!

I did go to a Nia class this morning. Which helped my sanity quite a bit. But as I was leaving the class I got a text from my spouse who reported he was in the E.R. after falling off his bike and injuring his shoulder and HIS HEAD. (I tried very hard not to flash on Natasha Richardson at this moment). LUCKILY he had a negative brain scan but he is now in a sling with a torn shoulder ligament and some dislocation. Owie.

It’s all good. It’s all wayyyyy good. But when it rains (even goodness) it pours, you know?? Zipping off now……….

 

 

 
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